Chương 35: My spitfire
Have you ever had this feeling where your mind is awake, you're awake but your body isn't?
You're aware of all your surroundings, but can't move to acknowledge them?
Yeah, that's how I was right now.
I couldn't move but I was very much awake.
"Yeah, she's fine. Just something minor...the doctor said... yeah. Of course. I don't want her to....."
I couldn't hear what the person was saying. I'd hear a part, then I can't hear the other.
"She's asleep right now."
I hear footsteps receding, then I hear a door open, and after a second, it closes. Then the room is quiet.
I could hear the beeping sound of a machine beside me that sounded familiar.
Slowly but carefully, my body begins to be at alert.
I could move my hands a little, and I slowly opened my eyes.
Everywhere was blurry at first, until I blinked several times. Then it became clearer.
At first, I was staring at the ceiling, then I looked at the machine that was beeping and it was right beside me.
How the fudge did I end up in a hospital?!
I try to sit up, but I felt beyond exhausted.
The door opens again and I see a nurse walk in.
"Hey honey! I see you are awake." Says this overly happy familiar voice.
She closes the door gently and walks to my side.
"It's nice to see you again." She smiles at me.
She presses a button by my bed and it starts to rise up.
"Let's get you comfy." She brings the bed up to an almost sitting position.
She walks to the foot of the bed and bring out a clipboard.
"I hope you won't try to get away this time." She mutters as she reads through it.
"I-" I begin but I was interrupted.
"Do you know how much your boyfriend was worried?" She looks at me.
"I-" I try to correct her but again I was interrupted.
But this time it was but the door opening.
I look at the door and I blink several times trying to see if I was hallucinating.
"Speak of the devil." The nurse smiles at him.
Speak of the what?
Nicholas walks in, looks at me and then at the nurse.
"How's she?" He asks the nurse.
I couldn't stop looking at Nick. How the heck did he know I was here?!
"Nothing serious. Just dehydration, stress, fatigue, and the likes." She smiles then looks at me.
"When was the last time you ate honey?"
I look at her, then to Nick.
"Um like two days ago?"
"You didn't eat yesterday?" Nick asks me and I shake my head.
"How are you feeling now?" The nurse asks again.
"A little drowsy, weak." and hungry.
But I couldn't say that in front of Nick. That'd be embarrassing.
"You aren't hungry?" She asks
"No." I was starving.
"Huh. Those drugs should be working by now." She blinks. "Well they would anytime soon." She drops the clipboard back to the foot of the bed.
"Well that should be all. If you need me, I'll be down the hall." She smiles and walks away leaving me alone with Nick.
At first, no words was said and it was starting to get awkward for me.
"What happened?" He asks suddenly.
"Hmm?" I look at him with a questioning gaze.
"I came to your house to find you lying on the floor. What the hell happened?" He asks again.
So that's how I got here.
I look down at the sheets as I remember my fight with Lisa.
"Raven." He calls hoarsely and I look at him. "I was worried about you." He continues. "Seeing you on the floor lying there, not moving, not knowing how long you were there for, really scared the shit out of me."
"I'm sorry for worrying you." I mutter, already on the verge of tears.
"It's alright."
"I'm really sorry." I sniff. "I didn't mean to be a burden." I could feel the tears starting to fall.
"Hey, hey, hey." He holds my hand. "You're not a burden okay. Nobody thinks you're a burden." He says
After the dam broke, I couldn't stop crying.
"Heyyyy." He stands from the chair and sits on the bed beside me.
He pulls me to him and he holds me.
"I'm really sorry." I say between tears.
This is the first time I've ever cried in front of someone other than Lisa and my aunt.
I always kept it in. Always did the crying when I was alone. I always didn't want anyone to see me like this.
But here I am, brawling in front of the guy I just met over a month ago.
"It's alright. We all need moments where we need to let it out.
Well I've been holding it in for over ten years now. It's hasn't been easy but I couldn't hold it in anymore. It's just too much. I was tired of it all.
Sometimes, I wished all what that's happening to me would be transferred to someone else. I wish all my pains would be someone else's. Sometimes, I wish I could just die.
"There there." He pats my shoulder. My head is on his shoulder and his shirt, already ruined with my tears.
I pull myself up after a while already feeling embarrassed but he just gives me a small smile.
"You alright now?"
"I'm better." I mutter.
"Good. Wanna go back to sleep?" He asks and I shake my head.
"Aren't you going to ask why I was crying?" I ask him but he just smiles.
"I do want to know what made you cry, but it's actually up to you if you want to tell me. I mean, it's your battle, but I'd like it if you rather I fight it for you."
I just stare at him without saying a word.
"Or with you." He states. "I hate seeing you like this. It pains me. I miss the Raven that would spit at me for trying to help her." He adds with a smile. "And I'll do anything for her just so I can see her again."
I don't why, but what he said made me emotional once more.
Here's someone who's willing to take over my battles for me. Someone who I never thought existed. Someone who would willing take my pains just so I can be alright.
I sniff. "Why are you like this to me?"
He chuckles. "I don't know. I just want to see your lively spirit again. You're like a spitfire. My spitfire."
Someone actually wants to see me happy and not in pain.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to let someone in. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to let someone else see my scars and weaknesses. Maybe it'd actually help. Maybe it's just what I need.
A shoulder to lean on.
"My parents died when I was seven." I begin.
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