Chương 48: Buenos Aires: Stuck
"Leon Mo...."
A child's voice called from a distance.
Leon looked out into the dark void for the sound. "Xiao-xiao? Huilang?"
"Leon Mo..... It's me..."
He ran on all sides. "Where are you!?"
"Please.... Wake up.... Gege, wake up...."
But there was only darkness everywhere.
"Wolfe!" He called out. "Where are you!???"
But there was no answer.
He felt helpless, then.....
He saw an image of the boy he was looking for.
"Wolfe!" He called out, running towards him---
But the boy was already playing with someone else.
Another boy only a year older. They were building sand castles and laughing.
Leon faltered, and clenched his fist.
Right, this child.... this was not his friend anymore. This was the friend of Shizi, the younger him.
He and Shizi were two different people, worlds apart.
And so was this Wolfe that he had been searching for so long.
Time and space had separated them, changing them into someone else.
"Leon Mo!"
He was suddenly sucked into a blackhole, and he tried to run away.
"Wolfe!" He reached out to the boy.
He just want to have him look at him once more. To call out his name, just like before....
But the boy didn't look back.
It was someone else staring at him.
His eyes had opened slightly, and all he could see were gray eyes.
He wanted to take those eyes apart.... Those fake gray eyes....
He felt warmth on his lips once more, and pumping at his chest. Water trickling from his long dark hair and towards his face.
He choked on water from his insides, and regurgitated it.
"Cough..... cough..... wheeze....." He caught his breath.
"Leon Mo! Thank god---- You're alive!"
He felt someone wrap their hands around him. He realized he was laying on white sands, fine specks of it in this person's hair.
He can smell strong hair conditioner and cologne from his neck. He used to think of it as repulsive, but the rainwater washed it away to make it a little bearable.
Just a little bit.
"You.... How did you get here...." Leon asked.
Wolfe Fang did not answer. He suddenly sobbed.
"Are you an idiot!? Swimming in a fucking hurricane like that!??" He yelled at him as he cried. "Are you trying to get yourself killed!???"
Leon answered like a bastard. "Maybe. What's it to you?"
Wolfe Fang punched his chest. "Don't joke around like that! Leon Mo, you don't know how worried I am..."
Leon felt like his heart was being constricted somehow. Like someone's squeezing on it.
"You..." Wolfe then look at his face. "A-Are you serious?"
He did not answer. He just reached out for his phone, but it was nowhere to be seen.
It must have been washed up on the waves. The storm was subsiding, so he must have been drowning for a while.
"Leon.... Talk to me. Please." Wolfe begged. "Why do you keep avoiding talking to me? Say something."
"Do you really hate me that much that you'd rather kill yourself than marry me?"
"That's stupid." Leon said, but he was not looking him directly in the eye. "I was just joking, I don't---"
"FINE! I WON'T BE A NUISANCE ANYMORE! I'LL DISAPPEAR IN YOUR LIFE, JUST DON'T WASTE IT BECAUSE OF ME!"
Leon blinked. "What do you---"
"We'll call the engagement off! I won't bother you anymore! We can forget any of this ever happened..... Just don't...."
Wolfe was hysterical, his tears feeling hot on Leon's cheek. "Don't ruin yourself because of me.... Don't get hurt because of me..."
That child's voice came to him again.
He had a centipede crawl on his shirt, and Leon took it with his bare hands. He got bitten by it, and caused his finger to swell like a balloon.
The boy cried and cried that time. "Wahhhhh! Gege, you shouldn't get hurt because of me next time!"
Leon then answered what the younger him answered to Wolfe.
"But I already did. I was already hurt because of you, no need to cry about it."
Wolfe blinked at this. Then, he cried even more.
"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He repeated again and again, hitting his head again and again on Leon's shoulders.
He took Leon's hand that was closed to a fist, and pushed it to his cheek.
"Here, hurt me too. Please. I'm so sorry..... I don't care how much you hurt me back, just do it."
Leon rubbed his forehead. "No..... Just calm down, Wolfe Fang. I'm not going to hurt you for no reason."
"Then how did I hurt you? What did I do? Why are you suffering because of me?" Wolfe insisted.
"I need to know, Leon."
He sighed. "You really want to know?"
He nodded profusely, sobbing and sobbing. "Please....."
"You left me. And you never came back."
Wolfe shook his head. "But I'm here now. We can be friends again---"
"It's not the same anymore, Wolfe." He took his had away from him. "We're grown ups now. We can't resolve things the childish way, with pinky promises and short apologies."
"There are people who are better off to not be together once they got older. It's called moving on." Leon said.
"That's what I want, Wolfe Fang."
Wolfe shook his head again and again, not wanting to accept it. But Leon kept on going.
"I want to move on from you. I want to let go of this... This yearning I have because you never came back to that park. Because you weren't the same boy that I lo----"
He faltered, almost saying something he will regret.
"That I was friends with anymore."
Wolfe looked at him with teary eyes. "... So you want me to disappear. I understand."
He let go of Leon. "Yeah..... Yeah, you're right. I think I also..... I also need to let go fo the Leon Mo that I missed for my whole childhood. That's the right choice."
They went quiet, only the sound of the clashing waves filling in the silence between them.
They then said at the same time:
"But I can't."
They looked away when they said that, their breathing ragged.
"It's so difficult...." Leon clutched his head. "I tried.... I tried really hard so many times, even looking for someone else.... But I still can't..."
Wolfe also nodded, having the same frustrations. "It feels too late to let go now.... I can't think of anything else besides you... Besides wanting to be with you...."
They both looked at each other again.
And kissed.
It seemed to be an endless cycle they're stuck in.
The fight, they make up. They hate each other, they can't stand to be separated from each other.
They're just stuck, it seems. And it's slowly killing them, but making them feel so alive at the same time.
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