Fuel in the Tank and (Im)Pure Rage
"I believe we have reached the end of our time today, master." Bullseye bowed low to me, with his head pressed to the ground.
I didn't deign to respond to the puppet I purchased to pass on his seemingly supernatural capacity for aim, complex trajectories, and force transfer. Though a 'baseline' human, Marvel's Bullseye is one of those characters that obviously are supernatural, but is 'just human', making his long list of ridiculous feats a matter of pure skill, and such something easily passed on through with the help of Martial, Athletic, and Education Talent.
He's also the moral equivalent of the Joker from DC without the complex insane genius outside of his very narrow beyond savant field of expertise. As such I hollowed out his personality and turned him into an obedient lackey without much fear of him pulling off some complex comic book partitioned hidden mind bullshit on me. I could have picked up Owlman for the same price as this scumbag, but I'd never trust my mind versus his. The Company may do good work on their mind control, but I am very much an amateur in the field doing this work manually. It's not the same at all.
Looking around the village with Hiruzen's sixth sense for chakra and Bullseye's skill to kill people with literally anything he can provide velocity too, made for a heady mix of psychotic fantasies and megalomania, and I can understand why a man blessed with such ability became such an irredeemable douche. At any moment I could just pulverize a brick and kill dozens of people with a single toss of the gravely chunks, and that certainty warps a man's perception of the world. When literally anything can be used to kill others with such style and ease, the world starts looking like a video game sandbox. It's not personality bleed over from mentoring under the psycho. I killed his ego the moment I summoned him. It's just the price of raw violent omnicompetence.
Because of the narrowness of his skill set despite the mind boggling depth he turned a gimmick like throwing things real good into, I wouldn't need to train under Lester for long. Despite the brevity of our tutelage, having such a complex sense of space and timing is never unbecoming of a combatant, and for that I'm grateful for the existence of this instance of such a filthy and deranged character.
I'm even more grateful for the substance he has reinforcing and in some cases replacing his bones.
"Return to your duties." I informed the man who now spent his days atop the highest point in Kirigakure waiting for trouble.
As he scrambled to carry out my commands I rolled my neck and let out a few loud cracks with sudden jerks of my head.
I'd slotted in time with Bullseye before running cross country across the ocean with Sonic, while wearing weights. The perilous footing and constant rise and fall mixed with the shonen bog standard weighted running made mad stride on closing the distance with my mentor who runs with me attached to a thick rope with which she pulls me across the surface of the water every time I fail. Which is every time we run. The greatest of gains requires the strongest of wills.
Running to my next session of self inflicted torture, halfway upon the path to hell, a wild Ringo appeared with a net blocking my way.
"Zabuza!" she screamed, giving me minor flashbacks to Shadow of Mordor, "Did you think I wouldn't find out about your cheating?"
Huh… "What the hell are you on about, woman?" I shouted back in an angry tone to hide my confusion, "We've only fucked the one time? How the hell could I be cheating on you when you're the person I was cheating on my wife and concubine with?"
"What? No you fucking idiot! You've been cheating in our fights!" she screamed and shook her net, threatening to toss it at me if I tried to run.
"How?" I asked, this time the confusion hit me too fast to hide it.
Rookie mistake.
"You paid someone to shove the God of Shinobi's knowledge and skills into your head! You didn't earn your wins, you cheater!" she explained at the top of her lungs.
The hearts and minds clones will have a lot of work keeping this mad house running smoothly today.
"Did you think I just found all the shit I can do while I was walking around?" I asked in heated incredulity.
"Yeah!" she responded and my face twitched.
"You know what? That's fair." I nodded in agreement.
It's not my fault I'm in a setting with seemingly no filler content, otherwise I really could have just walked around, in the land of Rivers for sure, and stumbled across a bunch of OP filler McGuffins to snag. I could be running around with chakra armor with the stone of gelel stuffed in my scrotum like a magical third testicle, with an almost OP dojutsu, and all sorts of other stupid shit.
So no, I don't blame Ringo for thinking I just took the world's luckiest walkabout. Doesn't mean she's not an idiot.
