Chương 15: Ashes of the Mind – Part 5
Anyone that knew Jean knew a certain few facts, she was calm and collected; firm and determined when needed and most definitely smart. Being valedictorian and deciding whether she should graduate early showed this.
Though she had been thrown by the multiple revelation throughout her therapy session and her vaulted calm deminer had been almost shattered, her mind still worked through the facts as they were prevented and started to churn out answers, even if she didn't want to know.
Her face turned pale as thoughts drifted through her mind.
'A Cosmic entity is connected to me? Which one? What does it do?'
'When did this happen, no, why did this happen?'
'What the hell did the Professor do?'
'But all these together mean.....'
'It's connected to my subconscious mind... and we were just talking about what telepaths could do.'
At the start of the therapy session, though she had been putting off this topic specifically, when they had talked about Scott and her future, she had felt that her destiny was pre-ordained. She didn't feel like she would have any control of the future.
But that had changed.
She realized that she could change her destiny, it brought comfort, it brought a certain amount of peace... but now.
'If this being can control my subconscious... maybe even take control of my body, then.... won't I just become a puppet?'
Jean felt like the degree of freedom she had shakily obtained was stripped from her in seconds. She felt tears come to her eyes but kept them at bay, if only because she didn't want to show such a scene in front of a total stranger.
Though the therapy lounge was trying to calm her emotions they were out of control and all over the place as her own intellect came to the grim realization that she might not be able to control her future.
Jean took a shaky breath, her mind settled on a more stoic feeling. She knew of the inevitability that whatever came next would be bad, but she would deal with those facts as they came and make a decision moving forward.
Yes, she was still afraid of the other voice in her head.
Yes, she was distraught about the multiple violations Charles had inflicted upon her mind.
Yes... there wasn't anything she could do about that.
But, there was something she could do when she had all the facts. All the information.
When she left this room, she would be able to control her life and no 'Cosmic Being' would be able to control her life.... or that was what she hoped.
With this newfound resolve Jean looked back at Jacob, her eyes set like someone who was about to be diagnosed with an incurable disease.
Her mind only slightly calmed by her determination Jean pulled herself together, though Jacob himself could tell it was shaky façade at best.
Jacob watched quietly as the emotions passed over her face and winced internally. He was trying to do his best with the session, but he had already tripped up multiple times when it came to the information that he had provided Jean.
He had done so well so far, but this was the big one. He needed to get this right or the session would be a complete wash. Not to mention the emotional and mental damage he could cause Jean.
Watching her face change and even the tears well up made him wince, but he said nothing. He gave her the time she needed to sort her mind and emotions out. All he could do was make sure that he explained the next part so she could understand and deal with the Pheonix.
A monumental task for anyone in the same position.
Finally, after a few minutes of turmoil Jean spoke up, her voice was horse, her eyes sightly red; but determined to find answers.
"How bad is it?"
Jacob stared back into her green eyes for a few moments before giving a small nod as he worked on his tablet pulling up the [Spoiler] function and finding the materials he had readied before. The therapy room darkened as a new hologram appeared before them.
It showed a gigantic being of fire backset by the starlight and space around. Its body was massive, sitting atop a star, as it took the shape of a bird or rather a Phoenix.
"This is the Phoenix, the Cosmic Being that is connected to you right now and has chosen you as it's Avatar."
Jean's eyes widened as she took in the gigantic form of the being that was connected to her. She didn't know what to say as she set her eyes on the creature that was supposedly suppressed in her mind.
"Funnily enough the Cosmic Beings known as the Phoenix got its name from a human when it first visited earth. A name that it adopted and then spread through the multiverse to all its counterparts."
'That thing has visited earth before?'
That was the only thought that went through Jean's mind.
"The Phoenix is the Cosmic Being of life and Rebirth and one of the oldest in your known universe. Its main job is to burn away what 'doesn't work' and bring new life."
Jean didn't like that type of wording.
"What do you mean, burn away what 'doesn't work'? And what do you mean by Avatar?"
Jacob quickly thought of how best to explain it as he brought up a different image, this time a before and after shot. On one side there was a desolate planet that was barren, while next to it was the same planet but this time filled with life, fauna, planets and water.
"When something in the universe has stopped evolving, stop progressing, stagnated. The Phoenix's main job is to cleanse it and bring new life. At the same time to be its avatar is to embodies its power and do its job throughout the universe."
