Chương 22: 22. Promise
A/N: This is by far my new favourite chapter I've rewritten. Lots of EmMark goodness.
Emily knocked on the door, bursting in as soon as Izzie opened the entrance into Meredith's grand house. Toeing off her shoes, she ran up the stairs with a quick 'hello' to Izzie. The blonde looked bewildered at her friend's appearance but said nothing, only clutched her coffee and returned to the kitchen. She nearly crashed into Alex as he exited the bathroom and opened Meredith's door.
"Meredith, I need you." The blonde started, opening her eyes wider. She was clearly awake but Emily's presence seemed to have made her even more alert.
"What's up?" she asked with a yawn and she jumped into bed, bundling herself up.
"I'm in love with Mark Sloan," she confessed in a rush, her heart pounding against her ribs at the sentence. This was the first time she had said it aloud. The realization, Emily reflected last night, was always there, but when she had tore herself away from the chance to kiss him, she knew for sure. She loved him. She loved him. The mere fact still took her breath away. "And he loves Addison."
Meredith was quiet for a moment, and then turned to her amongst her pillows. "Maybe he does, but not as much as he cares for you. How did you even come to this?"
"He tried to kiss me," she admitted.
"And why didn't you let him kiss you?"
"Because he loves Addison? Because… I don't want someone who's in love with someone else," she murmured and Meredith sighed, flopping her hands on top of the covers. "But I want him anyways."
"Well, if he wanted to kiss you, maybe he wants you."
"Or, maybe he's confused."
"Or, maybe you should stop making excuses," Meredith exclaimed. "Maybe you should stop selling yourself short. I don't even know how you've managed to stay single but you know, it figures that the moment some roguish debonair shows up, he's all over you." The blonde smiled and Emily groaned, sinking deeper into the covers.
"He's not all over me."
"He brings you coffee almost every morning." Emily didn't deny that. "It's weird but I can see you guys together," she added under her breath and the brunette closed her eyes. "Just talk to him. Communicate." Snorting, Emily pushed herself back up.
"I communicate just fine. It's him that needs to communicate."
"Well, from what I'm hearing, it sounds like both of you need to communicate," teased Meredith and Emily took one of the pillows she was leaning on and whacked her friend in the face.
.
"Freakin' stupid cotton-candy coloured bridesmaids." Turning around, she glared at Cristina before taking a mental snapshot of the pale pink skirts. Normally, she'd text Mark but with the terms they're on…
She sighed.
There was a ding from her phone and she took it from the couch nearby and flipped it open.
:just wondering where you are:
Mark. The thought of him made her warm and soft and even sad. Something about him was so heartbreaking and addicting and sorrowful and….
And she loved him anyway.
:at the bridesmaid shop trying on dresses for the wedding:
:youre a bridesmaid?:
:im a bridesmaid:
:cant wait to see you:
She didn't respond to that, staring at the messages hopelessly. Dropping the phone into her lap, she leaned farther into the cushions. Her phone vibrated.
:can we talk?:
For a moment, her fingers hovered over the keypad and then she closed her phone with a snap, getting up and heading over to Izzie and Callie.
.
Mark checked his watch. The intern exam would've ended a few minutes ago, he realized. An intern would arrive soon, assigned to his service. They'd know to find him in the scans room again. Since Burke won, he had extra time to figure out if the amputations were needed. His eyes wandered over the scans, not really seeing them when there was a light knock on the door. Glancing to his right, he saw Emily come in with a gentle smile.
"Hello, Dr. Sloan," she whispered, closing the door behind her.
'Dr. Moore," he returned, trying to imagine her in a dress. Not like her prom dress, but one more straight to the floor instead of expanding like an upside flower, simple, elegant. Absolutely radiant. "How was your exam?"
"I'm pretty sure I passed." Standing beside him, she shoved her hands into her lab coat pockets. His feelings weighed on his chest like a goddamn bowling ball until he was sure it'd crush his ribs, but still he forced a smile. "Bailey assigned me here so whaddya got?" He pointed at the scans, focusing on them as she frowned. "He's going to lose both hands?" she asked. He looked at her, his arms crossed before shrugging.
"No. Not until we go in, we won't know for sure," he informed before taking the scans and putting them into a large folder. "Listen…" he tried to say something again, and she turned towards him, a slight smile curving her lips.