"Fuck you!" she screamed and then looked confused, "Um, did you agree with me just now?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Huh." she frowned and reconsidered her position, "I won't fuck you any more unless. You get me a Template! Of the Raikage!"
"Which one?" I inquired, agreeing with that fairly easy goal to achieve.
I just need to finish training under Bullseye then refund him.
"Which one?" she scoffed, "You know which one! Does any one even care about the first and second? I want some of that Almighty A Third Raikage action, then I'm going to beat your ass!"
Say what you will about her conduct, listening skills, handwriting, reading retention, and a host of other things about Ringo that are fucked. Where was I going with this, oh yeah, say what you want about all of that, bitch knows good ninja.
"Fine." I acquiesced, "I will give you no dick until I have the Points to purchase you a Third Raikage Template."
"That's what I thought." Ringo smirked, "Don't think I didn't see your face when you were hitting it. You looked like you had a stroke."
Fuck! She knows!
"Whatever, all you bitches are the same height in the dark." I waved her away and ran.
I'll use this fresh humiliation as fuel for the grind, then I'll come at her with some dick so good she won't even remember how to walk.
-meanwhile in Konoha-
"Ino Pig! Get your hooves off Sasuke!" the scream of Sakura gained the attention of the big shark boy, Jin Hoshigaki, who raised his head from the meditations on the teachings of Lord Fifth to look over at the object of his affections.
"Hey, Ginza." Jin growled lowly to his nearby team mate who'd been talking to another of the Kirigakure Genin who gathered together as a unit in the testing hall, "Do you think the twink is the someone else?"
"What? No way!" Ginza scoffed, "What kinda girl wants to be with a broody pretty boy?"
"Yeah, makes sense." Jin nodded.
"You're both idiots." Miri interjected, "That Sasuke Uchiha is a little hottie."
"In what way?" Keiko Terumi asked with a voice full of doubt, "He's not tall, tan, muscular, and I bet his sword isn't anything special."
The tall auburn haired girl wore one of the three Kirigakure pinstriped haoris and Mizukage granted black belts of the unit, granting her great - if unofficial - authority amongst the other genin. She also wore her envy of her cousin's marriage to Lord Fifth on her sleeve.
"I don't think he even has a sword." One of the other genin commented.
"No sword?" Keiko frowned, "Then why are we even talking about him?"
"My name is Naruto Uzumaki! And none of you are gonna beat me!" the little orange wearing kid shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Cause Jin's gonna kill him." another genin laughed as the Kiri genin ignored the outburst, "He's got the hots for that little pink thing, but she told him there's someone else she loves, so he's looking to kill that someone else and take his place in her heart."
"Wait a second…" Jin interjected, his wide dead fish eyes fixed on the sight of Sakura wrapping her arms around the neck of the orange boy again, "Could he be… someone else?"
"That's stupid." Keiko declared, "Jin stop being stupid. You don't even know if this pink girl even likes boys. Unlike me who has to see glorious Lord Fifth happily married to the older model! If only Lord Fifth waited a bit longer, then he could have married me to unite the village!"
"Oh, shut it with that nonsense." Haruto Hozuki entered the fray looking like a human alien with his pure white hair and purple eyes, the third and final member of the Kiri Nine here in Konoha, "Lady Momochi has two powerful kekkei genkai, and unless something changed recently, you have none."
"I have a big round ass!" Keiko slapped her cake in retaliation for Haruto's implication that she has nothing over her cousin.
"Ah… actually, objection rescinded." Haruto chuckled and thumbed his black belt.
"Oh hey, people are fighting!" someone called and the Kirigakure genin looked over to catch some nobodies from the newly formed Hidden Sound mocking his downed opponent, a Leaf ninja puked on the floor. One of the Sound brats claimed that they would make Chunin for sure.
Lame.
Any chance of the Hidden Leaf getting some immediate payback ended with the smoke explosion entrance of the proctors.
"Tch, their uniforms are pretty good." Keiko admitted about the more modern style of the proctors, all garbed in grey high colored battle dress uniforms, with the lead man in a black leather great coat.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting." the leader announced in a smug tone that let everyone know he didn't care about the inconvenience.
