Chương 18: C18: Sasha
[ Tuesday, September 20 ]
School is a big nightmare as I thought it'll be. All my life I've been in school since I've been studying for 13 long years which is more than half of my age. Now, one of the worst parts of the school year is here, which are the final exams. I hate staying up late every night just to study and the thing was my grades aren't always blessing anyone's eyes. They're mostly eyesores and I can't do anything else but roll my eyes.
I certainly know what to do to remember what I studied. I even made a sticky note and stick it to my mirror here in my room so that I'll always remember it. Listening to the professor while in class is pretty obvious and I can manage to have my full attention when the class is going on. Although I'm not gonna lie – whenever my phone beeps, which rarely happens, I couldn't stop myself from checking. Usually, it's about my flings asking me what time we'll meet or anything similar to that.
Flinging, as bad as it sounds, is my thing. There are so many people who judge people who fling but who cares? I enjoy it. It's my way of moving on because at least, I feel important. Although up to this point, I can't understand why I couldn't move on from Vaughn. He was too kind, caring and selfless. You won't meet someone like that every day. I do know that I've been wasting my life, but I no longer see the point in everything. Study? For what? I'm a rich girl who can handle a company.
Family? None of them even cares about me so what am I supposed to do to be loved? Vaughn? He's engaged to my missing sister. He'll never notice me, and at this point, he probably hates me even more.
With the knowledge of all of these things, I just feel lost. I want to experience how it's like to be happy but after Amethyst went missing and it's mainly my fault, the world turned gray. I hate the fact that the story spread in our school and now I'm blamed by many girls, or sometimes they talk behind my back. I still can't believe that Summer was the reason why the school found out about it.
It's like, I can't even clear up my own name. I still have three years in this school so I can't just get away from my classmates who know the entire thing. Why do I even had to learn the hard way? If I didn't mess up with any of them, maybe things won't be this bad. I used to have one friend in school named Katerina, but when she heard about the story, she decided to leave me alone so that she won't be involved with my shame.
Summer is such a pathetic, manipulative witch. I can't believe that I forgot how many contacts she's having and she can start a story without a sweat. Everyone's just a phone call away. One social media post can easily go viral because of her number of followers. Still, I feel like a victim. I may have done something ugly, but I don't deserve to experience this. If only I kept in mind the fact of life where all actions have consequences, I already figured that if I'll do something bad, bad things will also happen to me. Amethyst didn't hurt me at any case, but Summer did the revenge for her.
It's immature, but I understand why she did that.
In fact, I guess I'll just accept that I deserve all of these things.
I took two of my books and my fillers and put them inside my bag and hang the bag on my shoulder. I looked around my room before leaving, realizing how messy it is. My life is a mess. I messed up with many people, I'm messing with my own life. Now even my room is a mess. Great job, Sasha. Great job.
As I stepped out of my room and closed the door behind me, I found mom who's also in the hallway, staring from a distance. She walked towards me, her facial expression blank, her lips sealed. So, what is it now? Will I get another motherly lecture? Did I do something wrong again?
"We need to talk, dear," she said. How can she even call me dear even if she knows that I know that she hates me for destroying her favorite daughter's life?
"I can't. I'll be late in school, maybe we'll talk later." I walked past her in a rush, but she grabbed me by the arm, pulling me back. For some reason, my guts are already telling me that I'm in trouble.
"It's 9 am. Your class starts at 12 pm. Your school's just 45 minutes away from here, you won't be late. We need to talk, now. You always come home late, and this is the only chance that I have so bear with me." She gave me a daggered look, and with her eyes and furrowed eyebrows, I can tell that I'm in a serious trouble. I know she hates me, but she never did anything like this.
I rolled my eyes and held her hand that holds my arm. "Did I do something wrong again?"
Mom's facial expression softened, the corners of her lips curving down. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. "No, but I'm the one who did something wrong this time. Can we talk in your room? I want a little privacy."
I pushed my room's door open, revealing how messy everything is. Her mouth threw open, but she decided to ignore it because that's not what matters right now. Still, I don't understand why she's sounding like it's that urgent. What's with her?
We sat on my bed and she put her hands on her lap while looking at it.