Jean's brows furrowed.
"Do I get a choice in becoming it's avatar."
Jacob could only shake his head.
"No, sorry you don't really get a choice, not in your situation."
Jean frowned, not happy, with that omission as she looked at the before and after images before her. The fact she didn't get a choice in becoming its avatar left a bitter taste in her mouth and didn't endear this 'cosmic being' to her at all.
Though she wasn't thrilled about being connected to the Phoenix, or the fact that she had to become its avatar, she was slightly relieved as she looked at the images before her. What the Phoenix did wasn't inherently bad, or that's what she thought.
Bringing life to dead worlds was a good thing for the universe and something Jean wouldn't believe if she hadn't already accepted most of what she had been shown in the Therapy room. The idea that there was a being that went around rejuvenating planets throughout the universe was something modern science wouldn't even consider.
'Well actually I guess the closest would be terraforming a planet.'
But that was something completely different and Jean knew that. Though it did bring into question other workings of the universe like....
'What if there was a Cosmic Being that's main job was to destroy planets... or even eat them!'
Jean shook her head, eating planets that was a stupid idea. Though there could be something out there that was supposed to destroy planets. A sobering thought.
"What you must understand is the Phoenix is an entity on a universal scale. It will go to any planet that the universe as a whole, considers 'stagnant'..."
Jacob paused, drawing Jean's attention as she looked back at his grim look, a dread swelling in her gut as she realized what he meant. But she had to ask anyways.
"You don't mean...."
Jacob nodded as he brought up a new image of a star exploding
"This is only one example but, say a planet's sun was going to explode; much like earth's will one day; imagine though that the technology on the planets that obit said sun had evolved to a state where they could stop the sun from exploding. This fights against the natural order of the universe and the Phoenix will be the one that comes to make things right."
Jean gripped the sides of the chaise lounge as she gritted her teeth.
'Is this my future?'
"But what about the civilizations, the other planets that orbit the sun."
Jacob shook his head as he could also see where she was coming from. He himself was only from a world that was in the modern era, the idea of stopping the sun from exploding just wasn't possible in his lifetime, if ever. But there were multiple options in this type of scenario.
"If the civilizations had the technology to stop the sun from dying, they also have the technology to move to another solar system."
Jean was indignant with that response and in her anger responded quickly.
"What gives it the right to decide?!"
Jacob stayed calm as he responded.
"It's the Phoenix's job to know. It has that right. It's what it exists for."
That pulled Jean up short as her mind cleared from its anger. She slumped back into the chaise lounge, not wanting to, but admitting defeat as her mind cooled and she realized what a stupid question that had been.
The silence lasted between the two of them for a short minute or two before Jean finally spoke up again, her voice down and dampened.
"...I will cause genocide..."
Jacob wasn't going to sugarcoat his answer, even he wasn't sure what Jean would do specifically when she became its avatar.
"It is a possibility."
Jean slumped even more into the lounge.
"But it should be one of the rarest occurrences."
Jean wanted badly to ask how he was so sure. She wanted to almost scream at him to tell her how he knew that. It wasn't going to have to be him that wiped out civilizations, it was going to be her!
'But....'
Her mind whirled for a second as she thought back on what had just been said. Though she would, in such a situation, have to destroy the star; she could give the planets enough time to evacuate.... surely.
She couldn't have any hope of knowing until such a situation happened.
She didn't want to become the avatar of the Phoenix; she didn't want to spend her life going to different planets and bringing new life... but if she was going to do it.
She could do it her own way!
A better way!
Jean gripped her fists in determination as she tried to make the best of the shit situation that was being thrust upon her. Searching for more information to hopefully fix or lighten her situation.
"Is there anything else I should know?"
Jacob gave a small nod as he pulled up a new image. This time it was a picture of various alien races and beings. Sometimes male, sometimes female.
"Yes, you are not its first avatar. In your universe there have been many before you. This power doesn't make you invincible, or immortal, it finds hosts that it's compatible with to do its job. And because of this there are one or two organizations out in the universe that are hostile to the Phoenix and all its avatars."
Jean felt a metaphorical headache coming on.
'Not only do I have to deal with becoming this things avatar, but it also already has enemies out there!'
When Jean combined the new knowledge that the Pheonix had destroyed planets in the past it was a no brainer that the Phoenix had some enemies, but damn was it not annoying.
Giving a small sigh, not really wanting to ask but having to, Jean bit the bullet.
