Chương 19: Week 10 - pt 1
11th November
Autumn dragged herself up out of bed, she’d barely slept last night and her ankle was
still swollen. She just wished it would heal.
She dressed hobbling down the stairs eating her breakfast and drinking her juice before leaving the house. Meeting Connor by the bridge. ‘So how’s the ankle holding up?’
‘Could be better.’
‘So your mom not giving you a lift this morning.’
‘No I told her I wanted to walk.’
‘Okay.’
‘Where’s Dan.’
‘He said he’d meet us there. I said it was best to don’t want us all getting into detention do we.’
‘I’ll be fine Con you all need to stop fussing. If I lag behind just leave me there and get to school.’
‘I can’t do that.’
‘Yes you can Con. You can’t get in any more shit for me.’
‘I don’t care I’m walking with you.’
‘Fine can we just go.’
‘Sure.’
They both walked away heading for school.
12th November
Autumn met Connor by the bridge. ‘So the ankle still giving you jip?’
’A little its better than it was.’
‘We’ll take it slow okay.’
‘Okay.’
He placed his arm around her walking to school.
‘So have you got Harding this morning?’
‘Yeah.’
‘So I guess I’ll meet you later.’
‘Yeah.’
The bell rang.
‘Connor took his arm from around Autumn. ‘Later babe.’
‘Yeah latter.’
Connor kissed Autumn goodbye before she headed off to see Mathew Harding she wasn’t sure about today after their last session she just hoped he’d keep himself to himself.
He stood waiting for her. ‘So you came back to school.’
‘Yeah. Mom said I had to rest it up it was all swollen so I had a few days off.’
He smiled. ‘You best come in.’
She slipped in and he closed the door behind her. ‘Take a seat Autumn.’
She slouched down onto the sofa and he walked across the room sitting opposite her he looked at her he could see she was nervous and a little on edge today yet he chose to ignore it.
‘So how was your weekend?’
‘Good I guess.’
‘So what was you unsure about Autumn?’
‘Me and Con went to a fireworks display.’
‘I see, and your other friends?’
‘They were there to.’
‘So what was the problem.’
‘It just brought everything back I wished to forget.’
‘So this Taylor ruin something else you enjoyed.’
‘Unfortunately.’ She looked at Mathew. ‘I enjoyed it whilst I was growing up with my friends and brother we all went to a proper show.’
‘I take it this wasn’t.’
‘No we went to James’s his brother was putting them on I just agreed for the sake of agreeing.’
‘If you didn’t want to be there you should never have gone.’
‘They’re my friends.’
‘And they would’ve understood.’
‘Well Taylor didn’t.’
‘I see.’ He stared at her. ‘You can tell me Autumn. I’m not here to judge just to give you guidance.’
‘It was a month after the insolent at the pool.’
‘I see.’
‘Mom didn’t want me going. I tried to tell him Matt he was still sour that I’d tried to break it off with him he said I was doing to make him look like a fool. The only fool was me.’
‘You’re not a fool Autumn.’
‘I often felt like it.’ She looked at him. His eyes sparkled. ‘Anyway we had a massive argument about how I was only doing it because of the pool and he’d hoped I’d gotten over it. How was I supposed to get over it? He made me lie and then he had the nerve to ask me to go out Halloween then the bonfire, he was so angry after I told him I was finishing with him he told me he loved me and twisted my words around so that I stayed with him. Mom was vexed, but she could never understand how hard it was for me.’
‘How hard was it Autumn?’
‘Hard. My friends all seemed happy even thought I wasn’t. My friends said I was better off without him he was more bothered about his friends and how they felt he never cared about I how I felt.’
‘How did you feel Autumn.’
‘Alone.’
‘So why did you stay with him.’
‘He wouldn’t let me go.’
‘Well you should’ve made him see that you were not happy.’
‘I tried Matt he always turned it around.’
He edged closer nerving her. ‘I would’ve if your not happy your not happy.’
‘I..I.’
His lips touched hers kissing her the bell rang. He moved away. ‘I’ll speak to you t okay.’
‘Okay.’
She quickly pulled herself up . ‘Keep your head held high Autumn and any time you need to talk you know where I am.’
She looked at him leaving the room she had hoped today would be different than the other day. Connor slipped his arm round her dropping his arm over her. ‘You okay babe.’
‘Yeah.’
‘So it go well with Harding.’
‘I guess.’
‘I’ll say no more let’s get to class.’
After class it was break they headed of to the smoking corner lighting their cigarette’s as they were joined by Dan, Ash, Harry and James. They too lit their cigarette’s.