"Look, Mark, I… we don't have to talk about it." She focused on the scans once more, her face heating up and he sighed. "You were just - we were just tired. I was stressed for my intern exam and that's all. We're still friends, right?" she asked, almost nervous.
"I can't. I don't want you like this." Those words echoed in his ears and he knew she was lying through her teeth. Swallowing, he shook his head.
"No, we're not just friends," he said and she turned to look at him as he walked to the door. Her stare burned on his back as he opened the door. Leaving the room, he heard the door click shut and open once more as she followed behind him, quiet.
They needed to see their patient.
.
There was a ring of the doorbell and Emily got up from the kitchen table to get it. There was a strong tension in the air after Izzie's speech between the blonde and Callie. Standing there was Mark and she raised an eyebrow, opening the the two doors.
"Can we talk?" Biting her lip, the brunette debated on saying no but when her eyes met his, they begged for her to come with him. Nodding, she slipped her feet into her shoes and stepped outside. Closing the door behind her, she inhaled sharply. It was not quite freezing but cold enough for her hair to stand on end and her arms to wrap around herself. He immediately shed his leather jacket.
"Mark, wait-" Sighing, knowing it was useless, she let him drape it around his shoulders before jerking her head down the steps. The two of them stepped off the porch and she turned to him expectantly. "How'd you know I'd be here?"
"I didn't. It was a guess since I heard Grey talk about something happening at her house." Raising an eyebrow, Emily glanced at the door longingly, already missing the warmth within. "I just wanted to talk to you but you've been avoiding me."
"I had studying to do, plus I'm an intern. I'm always busy," she said, voice flat as a board. "Mark, what do you want? If it's to get nurses to actually work with you again, I can't do that. I think you slept with every nurse I'm actually friends with."
"I want you." Taking a step back, she nearly lost her grip on his jacket. She couldn't have heard that right. He didn't say that, he didn't feel that way, he-
"You've become everything in my life," he continued, "and it scares the shit out of me. You… what I feel for you scares me. Every part of me wants you. You're someone who I can't ever forget and don't want to forget and all I ever think about is you. It's always been you. Everything's better with you" He took a deep breath as she stood there, shocked. Her mouth felt like it was moving but she wasn't quite forming words. "And I think… I think that no one has ever come back to save me before. No one has ever come back for me like you have and I need you. I need you and I can't live like this, where we don't talk."
"Mark-" The one word came out strangled as she squawked it out.
"I know. I know I just sprung this on you but I can't hold this back anymore. Addison and I, we're just friends. Not friends with benefits or any of that. I don't love her anymore. I don't love her." His eyes searched her slack-jawed face, waiting for any kind of sign of life but she was too - her heart was beating too fast for her to formulate a coherent sentence. "Ever since I met you, I think… I think you're the reason why. Because I don't love her. I'm falling in love with you."
"You aren't 'falling in love' with me," she finally said after a long pause. She chose every word carefully, deliberated to not hurt his feelings and kept her sentences to a minimum. But Mark wanted her honest truth even if it shattered him. He wasn't afraid, not when it came to her. "You don't - It's not what you think."
"What do you think?" he asked quietly and she looked up at him with those clear hazel eyes. They were somber, dejected and miserable.
"I think that you're confused. That you… are just lonely and I've been here since you came here and we are good friends. That's what I think. That we're best friends. That I care for you and you mistook it for love. That's what I think."
"That's it?" he whispered, lost. She nodded firmly to herself. Every lie had burned her tongue with its vile poison and she could feel the tight grip around her throat squeeze even harder.
"That's it." Pulling his jacket off her shoulders, she dropped it into his hand and walked back up the steps. As Mark let her words sink in, he tried to pick apart her wods, tried to understand. This wasn't like her. She… she felt it too. It couldn't be just him. So he stuck out on a limb and asked.
"What are you so afraid of, Em?" The wood stopped squeaking under her shoes and he knew she heard him. He heard her heave a sigh then descend back down the stairs. Her hand tapped on his shoulder and he turned around expectantly. Her face was flush from the cold as her breath rattled like broken window blinds. There was a sheen to her eyes and she sniffed, rubbing at her nose.
