Chương 9: First Snow

The nightmares were worse than usual tonight. He hadn't needed to ask for Lu Qinyi's company since that night, but the nightmares hadn't stopped either. He managed the nightmares as they came on his own. Sometimes he would sit up in the bed and hold the jade hairpin in his hands, running his fingers along its cool surface to give himself something to ground himself back in reality. But tonight he jerked awake, feeling like he couldn't breathe. There was a vivid, searing pain like he had been stabbed and his head pounded ruthlessly. He just couldn't settle down, his breaths refusing to calm down. He felt restlessly uneasy in his core, as if he were on the edge of danger. He felt on edge, as if someone who wanted to kill him were lurking in the dark, just beyond his vision. That pain like he was getting stabbed was steadily becoming unbearable. Memories or nightmare, he couldn't tell but even as time dripped by, the torment didn't lessen. Even running his thumb over the carved lines of the jade hairpin wouldn't slow the rapid beating of his heart.

When he finally had enough, he got up from the bed, silently leaving his room to walk to Lu Qinyi's. The guards at his door followed behind but they hadn't been instructed to stop him. Still, they remained by the door in Lu Qinyi's room, monitored closely as Fei Li nudged aside the screen to enter where Lu Qinyi was sleeping. Fei Li hesitated, Lu Qinyi laying sprawled on his bed before him, sleeping contently. Finally he made up his mind and quietly called out "Lu." Lu Qinyi woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in the bed. His gaze immediately fixed on where Fei Li stood in the dim moonlight pouring in from the window. "Lu Qinyi.." Fei Li said stumblingly, a bit unused to the name.

Once Lu Qinyi realized who it was, his panic died down and his shoulders slumped.

"General Fei. Did you need something?"

Fei Li shifted uneasily, turning to stare at the hazy blind that covered the window. Lu Qinyi stared at him for a moment, his mind still working slowly since he had only just woken up. "You... can't sleep?" He guessed, met with a small nod from Fei Li.

Lu Qinyi blinked back his sleepiness. "Ah... Alright," he responded, getting up from his bed and pulling on a soft robe. He yawned as he led Fei Li back to his room, giving the two guards a nod as he passed them. They silently saluted in response, returning to their positions. Lu Qinyi sat in the same spot as before, one leg crossed while the other dangled over the edge of the bed. He patted the bed next to him. As Fei Li crawled over to take his own spot, Lu Qinyi even pulled the blanket over him, tiredly but softly instructing, "Sleep."

Fei Li laid tensely for a few moments, everytime he closed his eyes he saw the glint of metal. But everytime he opened his eyes, he saw Lu Qinyi beside him, his head tilted back slightly to rest against the head of the bed, looking at Fei Li from the side with a gentle gaze. Slowly, that stifling feeling of danger that kept him anxious and on edge slipped away and his breathing came easier. His fingers found Lu Qinyi's robes again and as he gently gripped the fabric. The comfort of this action and the feeling that this person wouldn't let harm come to him easily overcame that anxiety that someone intended to kill him, that pain that felt like he was being stabbed. In the silence of the night, he could faintly hear the other's breathing. He focused on those steady sounds until even the pounding in his head eased, his mind finally letting him sleep.

He hadn't expected Lu Qinyi to still be there when he woke up. But when he opened his eyes, Lu Qinyi was there. He was in the same position as before only now his head was tilted to the side, his hair spilling loosely over his shoulder. It seems he himself had fallen asleep while waiting for Fei Li to sleep. To be fair, Fei Li had woken him up in the middle of the night. He remained asleep even as Fei Li sat up. Fei Li stared at him, at a loss for what to do. Should he wake him up? He actually felt the urge to kick this man off his bed. But there's a certain amount of danger associated with waking up a sleeping general. They might panic and act on instinct, throwing fists first and asking questions later so he resisted his initial instinct.

Just as Fei Li hesitated, Lu Qinyi woke up on his own, blearily opening his eyes. Upon seeing Fei Li, his eyes widened and he sat up, looking about the room. He quickly pieced together what had happened and rubbed at his neck embarrassedly. "I... uh... sorry?" Fei Li didn't have much to say to him, only looking away. "I'll uh.. go see to breakfast," Lu Qinyi hastily got up from the bed and left.

He nearly punched the two guards at the door on his way out with the infuriating smiles they wore. He knew they were silently teasing him for having fallen asleep in someone else's room. He shot them glares which prompted them to school their expressions, then he walked off in a huff. He could only pray those guards kept their mouths shut, if Zhao Mei and Yang Xun found out about this, he would never hear the end of it.