The silence between the friends wasn’t an awkward one as they had nothing to say about this morning as none of them had had detention. They all said their good byes before the last lesson before lunch. They all met for lunch and had a cigarette before registration and their last two lessons. Connor kissed Autumn on the cheek goodbye and said he’d meet her outside class at the end of school he and Daniel crashed fists before he and Autumn entered their last double lesson of the day where they sat together. ‘So are you okay Red? You’ve been quiet all day.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yeah just everything about Halloween brings back things I’d like to forget.’
‘Like what?’
She opened her mouth.
‘Right class settle down.’
‘I’ll talk to you later.’
She smiled briefly.
The bell rang and her and Dan left the room after they had packed their stuff into their bags. Connor stood waiting out side class. The two friends crashed their fists. He dropped his arm over Autumn’s shoulders. ‘You’re early Con.’
‘He was in a good must’ve got his leg over last night.’ He laughed so did Daniel.
‘Con.’
‘Well it’s the truth you’ll get to learn this soon enough babe when the teachers are in a good mood they’ve either had their legs over or a good fill.’
‘You’re gross.’
‘I know.’ He chuckled.
They all walked outside Ash, James and Harry stood smoking, waiting for them. ‘At last you lot having a threesome?’
‘Fuck off Jae!’
‘It’s almost four.’
‘So come on we have homes to go to.’
They all walked away saying their goodbyes.’
Connor pecked Autumn on the cheek before he and Dan said goodbye to her.
She watched them walk away making her way over to the lake sitting down having a cigarette consuming her thoughts of what had been said between her and Mathew today.
‘So are you goign to tell me why you were in such a foul mood today?’ He asked his shadow overcasting hers in the late Autumn sun.
She looked up his hair was over his face like the bell he had applied to it this morning was finally giving up on him. ‘Dan I thought you’d gone home.’
I had.. May I?’
‘Knock yourself out.’
He smiled sitting beside her. ‘I left Con at his and I walked back one he was inside and I was around the corner there’s a short cut here.’
‘Oh.’ ;
‘Maybe I’ll show you one day.‘ He said taking a deep breath. ‘So..what was wrong with you today you seems miles away.’
‘Nothing just.’
He stared at her waiting for her to continue.
‘It’s nothing.’
‘Big nothing have you told Con?’
‘Yes two days ago.’
‘So you can tell me at a guess Harding already knows one more won’t hurt.’
‘I just don’t like Halloween that’s all.’
‘I see.’ He looked at her again. ‘May I ask why?’
‘Just say last year was exactly like this one.’
‘Oh god Red I’m sorry, we do it every year. We thought it would be fun.’
‘So did they, and thy ruined Halloween and I broke my ankle and got concussion.’
‘I’m really sorry Red. We should never have invited you if we knew we ..’
‘It’s fine seriously Dan I have to banish all my demons.’
‘One at a time Red you can’t conquer them all at once.’
‘I know.’ She sighed.
He placed his arm around her pulling her close to him.’ We’re all her for you red you can talk to us anytime about anything.’
‘Thanks.’ She said unsure she would be able to her past was her demons, her nightmares.
13th November
Conner and Daniel met Autumn on the bridge walking to school where they met their
friends.
‘Where were you last night Con?’
‘We thought you’d gone.’
‘Nice to see your ugly mush again Dan and you’re up early. Your mom kick you out?’
‘Summert like that.’
‘So, when did you get back?’
‘Yesterday morning. I almost didn’t make it in,’
‘So you met Autumn.’
‘Yeah we’re in lesson together.’
‘Cool.’
The bell rang and they all went in for registration and their first two lessons before break.
Autumn stood smoking waiting for Connor as Daniel approached her. ‘Con running late?’
She looked up at Dan. ‘Yeah.’
He spread his hand across the wall his eyes in line with hers nerving her. ‘I won’t beat around the bush red, I like you.’
‘So does Con don’t mean I’m going to give him nought either.’
He got closer. Her nervousness showing. ‘Meet me Saturday.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Washing your hair?!’
‘I just can’t.’
‘You can, lie if you have to.’
‘Sorry I’m late babe the class got held up.’ Connor said approaching them.
Daniel backed away, lighting a cigarette. Connor took the cigarette off Autumn taking the last few drags. ‘Where’s the guys?’
‘Here damn fucking teacher.’
‘Snap.’
They lit their cigarettes smoking them before the bell rang for end of break.
‘So we’ll see you at lunch.’
‘You will.’
They all went into lesson.
‘So what did Dan want?’
‘Nothing.’ She lied.
‘So can we do something Saturday?’
‘I don’t know Con.’
‘About three. I’ll meet you by the river okay.’
‘Okay.’
They sat down taking their books and pens out. They walked out of lesson after the lunch bell rang getting their lunch sitting down to eat. Daniel looking over at her slyly.
‘So are we all meeting up Saturday.’
‘Yeah about six. I’m meeting Autumn first, then we’ll all meet up.’
‘Cinema it is.’
‘Sure.’
‘Dan you coming?’