"Any enemies that I should watch out for?"
Jacob gave a small cough before answering, bringing up two images. One of a Kree and another of a Shi'ar.
"The only two that come to mind are the Shi'ar Empire and Kree Empire, who will try to kill you on sight."
Jean raised one eyebrow in question.
"Empire?"
Jacob paused for a moment.
"Galactic empires, with multiple planets and civilizations under their rule. Basically, super powers of the greater universe."
Jean gave Jacob a blank look as she massaged her temple.
"Fuck!"
Venting her anger out through that one word she continued to massage her temple as she thought of the problems coming in her future, unless she could change it. In the end she didn't even want to know why these two empires wanted her dead, there was nothing she could do about it.
Looking at the three images in front of her, she memorized the look of both the Kree and the Shi'ar, before cursing in her mind multiple times on which ever previous avatar pissed off these super powers of the galaxy.
After mentally abusing the past hosts of the Phoenix in her mind and finally calming down Jean looked back towards the counselor trying to sum everything she had just learnt up.
"So, you're saying my life from now on will be going around the universe wiping out planets and bringing new life to them somehow?"
Jacob could tell from her tone she wasn't happy about the idea or methods that must be taken but did want to clarify for Jean's own benefit.
"No. Though the examples I gave you would most likely be your main job, you need to understand that the Phoenix is not always required, after it does its job, it can roam free for years before being required again."
The consolation wasn't the best, but to Jean it was something. Going from planet to planet for the rest of her life wasn't something she wanted to do. She would honestly rather die than have to do that infinitely. What Jacob said next only made her mood worse.
"Though being trapped in your body for so many years, who knows what has been left unchecked in that time. In the lull between what is required of you... well you would be able to do whatever you wanted."
Jacob almost instantly noticed that he messed up when he continued to speak. The look in Jeans eyes became dispirited and her hands gripped even tighter. Knowing that he messed up he quickly tried to bring a little levity to the conversation.
"You could go to many different planets, explore the universe, or even come back to earth to relax. I mean as far as job's go it doesn't sound too bad, no pay but the benefits are universal."
The joke was corny and not appreciated as Jean finally exploded on him, her arms slamming into the lounge.
"Could you please take this more seriously! I'm trying to grapple with the fact I am connected to a being that genocides planets and will have to live with it for the rest of my life! Along with enemies that will try to kill me on sight! And don't forget I can forget about ever living a normal life! SO could YOU PLEASE NOT JOKE AROUND!!!"
Jacob was taken aback by her outburst but said nothing and let her anger wash over him. He kept his face passive and calm to not agitate her any more than he already had. He could only take her chastise in the face as he had no excuse for his words.
In trying to lighten the situation he had miss-stepped, and he knew he needed to apologize. Which he did in a heartfelt manner because he knew he was in the wrong.
"I'm sorry, I find that humor and levity are sometimes better in such situations. Especially ones like yours, but I see that it was in this case, in bad taste."
Jean angrily stared at him for a few more seconds before finally the anger left her body. It might have been the influence of the chair, or she might have realized that the outburst came from a place of transferred anger.
Everything that had been laid onto her about the Phoenix had come to a tipping point and she needed to vent her feelings in that moment so she could come to terms with them herself.
The silence between the two lasted for a few minutes, Jacob waiting for Jean to speak first before they continued.
"I'm sorry, this is all just a bit too much."
Jacob shook his head at her apology.
"No, there is no need to apologize, this is all a bit much for one person to take in."
The silence that was cutting from a few moments before slowly turned comfortable as Jean thought through her emotions.
"What else would you like to know."
The silence was interrupted this time by Jacob. After the last outburst from Jean and the fact that he had messed up multiple times throughout this session, not being a professional counselor in the first place, he decided to change his approach for the rest of the session when possible.
Jacob was now aiming to answer any question that Jean had, he hoped that by answering her questions he wouldn't overload her with information and instead give her the information she wanted, making it easier for her.
Jean thought to herself for another few seconds before talking.
"So, from what you have said, the Phoenix doesn't seem that bad, though it will completely ruin my life's trajectory, I mean what's the point of me going to university if I won't even be able to use my degree, spending most of my time off planet..."
Jean was rambling a bit, but Jacob didn't interrupt her, she hadn't asked a concrete question yet.
"But... When does it appear? Why is it connected to me? Why is the voice in my head soooo..."
