Chương 3: Not Wrong
Five days.
It's been five days since he was grounded in the manor's west wing with only Vincent by his side. There was no communication outside, and Eugene didn't even dare to step out of the room to take a breath in the garden.
He spends his time reading history books.
Planning how to help the empire without revealing his identity.
He already highlighted some past events that he remembered and started to lay out a counterpart plan. And in order to prevent such information from leaking out, he wrote it in a different language.
First is the war.
The second is tracing the traitors.
The third is rebellion and...
Fourth is another war.
Everything is written well and even what would happen to the royal family is stated in his notes. He feels like writing a whole book because of how thick his papers are.
Knock...Knock.
Eugene's hand paused.
He told Vincent not to disturb him because he don't want to be interrupted.
However, knowing Vincent, it's probably something important so he closes the book in front of him and hid it with the papers before allowing Vincent to come in.
"Young master."
"Is there something?"
Vincent hesitate.
The eldest young master came back from the academy upon hearing what happen to the second master and a maidservant came to inform him that the eldest young master planned to meet the second master after receiving the marquis's permission.
That's it, to make the second master prepared.
"Your brother, the eldest young master is planning to visit you."
Eugene was startled.
He never got along with his eldest brother since he was a child because he hated how biased Euric was when it comes to Eullian.
Now, he had no idea what to feel.
Because Eugene despite always being scolded still admired his eldest brother. And his elder brother, despite being cold to him still protected him from the harm of others. That is also one of his biggest regret on why he didn't try to understand his eldest brother's sacrifice to mend his and Eullian's relationship, after all, both of them are the only people remaining in the family.
His father died in a war and his mother committed suicide because of depression.
Since then, his eldest brother handle the Household and barely pay attention to them. But once a fight broke out he would always see his brother on Eullians side which anger him.
He had no one.
Eugene always believes that he's alone because everyone likes Eullian.
And Eullian? He failed him.
Even after everything, Eullian still comes to him and calls him a brother.
When he was sentenced and imprisoned in the dungeon, it was Eullian who pleaded for him to make his eldest brother help him. He manages to get out not because of his skills but because his eldest brother lay out a way for him to escape without implicating the Shradinza household.
And after escaping, his eldest brother even goes far as to hide him in the mansion.
Because that would be the safest place for him after being found out to be the leader of a rebellious group. Again, his eldest brother kidnaps him and locked him in his room so that he could escape execution, knowing that no one would think he's staying in the Shradinza household after being kicked out of the family.
It's a good trick.
But no one would have thought that he would die in that room.
He wonders what is his eldest and little brother's react when they found his dead body, struck with a sword.
Funny.
He didn't die of execution but assassination.
"It's good."
Eugene clenches his fists, "I would love to meet my eldest brother."
This time, he would be obedient and try not to anger him anymore. Though there's a huge possibility that he would be scolded because of what he did to his little brother, that wouldn't discourage him to stay put and self-reflect.
"Then I'll let you know once the eldest young master arrived."
"That will do."
Vincent walks out feeling complicated.
There's really something strange about his young master Euegene but he couldn't point it out since he's still acting the same with his usual careless attitude.
Of course, Eugene can feel it.
He's aware of Vincent's doubt and he's satisfied in seeing him [Vincent] being unable to grasp a subtle change in him [Eugene].
Taking a peek outside from the window, his eyes held a flash of confusion.
If it weren't for that person who killed him, he wouldn't know how much his family cares for him, that they're just hiding it because they knew they failed him. As much as he regrets his actions he knew his parents and brothers are also blaming themselves for leaving him so lost.
That's why this time, he wanted to help them.
He wanted to make them happy even if he was not in the picture.
He's satisfied watching them.
Yes, life is all about yourself, and you will continue to feel unfulfilled as long as you're not in the acceptance stage. Eugene knew what it feels to be drowned with negative thoughts. Not only it would block your way out but also your reason.
And you will forever be trapped in the abyss.
With no one to hold on to.
His parents failed to raise him as their son and without guidance, he also failed to become a good person. That is probably why he grew up twisted because he lacks the parental care and loves that a child should normally receive in part of growth.
He's not wrong.
He will never admit that he's wrong.
In the past and in those lives, he would cry and regret but would never admit that his actions are a mistake that shouldn't be made because in the first place if people make him feel what is it to be loved and valued then he wouldn't force a feeling that wasn't mean for him in hopes that he could experience it just for once.
So, he's not wrong.
He is just desperate.
Clenching his clothes he stood up and look at himself through the mirror.
He look haggard so he raised his hand to fix his hair before smoothing his clothes and once satisfied with his looks, he took a deep breath and grinned.
It didn't take long for his brother to arrive.
A knock was heard and the door opened, revealing a handsome teenager full of a gentlemanly demeanor but his cold expression would make people rethink approaching him.
Eugene swallowed and called out...
"Brother."
Euric looks at his little brother, not aggressive as the marquis, and even if he threw a sharp gaze, Eugene who already knew his brother's character can see the softness that he failed to notice back then which arouses him another feeling of guilt.
"I won't ask, you can explain yourself."