--- ~~~ ---

The weather was rapidly cooling, soon enough even when Fei Li tightly wrapped that cloak he had been given around himself, it still felt cold. Lu Qinyi understood that he wouldn't be accustomed to the biting cold that winter blew into the South so he held back his taunts and laughs. Which proved to be difficult when he looked at Fei Li huddled up with both the cloak and the blanket from his bed wrapped tightly around him. His hands peaked out from the bundle Fei Li had made himself to tightly hold onto his steaming cup of tea. With the temperature rapidly dropping, the days were now spent inside. Often Lu Qinyi had paperwork to do, reports to read and documents to approve, as provisions would soon be dished out and troops moved to best brave out the winter. So Lu Qinyi would sit lazily at his desk and Fei Li would keep him company. It seemed Fei Li was having an easier time reading and was over reading whatever nonsense book Lu Qinyi had handed him. He had grabbed one of the military books from the shelves, reading that instead. Lu Qinyi sat reclined in his seat, his eyes quickly skimming through the paper in his hand. His eyes lifted from the paper when Fei Li moved. It seemed he was cold as he shifted, burying himself further in his bundle and frowning slightly. He was a stark contrast to Lu Qinyi who had only started wearing a thicker robe when he received a threatening letter from his sister. Lu Qinyi wondered if he should ask for the room to be heated. It was rather early for that but it truly seemed Fei Li didn't have much tolerance for cold. As he thought that, he noticed something flutter by the window whose blind was currently up. His lips lifted slightly in a smile and he put the paper down. "General Fei, come for a walk with me."

Fei Li looked at him like he was crazy, pulling the blanket around him tighter. Lu Qinyi was set on this idea however, fetching one of his own thick winter cloaks to drape over Fei Li instead of that blanket. Unlike the cloak Fei Li currently owned, this one was lined and much thicker, with fur lining the collar. It was clearly made to handle the snowy and storming winters of the South.

Since Lu Qinyi was insistent on this awful idea, Fei Li had no choice but to leave the warmth of the room for the chilling cold air outside. Just as he stepped out, he saw something white pass his vision. His gaze followed it as it landed on the ground by his feet. He stared without understanding at this small bit of white... fluff? But then it melted away and it occurred to him what it was. He looked up toward the sky and sure enough, snow was starting to gently fall down. He took a few steps into the courtyard to stand amongst the lazily falling fluffs of snow. He held a hand out, delicate snowflakes landing on his palm, quickly melting from the heat of his body.

He let out a breath, a white cloud of condensation forming in the cold air. It only snowed in the South or close to the border between the North and the South, so he had only seen snow a handful of times. Lu Qinyi had figured this would be the case so he dragged him out to experience the first snow of the year. He leaned back against the wall, arms folded as he watched Fei Li with some amusement. Fei Li stayed like that for a while, staring at the snowflakes that landed in his hand. So long that by the time he came back in, he had snow clinging to his hair.

Lu Qinyi had a bowl of warm soup prepared for him, handing him a towel to wipe the snow away. Even after coming back in, Fei Li's eyes were glued to the gently falling snow beyond the window. "I always find that the first snow is the prettiest. It's much less fun when it piles up and turns the mornings bitterly cold." Lu Qinyi commented idly, pouring tea for the two of them. He mixed honey in to sweeten Fei Li's, testing it before handing it over. He then sipped at his own tea.

"It is pretty." Fei Li mumbled. Pausing to sip his tea before adding, "And cold."

That earned a chuckle from Lu Qinyi, who also stared out the window, corner of his lips turned up. He rather liked how peaceful this moment felt. He hummed before taking a small box out of his sleeve, tossing it to Fei Li. Fei Li caught it in the air with one hand, turning it with his fingers as he examined it. He gave Lu Qinyi a questioning look. "Present. You'll have to excuse me, I don't really know when your birthday is," he said casually, shrugging a shoulder as he sat back in the picture of leisure. It seems Fei Li's feeling was correct. Him and Lu Qinyi didn't really know each other.

Fei Li placed down his tea cup, fiddling with the box before he opened it. In it sat a singular earring. From the hook of gold dangled a gem that looked close in appearance to polished amber. It was a deep golden colour tinged with red, in a smooth teardrop shape. Fei Li certainly couldn't knock Lu Qinyi's taste. Unlike the excessive earrings the nobles and courtesans fancied, this earring was simple but elegant and refined. He thought for a moment before deciding to accept the gift. Afterall, Lu Qinyi had only ever been kind to him, he had no reason to reject it.

"Do you like it?"

Fei Li looked up from the earring at that question. Lu Qinyi had sat forward, looking at him eagerly. He gave a small nod and Lu Qinyi smiled further, something unknown lingering behind it.

"Oh good, I wasn't sure it would be to your tastes. Let me fit it then." Fei Li didn't really care so he tossed Lu Qinyi the box. Lu Qinyi shuffled over, tucking a lock of hair that dangled loosely by Fei Li's face to sit behind his ear. Fei Li felt his ear tingle slightly but he merely tilted his head to the side so Lu Qinyi could slip the earring on. Once Lu Qinyi pinched the hook so the earring was secured and wouldn't slip off easily, he shifted back again, giving the earring a look. He then nodded in approval. "Mm, looks good."

Fei Li was no longer used to the weight at his ear, even though this earring was remarkably light. He lightly touched the gem with his fingertip, slightly surprised that it was warm to the touch. After that, Lu Qinyi returned to reading over his papers without another word. Fei Li picked up his book to continue reading. The earring wasn't mentioned again after that.