Chương 89: No Matter What, This World Needs To End. (17.3)
…
I want to die! Existence is pain! I want to stop experiencing anything and everything! Auuuggghhhh!
The finely furnished room my mad "self" procured was thankfully well prepared for establishing himself as some sort hybrid between a CEO and a Yakuza boss. It was posh enough to be intimidating, but still tasteful enough to waylay auditors. After carefully moving the table between the two couches before my personal desk, I allowed myself to fall onto the tasteful carpet my crazed side bought. It was plush, comfortable, and good enough to sleep on. It was supposed to be a symbol of power, a show of wealth since I was using a work of art as something to be stepped on, but instead it was providing cushioning so my head wouldn't break through the floor.
What the hell was that!? What sort of "weakness" leads to an expanded powerbase and shitty romance development!?
Zaimokuza, you're a shill author! You just wanted sales! I can see that your attempts to be original are just justification for fanservice! You filthy bastard! I'll have your head for making me go through this! Kisses don't end fights! Not chaste kisses or even l-lewd m-make-out sessions! Those aren't supposed to happen! You're killing your audience by actually making romantic developments, you fat ingrate! Otaku absolutely hate it when a girl in their fantasy is no longer available! Not that Lyon is! Dammit, that k-kiss and that confession were all for the sake of getting me out of the side-effects of my Skill!
What are you talking about, there wasn't a second round of kissing, or bodies pressing against one another! I definitely wasn't on some colored, two-page illustration at the end of a shitty light novel. There was one kiss and one confession, nothing happened after that, no matter how smug Lyon was, what I felt pressed against me, or how I tasted honey—
No, no, no! Stop you stupid worthless Skills! These kinds of thoughts and reactions aren't what you're meant for! Stop making my life into some shill erotic doujinshi! 'Being able to focus on multiple actions' and 'an action becomes stronger as time goes' on isn't supposed to work this way! Goddammit, this series is for teenagers with no friends! Not middle-aged men with no prospects in either society and the workplace! Allow me to keep my dignity after I've lost my honor and reputation! Don't take everything from me, please! Please, if there truly is a decent god anywhere, hear my prayers and make sure that scene, which all of Orario witnessed, was a comedy gag and not some serious development! I'll give everything I have for that to be the case! Let the shitty drawings, under-budget still-frames, and overblown acting destroy whatever serious notes that scene had! Make sure that there aren't close-ups of our proximity, the pressure she exerted, or the feel of her body against m—
The wood gave a cracking noise as I felt a lance of pain travel through my head. Reaching beneath the broken wooden panel with head still against the carpet, I managed to get my hands on the object of my desire. A simple trinket with a simple purpose which I'd managed to get my addled self to add to his to-do list.
Straight from Perseus, it was a necklace of Dreamless Sleep.
Something an idiot with my stupid first Skill would've bought the first chance they got, regardless of its 250 million Valis price tag.
I'd planned to someway and somehow get my "self" to wear it, but the bastard was always too busy. Not only that, but knowing its effects, the single-minded ass decided to sleep less to make sure he could keep going. Dammit, I hated going mad. It was like being at the backseat of my own life, able only to shout and shout for single actions, while some idiot handles my body how they wanted to. I've gone from being homeless and eating rats, to being an imperialist Yakuza, to a mindless boss with a stupid weakness. Fuck that. No more of that shit. Six hours of sleep every day from now on, two more than I needed because four was impossible for some fucking reason, was a small price to pay. I was set on buying more so that I can be brought out of madness by people I could trust… without them resorting to extremely unneeded measures!
Anyway, while I was no longer mad, I was currently being beset by lack of sleep, the fact I hadn't even visited Laulos' or anyone's grave, and that damned Lyon. Between it and getting dead drunk and making a further fool of myself, which could solve those three problems or exuberate them, becoming unconscious and blissfully unaware for a few hours was the better option.
Naturally, just as I was about to put it on, I became aware I wasn't alone in my windowless office with a table barring the door.
I looked up at the figure, considered the individual, and decided my course of action.
"If you're here to kill me, do it quickly." Wearing a hood and with arms and face covered in black inscribed armor, I had the typical final boss staring at me. I obliged his view by turning on my back. I considered putting on the necklace so I could die knowing I didn't waste 250 million Valis. Sure it wouldn't have stopped me from going mad forevermore, but at least I'd go gently into the night without feeling any pain at all. Also, I'd never have to be remembered being defeated by a fucking kiss. I welcomed death. Yearned for it. Please end my shameful, soiled existence. "Painlessly if you can manage it. I have a rapier you can use if you don't have a knife."