Jean wanted to say the word insane, but just trailed off in the end.
Jacob gave a nod at the questions Jean shot out tapping the tablet a few more times, once again accessing the [spoiler] function.
"Before I show this next part, I want you to remember that though it may be a possible future it's not a guarantee."
Jean gave a small nod at his words and truly wanted to believe that she could change her future as a new hologram appeared before her. Unlike all the others though this wasn't just an image or picture that seemed real.
No what appeared before them was a whole scene. Though they were sitting in a chair and a lounge respectively, the rest of the scene moved around them.
Jean couldn't see exactly where she was, the night was too dark for that. All she could tell was that they currently sat above some body of water, the waves churning as the night breeze zipped by.
Jeans' eyes sharpened as she took in the area around them, trying to figure out exactly where it was and what was happening. Suddenly on her right Cyclops himself surfaced from the water, spluttering for a few seconds. He looked older, about 25 years old.
He gasped for air as he broke the water, followed by a few of the other x-men, some Jean knew and others she didn't. Before she could think of anything else the scene continued.
"Cyclops! All of you look! Something is happening in the water!"
Scott turned in the water, his brow furrowed as he responded.
"Right over where the shuttle sank!"
Jean latched onto the word 'shuttle' and filed that away to question later.
"But... what?"
Scott's voice petered out and Jean's eyes widened in surprise and horror as her fears were confirmed. Water exploded in front of the x-men as Jean burst to the surface and began to float in the air, her hair splayed behind her, her outfit different than the one jean usually wore, a mix of green and gold.
Flames were flaking off her body as the image of the Phoenix that Jean saw before appeared behind her. Though it wasn't nearly as big it was unmistakable.
"Hear me x-men! No longer am I the woman you knew! I am fire and Life incarnate! Now and forever--"
Jean's voice was layered as if another, more powerful, voice was echoing behind her own, though it was still distinctly Jean's.
"I am Phoenix!"
The words lingered in the therapy room as the scene stilled in the iconic marvel comics panel.
Jean was quiet but stared intently at the image as Jacob began to explain from the side.
"This is the future where the Pheonix takes over your body and it will most likely happen within the next 6-9 years."
Jean's eyes furrowed at that omission.
"How do you know?"
Jacob replied quickly but amended his statement.
"It's not a fixed point in your universe but, generally speaking, the Pheonix incident usually happens when you are in your mid 20's and seeing as you are 17 now, it was an estimate. Though as you said I can't be sure. You are in a different universe than the one I just showed."
Jean gave a nod back to his words, her eyes still not leaving the image before. Jacob once more said nothing, deciding that it would be better to answer any question she has at this point in time instead of overwhelming her with information.
"What did Scott mean by, 'where the shuttle crashed'? Does that have something to do with the Pheonix?"
Jacob gave a small nod as he tapped the tablet. The scene shifted to show a different scene. A shuttle drifted in earth's atmosphere. Half of the cockpit was exposed to space, Jean sitting in the cockpit and piloting the shuttle while that back half was shut off.
"In the original event an accident happens when you and the x-men travel to space. The shuttle you are in needs to be piloted back to earth but the shielding is damaged, and radiation is flooding the cockpit..."
Jacob looked over to Jean and she looked back as he paused.
"YOU, volunteer to pilot the shuttle while the others are safe in the cabin. You get them back to earth but at a cost."
The scene shifts once more, this time back to the image of the Phoenix that is sitting above the star.
"The Pain from the radiation and re-entry to earth atmosphere are too much, even for one with your powers trying to keep it at bay. Your mental screams for help are heard and answered by the Pheonix, causing the scene you just saw."
Jean thought about Jacob's words for a few seconds, her mind working through the information... but there was something not right about what he said. She turned back towards him in question.
"Wait that doesn't make sense, you said the Pheonix was connected to me already and that the professor had locked it inside my mind."
Jacob gave a small smile, seeing that she noticed what he did there. Tapping the tablet a few more times. This time in front of them 3 different scenes were shown.
The first was a Charles Xavier alongside Magneto, talking to a couple with Jean sat between them.
The second was Jean herself, though a lot younger, probably 8-10 years old. She was gripping the hand of another girl around her own age.
The last was a scene Jean would never forget in her own life, she remembered the day she was sitting in the back of that old car, the day it flipped and she lost her parents. Though the memories were vague after so many years, she wouldn't forget the moments leading up to her having no more parents.
