Chương 29: Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tahimik ang buong paligid, ang pang-gabing elemento ay tila nawalan ng enerhiya na gumawa ng tunog. Flowers that bloom in the night caused a little fear to her soul. As the night deepened everybody slept, resting in their comfy bed. While Zev was kept pitying herself. Nakapikit ang dalaga at nakaupo sa isang upuan sa paborito niyang lugar.
Hindi niya alam kung ano na ang oras. She prefers to stay outside on that cold evening, kahit pagod siya physically and mentally, kahit gusto na ng katawan niya ang magpahinga, pero parang walang balak ang antok na bisitahin siya. She tried to prevent the veil of tears from falling. She try hard to prevent the sharp dagger that's about to stab on her chest.
Sinubukan niyang pigilan 'yon sa pamamagitan ng pagsalo niyon. But she end up wounded. Not in the world of humans, we can't catch firing bullets, not even to caught the spear in the air with the palm of our hand, a spear that flying towards our heart.
We are weak, we may be wound, we may be fall senseless. How could we walk a mile when our legs are giving out when there's no strength left. A warmth of tears fell from her eyes. Hindi na niya kinontra o pigilan 'yon. Basta ang alam niya ang sama ng pakiramdam niya, sa sandaling 'yon ay gusto na niyang mawala.
Nasa mga palad ng dalaga ang batong hugis puso. Dahil sa batong 'yon ay nahawaan si Reese, pero ginagawa lang naman nito ang pinag-uusapan nila rati.
Poor Reese he's always keeping his words. Kahit alam nitong ikakamatay nito ang isang bagay ay handa nitong gawin 'yon alang-alang sa kanya. What a selfless love. What a great surprise for her noong nalaman niya na hindi si Reese ang ama ng dinadala ni Nace, but the second news was too depressing. She wished that she never heard it.
Painful tears continued to welled from her eyes. She was alone now, alone forever. The death of Reese, her boyfriend not just caused her a mild heartache but also lose her mind.
Her mind snapped. She was very depressed and the world's only stared bitterly at her, where to flee? There's no place on Earth that is too peaceful for a depressant like her, there's no place on earth where she can receive a ton of comfort. She's always betrayed by this world. Her heart was so down, and drown in pain.
Bakit ganon? Bakit mo ginagawa iyon sa sarili mo? Maemosyonal na bulong niya.
Balik ka na Reese, nahihirapan na ako. Bakit di magawa ng kaluluwa mo ang yakapin ako? Reese, don't you see me? I'm suffering, let me feel your presence.
A thunder light draws in the dark sky followed by its scary thunderclap, pero hindi siya nabigla o magmulat man ng mga mata. Alam niya na sa ilang sandali ay bubuhos ang malakas na ulan dahil kanina pa niya nararamdaman ang pagpatak ng ilang butil ng ulan na tumama sa kanyang balat. But she didn't care at all, tahimik siyang umupo doon na walang kibo, pero nagprotesta ang katawan niya dahil sa sakit na iniinda.
Paano nga ba niya papatayin ang kakaibang sakit na tumutupok sa kanya, sakit na sa bawat minuto siyang aatakihin at susugatin, at hindi niya ito kayang mapigilan, every second it grows into a horrible monster. It sucked deeply. Pakiramdam niya ay sabay-sabay siyang tinusok ng sanlibong karayom.
Kung magkita tayo sa langit ay maaalala mo pa ba kaya ako? She murmured in the air. Mi Amor naalala ko yung sinabi mo sa isang nobela mo "Every time I was sad I heard your sweet voice that bruited in the castle wall. Thy soft touched I feel very loved. I love you more than what the world has to offer. If we are not able to finish our lives together in this world, my only wish is to find you, love you, and seek your beauty and love in the afterlife. If I die first promise me to marry my corpse and make a promise on the altar. Because if you die first in your young age I'll carry your corpse in the altar, kiss your dead body, put an expensive ring on your finger and I'll make a vow that I'll love you no matter what, your death can't tear us apart. I'll bring your dead body home. Sleep with me in the night. Every night I'll tell you how much I love you. I love you....I know your soul will come.. Broken and shattered in the dimness but oh mi Amor Don't cry, don't shed tears because I'll seek you in the afterlife. Huminga siya ng malalim at hinayaan ang mga luha niya sa pagpatak. No, I can't, I can't wait that long I want to be with you right now Reese. I'll marry your corpse. Heaven bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa nila nakikita ang bangkay mo? Where are you mi Amor? Do you think of me? I am die, but I want to die together with you. I feel very unhappy that perhaps- I may never see you again. Your soul, your spirit. Aren't you going to visit me? Scare me tonight. Ghost my soul.