"I am not here to kill you, Hikigaya Hachiman." Mr. Generic Final Boss spoke with the typical, airy, and deep Final Boss speech style. Jeez, did you have the VA talk through a fan, Zaimokuza? "I am here to—"
"Then, I'm not interested." I turned over again and pressed my face against the rug. Nope. I wasn't interested. No story progression here. Just misery and shame. A man is nothing more than a pile of bad decisions and hatred of elves who are too damned smug. My life was over. I could feel Lyon's smirking face. Wait. I said that wrong. Goddammit, I hated my Skill so much. "Go away. I'm not interested in anything besides wallowing in my despair for the next few days." Should I get on the couch? I've never slept on leather before, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be pleasant to wake up on. "Whatever you want to threaten me to do can wait until I actually care about anything besides hiding from everyone I know."
"I am here to offer you immense riches, support for your project of strengthening Orario, and lend my aid towards locating monsters which threaten the whole city." Mr. Generic Final Boss said all the things I expected him to say. The reached for the couch and tested its comfortability. It wasn't a bed, but it was decent enough. I pulled myself up onto the plush leather. Huh, not as uncomfortably hot as I expected it to be. It was almost pleasant. I judged that it would suffice as my refuge from the contrivances of the world I'd found myself in. "Are you sure that you aren't at all interested?"
"You're about a day or two late for that offer. As you might have noticed, I'm not exactly in the right state of mind to be thinking about things like that. Possibly for all time." I groaned into the leather and waved Mr. Generic Final Boss away. Go progress the storyline with someone else. I'm already part of the main cast. Hell, I was probably the focus of at least four episodes or an entire Light Novel. Give the audience something new to read about. How about Wallenstein? She's generic and powerful enough to have a spin-off series all her own. That tends to be the case for every blond swordswoman. Yeah, do a generic arc on her, please. Let me time skip my shame away. "So, again, unless you're here to kill me, go away. I'm not interested. Go find someone else to make this despicable city decent."
For a moment, it was quiet. I wondered if Mr. Generic Final Boss got the message and decided to leave. Though I usually found myself at the world's mercy multiple times, there was a chance that I could get a break. I was fairly sure that there was no way this could be a flashback scene or an exposition scene. I was simply not acting my "part" well enough for this to have any screen time. Unless Mr. Generic Final Boss decided to be as casual as myself, with Zaimokuza straying away from the stereotypes he loved so much, I was fairly sure that I could get away with just telling the story to leave me to my despair and shame for the time being.
Naturally, when I wanted the world to be painfully generic and average, it decided to not be so.
"Then, I shall take a seat and wait for you to be ready." Mr. Generic Final Boss called my bluff and took a seat on the couch across from me. Turning my head to look at the scene, I verified that the robe-clad, armored, and faceless being of tremendous power did sit down, cross his legs, and began to wait. Well, goddammit, I was on screen here wasn't I? I'd just gone from being a poorly-drawn blob into a seriously drawn conversation didn't I? What's with the sudden changes between serious moments and comedy skits, Zaimokuza? Have you been reading Hellsing again? Or Fullmetal Alchemist? I'll have you know that you don't have the literary talent to even try to copy either of those series so you may as well go die. "Because, I believe that you will be interested in something quite special." He produced a spell book from the depths of his cloak. It was bound in chains and black leather. Yeah, that was definitely important. "This is a Grimoire of one of my own original spells which I am willing to give to you once our project is finished."
"...and this project is?" Yeah, this was definitely the return of the Main Plot. I can't believe it. Was my entire arc just filler? The Sensei of the group goes mad and has to have romance developments in order to become sane again? Seriously? Zaimokuza, I know that you can't settle Cranel's harem without problems, but it isn't exactly original for you to push contrived romance solutions on me because your fans are demanding actual character development from you! Just give Cranel a hundred new Skills and power descriptions! That always works in Shounen! Otaku don't know the difference between becoming more powerful and changing as a different person! Hell, you already gave Cranel a new hairstyle, you're fifty percent there already! "And what spell is it?"
"My god Ouranos wishes for the subjugation of the Dungeon. He wishes for monsters to be no more than beasts which provide materials for this world to prosper. A plan he began by creating the Guild and Familia system, but which you have begun to progress due to your methods and advancements." It seems that I have indeed found the final plot point in this story. It made sense, I guess. The Dungeon was an integral part of this world's fragile society due to the Monster Crystals and Drops that came from it. The Dungeon was resource that needed to be exploited as long as possible. Therefore the Dungeon couldn't be destroyed. It had to be subjugated. Zaimokuza was trying to be original again. He probably just played some MMO and got shafted for a particular drop. "As for this spell? It is something of my own invention called: Dia Orpheus."
Orpheus.
My breath caught in my throat.
"It is the only existing spell of resurrection."
...
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