Chương 61: Chapter 61
Upon returning to UA I had hoped to return to my room but had a feeling things wouldn't go as planned. So I'm not very surprised when Midnight and Kuma don't let me return to the dorms and instead lead me back into the school building and into Nezu's office, where I'm made to sit down in the surprisingly soft chair next to a despondent Aoyama. He's like a sad puppy with the way his head is bowed in guilt and shame. And Nezu, the small and unassuming creature that he is, begins to address the both of us once Midnight and Kuma have left after revealing what had happened at the station.
"It seems it was not meant to be" he had said in response to their report as he nursed a cup of tea.
Next to me, Aoyama refuses to meet my eyes and tenses when I look at him. His thoughts are self-deprecating and his emotions match such thoughts. He believes he should be punished for what he did and views himself as a pathetic person who could never be a hero or of any use.
While I'm not surprised by those thoughts, it's not a pleasant feeling, especially since I'm sitting right next to him.
"Aoyama has shed more light upon his situation," Nezu says with a look the boy's way. "It is not something he can escape from as easily, just like you had said"
"But we'll help him," I say, questioningly. "Yes?"
"Of course" Nezu nods and Aoyama shifts, his thoughts a never-ending list of terrible things. "I understand that you are not a bad person Aoyama. You just find yourself in a rather unfortunate situation due to the dealings of your parents"
Truly, he's a victim in it all.
There's also another concern that hasn't come to me until I'm staring at Aoyama and thinking of anything and everything we can do to help him get out of All for One's clutches. The terrible thing is that he has been in his grasp since the very moment his parents approached the villain. All For One doesn't do these things out of the kindness of his heart. Everything he does is for himself, everyone he "helps" are initially pawns in the grand scheme of things.
If they're no longer useful, he will dispose of them. Much like he attempted to do with Lady Nagant.
What happened to her could surely happen to Aoyama as well. All For One has a plan for everything, so while he holds Aoyama's parents' life in his hands, he may have also altered Aoyama's quirk or something. I'm not sure what he did to cause Lady Nagant to explode from the inside, but I'm sure it is related to the quirk he gave her.
There's the fact that they did perform the needed examinations on him after he had been revealed to be the traitor, but as I've seen multiple times already, I cannot trust things to work out the way I'm familiar with. There's no telling if things are different here and that's not a risk I'm willing to take now, or ever.
And this is not something I can point-blank reveal to Nezu without him asking the questions no one should be asking me.
How do I bring this up?
I could suggest an examination with the very plausible concern that All for One may have done more than simply given Aoyama a quirk. It wouldn't be hard to believe that he did something that's a failsafe for when he no longer needs Aoyama. But, should I bring this up now, or when I'm alone with the Nezu. Aoyama already has to worry about his parents, he won't fare very well if he has to fear for his life as well.
But wouldn't it be better if he knew? Ignorance is bliss and all, but how blissful is that ignorance when he's dead?
"We should have Aoyama thoroughly examined" I suggest, minutely glancing at Aoyama, who for the first time dares look at me. "There's no telling what else All For One may have put in his body. There could be something dangerous that triggers when All For One decides he no longer needs him"
As I had expected there is the sudden surge of fear that bubbles and transfers over to me in a slimy and unpleasant wave of anxiety. The feeling is forced away as soon as it registers and I shiver with a chill. I truly do not like the feeling of fear.
Nezu hums, "Yes, that is wise. You're very insightful, Fox"
"Thank you, sir" I wonder how insightful I would be if I didn't have future knowledge.
"I won't be punished"
Aoyama's knuckles are white where he grips the fabric of his pants. He had been on the verge of tears for who knows how long and now, filled with guilt, sorrow, hope, and a plethora of emotions, whatever had been holding those tears breaks and it's a flood of tears going down his face and falling onto his gripped hands.
"Hmm, no" Nezu responds, ever the unbothered and calm creature. "If anyone had been harmed or killed during the USJ incident, then you would have to face some serious repercussions. Since Fox took it upon herself to make sure everyone came out unharmed, you're not in the hole you could have been had things went differently. Not to mention you're merely a victim in it all and in grave danger as we speak"
He should be punished; that's what he believes. So riddled with guilt and self-deprecating thoughts, it's hard for him to believe he's worth the trouble.
It's not a good feeling.
"You are allowed to attend classes normally, nothing will change" Nezu begins to explain. "But you must tell us when you are contacted again so we know how to proceed further. For their safety, you will not relay any of this to your parents. If you do not believe you can do such a thing, I'll have Fox make sure of it for you. We will not take any risks"
It shouldn't be too hard to make sure he keeps this from his parents, but it's not something I'm willing to do unless absolutely necessary.
It might be necessary
"If I fail, they'll be killed. If I lie they'll be killed. If I betray him, they'll be killed"
His despair is painful.
Nezu raises a brow when I stand up, not showing any sort of emotion on his animal face.