"My mom left. So did my dad. Don't know if they're dead or alive. My brother's halfway across the world and I don't know if he's coming back. My in-laws live in Boston. I had three serious relationships in my life." She forced a smile but it dug into her cheeks like lasers, unnaturally sharp. "One broke up with me because I just wasn't enough and that was fine." A lie. He knew her well enough to know when she was dishonest. "The second one was the guy I lost my virginity to. The last one was the reason I even went to med school. I got to where I was and then he left me.
I moved here all alone because I didn't want to give myself the chance to see him at New York Presbyterian. I'm still alone and… I never thought I'd be Cristina's bridesmaid or Alex's friend or find people here. I never thought that I'd have found someone like you."
"Em-"
"It terrifies me, feeling what I feel for you. You… terrify me. You want to know what I'm so afraid of? Everyone leaves." Her voice cracked like glass, eyes to the ground. Her whole body shook, hands trembling as she wrapped herself up in her arms. He once more cloaked her in his leather jacket and tucked her into his side. "I found you. You're my best friend, and somewhere along the way, you became more than that. I thought I would never find what I wanted again after my last boyfriend left me for dead."
"And, did you find it?" Mark asked, voice tinted with a pink shade of pure hope. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she shook her head. His heart immediately sunk.
"No, but I found what I needed," she whispered and it was like two pieces slid into place. She raised her head and he found himself staring into tear-filled eyes. Cupping her face with a hand, he wiped away stray tears before she moved her head back to his chest, listening to his heart.
"I found what I needed too," he whispered into her hair and she sniffed, burying her face into his shirt. I love you, he thought fondly, lips pecking her hairline before drawing away. "I'd never leave you, you know? You're too hard to let go of."
"Promise?" she asked and he nodded, pressing their foreheads together. Her breath smelt of wine, well-aged and rich and her hair was the fragrance of spring.
"Promise."
"I think I get my intern exam results back soon," she said by way of invitation and he smiled when her head raised to stare up at him. Leaning down, his lips pressed against her forehead.
"We'll see together." Mark pulled away and she reached for his hand, desperate for him not to go. "I'm not leaving you. Burke has his bachelor's party and I have to get back soon. I told them I was checking up on a patient. But I'll text you and I'll call you. Okay?" He met her eyes, eyebrows raised and she smiled, pulling his jacket tighter around her shoulders. With a farewell wink, he walked back to his car.
.
"Mark!"
He looked up lazily from his charts to see her, stunning, magnificent, in a rich chocolate dress. She had a faint blush on her face as her eyes ran over his figure. He was already in a suit, pitch black, and a tie around his neck to bring out his eyes. Giggling, she took his hands and pulled him into the nearest on-call room. Something crinkled and in her hands was an envelope. Her exam results, he realized. Flipping on the light, he sat down on the bed to admire this woman.
"How do I look?" With a sweetheart neckline and a sash around her waist that tied into a bow by her hip, the silky brown fabric flowed down from her waist. Mark whistled and she laughed, teasingly twirling around herself. "Okay?"
"More than okay, jailbait," he whispered. "You are… the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
"Now, you're just lying," she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck. Her hair was up in a updo, pinned by a single hair stick but there were strands of hair framing her face. He stood up, taking her in his arms. His eyes searched hers and he bit his lip. Her lips were barely parted, glossy pink and plump as her breath fanned over his face like a fluttering breeze.
"I never lie," he murmured and she snorted, closing her eyes for a moment before brushing his nose with hers. In her heels, it was much easier to catch the faintness of his cologne and the scent of his body wash beneath. "The exam results, Em," he managed to say but it came out strangled as she tore herself out of his scent.
"Right." Tearing open her envelope, she felt her hands tremble in anticipation as she placed a hand on the paper. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at Mark. "If I don't pass?"
"You're still my best friend," he said and she nodded to herself before pulling open that sheet of paper. She gave herself three seconds before forcing her eyes open and unfolding the paper. She couldn't even comprehend the numbers and when her speechlessness caused Mark's worry to multiply by a sizable amount, the paper was ripped away from her hands. The paper fluttered to the floor and he scooped her up, the biggest smile on his face.
"You passed!"
"I passed!" she sputtered out and then there was laughter, bubbling in their chests and spilling out their mouths. Pulling back, she had the brightest smile he'd ever seen and her hand curled against his face before it wrapped around his neck and pulled him down.
Their lips met hard and fast. Her hands shot through his hair and his held her waist against his as he pushed against her mouth. She accommodated his move by letting him lead as his tongue pried her mouth open. Her soft moan made him pull back for air as one of her hands reached up to tug the stick out of her hair. The curls came tumbling down like a roaring waterfall.
