Chương 49: What I'd Do Without You
Draco was still asleep as Hermione woke up, sitting upright in their bed, staring relentlessly out the window. The sun wasn't even up, and the world beyond the window was still dark. She sat, silently, watching as the rays came up, trying to imagine that they were pushing through the darkness that swirled heavily in her mind.
It didn't work.
The calendar on the wall was flipped open to May, but Hermione didn't have to look at it to know what day it was. Her nightmares had been getting worse, as they always did this time of year. She'd bandaged her tattooed scar, but that hadn't prevented her from clawing at it in the middle of the night, trapped in her mind and her memories, even despite the dreamless sleep potions she'd taken.
Her mind was swimming with thoughts of the past, swinging her train of thought back to the day of the war. The curses flying into walls, cracking the walls of Hogwarts. The chaos. The anarchy. The way her pulse raced, the feeling of absolute terror that took hold of her when she raised the basilisk fang to pierce the cup... The sensation of her heart dropping in her chest when Harry was pronounced dead.
She shook her head, trying to snap herself out of it, but they came faster and faster... Her chest rose and fell quicker with each memory, a slideshow of horror she couldn't stop. She knew, that outside her head, the sun was rising, but she couldn't find it, only the carnage in her head. She could no longer tell what was going on outside the confines of her head.
The light was gone.
She was so far away she didn't notice Draco wake up, and look over at her with sleepy eyes and see his eyes widen with concern. Didn't notice him when he kneeled beside her, placed a hand on her shoulder. She didn't see him until he lifted her into his lap, and whispered her name into her ear, snapping her out of it.
"Draco-" She returned his embrace, and the tears started to pour.
"S'okay. You're okay."
"Just.. memories.. bad ones." She mumbled quietly into his shoulder.
"I know. Me too. But it's over now." Draco stroked her hair reassuringly.
"Every time, it's the same thing.. The worst one is when h-he says Harry is dead.." She crept closer to him, trying to block out that scene in her mind.
"Oh, 'Mione.."
"And the scar.."
"I wish I could take those away, Hermione, I really do." His eyes darkened at the thought of his lunatic aunt, killed at the hands of Molly Weasley. He had to admit he was grateful to the Weasley family for that.
Her voice was quiet and small, as if it was her against the world. "It's not bad other times of the year.. Just now. And it hits really hard. It reminds me how broken I am."
"I'm going to help piece you back together, I swear." Draco wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.
"You already have been, Draco. They've been worse in the past.. This year was a noticible improvement compared to last year."
"Do you wanna take the day off? The staff will get it, and I get Alexis to run the office for today-"
"No.. Working helps take my mind off things."
Draco nodded, tightening his hold on her. She snuggled herself into the warmth of his chest, while his chin rested on the top of her head. And they sat together, knowing they would be able to piece each other back together someday, while the sun rose.
***
Hermione curled up on the couch, swathed in a blanket, shadows dancing as the fireplace roared. She looked out the window, the city in her view still very much alive.
She'd ended up coming home early, with Draco. Her focus had been shot to hell, and any hopes of being productive today fell with it. She'd spent the day with Draco, not really speaking but just settling into a comfortable, reassuring silence.
The blonde joined her, with two cups of steaming hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream piled high. He set one in her outstretched hands, and sank down onto the couch, placing his mug on the coffee table.
"Has it gotten better?"
She shook her head, sipping her mug of hot chocolate.
"Can I.. can I see the scar?"
She shrugged her arm out from under the blanket, lying it on top before setting her cup down and unravelling the bandages. The scar was still visible beneath the ink, but the vivid colour distracted from it.
Draco ran his fingers over the lines- not the crude lettering cut in by the blade, but the delicate outline of the rose, taking in every breathtaking detail before raising it to his lips and kissing the scar. Hermione snuggled closer, letting him do so.
"If I could take this away for you, I would."
"It's a scar made by a cursed knife . There is no way to get rid of it." Hermione's voice was matter-of-fact, bland. Draco looked away, and Hermione was instantly contrite.
"Sorry I'm being difficult today. It's just.. A mess in my head, I guess. And I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, at all, today, when you need it most."
Draco shrugged, picking up the cup of hot chocolate. "It helps me, helping you. You have been doing something, Hermione, you just didn't know it." He had the faintest smirk on his face as he sipped the delicious drink, and when he pushed the cup back on the table, Hermione was giggling into the blanket. Draco scowled.
"What is it?"
"Y-your face.." She laughed, pointing at the whipped cream mustache Draco now sported. He summoned a mirror- and nearly screamed. His face was enough to send Hermione into bursts of laughter once again. Draco sighed, but- Hermione was laughing. She hadn't done that all day- not even cracked a smile. So he kept it on, entertaining her with funny faces and silly imitations of their Hogwarts peers and professors.
When he got to Snape, Hermione was taking a sip of her hot cocoa- and spat it out, snorting at his terribly accurate satiric impression of their former professor.
"Draco. I'm going to choke on this. Let me finish swallowing-"
"My dear professor McGonagall, I'm afraid that Dumbledore has gone off his rocker for the twelfth time in sixty-two hours, it is your shift to help him back to reality today."
"Draco!" She hastily gulped down the rest of the drink before choking out a shaky laugh.
Draco raised an eyebrow, resuming his imitations.
"Professor Snape, unless you wish to cover going over Quidditch practice schedules and dealing with Oliver Wood's fanatic ramblings about Quidditch, you can take over that entire ordeal."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "You know McGonagall doesn't talk that way."
Draco grinned wickedly. "Professor- professor- I know the answer!"
Hermione scowled. "Actually, professor, I'm going to do the homework because I don't feel like it." She drawled as she draped herself over the back of the couch.
"Hey!"
Hermione smirked. "You're gonna imitate me, I'm gonna imitate you."
Draco grinned. "I'll let it slide because it made you smile."
Hermione cuddled closer to him, letting the blanket fall away and onto the floor. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
***
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