I'm in no way apathetic, in fact, I know it's the opposite. It's hard not to be empathetic when that is literally the quirk I was given. Whether I like it or not, everything everyone feels is felt through me as well, and sometimes I truly can't stand to be around the source of said emotions. It's sickening in a painful way that I could never stomach for too long no matter how quickly my mind works to right everything. There's an urge to hold him, take his hand, anything to make him feel better. It's a terrible thing fighting between that urge and the need to get away from him. Another thing I never liked about this ability. It's incredibly useful, but sometimes it's a bit much.
Even standing in the corner of the room does little to rid me of the feeling.
"The solution is simple," I say with a deep breath and rummage through my pockets for my gear. I would like this terrible feeling of sickness to be gone. "You will not lie. You will not say a word of what he has told you. You will not fail" as I say this, Nezu adopts something that can be a smile. "You haven't revealed anything about him, have you?"
He shakes his head no. Of course, how could he reveal anything when he barely knows anything?
"Keep it that way. You will not open your mouth to speak a single word"
The second my gear sits comfortably in my ear, everything is quiet, the terrible feeling is gone, and the heavy feelings of guilt and despair float off with no trace.
All it leaves is sympathy.
I sigh.
He looks at me, everything is written across his face. I muster a confident smile, anything to give him even just a sliver of hope.
"You don't have to say anything, don't worry. I'll always hear you"
~~~~~~~~
"You're afraid of him"
Of course he is, why would I need to ask that? All these years, All for One has instilled nothing but terror into his very being. The fear he feels for this man is strong enough to overpower everything and that knowledge and realization ma y terrify him just as much. His emotions may still be as suffocating as they were in Nezu's office. I don't need my quirk to know this. It's something to be seen in his person. The way he curls in on himself, trying to make himself look small. The sheer misery and pain painted on his face and the tears that just don't stop. He's nothing like the sparkling boy he had attempted to be some days ago.
"I'll never be able to twinkle like you" his words are quiet, barely heard whispers that sound as brittle as he appears to be. He's so out of place in his room, surrounded by mirrors that reflect his current broken state. "Why aren't you mad at me? Why are you trying to help? I'm nothing but scum, a villain, a pawn"
I've never been good at comforting people and this may be the worst situation I've put myself in. But I couldn't leave him and let him wallow in self-hatred and anxiety before he's taken to be tested and probed by some doctors and scientists.
"You're not a bad person, Yuga"
"But I am!" He cries "If he appeared before me right now, I'd do it again. I would do anything he says" he trails off into stillness, his hands tugging on already disheveled hair in his panic. "I'm terrified. I just-"
He continues in sobs and mutters against my shoulder, spilling everything and anything he feels in this moment. It's hopeless. It's like a fly in a spider's web just waiting for its inevitable end. There's no way out. There's no hope for anyone who gets caught. There's nothing he can do. Things would have been better had he not been born. His parents would have lived a better, happier life without having to worry about him.
"I just want to go somewhere and die"
It sounds like defeat and I don't say anything in turn. There's not much I can relate to anymore in this reality. The want to die, however, is a feeling I can vaguely recall from the last life. I was not unfortunate in that life. I wasn't as fortunate either. Sometimes I felt worthless and better off dead. Then I would feel even worse because there is no reason for such feelings. I had not gone through anything traumatizing, nothing in my life was as hard as it could have been. I had no right to feel that way.
So in the end, I still cannot relate, can I? I know what it feels like to want to die, but unlike Yuga, my life had never been as miserable.
"It seems hopeless, doesn't it?" it truly does. Is there anything I can even do about it? "Maybe it is, but that doesn't mean you should give up and wait to be killed. You've got to fight, Yuga. Even if you can't even muster up the strength, courage, or motivation, you must fight. It's the only way to even dream of a better future. A future where you're no longer under his influence, where your parents are free and happy, a future where you can be a hero and protect"
It's a wishful dream, even for me. The things that happen in the future are destructive and the lives lost are uncountable. Many heroes lost their lives fighting All for One and many innocents were caught up in the battle between good and evil. It's not something I ever wanted to truly experience, but here I am. I've placed myself right in the middle of it and here I am interfering and changing things.
Things can go horribly wrong.
But there is always the chance that things change for the better. I know things. And while certain factors have changed and situations avoided, that knowledge can and likely will mean the difference between life and death.
Worst of all is the fact that these people that had once been nothing but characters in a story are now my friends. No, I think the worst thing is knowing my family will also be dragged into this. It's unavoidable. Mom and Dad could be sent over to help - no they likely will come to help because of me - Morgan will have to be out on the battlefield as a hero of Japan and Alissa and Israel will be pulled into this chaos as well.
Sighing I take in the head of yellow that rests on my shoulder. He hasn't said much of anything anymore and has gone still enough that I could assume him asleep. His light sniffles and tight grip on me say otherwise.
I really can't be going down a rabbit hole of my thoughts when I'm meant to make sure Yuga doesn't suffer on his own.