Maya maya ay nagsimula na ang pagbuhos ng ulan, palakas ng palakas ito, ngunit hindi pa rin siya tuminag sa kinauupuan niya. Wala siyang paki-alam sa malakas na hangin at ang lamig na dulot niyon. The wind raged, in the black sky, a thunderclap repeated its fury and lightened her dark world.
Kahit basang-basa na ang katawan niya. Kahit nagmumukha siyang basang sisiw sa kinauupuan niya ay wala siyang balak tumayo at umalis sa lugar na 'yon. Ang ginagawa ay humiga siya sa mahabang upuan na 'yon. She wants to sleep there. To sleep and forget. Patuloy ang pagbuhos ng malaks na ulan dahil talagang masama ang panahon sa gabing 'yon, at patuloy din ang pagpatak ng mga maiinit na butil ng luha niya.
She lied there for almost an hour. She hugged herself, her soul face the cheerless world. She sleep and lied there breathless as if she was stocked in the hole of the boulder in the sea, the tide rising, the seawater was too cold, her chest pumping painfully and she struggled for breath. Her soul was lame, in her breast, there's a volcanic fire that is ready to ooze. She wants to die.
Nagising si Zev na mabigat ang kanyang pakiramdam. Nagulat siya ng sumikat na ang araw at napanganga siya ng napagtantong alas siyete na pala ng umaga, at ang basang damit niya kagabi ay natuyo sa kanyang katawan.
Napailing na lamang siya, tumayo at humakbang papasok sa loob ng bahay. Dumiretso siya sa loob ng banyo para linisin ang katawan niya. Habang bumubuhos ang tubig sa ulo at mukha niya ay ang imahe ni Reese ang naglalaro sa kanyang utak. She smiled slightly.
Naaalala niya ang mga masasayang araw nila ni Reese. Their tender moments that full of love, mga araw na hindi na kayang ibalik ng oras at panahon. Kahit mag-imbento pa siya ng time machine, hindi na niya 'yon maibabalik lalo na't wala na si, Reese.
She smiled in pain. Hindi niya alam kung kaya pa niya ang mabuhay pa, kung kaya niyang ipagpatuloy ang buhay na wala na si, Reese. Life can't be without any sorrow and deep grief, pero tanong niya sa sarili niya kung bakit niya 'yon naranasan sa murang edad niya. It's not good to lose someone especially when you need him to the most. She kept questioning herself kung bakit ang malas niya. It was her first time to be in loved and turned to very tragic and scary things that the novelist can't tell.
Zev has reached the point that she questions God kung bakit kinuha nito sa paningin niya si Reese, kung bakit ang aga itong nawala. She can't accept any reason kung bakit bigla itong nawala, and his absence remain forever. Why God took him in hurry.
Ngayon ay naranasan na niya ang nangyari kay Rose sa Titanic, so painful, sting, at sigurado siyang habang buhay na ang sugat niyang 'yon sa kanyang dibdib, but heaven knows ay gusto na ng dalaga ang mawala sa mundo. She was mentally ill, and it became malignant, a cancer of love.
Sinisigurado ng dalaga sa sarili na kapag makikita nila ang bangkay ni Reese. She will bring it to the altar and marry his corpse, dahil 'yon ang tama para sa kanya, no man can love him as Reese did, nothing, absolutely nothing can replace her love to Reese. She loves him, his soul, his corpse, and his grave.
Gusto ko ang magpakamatay kasama ka para sigurado akong sabay tayong ililibing para kahit papano ay hindi tayo magkahiwalay, they said that it's very dark in the afterlife world, and I'm scared enough, but you will be my light. Kay mas pinili ko ang mawala ngayon para sabay na tayong ililibing so that in the afterlife we hold each other hands, it may be very dark but with you by my side. I am pretty sure that my soul won't go astray. You'll be mine alone. She murmured at hinayaan ang patuloy pagbuhos ng tubig mula sa shower stall.
Ngayon ay pinaplano na niya kung paano mawala. Kailangan din ba niya ang ilulunod ang sarili tulad ng gingawa ni Reese para kahit ay papano ay pareho sila ng libingan, ang magiging libingan nila ay nasa sinapupunan ng kalikasan.