Eugene watches his brother sit on the couch while motioning Vincent and his [Euric] own personal butler to leave the room.
"Brother, did you go back because of what happened?"
"Both of you are my brothers and knowing Father's attitude, I'm afraid you'll make another fuss so I took a leave from the academy."
Eugene fiddled with the hem of his clothes.
"Father will get angry."
Euric let out a careless look and lean on the sofa, with his hand on his folded knees.
"He did and you don't need to worry. It's my business. Now all you need to do is tell me why did you lock Eullian in the attic knowing that he has a weak body and the possibility of getting sick is higher than an average person."
Euric gritted his teeth, "Do you want your little brother to die?"
It's really different.
Everyone will think of the question of him trying to kill Eullian but his eldest brother didn't, he just asked him if he wanted his little brother to die.
His brother really treats him as a child who doesn't know his actions.
While his father treats him as a kid who had enough grasp of the consequences of every move and decision.
Both are right.
But what he did is not how his brother interpreted it.
Because his father is right. At that time he knew that locking his little brother will kill him [Eullian] but still did that because he wanted Eullian to die so he could have all his parent's attention.
He tried to kill his little brother.
Eugene knew his actions and the consequences so his father is right.
He's not a naive child who doesn't know what he did to the point he will cry knowing that he nearly killed his little brother, Eullian. It's not like what his brother thinks so he couldn't help but scold himself for being so wicked at such a young age.
"I'm sorry...brother."
Euric's expression sank.
"Eugene, do you think because of your age you will be pardoned for the crime of attempted murder? You must remember that a noble should always have a clean name in the eyes of the public and what you did, once get out of the household could tarnish the Shradinza's reputation."
Eugene lowered his head.
"Yes. That's why I suggest to Father that he can disown me."
"Now you---" Euric paused when he realize what Eugene said.
"What did you say?"
Eugene took a deep breath and raised his head, staring straight at his eldest brother.
"What I did can't be pardoned by the household law or even the empire once proven. So the only way to solve things is to either abandon me or disowned me. Being just thrown out of a wasteland or countryside is not justiciable to my little brother so maybe, removing my existence in the household won't make the Shradinza house laughable."
Euric clench his fist.
"Are you trying to make trouble again?"
"Is that how my brother interpreted it?"
The room fell into silence and Eugene knew that he hit some spot again because he saw anger resurface in his brother's eyes.
"Did you say the same thing to Father?"
Eugene didn't speak which cleared Euric's doubt.
He now knows why his father is so angry that he chooses to make his younger brother stay in the isolated part of the mansion to reflect because even he feels angry for not getting the answer that he wanted.
"Eugene, I think asking you is pointless."
Euric slid his hand on his tight and patted it before standing up "I want you to apologize to Eullian once your prohibition is done. You did not only disappoint Mother and Father but also me. I won't help you this time and I hope you can reflect on your action."
Eugene watches his brother walk away in regret.
He really wanted to apologize but he was afraid knowing that apologizing won't work.
That even if he apologizes, people will always have this impression of his bad behavior.
They'll still blame him.
Euric opened the door and was about to leave but turn around, remembering what his father said and wanted to remind his little brother one more time.
However, he stood frozen when he saw his little brother staring at him, crying without making any noise.
"You..."
Euric let go of the doorknob and grab his little brother's arm.
"Why are you always like this?!"
Eugene couldn't help it and cried loudly, throwing himself on his brother's body.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so---"
"STOP!"
Euric's trembling hands grab Eugene's shoulder, pushing him so their eyes could meet.
There's something wrong with his little brother's state. Euric can feel it so when he saw a deep fear and guilt in those pair of misty eyes, he couldn't help but soften completely.
He knew it, Eugene didn't mean things.
It's just a child, what does his father know?
"You are crying like this and you won't tell me what happens?! You imprecisely defend yourself and bear Father's anger, now you just know that you're wronged?!"
Eugene shook his head and grasp his brother's hand gripping tightly on his shoulder.
He doesn't want to admit it.
He doesn't want to feel wronged or guilty.
He hated the fact that everyone would always point at him whenever something bad happen. And he also hated the fact that he can hurt someone easily just because he's been in pain and wanted others to also feel it.
What can he do? He also hates himself.
"I'm sorry brother."
He can't do it.
Eugene can apologize to his brother but he does not think that he could apologize to Eullian right after his prohibition. He still can't do it because seeing his mother and father care for his little brother still hurt him the most.
"Brother, do you hate me?"
Euric gritted his teeth.
"Is someone saying something to you?!"
Eugene's body trembled, "Brother isn't it known to everyone that I am the unfavored child of the Shradinza? Did you not know or did you turn blind eye to the fact that everyone sees me as no one to be respected because of my status in the household?"
Euric was caught off guard.
Come to think of it, he heard rumors and even his classmates talk about Eugene and he didn't bother to scold them. All he did is ignore thinking that something like that won't affect Eugene at all, because his little brother has a strong spirit.
He [Eugene] doesn't care about other people.
As long as he satisfied himself [Eugene] he [Eugene] would care less about others' gazes.
Is it wrong?
Euric's hand slid down and he stood still dazed.
Why does he feel like, something is not right?
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