"I should've told you this a long time ago," she began as she raised up her head and looked at me, her eyes filled with sadness. We were staring at each other for at least a minute as if she couldn't find the right words about what she has to say. This is so weird. Something is off and the fact that there's the pain in her eyes, I can tell that it's some serious issue.
Meanwhile, her phone suddenly rang. I looked at it and the call is someone whose name is Mina.
Mom hurriedly covered the screen of her phone and took it away, as if in a panic. "I have to answer this, excuse me." Mom said, walking out of my room.
I went out of my room and went downstairs, trying to look if mom's around. She wasn't in the living room or kitchen but I found her in the garden. She's facing the opposite direction from where I'm standing, so I couldn't see or hear what they're talking about. Waiting for her doesn't seem to be worth it, so I decided to take my car and head to school. She'll understand why.
The clock struck at 10:32 am when I arrived at the school. The moment I opened my car to get out, my phone began ringing. I pulled it out from my bag and saw who the caller is – Keith Castelltort. Keith's my classmate when we were in high school, and I haven't talked to him for a year or so.
What made him call?
I watched my phone ring. Answering calls make me feel uncomfortable, especially if I'm not even close to that person. I'd rather get a text than a call.
My phone stopped ringing, and I sent Keith a text message.
Me: Hey Keith. What made you call? Sorry, I wasn't able to answer.
Keith: Hi Sasha. Um, you're the only person I know who managed to study in Silverleaf school of Law. I'll be transferring there next semester, starting November. What degree are you taking again?
Me: Legal Management. How about you? Congratulations for passing the entrance exam. I know how bloody it is. Welcome to Silverleaf.
Keith: I'll be studying Criminal Justice since I want to be a detective one day. Believe me, I almost cried when I passed. Anyway, I was just wondering if maybe we can … you know, be friends in school? I guess it'll be great.
Friends. That's something I need. Keith probably has no idea how bad my image is in this school, so maybe I can use some help. In high school, Keith has always been nice to everyone and outgoing, so it shouldn't be hard to be friends with him even though we're a little different. It surprised me that he even remembered me because I didn't know that he actually cares about my existence.
Me: I wouldn't say no. I can tour you around if you want. Silverleaf is a big school so you might get a little lost at first.
Keith: That's so nice of you. Thanks. I'll see you next semester!
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I heaved a breath as soon as I stepped out of the hall where I took my exams. Algebra isn't a major subject but even if it's a minor one, I can't fail it. I have to maintain an average of 83 in my final grade. Otherwise, I'll get kicked out of this school. I know that I'm a troublesome and rebellious daughter, but I still want to prove my parents and everyone else that I'm worth keeping and despite my bad personality, I'm not a loser like everyone else thinks. I have to prove my haters wrong.
If I can remember my curriculum checklist right, we'll be having Statistics next semester which will be three hours a week. In high school, Keith has always been good in Math and I remember that he won Math quiz bees years ago. Maybe I can ask for his help when I take Statistics sometime soon.
As I went to the school's car park, I felt like someone's been following me. I hate it when this kind of feeling happens because it drains me even more. I know everyone hates me now, but why do people have to stalk me or something? What do they want?
I pressed my car's remote to unlock my car and looked back to see who's following me before I enter my car. It was an old woman around 40s wearing some loose pants and black blouse. Her dark brown dyed hair is shoulder-length. I've always made sure that my clothes are worn by people in the 21st century, but this woman looks like someone from the '80s. How can she even live with that kind of fashion?
She looks at me with awe, her right hand covering her mouth as if in shock. Her eyes are a bit watery, but not watery enough to make her tears fall. So what kind of drama is this?
I raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms. "Sorry, but are you following me?"
The woman got back to her senses and wiped her eyes with her hands. She flashed a smile – a smile filled with sadness. I don't understand. There are lots of questions in my mind and I don't even know which one to ask first.
"You're … you're such a beautiful lady, Sasha. I feel lucky to see you all grown up," she looked down and pressed her lips together. "I know I just had to tell you that. Take good care of yourself, dear."
The moment she said the last word, she turned her back and ran away.
Dear. She called me dear. What was that supposed to be? We're total strangers. It's not like I can be loved by a complete stranger. That's one of the most stupid things that can ever happen.
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