Chương 55: Chapter 55: Indecisive
'Seriously, did this man not hear me?'
Kilian sighed and finally gestured for the man to enter.
'I can not be seen as rude towards a Duke's son.'
There were too many eyes around, and gossip could be dangerous.
Lord Rayden was regarded as one of the big benefactors to the kingdom, just as the Archduke was.
He had been one of the few nobles that had helped out in the war since it had started, even if he had returned with a loss.
Rayden entered the carriage, and they set off for the Valen residence.
"I assume you know how to walk." Kilian snorted out as they were on their way.
"You can walk to your residence from mine." He continued.
Rayden just smiled amiably, one of those fake smiles Kilian was also good at.
"Yes, I can walk."
The silence was awkward, and Kilian rested his head against the backboard, that was polstered in fine satin.
His eyes were having trouble focusing, and his mind was still fuzzy.
"I do not like you only because of your looks."
It was hard to hear the words, the voice was too low, and Kilian's brain could not concentrate, and he stared out of the window, at the passing buildings.
"Mm." He let it out as a simple ok.
"You seem different, and I don't think, you are from this world."
The words sank in, and Kilian knew they were important, but was unable to focus on them.
He looked back at Rayden, who had a serious expression for once, and somehow the straight jawline and chin fascinated Kilian more than the words.
'What had he just said?'
Kilian stared and followed one of the scars that moved from Rayden's forehead, down over the right eye.
There were several other scars, but that one seemed specifically deep.
"I know what you went through at the Heathgraves. You couldn't walk, yet now you can."
The words kept coming from Rayden, and Kilian was unsure what he was trying to get at, his mind only focused on the last few words.
"I like you, cause I like you."
This time the words were more intimate and closer than the others, and Kilian noticed Rayden had moved forward, his hand hovering before Kilian, but without touching him.
"Can I like you?" The voice was now a whisper, but Kilian was now more focused than before, his brain filled with the words Rayden had just said.
'He is so stubborn.'
"If you want the same as what you have with your knight, then I don't mind." Rayden looked miserable but had still said it.
This time the words finally woke up Kilian.
"I don't like you." Kilian finally blurted out, regretting it as he did.
He had to make sure to turn down this man, he could not make the same mistake he had done with Dante.
He did not want to belong to anyone, yet his heart had skipped a beat just now and was beating fast in his chest.
"I won't be possessive and I will not force you to like me back. You can end it at any time." Rayden continued.
Kilian was now confused. Why would this man go so far for him?
He did not understand why Rayden would offer himself like this, but he did not doubt the words either.
There was something reassuring and safe about the man in front if him.
"I don't think I can do that, Lord Rayden."
Kilian's resolve shook, but he still made sure to draw a line.
Kilian looked at the hand in front of him, it was moving down and away from him, and something in him felt disappointed.
The constant feelings of trying to push this man away but at the same time, somehow longing for the touch, only confused Kilian who didn't know why he was acting like this.
'Am I more drunk than I thought?'
Rayden had sat back with a dejected look, but he had kept his word, and did not touch Kilian.
Kilian decided to be honest.
"I… don't like you the way you said you do me, but I want to know more about you, and…"
He hesitated, afraid of coming on as indecisive.
"I want to figure out what this is."
He held his chest, the motion clumsy as he was now getting too fuzzy from the movement of the carriage.
"What if I end up never liking you back?"
He was not trying to hurt anyone here, but he knew how disappointed he had been when Rayden had sat back, moving away from him.
Rayden looked back at Kilian in disbelief at the words he had just heard.
He had already done his utmost to keep himself away from the flushed Kilian, who had seemed like prey caught in a trap before him.
Even if he had touched him, he knew the Young man would not have pushed him away or said no, but there seemed to be something Kil was struggling with, and Rayden's advances had only made it worse somehow.
"Then can I touch you?"
The words were hopeful, and Kilian replied with a small nod.
The hand that had removed itself, raised up to carefully spread out long fingers, caressing Kilian's flushed cheek.
Kilian leaned his hot cheek against the cold palm, woth a small sigh. It felt soothing.
His heart jumped, and he nervously looked down, not sure what to do next. He had just wanted to confirm the weird feeling he was having when this person was near.
"Mm." The ice blue eyes closed and he enjoyed the gentle touch.
"Hah, that is not fair Kil."
The fingers slowly caressed Kilian's cheek, and the thumb was parting the lips that were slightly stained by red wine.
"You comforted me in my darkest moment, and you took care of me in my weakest moment, how could I not fall even more for you?"
The words were sweet, and there was a small sound coming from Kilian's parted lips.
Rayden saw how Kilian's gaze was laying on him with an expectant expression. He tried his utmost to stay where he was, as Kilian had not allowed him more than a touch.
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