Chương 40: He The Man She Choose

"An author. Wow, I still believe that you are finally an author, Julie."

Migs said when he caught up with me the next day.

I had to be honest though, I had been avoiding him. I do want to catch up, but at the same time, I do not want to remember that he was the first person who hurt me.

Duncan and the kids were in the forest area. They were going to look for wild mushrooms that our head chef, Darwin, wanted. My children never liked mushrooms, yet the way my head chef cooks those edible fungi was divine. And they have grown to love them.

The only time Darwin would cook it was when my children wanted some.

I was at the bench where Duncan had kissed me before. I cannot help but blush at the memory. The man-made me climax using only his finger on my breast. How can anyone forget that?

I breathed a sigh of relive when he sat on the opposite side of the bench, then he reached out and held my hand.

Cold. I was cold, the sudden touch made my body ice cold. Duncan was the only man I gave permission to touch me. Was I over reacting? Not really, after what happened to my ex-husband, I grew afraid of anyone's touch.

"Are you okay, Julie? You look pale. Do you need water? Food? Shall I call T?" His rapid way of asking questions snapped me out of my short detour of the past.

"I am okay, Migs. I am not used to sudden touches now. I am sorry," I replied, pulling my hand back.

He regarded me for a moment then said, "I was your boyfriend once, Julie. I am not just 'someone'." Emphasizing the words 'boyfriend' and 'someone'.

I looked at him. He was jealous, that was something I was sure of. As to why I do not know.

"That was a long time ago, Migs," was my reply. "The 'Migs' in front of me, is someone I do not know."

I saw how his face changed the minute my words sank in. Gone was the happy-go-lucky man who greeted me. It was replaced by the man he had become.

"Your, son. how is he?"

Shocked. That was the first emotion I saw the moment the last words left my mouth. Next was confusion, then understanding. In a manner of seconds, I read all of those. the last one was shame.

"Julie, I..."

I looked into his eyes and softly said, "Don't. You made your choice that day. And it was not me."

Migs closed his eyes but not before I saw the flash of pain in them.

Pain? Why could he be in pain? I have learned in the past few years after Migs left me that love was not for me. The men who I had a relationship with did prove that to me.

Why should I think differently?

'Because Duncan treats you like a queen.' My mind told me.

I looked up at the mid-morning sky of the Scottish Highlands. If there was one thing I liked about living here pollution was non-existent. I could breathe fresh air without choking to death.

"I am sorry."

My gaze went back to the man on the opposite side of the bench. He still had that same aura when we first met, but at the same time, he was a different man than before. I could see the 'Sasuke' that once cared for his 'Sakura.' It was still there.

However, his 'Sakura' was no more.

"Wanted you. I have always wanted you. No matter how much I wanted to forget you, to forget about us, I cannot." He told me, his eyes never leaving mine. "You were my 'Sakura.' The lost piece of my puzzle. I should have taken care of you. But I..."

"Yet you chose a different path to walk on without me." I finished for him.

"Yet you chose a different path to walk on without me." I finished for him. There was a sad smile on my lips when I continued. "You telling me all these things make me mad at you. It makes me wonder if you love your child…"

"I do love him!"

"So, why are you saying the 'should haves'?"

"Because he could have been our child if I stayed. We could have a life, a family. We..."

"Sasuke," I said, calling him the name I have used so long ago. "I loved you. I love you so much that it took me years to get over you. The way you treated me back then became my standard. I tried to forget, I tried to find 'you' in the past relationships I had." I sigh and continued, "when I know that you won't be.

"I kept my hopes up. I kept wishing and praying that you would be here. That one day, you would be knocking on my door and say, 'Sakura, I'm back.' but you didn't. Years, Migs, years. There were times that I could still hear your voice inside my head. But when I accepted that you were not coming back, so did the voices."

I could see how my words were affecting him. I can't help him with whatever he was feeling right now. hearing me say those words, I guess I wanted him to know.

The pain he gave me that long ago was slowly healing. We have been apart for such a long time, yet the pain never truly went away.

"And him? What do you feel about him?" He asked. I could hear that he had forced himself to ask the question. And there was a tension in his body that he was expecting the worse.

"Duncan?" I saw him nod. "He makes me feel happy that I am alive."

For the first time that morning, I smiled. I heard him gasp, I looked at him with narrowed eyes, silently asking him what was wrong.

"That kind of happiness, huh?"

"I think so. I do not have a lot of happy memories. My mind tends to remember sad once," I smiled as I looked past Migs.

I was looking at the woods where the kids and Duncan were. Knowing those three, they will be bringing home more than just mushrooms.

As if by magic, they stepped out of the woods.

Claude was carrying a basket full of mushrooms, while Nicole was being carried piggyback style by Duncan. The look of happiness on my children's faces was priceless.

"They are my world, Migs. I did love you, but that was the past. I did wait for you, but again, that was in the past. The moment I stopped hoping and praying for you to come back, that was when I started to heal."

I looked back at him only to see how broken he had been. I smiled and reached out to pat his hand, but he clapped it like he never wanted to let go.

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no matter how many times we used these words, it will never change what we have now. No matter how much we wished it." I slowly pulled my hand back again and stood up. He remained in his seat, looking at me. "My kids are my life, and Duncan? He is slowly becoming the pillar of support I never thought I needed."

"He is that important?"

"Using the word 'important' is such a pale comparison to what I am to him. Then again, there are no words to describe what we are to each other. Do I love him? I am still not sure. Love is something that had always eluded me. What I do know, is that he completes me somehow." I stepped over the bench and walked around the table.

Nicole suddenly shouted, "MOMMY!" and they all looked at me. I waved my arms to greet them and started walking toward them. But Migs stopped me by grabbing my wrist.

"Julie," he whispered.

I patted his hand and said, "You will find her. The other half of your soul. And when you do, everything will change. Everything that happened to you in the will suddenly make sense, and before you know it, you and the special person will be one."

"I..."

"I forgive you, Miguel. I do. I am not saying it because I want to, but because I do. I will sign your book or books. but as a fan, nothing more. And, enjoy your stay at The Belle."

I did not look back.

Miguel was part of the past, and if I look back, it will only remind me that I have never let him go. Looking back means I have not accepted my present, and I still long for the past.

Which I don't.

I look at Duncan, the King of Tuatha Dé Danann. The man who was slowly becoming my future. As I took a step forward, I know that this was only the start of our journey.

Whatever happens, I shall be by his side.

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