‘Wouldn’t miss it.’
‘Sweet.’
They all went outside having a cigarette before registration and their last two lessons. Daniel sat next to Autumn during their next lesson together. ‘Saturday at ten meet me by the bridge okay,’
She looked at him.
‘Be there.’
‘Right class settle down.’
They all walked aimlessly out of class. ‘Hey red wait up.’
‘I have to go Dan.’
‘I’ll walk with you.’
‘Fine.’
‘I ain’t done nought to offend you have I?’
‘No.’
‘Good.’
‘This is me.’
‘Well I’ll see you at the end of school no doubt.’
‘I guess you will.’
‘Laterz Red.’
‘Yeah Later.’
She went into her final class of the day how was she supposed to tell him she couldn’t meet him.
James tapped the chair next to him. She slipped into it. ‘So how are you Autumn? I haven’t had much chance to talk to you since Halloween seen as Connor was hovering over you at bonfire And that ass hole prick of a brother of mine.’
‘I’m fine thanks.’
‘Cool.’ He moved closer nerving her. ‘I know Gaz likes you babe he said as much.’
How dare he pry into her private life.’ I’m not interested Jae.’
‘Well he is so just watch yourself Okay once he sees what he likes he wont stop until he gets it.’
‘I will.’
‘I’m here if you need me babe I can tell him to back away.’
‘I can handle myself `Jae.’
‘I know, but I also know Gaz and he doesn’t like taking no for an answer. So If he gats too much just let me know okay.’
‘Okay.’
He smiled as the tutor began their lesson. James and Autumn walked out of the class. ‘So do we have the pleasure of you walking home with us tonight?’
‘You do.’
He smiled.
They met up with Connor and the others. Connor dropped his arm over her shoulders. ‘So Jae keep you company.’
‘We were in lesson together.’
‘Oh yeah sorry I forgot.’
They all walked out of school Daniel looking slyly at her as they did. Saying their goodbyes.
‘Well I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
‘Sure will babe.’ Connor said pecking her in the cheek.
‘Later Autumn.’
‘Yeah later.’
They all walked away her and Dan making eye contact yet saying nothing.
14th November
Mathew opened the door Autumn slipped in sitting down he closed the door walking
over sitting opposite her. ‘My apologies for the other day Autumn. I was un-professional and it won’t happen again.’
‘That’s fine.’
‘Cool so.. shall we begin.’
‘Yeah.’
‘So did your friends always play pranks on you.’
‘Sometimes. They thought it was funny, but we didn’t.’
‘Sounds to me like they made your life hell.’
‘Sometimes, most of the time it was good.’
‘Like when?’
‘When we were alone. I think Rudgey thought that I was invading their territory so I had to go.’
‘Didn’t you get on?’
‘I tired for Caz, they were always together. We spent weekends with their friends so none of us thought I was keeping him away from his friends.’
‘Sounds to me like he was an overprotective parent not a friend.’
‘It often felt that way.’
‘So they were jealous.’
‘I guess.’
‘We’re they close?’
‘They’d always been friends. I guess he thought I’d take him away.’
‘Is that why you thought that you were to blame?’
‘I guess, even though he was with Caz he thought Taylor should find someone who wasn’t me.’
‘You can’t blame yourself Autumn this guy sounds like he wanted everything his way or not at all. He didn’t think anyone but him could be happy.’
‘I guess.’
‘We’re you ever happy?’
‘Sometimes.’
‘And the other times?’
‘Alone.’
‘You should’ve got out.’
‘I tried. He said he loved me and he wasn’t going to loose me.’
‘So he killed himself?’
She looked at him the question took her back it was so unlike him, so abrupt. ‘What?!’
He placed his hands on hers. ‘Seems a simple enough explanation to me Autumn. He wanted you and he felt that you were pushing him away so he thought it was the only way he could cope with you trying to call it a day by topping himself.’
‘And my friends can you explain that?’
‘His friends were foolish or just grieving the loss of their friend so they’d thought they’d take the easy way out to to join him. Your friends well they say love is blind .’
‘And I thought you understood.’
‘I do. I’m just trying to put it into perspective. For example one leads the rest follow, and they all fall.’
She pulled herself up storming walking across the room slamming the door behind her.
‘Hey Autumn.’
‘Not now Con.’
‘But.’
‘Just leave me the fuck alone Con.’ She said storming away.
She sat on the grass smoking, she was so angry he was supposed to be helping her through it all. Had he got out of the wrong side of bed this morning?
She doubted her cigarette out taking the scissors out of her bag, edging it toward her wrist. He grabbed her hand. ‘Don’t Autumn. It’s not the way.’
She looked at Connor, her eyes glazed. ‘Why not? I shouldn’t be here.’
He took the scissors off her putting them back into her bag zipping it up, sitting next to her. ‘So are we calm now?’
