Chương 44: Maybe I judged him correctly
The day was finally here. The day where I take part in something I didn't really care about. I was thinking I would probably hide away in the non functioning 3rd floor bathrooms and vape or something but I know once I get the opportunity I'll bail because I feel bad. It just came to mind that I didn't mention to Daniela I'm not joining her court and now it's gonna pain me just as much to see her disappointment on her face.
I looked good and I'm supposed to feel good but none of it fulfilled me. I just felt over everything. Remind me again why I'm doing this. Oh I am doing this because I couldn't say no to a pretty smile once again. I returned to my main account to post some pics of me and it wasn't surprising how many likes and comments flooded in after neglecting this account for 6 months. It definitely boosted my confidence enough for me to step out of my house.
I think I'm being judged for switching sides. It's not in my head I'm literally hearing it. I think people got so used to still associating me with Daniela that now it's weird to see me not in the same room with her. She's not even here yet and now it's freaking me out from the second look I'm receiving.
"Fuck." I whispered under my breath trying to hold back the urge to pass my hard through my hair. I think it's time to dip even though nothing has started yet. I crept out of the waiting room where I stood with the rest of the court and found my way to the 3rd floor. A few stragglers were led astray up here as no staff were positioned here so not just me but I'm the only one straying from a court.
"Oh don't mind me, I won't be long." Saintclair exhaled. This is weird. Being in the same room with a guy that could turn on me if I say the wrong thing. Maybe my anxiety was showing cause he was side eyeing me like I'm crazy. "I don't bite, maybe I bark but I don't care about you." He said with his eyes now trained on his phone. I thought this guy was the announcer today but instead he was hauled up in the bathrooms, juuling. He was dressed quite modestly and had on similar colors to the staff so I think he's still involved. I was hesitating a bit but I gained the courage to ask him.
"Aren't you the announcer?" He scoffed as he eyed me.
"Was, They told when I was done setting up that they didn't think it would be fit for me to be center stage. I get it. I'm one of the reasons the school is under scrutiny right now." His face shifted to looking pissed and now I'm uncomfortable again. "Aren't you supposed to be under Daniela's court? Why are you dressed in blue and silver and not Black and silver?" He snotted think of his own scenarios.
"I'm doing a favor for a friend."
"So you slept with her?"
"What?" I feel like an open book in a way. I feel like everyone has the same opinions and assumptions about me that are semi true. Is my life that filled with patterns that I didn't catch onto but everyone can see?
"Everyone knows you sleep with every girl you get close to. People joke it's like a hazing or sum." He once again snorts. "No judgment, I would do the same if I lived the same way but unfortunately I'm loyal." If you say so.
"I never slept with Lorel."
"And why is that?"
"She's like a sister. One we had a drunk kiss and that was it." I feel extremely judged and like my whole life was right out in the open.
"You know you two would be a great couple cuz you're really compatible." That made me scrunch my face in disgust. I never saw myself with Lorel and him saying that made my stomach do flips. Me and Lorel are way too similar. We think the same and act the same but being in a relationship with someone who could be your twin is weird in my opinion. "I'm just saying you're really similar is all." This is the first time in a long time I actually had a conversation with Saintclair that wasn't influenced by what I heard.
"Y'know I had a different perspective on you." We said in unison which was pretty surprising.
"I just heard a lot of things. I was just scared and I resented you for a long while." I tried to be as vague as possible and I wasn't one to drop names but some gears seemed to be turning in Saintclair's head.
"Uh, same impression. Can I ask you something?" He asked now, getting rid of his juul. I shrugged as an answer. "Who was it?" I mean I have no loyalty or respect for Aubrey now but I don't like the idea of sharing stuff from people I'm no longer friends with.
"Aubrey." It was as if something clicked for Saintclair like all his suspicions were validated. He clapped excitedly.
"Fuck, I knew it, that crazy ass motherfucker. What did he say because I could detail some stupid shit he said to make me doubt myself." He looked happier than me right now. "What was his goal? Do you know because now I have theories."
"Um, First he was the one who told me about you and Aaron then he started talking about your relationship dynamic then he said Aaron liked me and to stay away and some other stuff." Saintclair's hearty laugh ripped through the hollow space. I don't think he knows I know about the tapes or that I know the truth and their plans. I have to be really honest, I don't know what's going on. First there was a whole thing where the plan was to lie to my face and distract me to get to people around me but then there is a whole thing where the people involved are all sabotaging each other? I don't even know if this guy is laughing at me right now and not with me. It's what disgust me most right now. I can't trust a single person I thought I knew. For all I know he's recording this all now. The only person who knows I know is Mormon. I should just pretend like I had no idea what was going on.
"Do you know what he said about you? He said you were weak, he said you don't fight for anything and it's pretty easy to break you down and get to you and you're so desperate for human interaction you block out the worst parts about them because deep down we're all the same."
"Huh-" I choked on my spit as I whipped around to make eye contact with him. I hope my ears aren't playing games with me today because I wasn't hearing what I think I did.
"He said some other stuff that isn't important to mention right now but I'm guessing he told you stuff like I'm violent, I'm hateful you know stuff everybody already thinks but because we were so close you'd take it as a confirmation." I was always skeptical of what Aubrey was saying. He was never a reliable source but he made me question many things but now I wanna know what were those other things. "Oh you wanna know. I don't think I could do that right now. I just need to confirm something."
"What?"
"Oh you and I'll know when it happens." I don't get shit he's saying. Saintclair's smile twisted into his old crazy one as he checked his watch. "Hey it's showtime."
I walked backstage like I was in a trance. I'mm pissed now and I have no idea what he meant. It's always a bad idea to speak to him.
"Where the hell were you? You held up our introduction." Saleena's lady in waiting asked pulling me off to the side.
"I had an issue, I'm fine now." I smiled to give her some reassurance but I could tell this girl was never going to like me.
"Saleena Mendez!" Saleena pulled to stand next to her, giving me flashbacks of this weekend. The bright stage lights gave me vertigo as I pulled on a wide bright smile to the 'subjects'. I could see Lorel's face in the crowd at our designated table passing on an eye roll and a drawn out dramatic sigh. I think we are drawing in people to vote for her because people were looking not at me, I mean this isn't for me but they were looking at her and I didn't give her a second look since I first saw her this morning but I think I can't stop looking. Just like the crowd, my eyes focused on her.
"Are you okay?" She asked as she noticed my gaze.
"Oh I'm fine."
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