Chương 36: The truth
I take a deep breath knowing there's no going back from what I was about to do.
I'm about to let someone see me. The real me. The dark, broken me. The me I've kept hidden from everyone for over ten years.
He places his hand on mine and gently squeezes it, giving me a reassuring smile.
"We were supposed to have dinner at home that night, but I insisted we go out. My dad tried to persuade me to eat my mom's food," I pause, my voice breaking down at each word. "But I insisted."
"They agreed. We got on the way and I was happy." I chuckle as I wipe a tear that escaped. "I didn't know that was the last time I'd be happy. On the way, as I was told, a driver was so drunk, he had lost control of his car, then collided with ours. Our car went over so many times."
"When the ambulance came, they safely brought me out. But my parents-" I hesitate, my voice just below a whisper cracks as I remember that night clearly.
"Heyy." Nick squeezes my hand and pats my hair. "It's okay. You don't have to say it." He says but I shake my head.
"I want to. I have to." He nods and I take a deep breath. "I was safely taken out, but before they could get my parents out, the car caught on fire engulfing my parents." He squeezes my hand again.
"You must have gone through a lot." He gives me a small smile. "A whole lot." He whispers. "You blamed yourself didn't you?"
"Yes." I wipe another tear. "It was my fault."
"Of course." He agrees. "That's the best way you can deal with the pain. Put the blame on yourself." He pauses. "But what you don't know is that you're slowly killing yourself because of it. It's slowly messing with your mind, and I'm sure it tortures you every night."
I nod. "It does." I choke on my tears.
"Spitfire," He rubs my hand gently. "I'm not going to say it isn't your fault even though we both know it isn't, but think about the other driver who got drunk, he's the asshole. The fucker."
I sniff and look at him. "But I brought my parents out that night." I argue.
"Yeah you did." He agrees. "But you can't blame yourself over that. You were just a little kid who wanted to eat out." He tries to reason with me. "But if you hadn't gotten your parents out night, that fucker could had still killed somebody." He moves closer.
"Spitfire," He begins. "It was that fucker that killed your parents, not you okay?"
"But-"
"Okay?" He asks again more firmly and I nod. "I want that to sink into your mind. I want you to repeat that every night. That fucker killed your parents."
I nod. "Okay." I wipe my tears. "Fine."
"Good." He smiles. "So that's why you live with your aunt?" He asks.
"Unfortunately."
"What?" He looked confused and I give a small laugh.
"Let's just say my life became hell after that."
"Raven-"
"After my parents death, I was brought to my aunt's house." I interrupted him and continued. "At first it was nice. My parents just died so they were loving towards me. But a few years later, things started to change." I pause.
"Change in what way?" Nick asks.
"Somehow, Lisa got into aunt Mary's head, and I was deduced to a servant."
"What?" He frowns.
"My sleeping arrangement was changed, my eating was cut off, and sometimes, I was used as a punching bag."
"A what?" I could feel his anger building up.
"My aunt physically abused me. It was worse if she had a bad day at work or if Lisa told lies about me just so she could see me get hurt." I give out a short, forced laugh. "And she did that a lot."
I look at him to see his expression is indifferent. Deep down I knew he was fuming.
"Last night we had a huge fight and she threw my aunt's favorite vase at me. Thankfully I ducked, but she made it clear she'd put the blame on me." I give a short laugh. "I would've replaced it, but I'm really short on cash." I sigh and I look at Nick.
I give a small smile. "Isn't my life just great?"
"Raven." He sighs.
"I remember sometime ago," I continue. "I went to visit my parents in the graveyard, I slept forgetting the time. Later when I got home, boy was I dealt with." I chuckle. "Another time, I ran from home. Then it rained that day. I wanted to end my life. I remember. But then I left my parents side, and an old man approached me."
"I don't remember much, but I remembered waking up in an hospital. This hospital to be exact." I look around my gloomy room.
"I was so scared my aunt would kill me for staying out over the weekend. I met Lisa home and that was worse. She stirred up the story and I got the beating of my life when aunt Mary got back."
"You went through all that?" He asks in a whisper.
"I won't say I'm used to it already but yeah, I did."
"Raven." He calls my name and I give him a tight lipped smile, wiping my tears away.
"This takes me back to a time when I bumped into a guy by the supermarket." I chuckle. "He saved me that day."
"How so?"
"The groceries spilled. I was so scared that day. I didn't have any money on me and I couldn't go home empty handed. I was really scared."
He mutters something but I didn't hear so I continued.
"But then he gave me his money. I didn't ask, he just did. The relief I felt that day was immeasurable."
"I didn't know it was that meaningful." He states.
"What was?"
"The money he gave you."
"It was. I was thankful. I even had extra money for bus fare. Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever see him again." I sigh. "I might have seen him though, but just didn't recognize him."
"You might." He agrees.
"Yeah." I mutter and everywhere goes silent.
"I'm sorry." He says suddenly after a while.
"What for?"
"Not knowing you were going through this."
"It's fine. It isn't your fault anyway."
"Thank you." He says again.
I chuckle. "What now?"
"For telling me. I know it must've been hard, and I appreciate you for letting me in."
"It seemed like what I needed." I pause. "It was getting too much. I needed someone in."
"Chloe doesn't know?"
"She knows about my parents accident, but not my aunt."
"Are you going to tell her?"
"Not yet." I sigh. "She's on another level."
"She is." He pauses. "Listen, can't you come stay at ours?" He asks.
"I can't."
"Why? You staying there is clearly dangerous-"
"It's fine. Besides, I was put under her watch. I don't want to cause trouble."
"It's your life we're talking about here."
"It's fine Nick."
"Where was your uncle when all these were happening?"
"He's mostly not always around." I lie. Uncle Mark knows truly well what aunt Mary does to me. "And if he's around,"
He rapes me.
I gulp. "Aunt Mary isn't."
Again, silence falls in the room. Neither of us said anything as we were both in our own thoughts.
I wanted to know deep down what Nick was thinking. I wanted to know if he thought differently of me now that he knew my secret.
Well, most of it actually.
The door opens suddenly and we both turn to it.
"Ohmygod Raven!" She shouts. "What happened?!!"
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