"As I said the original event happened in this way, but the multiverse is very real and there are multiple ways that you come into contact with the Pheonix."
Jacob pointed at the first image.
"In that universe the Pheonix was connected to you from what I can tell birth. This increased your telepathic abilities to tremendous levels and brought the attention of both Charles and Magneto at a young age. In this universe Charles suppressed the Pheonix in your mind or else your powers would have run out of control. This did not end well."
Jacob gestured to the second picture.
"This one follows the original event. When a young friend of your died from a car accident you tried to mentally keep her alive with your abilities. This touched upon the domain of death and the afterlife, drawing the attention of the Pheonix. Which then kept a close watch over you."
Tapping the tablet again the second picture turned back to the shuttle.
"When you mentally screamed for help in the shuttle, because the Pheonix was already paying attention, it quickly came to help you and, in the end, took over your body as you became it's avatar."
Jean was flabbergasted at the explanation of the 'original' timeline. She herself had never even considered the idea of trying to telepathically keep someone alive after death. It just didn't seem possible. But maybe that was because she had been taught by Chrales for so long and wasn't young anymore.
When you were a kid you didn't think anything was impossible, especially not when your best friend died.
"Finally in the last one, the Pheonix looking for a new host passes over earth and connects to you because of your compatibility, causing your powers to amplify and go out of control. This creates an accident killing your parents; the trauma of which Charles Xavier suppresses alongside the Pheonix. This leaves you volatile with any strenuous or life-threatening accident leaving the possibility for the Pheonix to emerge."
Jean froze at the last one. It was the closest one that matched her situation from what she could tell. Her parents had died in a car crash very similar to the one that was depicted and combining it with the other factors she was dealing with such as the voice in her head and her volatile emotions.... well it was the worst-case scenario.
"As I was saying, there are multiple ways that the Pheonix can be connected to you, not just these 3 shown. In your own case multiple factors could have even combined to create your own connection. What we do know is that Charles Xavier has suppressed the Pheonix in your mind, which is one of the worst-case scenarios. If it was still a separate entity it would be much better."
Having said that much Jacob once again waited for Jean to ask another question or say something. What he wasn't expecting was the small voice she spoke up with. It was vulnerable in a way that he hadn't heard all session and one that left him worried.
"My Parents died in a car crash... I …. I don't remember much of how it happened."
There was a quiver in Jeans voice and a suppressed hiccup. Jacob closed his eyes in sympathy as he recognized which backstory this Jean leaned towards. In his empathy and professionalism, he could only place a gentle hand on her shoulder in a show of support.
"Was it... it my fault they died?"
Jacob had no reply, in all likelihood, it probably was.
But he wouldn't... couldn't say that to her. Not to her face.
He could have possibly used the [Memory] function to find out conclusively, but that was a trauma that even he, with his near non-existent psychological experience, knew would only make matters worse if it was confirmed.
All he could say was....
"It's ok to cry."
With those words the flood gates opened and the hiccups that Jean was trying to suppress came out in full force. Though he hadn't said she had done it, his omission was more than enough. She had come to the same conclusion he had.
Jacob could only lend her a hand as she continued to cry.
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Notes: Ok so this wasn't the last Jean therapy chapter. But there is just so much to get through. I really would love to hear feedback on what people think about the length of this session.
Is it dragging on for you guys?
Or is the pace fine?
This one was getting rather long and though I wanted to get everything in it, the flow of the chapter just finished a lot better right here. I mean at least it's not a cliff. I mean it's not a cliff.... right....
As for the 3 different origins of the Pheonix, I can't say all the information is perfect, but they are close to the best way I could explain the differences in how the Pheonix is usually connected to Jean, in movies, tv and comics. Eg. From birth and suppressed (Original x-men trilogy); after Birth and suppressed (First class timeline, I think); and not connected until she calls for help (Comics). You can correct me on that, the only x-men film I haven't watch is Dark Pheonix, just never got around to it.
I was contemplating doing a whole scene with Jacob using the [memory] function to checks exactly how her parents died. But I think that will stretch things a little too long and not needed. Which is why I mentioned it but will not be going anywhere with it.
The person that I think will mainly get the [memory] treatment will have to be the Batman himself.
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After surgery Notes: I am currently recovering from surgery. There will not be another counselor chapter for at least a month. Zevren out!
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