"One day I'm sure you'll twinkle as brightly as the stars"
I believe he deserves that much
~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure what time it is when Yuga is taken to be examined, and I'm not sure I care enough to find out. It might be evening already seeing as I've been up and about for hours already. Exhaustion clings to me in every way it knows how and sleep feels like the greatest thing now. Too much has happened in one day and while my thoughts may still be just as concerning tomorrow, I would really like this day to end.
On my way back to my room I almost walk into Tsuyu, who I had not seen until it was almost too late. I would joke about her size being the cause of this, but I believe I was just distracted. She stumbles a bit when we almost run into each other, but other than that, she looked unbothered.
Just the sight of her makes me feel a bit better. Tsuyu is oddly therapeutic. And she's cute. Cuteness is known to make people feel better, isn't it?
When she looks at me it's with that vacant stare I've gotten used to. It would be unsettling did I not know her and understand the type of person she is.
"Kitsune," she says in that odd voice of hers. It's not something I can explain, but it's not something that bothers me either. I can't imagine her with a "normal" voice, as the way she speaks quite suits her. "I'm glad you're alright. Kit had told me that you were fine, but I couldn't find you in your room today"
Ah, for some reason it's a great feeling to know she was so concerned about me. The fact that she refers to Alissa as Kit is something I file away for later.
"Yeah I'm fine, I just needed some sleep" and I need some right now. "I was gone for most of the day because Nezu had something for me to do and I'm only now returning to my room"
Like she's sometimes prone to, she stares at me as if she can see everything and understand everything. It's the same sort of stare Mina would sometimes have, which always made me feel self-conscious because I knew she would find something.
Tsuyu is much the same apparently.
"Is something bothering you?" she asks, but the way she says it tells me that she's certain of the answer without my input.
Of course. This is Tsuyu.
I sigh. I've been doing that a lot, "yeah"
"Would you like to talk?" She offers
Would I? Talking is always the right answer to these things. I'd been planning on removing my gear to let my quirk chase away all these emotions and just let me be in a state of calm with these concerns and feelings pushed to the back of my head and dampened until I decide to return to them.
I realize that that's not very healthy.
"Yeah"
Well, we had agreed to talk, but very little of that happens once we get to her room. I'm offered some chocolate pudding she had retrieved from the kitchen and we sat in companionable silence for who knows how long. Her presence is just oddly soothing and simply spending time with her proves to be enough to siphon out some of my concerns.
"We were supposed to talk," she says, breaking the silence. "But this seems to work"
"It does"
Silence again.
Tsuyu's room is very "Tsuyu" and I'm glad I get to see it. I theorized that she would be very good with plants and I may have been right because she has multiple potted plants scattered across her room and they all seem happy and healthy. I'm not terrible with plants, but I'm not good either, so I can admire her green thumb.
The one thing about her room that gives me pure serotonin is the lily pad blanket. It's the first thing I noticed and it's the greatest thing I've seen today.
"Will you tease me about the blanket?"
I'm not surprised she picked up on my amusement. There's not much a person can hide from Tsuyu of all people.
"No," I say, but she doesn't seem very convinced. "I won't, I just think it's the greatest thing ever"
"That's what Kit said," Tsuyu says with a look at her blanket. "Because I'm a frog mutant"
"Yeah, it's adorable"
Tsuyu's entire existence is just pleasing, I adore her.
I may have embarrassed her though, because she colors pink and sits in silence for the passing minutes. I suppose she's not used to being referred to as "cute" and "adorable" since she wasn't very liked in middle school. I understand how people would be a bit freaked out by mutants and I get that it takes some getting used to. But how can a person dislike Tsuyu of all people?
"Would you be offended if I got you a frog?" I ask when the thought suddenly strikes me and she replies with her well-known "ribbit"
"You want to get me a frog?"
"Yes"
She stares at me.
"I feel like this will make you happier than it will make me," She says with that blank expression on her face. "And how will you get a frog?"
"My cousin has a lot of animals, frogs included, I can get you one" the variety of pets is endless. "I'll get you everything you need to take care of one"
For a moment she seems thoughtful. In the next, she's searching for something on her phone and sidles closer to show me a picture of a familiar frog.
"White's tree frog" I point out, to which she nods. "We have plenty of those, they're a lot of fun"
Sometimes they scare the hell out of me because they randomly appear in my bathroom if they manage to escape their habitat.
Other than that they're harmless.
"Do you think you can get me two tadpoles?"
"Certainly" I'd get her a hundred if she asked.
No, I would not. That would not work out well.
"Okay," she nods, satisfied. "I'll name one of them Gerald"
Gerald? Why Gerald? That's so random and very much unexpected.
"Why Gerald?"
Tsuyu doesn't answer the question for a moment. She's staring at the picture of the White's Tree Frog with those vacant eyes.
"They look like Geralds," she says, referring to the species as a whole.
Okay, I won't question it further.
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