Chương 24: Chapter 24
ALESSIA
Since the incident on the front porch, I've been in deep thought about Jaxson. Even though we haven't spoken, what just happened today had me in my feelings. I kept replaying it in my head. Sitting on the couch while Alena laid next to me watching cartoons, Jessica and Emily came and sat down.
"Wanna share what your thinking about? Jess asked. I told them what happened. I also told them how great things were going with Micah but there is something Jaxson has that Micah doesn't. "Look, if you really feel this strong about Jaxson, tell him. Fight for him. He thinks he's doing the right thing but he's not. He won't listen to anyone, maybe he will with you." Emily said while Jessica agreed.
They looked at each other and there was this weird look they shared. It's like they knew something I didn't. Are they keeping a secret for me? Maybe I'm just reading into it too much. I feel like I'm paranoid and going crazy.
Soon Thomas came and laid with Alena. We all sat around until Jake came storming in. He sat next to Emily but didn't say a word. Seconds later, the door opened again and Jaxson walked in covered in blood. He had a wound on his shoulder. I wanted to run to him but Emily and Jessica did instead. They were asking him all kinds of questions but he just stared at me.
When he asked me to go to his office. I couldn't say no. I wanted to know what happened to him. I sat there for a minute while everyone just looked at me except for Jake. He just looked at the floor. What the hell is going on?
I got up and went to see Jaxson. He came out the bathroom cleaned up and his wound covered. I was relieved because it made me sick to look at. I've never been one to not be able to be around blood, it never bothered me but today it made me nauseous.
He told me that him and Micah got into a fight. As he told me what Micah said about me, I was irritated. He shouldn't have said that. I can see why Jaxson got angry. I know they hated each other but I never thought about Micah using me to get to Jaxson. Was he or was this some make macho stuff or bragging rights? I don't know.
When he kissed me and told me he loved me, I was ready to tell him I loved him too but he reminded me of the baby and Becca. I'm scared if I put it all out there and he still chooses her, will he break me? I couldn't say it. Then telling me to stay away from Micah. Oh that pissed me off. So basically telling me I can't think for myself. That I'm too blind to see if someone is using me. I was furious. I yelled at him and stormed out.
I ran upstairs to my room. Throwing myself on the bed and cried. I cried till I couldn't cry anymore. I'm looking up and the ceiling. This is just a mess.
My phone beeps and I have a message from Micah.
M- hey sweetheart, I know you probably know what happened and I'm sorry. I let him get to me. I was jealous and I said things that were out of line.
A- yeah I heard what happened. I was pissed. You were wrong but I'm trying to understand
M- please let me make it up to you. Can you meet me tonight? I'll cook you dinner.
A- maybe...I'll let you know. I gotta go right now. Mom stuff
I lied. I just wasn't in the mood for talking. I'm still not sure how I feel about this but I need to figure it out. If Micah is trying to use me to hurt Jaxson and really doesn't have feelings for me then I need to be careful. I'm not the nieve little girl they think I am. I need to go talk to my girls about this.
All of a sudden, I run to the bathroom. I'm gonna throw up. Oh god. I'm just in time to make it to the toilet. What the hell?! I never get sick. I'm sitting there making sure I'm done. OH SHIT! I run into the room and grab my phone. I pull up my calendar looking through it. Oh no! No no no! I can't be. I can't believe I didn't realize that my period is late. I'm thinking hard, did he use a condom? I can't remember. I can't ask him either. Please let this be from stress. This can't happen.
I'm going to absolutely drive myself crazy with the what ifs so I need to know for certain. I grab my keys and go downstairs. Everyone was sitting at the table. Jaxson looked up at me, he looked miserable. No, I'm mad at him. I'm not going to feel sorry for him. He practically demanded I stay away from Micah while he's got that bitch in his bed.
I'm not ready to see Micah but Jaxson doesn't have to know it. I got an idea. "Hey babe, will you watch Alena for me?" I asked Jessica. "Yeah sure. Where are you going?" She asked. "Out but I'm not sure when I'll be back." I said. She turned towards me with her back to everyone else and gave me a smirk. I used this exact line before when I was pissed at Jonathan.
Jonathan and I got into a fight about a girl he disappeared with. He said it was no big deal, they were just studying for a class. Oh so if I disappear then it will be no big deal. I got dressed nice. She asked me where I was going. Jonathan was sitting there at the table. My response was the same.
Later that night, she called me. I was at a hotel by myself doing homework and relaxing. I even sent her pictures of me in my fuzzy pajamas with my work spread all over the bed while I was eating a bowl of ice cream. My hair was in a messy bun, no makeup. I wouldn't answer Jonathan's calls. I mean he didn't answer mine when he was studying so it was fair I gave him the same treatment.
Did I think he cheated? No but it was the principle of it. Respect. You don't go to a girl's house alone and ignore your girlfriend all afternoon. When I got home the next day he was freaking out. Later that day, I told him what I did and we never had that issue again.
I went upstairs and put a small black dress on. Did my makeup and hair. I grabbed one if my big purses and put my laptop in it with some of my work I brought home. Putting on my heals, I went downstairs and said goodbye, giving Alena, Jessica and Emily a kiss.
If looks can kill, I'd be dead. Jaxson was pissed. I turned around and proudly walked away.
As I walked by the stairs, Becca was coming down. I rolled my eyes. Fuck her. She smirked at me. I gave her the middle finger. "Fuck you bitch." And smiled at her. I heard laughter behind me but I didn't look. The look on her face made me feel so much better. I could hear her yelling at Jaxson because I disrespected her. Blah blah blah.
I feel myself changing. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut and having my feelings disregarded. First with Jonathan's family and now with Becca and Jaxson. No, I'm not doing it anymore. I'm tired of caring. If I am pregnant, I got this. I don't need Jaxson. I would never want a man to chose me because of a child. That is pathetic. I won't tell him. At least not now.
I got in my car and drove away. First destination, drug store.
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