"Mark," she breathed in a way that made him want her naked in his bed ASAP. Instead, he gorged himself on her taste that lingered in her mouth as he kissed her.
Never before had a kiss felt so right. Her hand found his cheek and his hand found her waist. For a moment, their harsh panting filled the room and then their lips reunited in such an intricate dance he knew he had to learn because this was something else.
This time, one hand fisted in her silky curls while the other held her close, every inch of his body against hers. The way her hips lurched when he tugged, the way she heaved for breath when they parted, eyes cloudy and misty, he knew he was a goner for this girl.
"I want you, all of you," he murmured, lips brushing against hers with every word. "Screw the wedding."
"Mark, I can't. I'm a bridesmaid, and even after - not now. Not when…" She trailed off and he understood. When there was a wedding for the woman they least expected to get married. When Yang needed her for whatever the aftermath was. Her friend needed her more than he did and he knew that. Still, he couldn't help but feel disappointed as her hazel eyes flickered up to meet his, shining burnished gold.
"Later," he said and she nodded, a hopeful smile playing on her lips.
"Are you willing to wait?" she asked, running a hand to down his suit. He nodded, cupping her neck.
"Yes." Her moon-like smile made him gooey inside and they embraced tightly. There was some unspoken agreement when they pulled back.
"We just never have the right timing."
"That'd make it boring, not fighting against the world," he said idly and she laughed, hand to his cheek. Her thumb brushed underneath his eye and he pecked her lips. "A congratulatory kiss. We're allowed those."
"And good morning kisses," she proposed and he laughed.
"Goodnight kisses."
"Just no hand-holding, sex, or kisses in front of the attendings."
"Sex in front of attendings? Risqué." She shot him a look and he nodded. "I know." Her hand roamed up his shoulder, dusting off some lint before coming back down to his chest.
"We're just the very best friends," she joked, adjusting his lapel and he sighed, searching her eyes. "And maybe, eventually, we'll get it right."
"Yeah. No leaving, no matter what happens."
"No leaving," agreed the brunette.
"Then, it's a deal," murmured Mark and Emily placed a hand on his shoulder, kissing him softly. It was quick, almost like a habit, and when she drew back, he raised his eyebrows.
"We seal deals with a kiss."
"Okay," he whispered before kissing her again.
.
"George?"
"You came back?" the brunet asked, surprised as he threw another item into a box.
"Uh, yeah. Cristina's off somewhere with Meredith and I thought I should find something to do until she's ready." Frowning at the box, Emily arched an eyebrow at her friend.
"I'm just doing some cleaning." There was something stiff about his words and when she saw the exam results on the bench, she picked it up and read it quickly. Closing her eyes, she tried to pretend she didn't read what she did but when her gaze found George's she knew she was right. "Are you doing your intern year again? Here?"
"It'd be humiliating and I can't. I'm sorry," he muttered.
"George," she pleaded, about to beg him to stay as the door opened. People poured into the locker room, the new interns. Looking up, they watched as a male complained about the smell.
"I'll definitely get that one. That's just my luck," she joked, turning back to the brunet. As the new interns spotted the older doctors, they quieted.
"Hi." Nodding their own greetings, they left, muttering excuses to check out the cafeteria. "They're not that bad, Em."
"Just you wait, that's only one group," the brunette replied, running a hand through her loose curls. She had redone her hair but now that that wedding was over, there wasn't a point. Placing a hand on his arm, she tried to smile but failed. "You can do it again. I promise that none of us will tell the new interns. Please, will you just consider it?" the woman asked before George looked over her shoulder. Turning around, she saw a young woman with doe eyes looking nervously at them.
"Hey."
"Hi."
"We're the new interns," she explained.
"Clearly," Emily muttered dryly, earning a smack on the arm by George. Turning to him, she was glad that a slight smile was etched on his face.
"You both looked seasoned and wise. Got any advice?" she asked hopefully as George shook his head before taking out a clipboard.
"Learn how to do an appendectomy start to finish before your first day," he said. Emily went to her locker near George's, pulling out Mark's leather jacket. Sniffing it quietly, she inhaled what left of his scent before wrapping it around her shoulders and closing her locker. Shooting one last look at George, and with one last squeeze of his shoulder, she excused herself.
