Chương 24: Journey Of The Central Of The Pool.
A swirling vortex of insanity opened up and dropped the shade of Tom Marvolo Riddle in the middle of some kind of field. He had no idea what he had. He swung his arms looking around. The Heir of Salazar Slytherin took a couple of steps into the ground which sank.
Riddle opened up the Chamber of Secrets and tried to unleash the monster in to cleanse the school of the filth. Interference and a rather insane vessel presented some difficult challenges. Riddle conceded the fact he should he ensured the roosters were all properly strangled. Some little girl and her pet rooster foiled the plans of the great Lord Voldemort.
Opening up the Chamber of Secrets on Halloween Night would be some kind of symbolic event for many reasons. Halloween had been a magic night for many reasons, and it was the night Lord Voldemort, in his future guise, fell to Harry Potter. This Wilson reminded him many times.
'How could I have grown so incompetent?' Riddle asked. 'And more importantly, where I am?'
Riddle spoke this chilling statement and moved closer to the center his intended destination. The Dark Lord heard hideous whispers going about in the background.
"You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy!"
The giggling forced Riddle to spin around on a constant basis. He resembled some kind of demonic washing machine when walking into the center. Riddle wondered what the hell happened.
"I'm Lord Voldemort! Do you hear me? I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!"
The Dark Lord's eyes flashed. He suddenly appeared on the high seas with the water crashing against the seas. Riddle looked back and came face to face with the mercenary. A couple more changes came to the man. A fluffy white shirt, a dark eye patch, and a peg leg along with a hat with the fabled skull and crossbones combination added to the assemble. He held a saber and pointed it towards Riddle.
"Arrgh, Matey!" he growled. "You better keep your hands of me booty!"
Riddle staggered back swinging his arms a little bit. The saber pressed against his chest to scrap the edge of it. Riddle reached over and found himself rocked by the high seas.
"See, here's me booty!"
Deadpool slapped his ass and caused a ripple effect.
"You are to tell me how to get out of here immediately!" Riddle demanded. "Do you know who I am?"
The loud laughter echoed in response. The sea rocked against the rocks and flipped Riddle out onto the rocks. Riddle rolled over onto the beach. Riddle looked up and saw an old man with a white beard dressed in a speedo standing on the beach.
"Dumbledore?" Riddle asked.
Dumbledore strutted around in his tight white speedo leaving nothing to his imagination. He stepped over to apply oil on the back of a greasy haired man who laid face down on the beach.
A large volleyball hit Riddle in the back of the head. A group of Deadpools crowded around which caused Riddle to stand back from them. He rushed to the edge of the beach and jumped into the air.
'There has to be an exit out of this madhouse.'
Riddle floated off the ground blasting as far away from the scene and more importantly as far away from Albus Dumbledore's wrinkled balls as possible. He flew through the air and moved past a figure dressed in a red mini-skirt, a tight blue shirt with an "S", a red cape, and blonde hair coming out of a mask. The figure turned around to reveal the mask of Deadpool with a blonde ponytail sticking out of the back of it.
"Hi!" she cried. "My name is Karapool! I'm faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to make hate-readers cry bitter tears in a single bound!"
Riddle smashed into a building and dropped down to the ground. He landed in the middle of the ground and skidded down with a breath coming from him.
A bunch of figures snapped their fingers as they stood on either side of the street. A catchy beat began to play as an army of Deadpools stood on one side dressed in red and black and an army of Deadpools stood on the other side dressed in black and red. They kept snapping their fingers.
"Forget about it!" one of the Deadpools yelled.
"You forget about it!" another one of the Deadpools yelled.
"You forget about it!" the first Deadpool declared. "This is are turf, you see!"
They snapped their fingers and moved around to face each other. Their hair whipped in the breeze as they prepared to rumble with each other. The ground shifted underneath Riddle causing him to blast into the air. Riddle rode the turbulent waves rocking the ground.
The Dark Lord's annoyance increased the further he blasted high into the sky. He landed in the middle of Hogwarts and stood in the middle of the groups of students. They all laughed at something.
"Look at me, I'm Lord Voldemort!" one of the students mocked. "I'm a lame idiot with a bad name who lost to one year old baby!"
They all laughed until Riddle had it. He would kill all these little bastards just like he killed that punk who made fun of his nose that one time. He intended to get it reduced should his body return back. Voldemort whipped out his wand only to realize his wand turned into a dildo.
'What in the name of Merlin's beard is this madness?' Voldemort asked.
A loud laughter echoed as Riddle dropped into the court room. He surrounded by a jury all of them who dressed to Deadpool. The honorable Judge Pool stepped out to the middle of the courtroom.
"How do you plead, Mr. Riddle?" the Judge asked. "On the charges that you are a failure who can't even beat a child."
"I'LL KILL YOU!"
Voldemort jumped over the rail and at the bench. The ground shifted and now he waded in a ground covered in nothing other than pudding.
"Let me out of here!" Voldemort yelled. "Let me out of here!"
The walls blasted open off to the side and flung Voldemort across the room. The Dark Lord turned his attention to the edge of the wall. A figure dressed in black stalked him. More features came into the picture with long dark hair and green eyes vibrant as the killing curse itself.