‘I hate this place, and I hate him.’
‘You talking about Harding?’
‘He bagged all of them down. All of my friends and he didn’t give a shit.’
‘They have to come down hard on us every now and again Autumn to knock some sense into us. It is up to us if we accept it or not.’
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. He placed his arms around her. ‘It will get better.’
‘When Con? You always say it will, but when?’
‘When you start believing that it will and start believing that you’re not to blame.’
She pulled away.
‘I thought you said it was water proof.’
‘It is.’
He placed his thumbs under her eyes wiping them. ‘Don’t get angry at him Autumn he’s just doing his job.’
‘Did you ever get mad at Grayson?’
‘I still do babe. I just short circuit and flip, he’s used to it. He knows how to calm me down, Harding is just learning and he’s got along way to go to earn your respect.’
She looked at him. ‘We’ll get you through this Autumn if you let us in.’
‘I’m trying.’
‘There’s no rush okay.’ He pressed his lips on hers kissing her. He moved away. ‘Come on lets get to lesson.’
They pulled themselves up walking away from the fields back into the high school for their lessons.
They met at break and lunch her eyes still looked so angry would her last two lessons be any different. Daniel sat next to Autumn, her eyes still glazed. ‘You okay red?
‘I’m fine.’ She snapped.
‘Chill red it’s me not Harding.’
‘I know I’m sorry. It’s just a bad day.’
‘Why what did he say to you?’
‘Slagged my friends off.’
‘Oh.’
‘Right class get your books out.’
They all pulled their books out beginning the lesson. Autumns’ eyes were still glazed as the bell rang.
Autumn and Daniel left the room Daniel trying to keep up with her though she was still hobbling she was quick.
‘Gee red slow down.’
‘I just want to get out of here.’
‘We will. Just slow down your ankle.’
‘Fuck my ankle.’
He grabbed her she stared through him. ‘Slow down and take it easy. What’s wrong with you?’
‘I’ve had a bad day.’
‘Don’t take any notice of him red he probably aint had any.’
‘With his attitude I ain’t surprised.’
‘Ignore him red they were your friends not his. You knew them he didn’t. What right does he have to criticise.’
‘None.’
‘Exactly. Come on Con will be waiting.’
‘I’m here.’ He said placing his arm around her kissing her. ‘I called you I guess you didn’t hear me.’
‘Sorry Con red was on speed dial.’
‘It’s cool come on let’s go.’
They all walked out of school heading home.
They stood at the end of the bridge ‘I’ll meet you here tomorrow.’
‘Okay.’
‘Later red.’
‘Later Dan.’
‘Night babe.’
‘Night Con.’
They walked away Autumn sat near the lake lighting a cigarette.
‘You okay Autumn? My brother can be such a dick sometimes.’
She looked up, his dark hair short, his eyes glistened in the afternoon sun. ‘Sam.’
‘So are you okay after Friday?’
‘Yeah thanks.’
‘I’m sorry about Taylor. I have no idea what he was thinking.’
‘I don’t think he does sometimes.’
‘Your to good for him Autumn. You deserve better.’
‘Maybe.’
‘He needs to get rid of his friends if he wants to ever be happy with you. But, I guess we both know that’s never going to happen.’
‘I guess.’
‘How are you Autumn?’ He asked his dreads falling over his face.
‘Gaz.’
‘Well are you okay.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You looked like you were a million miles away.’
‘Can’t say I noticed.’
He sat besides her. ‘So how’s the ankle holding up?’
‘It’s swollen again.’
‘What have you been doing ?’
‘Nought.’
‘You need to rest it babe.’
‘I know. I’ve just had a bad day.’
‘I know babe I hated school too.’
‘Why are you here?’
‘Apart from checking on you. I came to apologise for the other day. I got a little carried away.’
‘You’re a guy I should’ve expected no less.’
‘I called you to apologise you’d gone.’
‘Mom called me for supper.’
‘So are we okay.’
‘I guess.’
‘Good. I like you Autumn I’d like to spend more time with you.’
‘I don’t know Gaz.’
‘Friday here.’
‘You don’t give up do you.’
‘Nope.’
‘Don’t you work Fridays.’
‘I do all weekend I do the dead mans shift at the cemetery.’
She swallowed.
‘You can join me I’ll walk you home.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Please Autumn just give me a chance one’s all I’m asking for.’
‘Fine.’
He smiled. He leaned forward kissing her cheek. ‘I’ll pick you up here okay same time.’
‘Sure.’
‘Later Autumn.’
‘Yeah later Gaz.’
He pulled himself up. ‘Rest that ankle.’
‘I will.’
‘Night Autumn.’
‘Gaz.’
He smiled walking away what had she just got herself into? she lit a cigarette watching the sun go down. She pulled herself up walking away.
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