Chương 91: Just Taking A Leak

We've been walking for weeks.

We stopped to sleep by the roadside. I got really comfortable with my wolf-pillow as usual and happily went to sleep.

I groggily awaken to an empty tent.

My pillow nowhere to be seen.

This is a serious issue!

I'm sure Wolfie is fine and just gone for a walk.

No, the issue is how uncomfortable the ground is.

How do the other mercenaries even manage to sleep?

* Yawn *

Actually, I know. Something about getting used to it.

Every moment on the battlefield is meant to be either killing or resting.

Their captain made a whole speech about it.

It was both very instructive and very long.

What now, do I wait for Wolfie to be back or not?

Ah, might as well take a leak while I'm at it. I'll sleep better afterward.

This kinda sucks. I'd usually walk my sleepy ass to the fridge.

Not to brag, but I used to have all kinds of cool stuff in my fridge.

Mostly pizza and whatnot, perfect for a late-night snack.

Then again pizza is also good as a breakfast, a lunch, or a dinner.

Is there any occasion you cannot eat pizza? I believe not.

This is kinda amazing.

I walk further away from the camp. The dude in charge looks at me with hawk eyes.

Then happens a manly conversation between men.

It goes.

*Nod*

*Interrogative nod*

*Nod while pointing at my crotch*

*Understanding nod*

*Nod*

Friendship is so beautiful, how else would I have conversations that deep.

*sigh*

I am truly blessed.

Don't get me wrong I still don't know that guy's name. He also doesn't know mine.

But we are familiar with each other.

I've been learning many stories from my companions. Also songs.

Sometimes I'm regretting losing all my coins. I could have hired these guys for longer.

Kinda like hiring a stripper but finding her to be really nice and smart. Then you decide to ask her to marry you should you provide for her and she says yes.

But then you find out you are broke cause you got your money stolen at a shitty, now burned to the ground, Inn.

Really sad about the first part, really happy about the latter one.

Sidenote do you know how many girls are paying for their education by being strippers? It blew my mind when I found out. The next time you go to a stripper club try to guess how many are smarter than you and majoring in psychology or something.

That's a stereotype you'll say? Stereotypes exist for a reason! Now don't get me wrong. Stereotypes should never be taken seriously, but ….

So yeah, I wanted to hire these guys as my personal army. You know for official sect business or any other bullshit reason for all that matters.

Truth is this world scares me somewhat. I worked hard until I became really hard to kill, but it won't solve all issues. What happens if I piss someone off that is really powerful? He could either kill me or imprison me.

I know just the right story to explain my situation.

It kinda is similar to when you go shopping with your girlfriend. She'll be happily shopping while you stand there cluelessly. There are always exceptions, but most women enjoy shopping way more than their male counterparts.

Men will go from point A to point B. They will try to go to the least number of stores. Well except anything that is sport/car/video games/construction. The rest of the time most men are completely lost in a shopping mart.

Usually lost boyfriends would chill out on some bench waiting for their loved one to be done. Stereotype? Stereotypes exist for a reason.

There will be packs of lost boyfriends on benches forming naturally. All of them feeling equally lost and confused but finding solace in each other's company.

But now my situation is peculiar. There are no other lost souls in the same situation as me. Well, there is the cultivator dude, but seriously fuck that guy.

Slave my ass! Who's a motherfucking slave you ass-kissing bastard!

Right now I feel like a pack-less abandoned boyfriend on a random bench by his lonesomeness.

Kinda like that time I was in that exact situation, the bench one. Then it got really awkward when I told them I wasn't waiting for any girl, that I was just chilling with them. They all left quickly too. I swear that rainbow shirt I was wearing was a coincidence.

Where was I?

Yes. Since there are no other cool people in the same situation as me, I figured I might as well keep hiring these cool guides. Except I'm broke.

Now that I think about it I'm kind of a parasite in this world. I have never worked a single day since coming to the earth realm.

I lived at the Moon Keep, I lived in the forest where food was plenty, I lived at Zero's place and the money I used to buy the services of the mercenaries was from a gift. Damn! Aren't I the typical example of a NEET ?!

Not in employment education or training. I'm definitely not employed. Education…is that even a thing here? There are gods and religious doctrine but that isn't my thing, skip. Training? Well does training to bake pie count? I'm sure it does…or should in any case!

That means I am no NEET! I am a proud pie chef! I might not be working at the moment, but that is only because I have not yet found a job. All shall be good and well once we arrive at the city.

I will become a famous chef. People will line up to attend my store! Nobles will try to bribe so I can sell to them in priority. I will roll in money. This will be fucking awesome.

At some point in the future people of this world will invent the internet and tv.

Then I'll appear live on talk shows and share my experience as a sect leader / famous chef.

And then I will sign autographs and live in a big mansion and have tons of servants and the fluffiest of bed and pillows! Then I'll ….I don't know actually. Dreaming is fine from time to time. Oh, don't get me wrong the fluffiest pillow is definitely Wolfie, perhaps Luna too. Hum, both are warm and fun to cuddle with.

No, I do not swing that way!

Where was I going? Right, take a leak.

Oh, this seems like a nice spot. A small lake glowing softly under the moonlight. Perfect place to piss at. Actually no, third best. Can't beat a shower or a pool. I'm kidding I don't do that haha...

"That I will have to …. WHO GOES THERE!?"

Hum what? There are people here already? Let me reply real quick. Don't want to make the atmosphere awkward.

[Hum don't worry about me just taking a leak. Wait, what is a horse doing here? And what's with the horn? Then again horses can be horny too, I guess. Isekai bullshit and whatnot.]

This world is truly strange. There is a horse, with a horn. Yes, it is the second time I see that in my life. I'm not even high this time around. Wolfie is there too.

"Who are you?!"

[Oh what is it mister horny horse? Wait…. YOU CAN TALK!?]

What the fuck is wrong with this world?!

Should I compile a list of all animals that can talk now or would it be faster to do a list of those that can't ?!

SUY NGHĨ CỦA NGƯỜI SÁNG TẠO
Zombie

I try to alternate between story chapters and joke chapters. Of course that is the official statement. Do I really look like the kind of guy that has a plan?!

Me already knowing how this novel ends after a few thousand chapters is irrelevant!