Chương 40: I. Always Choose Yourself
Ivory sat quietly for a few moments, forgetting that she had company. Ivory gently felt someone grab her lower arm. She turned to see Hawks.
"Ivory, why have you been wearing a pullover?"
"It's cold inside," she answered.
Hawks pulled up her sleeve and narrowed his eyes. "Did you cut yourself?"
Ivory began to cry. "I felt so guilty about what I did. I scratched myself over and over until I started bleeding."
Hawks sat down and held her in his lap. "Ivory, please, don't ever do that again. You should never hurt yourself."
"I don't know why I did it; it all happened during the moment."
"You know, I have to tell Blue. Self-harm is serious, Ivory."
"You can't, you can't tell him. I'll never speak to you again if you do!"
"Okay, I won't tell him, but listen," he grabbed her face and looked into her eyes, "nothing that's happened is your fault. You're a good person, okay?" she nodded. "You should always show gratitude and loyalty to those that have helped you, even if you don't like them. Hurting those that have given you things will only hurt you. Please, don't do anything to hurt yourself."
"I won't hurt myself again, I promise," Ivory said, sensing that someone was outside.
"I have a story for you," Hawks said, his hands were around her waist, "Before I started working for the gang, Harley told me that there were two girls, one was just like you, and the other was just like Viper."
"What were their names?" Ivory asked, sitting up.
Hawks gently wiped away her tear stains. "The one that was like you was named Vanessa, and her friend was Melinda. They were prostitutes; Swindle H found Vanessa scrounging for food and recruited them. Vanessa, like you, was likable and brought in tons of customers. One day, Melinda went to the police and went to tell on Fox, which is why there are wanted posters everywhere. Blue and Red somehow caught her and had her in room thirteen with Vanessa. Blue told Vanessa that if she didn't stab Melinda that she'd follow in her footsteps," Hawks took a deep breath.
Ivory scanned the room, sensing that the story had a terrible ending.
"Well, Vanessa refused to show her loyalty, and Melinda laughed, saying that she'd kill Vanessa if she were strapped down. Vanessa then stabbed Melinda good twenty-to-thirty times, calling her vile names. However, Blue saw that Vanessa changed her mind when she realized that her friend turned against her. After, Red placed Vanessa onto the table; she put up a good fight, but her efforts were futile."
"What happened?" Ivory asked. "Did they torture her like they did to the man that beat Birdie?"
Hawks shook his head. "I tell you this because … you're pretty, and Vanessa was, too. There was a lot of … sexual stuff. Harley didn't go into detail, and I don't want to know," Hawks said. "What I'm saying is that if you hadn't of killed that woman, what they did to Vanessa would have been done to you. Girls like Viper have nothing special about them; they have nothing to offer, so they're cut up, and their body parts are sold. Your body would have been intact, but you would've had a different fate."
Ivory remembered Blue's comment about her being lucky that she wasn't on the table, and she told Hawks what Blue said.
"See, Blue made it obvious. If you refused to kill that lady, you would've been on that table."
"Did they kill Vanessa?"
Hawks shook his head. "Blue sold her to a connection, and she bore the connection's children. So, please, Ivory, be careful. If Blue tells you to do something, please, do it. You don't want to be treated like an object, okay?"
Ivory nodded and hugged Hawks. She was happy they were friends.
"You're different from Vanessa, deep down, you know that everyone's faithful unless they need to save themselves; Vanessa was saved, but only because she's physically pleasing. If she were anyone else, she would have turned out like that man you saw tortured."
"Why would they kill someone for not showing loyalty?"
"Blue would have them killed because if they refuse loyalty, it means that they're untrustworthy. When you aren't loyal, people know that you aren't supposed to be trusted. Look at Viper, she was ungrateful and betrayed the gang; look where it got her."
"Hawks, do you think one method is worse than the other?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you think sadistic torture is worse than sexual torture, or the other way around?"
"Sex is sacred; once it's forcefully taken, it's like the attacker took an important part of you. I think Vanessa's fate was worse because Melinda was like Viper; she was ungrateful, Vanessa was nothing but loyal and Melinda betrayed her; and Vanessa was sexually abused in that room. In my opinion, sexual abuse is the worst. Most people die from the torture within a half-hour to a couple of hours. Vanessa's torture lasted days."
"Days?"
Hawks nodded. "Sexual torture isn't supposed to kill someone, that's what makes it worse. You're strapped down, and you're dealing with things that no one should nor can endure. The abuse doesn't stop until the inflictor feels satisfied. They got bored with Vanessa within a few days, so they let her go."
Ivory stiffened as Hawks ran a hand through her hair.
"How is she?"
"Vanessa and Harley talk sometimes: Vanessa is the same, but she's also different. That abuse changed her," Hawks said, lifting Ivory's chin, "my point is that if Viper had to kill you, she would. Viper snitched for her well-being."
"Why would she involve me?"
"I assume that she figured you'd be loyal to her decisions and do what she wanted. Viper didn't tell you the details because she didn't care enough to understand your choices and needs. No matter what, always choose yourself first."
Ivory hugged Hawks, and the two sat there for a while, Viper crossed Ivory's mind, but she thought nothing of Viper. Ivory was happy that she chose herself over Viper.
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