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I find the main premise of the story interesting. as the system is fascinating and I like the fact he has Canon knowledge. but I've seen variations of the same idea and they always seem to write it like a bad cultivation novel and this one is no exception and you even accidentally call the power source of dragon Ball qi. or maybe that was intentional. either way it's obvious you're trying to write this like a cultivation system crossover with dragon Ball and I don't understand why everyone who's writing a variation of this idea does it like a cultivation novel? if you just remove the cultivation elements from this idea it's actually a pretty cool idea and has a lot of potential. as the character dialogue kind of reads like a cultivation novel and it's super cringe. then another problem with this is the grammar was just all over the place. as for example in one sentence the main character says he can go to Earth and then in just the next sentence he says he can't go because he doesn't know the coordinates. so which is it can he or can't he??? reading this kind of feels like watching Joe Biden give a speech where he stumbles across what he's trying to say. so it kind of feels like in a sense Joe biden's writing a dragon Ball fanfic in his free time. as the writing is kind of reminiscent of it but somewhat worse.
I find the main premise of the story interesting. as the system is fascinating and I like the fact he has Canon knowledge. but I've seen variations of the same idea and they always seem to write it like a bad cultivation novel and this one is no exception and you even accidentally call the power source of dragon Ball qi. or maybe that was intentional. either way it's obvious you're trying to write this like a cultivation system crossover with dragon Ball and I don't understand why everyone who's writing a variation of this idea does it like a cultivation novel? if you just remove the cultivation elements from this idea it's actually a pretty cool idea and has a lot of potential. as the character dialogue kind of reads like a cultivation novel and it's super cringe. then another problem with this is the grammar was just all over the place. as for example in one sentence the main character says he can go to Earth and then in just the next sentence he says he can't go because he doesn't know the coordinates. so which is it can he or can't he??? reading this kind of feels like watching Joe Biden give a speech where he stumbles across what he's trying to say. so it kind of feels like in a sense Joe biden's writing a dragon Ball fanfic in his free time. as the writing is kind of reminiscent of it but somewhat worse.