Chương 42: Uncalled instincts (1)
Ignis is so swift while raising my dress. Yet, he's slow.
He's giving me time to understand his intentions. And to change my mind.
But I won't. I've already decided. I will do this with him, and I will do it now.
At the thought, my heart flutters. My fingers tremble while releasing the sheet, and my legs quiver. My stomach muscles contract, and my face blushes.
The excitement of the first, sinful night of my life makes me sigh a couple of times.
After seeing no trace of any hesitation, Ignis returns to caress my skin and raise the dress. His tongue tickles my ear, and I startle, chuckling.
It's time. Finally, it's time!
I lift my arms while the dress flies on the bed. Ignis doesn't throw it on the floor, thankfully. It's not very clean in an inn.
The cloth around my breast reaches the gown soon, leaving me naked with only underwear. I resist the temptation to cover myself, and I grab Ignis's shirt.
It's only fair if he gets rid of his clothes as well, right? This isn't too forward, is it?
I pull, almost detaching a couple of buttons. Ignis snickers while complying and showing me his masculine build.
I run my fingers on his chest, wondering whether I should repeat what I did yesterday. In the end, I keep my instincts in check.
«Veronica,» Ignis whispers, noticing my absent-minded expression.
«Mhm?» I moan, wondering whether I'm that transparent. I hope he doesn't mind it, though. I just want to make him feel good...
«Look at me, Veronica. Not at the ceiling...»
I sigh and do as he wants. His eyes are shining in the dark, hit by the little light there is in the room. A few candles were left burning after finishing eating, and I was preparing to take them out in a moment or two.
But now, I somehow feel better with some light. I can see Ignis like this.
He smiles when our eyes meet, and my defences melt all at once. I lie back while he moves on top of me, settling in between my legs.
He first splits my thighs, gently and always paying attention to any kind of resistance. Then, he positions his knees in between and resumes kissing me.
I wait for a long time before returning to caress his shoulders and his back. I sigh while lifting my torso and pushing my breasts on his chest.
His fingers move down, caressing my hips too slowly.
I would like to lift my leg as I did before. But that would be too forward. What if Ignis dislikes an assertive wife? What if he backs away, displeased by my naughty nature?
In the end, I slowly lift my knee. I lean my thigh on his hip and wait.
His hand stops dancing on my stomach and lands on the leg. He guides my calf until I lock my leg on his hip.
So, can I do this?
I repeat the same with the other leg and moan when my core hits the bulge of his pants. Something deep inside me tells me to rub there, but I can't.
That'd be too much. Definitely.
But Ignis never showed any trace of annoyance when I did worse things. Oh, but this is different.
Am I allowed to look for pleasure? Is that what a wife does?
Oh, no. I shouldn't. I should be careful and keep it hidden. Wait for Ignis to decide when it's time.
«Veronica,» he whispers.
At the sound, my whole body jolts. My core pulses, and I pant in a futile battle against my desire.
In the end, I lose it.
While Ignis moves on my neck and his hand touches my breast, I dare to rub our intimate parts one against the other.
I wished to do this for so long. I wished to be touched there and to discover how it feels.
I sigh when his erected member presses against me. It means he likes it too, right? So, I can continue doing it...
Before I can really do anything, though, Ignis stops any action. His muscles stiffen, and he reaches back to my legs.
He makes me release him, and then he rolls off me.
I look at him in a daze. What... What is going on?
In the end, I messed up. I did something I wasn't supposed to.
«Veronica, I...» he starts. «I think we shouldn't...»
He rubs his forehead while getting up, grimacing as if experiencing great pain or disappointment.
I open my mouth to say I'm sorry, but I can't talk. My heart sinks into a bottomless abyss while my body starts shivering. This time, not of excitement.
I shouldn't have listened to my body. And now? Now I ruined everything.
How can I convince Ignis that I'm not a promiscuous woman? How can I tell him that this happens only with him?
Is this desire even healthy for a girl?
I swallow hard, trying to release the lump in my throat. It's so heavy that it prevents me from talking. From breathing, even.
Why am I like this?
I cover myself with the blanket, ashamed of my own instincts.
Meanwhile, Ignis wears his shirt and takes his sword. All without glancing at me even once.
I've ruined everything, I realise once again. A single tear flows on my cheek, and I dry it with the bedsheets.
What am I grieving for? It's my fault. I don't have any right to cry. I should just accept it, now.
It's late to remedy, isn't it? Or maybe, there's still hope.
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