Huminga siya ng malalim at mabilis niyang tinapos ang pagliligo. Pagkatapos niyang magbihis ay pumunta siya sa isang Poision store bumili siya ng mga lasong alam niyang nakakamatay. Nakatingin sa kanya ang cashier na tila labag sa kalooban nito na ibigay sa kanya ang napiling lason. Halata naman sa hitsura niya ang sobrang pagka-depressed niya, but she forced herself to smiled at kumbinsihin ang babae para mabili ang mga nakakamatay na mga lason na 'yon.
Nabili na nga niya 'yon. Pagkatapos magpasalamat ay nakayukong umuwi si Zev. Wala siyang paki-alam sa mga dumaraang sasakyan o sa mga bagay sa kanyang paligid. She was totally lost interest about life and everything, this was too much, gusto na niya ang kapayapaan, kapayapaang kahit para sa kaluluwa niya, pagkawala niya. Pag-abot niya ng kanyang apartment ay nagsulat siya sa kanyang magulang she bid them goodbye.
Bigla niyang naaalala ang hugis pusong bato. She loved it pero kailangan niyang ibalik 'yon sa lugar kung saan niya nakikita 'yon noon. Zev booked a flight, a rush flight to Wuhan, China, hindi na niya iniisip na pwede siyang mahawaan ng Corona Virus.
A pain flows through the pen while she writes something for Kith, nasa Amerika na ito at kailangan niyang magpa-alam dito. She has only thirty remaining hours on Earth. Zev herself didn't want to see them, ayaw niyang makita ang mga ito, mga taong pinakamahal niya. She caused them great and deep pain.
Kapag natanggap mo ang liham na ito, ay wala na ako- She wrote, it was for Kith, but her fingers were numb. She continue to write in pain and Zev want him to promise something, she can't tell.
Itinuloy niya habang naglandas ang mga luha niya, at nabasa ang papel, na sinusulatan niya. Nagpakawala siya ng isang malakas na buntong hininga at itinatago ang sulat na 'yon sa loob ng closet, there muli na naman niyang nakita nakita ang singsing na pagmamay-ari ni Reese na itinatago niya noon.
Kinuha niya 'yon, inilagay sa isang ring box at inilagay sa loob ng isang sling bag, kasama ang hugis pusong bato at ang isang bote ng lason. She bought ten bottles in all actually, pero sigurado siyang kahit isang bote lang ang iinumin niya ay sigurado siyang mawawala o mamatay na siya.
Nag-impake siya ng mga damit niya. She wants to wear a beautiful little white dress tomorrow, Reese always told her that she looks beautiful in white, and she wants to die wearing white dress. People may not understand but she doesn't want to live anymore.
Her death was predictable because she will be the one who took her life and yet, everything seems normal. Her heartbeat, her pulse are normal. Tumigil siya sa ginagawa niya nang tumunog ang cellphone niya, sa ganitong klaseng oras na nawawalan siya ng pag-asang mabuhay ay hindi talaga siya pinabayaan ni Matt.
Kahit wala na si Reese ay devoted pa rin ito sa yumaong kaibigan sa pamamagitan ng pagbabantay nito sa kanya. He made a promise to Reese that he always takes care of Zev, the girlfriend of Reese who left behind wounded and scarred, wala itong ideya tungkol sa plano niyang magpakamatay, tama ng hindi na nito alam iyon, she can't tell anyone about it.
"Are you there?" tanong nito sa kabilang linya nang hindi siya nagsalita.
She swallowed repeatedly. "Yeah!" She didn't know what to say, but her mind surely wanted to scream Matt kailangan ko ng kausap, Matt I lost my mind and I'm about to kill myself. But no, she can't do that either.
Huminga ito ng malalim. "God, alam kong sobrang apektado ka sa nangyaring trahedya Zev-"
"Yes" mabilis na sambit niya. "Wala na akong pag-asang mabuhay-"
"No, don't say that. Alam mo bang gusto ka niya makitang matatag? Pwedi bang kahit wala na siya ay ipagpatuloy mo ang buhay mo? Pwedi bang lumaban ka? Ipagpatuloy mo ang buhay mo kahit wala na siya, at siya ay magiging masaya kung saan man siya ngayon"
She could hear his breathing. "You're mean."
"Sorry, I don't meant it. But please Zev, kahit wala na siya alam kong kaya mo pang magpatuloy. Learn to move forward. Reese will always brings your name wherever he goes.
Pain lacerated her heart now. She hoped that her eyes would not fill as she replied. " I can't, I can't." She was devasted and pressured. How could she be able to move forward without a man who inspired him, the pain in her chest became more and more terrible. There was a beating and pounding in her ears, she's hearing her own heartbeat and there was a pain in it.
Ibinaba niya ang cellphone niya at nakatulala sa kawalan.
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