"Who are you?" Voldemort asked.
"I'm Harry Potter!" he yelled speaking in a Southern American accent for some reason. "And you're my little bitch boy."
One flicked finger dropped the Dark Lord down. Riddle spiraled down to the ground. He reached for a wand which dropped down onto the ground. Riddle slung any number of curses at Harry. The demonic mental figure with glowing green eyes stalked Voldemort with malicious intent in mind. The Dark Lord's hands gripped his wand firmly the wood standing up straight as he refused to let go.
"Yeah, that's a problem with a lot of men," one of the Deadpool jurors commented.
"AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDVAVRA!"
Each killing curse struck Harry Potter. The harder Voldemort whacked him the bigger Harry Potter got. He grew massive and towered over Voldemort's puny body. Riddle stepped back and drew in a deep breath. The Killing Curse did not work.
"No!"
It was almost like as Potter grew, Riddle shrank. He felt impotent before this very powerful wizard.
"Tell me more about your wand problem," Freudpool stated as he jotted some notes down. "Is this symbolic of any inadequacy you may feel ze bedroom?"
Riddle screamed and he rushed towards the man. "LET ME OUT OF HERE!"
True terror coursed through Riddle's body when Harry Potter turned from a giant boy wizard into a hideous looking purple dinosaur. Riddle could not put his finger on why but a giant purple dinosaur going after him was the most terrifying thing ever.
A hand wrapped around Riddle and the purple dinosaur devoured him. Riddle screamed when he came into the stomach of the dinosaur. His horror increased when the realization of being surrounded by several versions of Deadpool was his eternal fate.
"Hey guys!" one of them shouted. "I found a way out of here. It's a little bit messy though!"
A loud explosion happened and Riddle appeared on the ground. A giant lion, a tinman, a scarecrow, and a brunette girl dressed in blue started to skip down the Yellow Brick Road which he landed on. Their faces all had the Deadpool mask.
"We're off to see the wizard. The wonderful wizard of…."
A troll with the letters "CU" on his shirt popped up and pointed his finger at the singers which prevented them from singing any further.
A blonde girl with a dreamy expression wearing a top hat appeared and gave Voldemort a sardonic smile.
"It's a strange and whimsical world isn't it?" The Luna Hatter asked. "And you are just in time for tea."
Riddle's next destination found himself boiling in a giant tea cup where a large white rabbit with Deadpool's mask reached in to drink it. He jumped out of the scalding hot tea and ran into a wall made entirely of Deadpools. Deadpools to the left, Deadpools to right all surrounded Voldemort. Big ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, Deadpools of all fifty eight genders as defined by Facebook surrounded the most feared Dark Lord that ever lived.
"You don't get it, kid, see?"
A mobster Deadpool stepped closer to Voldemort. Riddle stepped back.
"This mind here, this is Big Pool's mind, see," Mobpool said in thick Brooklyn accent.
"Where's the way out?" Voldemort demanded.
"You think of me as a snitch? You think of me as a stool pigeon? You can't get Rocky to squeal. Rocky ain't like that. See?"
Voldemort stepped back and peered up at a giant billboard with the words "Read Emerald Flight 2017 on July 18th, 2017 at a Fan Fiction Website near you" scrolling over. It repeated in neon letters repeatedly.
The Dark Lord rushed towards a door which had been opened. He faded into a swirling cyclone of light.
Wade Wilson popped up like an overdone piece of toaster. Snape happily zapped him with a giant magical cattle prod as he shook on the bed.
"Severus, I think he's awake," Dumbledore said
"One more time for good measure?"
Snape zapped Deadpool one more time with the magical cattle prod for good measure. Deadpool thrashed all about with Snape brandishing his big black rod over Deadpool's face.
The diary on the side sizzled and broke open. Hideous screams emitted from the diary and red ink oozed from it.
The words "KILL ME" flashed over the diary constantly. It had a spastic fit and shot blots of ink high in the air.
Harry Potter stepped into the hospital room out of nowhere, calmly picked up a Basilisk Fang, and stabbed it through the diary. Black smoke hissed from the diary and it bled its ink. The diary sizzled with black ink splattering against the table in the hospital wing.
"Congratulations Mr. Potter, you've destroyed a Horcrux," Snape said.
"What's a Horcrux?" Harry asked.
Dumbledore elbowed Snape in his ribs to tell him to stop spoiling things he didn't intend to tell Harry for about four years.
"Mr. Potter, I just said I had to wash my socks," Snape said. "Five points to Gryffindor for your shoes being untied."
"I'm wearing slippers," Harry dryly replied.
"And a further ten points from Gryffindor for contradicting me," Snape said.
"Professor Dumbledore, what is a Horcrux?" Harry asked.
"Yes, Mr. Potter, I believe you should go wash your socks," Dumbledore said. "In fact, why don't we all go change our socks and leave Mr. Wilson in peace."
Dumbledore turned to Deadpool on the bed.
"You shouldn't eat food at a Deathday Party again. Unless you want to attend Nick's next one as one of the ghosts."
Deadpool had no words for Dumbledore. Just sign language, particularly one middle finger.
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