'Hmmm, that's Ibiki Morino…' Jin thought much like the other applicants, 'That means the first exam will most likely have a psychological component linked to Konoha's ideals of placing the good of the group over the good of the individual. Thank you, Lord Fifth, for your many teachings.'
The many applicants received numbered tabs assigning them seats and the supplies for a written test. Had this come at him before training under Lord Fifth, Jin would give up now. He became a shinobi to kick ass for his village, not read and write. Now though, Jin had little fear. They'd all completed practice exams under Lord Fifth based on previous tests given by the villages each team was assigned to attend, as such, when ordered to begin, Jin didn't even need to worry about the weird rules on cheating, he recognized the nine questions as all being very similar to those he practiced with. In some cases only the numbers involved changed.
A slow writer, Jin needed nearly the full amount of time to finish his answers, but had a comfortable bit of time to rest his wrist before the head proctor revealed the final hidden question. Looking around, Jin realized he was the last member from Kiri to finish. He hoped Sakura didn't see his slow performance and think he was stupid or something. The test was easy, it's not his fault writing is hard.
"Okay, we will now start the tenth question." Ibiki Morino declared and Jin listened closely for the coming trick, "Now before we get to it, I'd like to go over the added rules for this question… I'll explain now… these are… the rules of desperation."
'Fucking get on with it already!' Jin screamed in his mind.
"For this tenth question, you must decide if you will take it or not." Ibiki revealed and Jin thanked Lord Fifth that they were finally getting to the trick after all that dramatic pausing.
He almost jumped up to clobber the Sand bitch that interrupted with a dumb question.
"If you chose not to, your points will be reduced to zero… You fail! Along with your two teammates." more screaming idiots to add to the chum bucket, "And now… 'Fuck off with all the dramatic pauses!' the other rule. If you choose to take it… and answer incorrectly… that person will lose the right to take the chunin selection exam again."
There's the trick, Jin let out a sign of relief. He never thought that listening to the head of a Hidden Village's Torture and Interrogation Division would ever be something so boring. The man is a true artist, torturing him with just the cadence of his talking, but no one tortures Jin Hoshigaki and gets away with it. This Ibiki guy better hope they never run into each other in the field.
A guy with a goatee from Konoha quit first, Jin suspected the man a plant to open the floodgates, and sure enough more applicants started quitting, taking their teams with them into failure, or success if Jin was right about the number of plants spread throughout the room.
"Don't underestimate me!" a familiar voice screamed from somewhere behind him, "I will not run! I'll take it! Even if I'm a genin forever… I'll will myself to become Hokage anyway, so I don't care! I am not afraid!"
Suddenly the other applicants toughened up. Jin's eyes narrowed as he considered the orange boy. Is he… someone else? That charismatic speech and the frequent hugging… Best to be safe about it. Orange boy needs to die.
Jin missed the announcement that they passed due to deep contemplation of murder, but he didn't miss a dark blur break through one of the exam hall windows, and the flung kunai that opened up into a black banner with white writing that Jin didn't read. He was to busy gaping like a fish.
"Such big titties." he announced as his eyes roamed over the skintight mesh clad gazongas on display.
He gave his head a vicious shaking. How dare he be so fickle as to declare his intent to a woman yesterday, and fantasizes about suckling on the bountiful teats of another woman today. What kind of man isn't loyal and stable in his affections? In fact, Jin became angry. How dare this woman tempt him, a loyal and stable man, with her giant mounds of fuckable tit-meat.
"Grrr…" Jin growled and his teammate Ginza arrived to clap him on the back as the teams exited the building following the woman.
"Oooo, that look. Did you figure out who someone else is?" he asked.
"What? No! The search continues. I'm angry about that wonton slut tempting me with her big bouncing boobies!" Jin declared.
"Bro…" Ginza frowned.
"Hey, lets get moving to the next exam site." Miri got the team back on track.
But secretly, in Jin's mind, the sight of those magnificent knockers burned brightly, filling the young man with (in)pure rage!.
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