Opening the door to the exit, she left but let the door slowly click close, her ear near the slit. She heard the brunette wish George goodluck.
"My name is George."
"I'm Lexie. Lexie Grey." Blinking repeatedly, she tried to process those words as she walked away from the change room. A moment later, she heard the door open and close once again and she pulled the jacket sleeves on. It was large on her but comfortable in its scent when she heard a voice call her name.
"Excuse me?" Pausing, she turned around and saw Lexie at the end of the hall. "Dr…"
"Moore."
"Dr. Moore, where's the cafeteria?"
"It's on the first floor. Follow the signs, you'll find it." The younger woman nodded gratefully and Emily could almost see a bit of Meredith in her features. This was her sister. Ah, but the brunette herself probably wanted to tell Meredith so Emily would keep her mouth shut. "See you in two weeks, Dr. Grey."
.
"Whatcha lookin' at?" Mark asked as he jumped onto the bed. Yelping, she held her laptop steady.
"Looking for plane tickets," she murmured, clicking through the cheapest Hawaii flights. "Burke chose to go to Europe but I'm tryna change it to something more relaxing for the 'honeymoon'. What do you think? Honolulu?" He hummed, tryna think. Her apartment bed was small but comfy as he scooted over her to grab the beer he left on her nightstand.
Draining it, he sighed and pecked the side of her head. Turning her head, Emily watched him get up and leave to put the bottle away.
"Oahu is good if you like the big city but Maui is a good balance between both. Yang will probably think it's too honeymoon-ey." She nodded, continuing to scroll down the page. "Are we going out tomorrow?" he asked when he returned, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing her calf near his legs.
"To where?"
"I dunno, to a place, as friends," he said with a shrug. She shot him a fond look and closed her laptop, placing it on the floor and crawling up the bed. Patting the space beside him, she waited for him to crawl up beside her before resting against him. Despite her fears, it was just so easy to be with him.
Closing her eyes, she shrugged.
"I still haven't seen that many sights," he continued, an arm around her shoulders and playing with her hair as he took out his phone from his pocket and read emails on his blackberry. "Thoughts on a Mount Rainier day trip?" She muttered something incoherently under her breath and he smiled to himself. Carefully removing himself from the bed, he tucked her in and brushed hair away from her forehead, kissing her hairline. "We'll talk about it tomorrow," he whispered despite knowing she couldn't hear him and closed the door as soon as he turned off the lights.
Scooping up the leather jacket from her couch, he lay down on the couch, using it as a blanket, and quickly settled asleep, knowing she was just on the other side of the door.
.
"Have fun, okay?" Emily said as Meredith and Cristina lined up for their check-in. "Don't you dare get into a plane crash or drown or get run over." Mark rolled his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets as the two women disappeared.
"So do I get you all to myself for two weeks?" he asked, ducking his head to whisper in her ear. Laughing, she shrugged. They made their way to the garage, bypassing people running to catch their flight and screaming children as Mark took out his car keys.
"Maybe. Maybe we can actually do that day trip you were talking about," she teased, wrapping a slender arm around his waist. Nudging her head with his, he grinned.
"So you did hear me."
"What do you mean? I'm always listening," she deadpanned and he snorted, opening the door for her to the front seat. "Thank you."
"You were half asleep, jailbait," he muttered, closing the door and walking around to the driver's seat. She buckled in as did he and she sighed, looking out the window as he began to pull out. "What's on your mind?"
"You know, I needed to believe that that wedding could happen, and it didn't. Now Cristina is flying across the ocean. Where is Burke?" Mark's throat squeezed and he placed a hand on her knee.
"I don't know," he said and she nodded to herself. Pulling up at the red light, he kept his eyes on the light.
"I just needed a win for one of us. Denny dies, Meredith and Derek aren't on the best terms, Burke leaves his own wedding. George is acting weird with Izzie and Callie, and Alex… is Alex. Just… none of us have a win," she continued and he turned his head to her.
"You do, don't you?" asked the man and he leaned over the console to peck her lips. She stubbornly refused to kiss back until he was drawing away.
"It's not a win yet," she amended and he chuckled, kissing the corner of her mouth before returning his eyes to the road.
"It will be."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
A/N: Edited - September 18, 2018
Next: New interns, Lexie Grey, and what Mark and Em did over the break as 'friends'.
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