Chương 15: Pain
I do have the habit to cite words that happens to kick a start for whom I was talking to although most of the parts seems just for me… like I'm just talking to myself for some reason I can't even comprehend myself. But anyways if that really ease them as much as it is supposed to be for me, then I'm awfully thankful that this unusual speech I've got had the balls to help others, other than confusing me in a way that made me piss on my pants.
Believe me, I don't know what is happening these past few days but my systems been acting on its own… like all the terror just seems to be far from me and it crushes me suddenly when I'm still processing on why did that happen… and it's a whole different story. Right here, Eloise kept on smiling her own… although it didn't seem that she believed that I knew her love interest… and about that I don't know why I came up with that as well. It just came to me like a guess? Or maybe not.
Amused of what I'd said, Eloise chuckled as she shrugged under her blanket, "Thank you again, Band Aid. You are the best." She pulled a thumbs up and made a cheery smile. Oh geez, the way she smiles… reminds me so much of Christina. Her of all people, wow.
When cold silence began to drop the ceiling as it tensed the atmosphere in a matter of despair. This is not what we want… pain shouldn't be here longer than we can tolerate. If this pain successfully breaks our walls, there is no element to heal its wounds.
Too much sick of the pressure around us, we slightly laughed our wariness out as it went louder in a few seconds I could have ever ask all this time. Just Eloise being there with me who can at least understand her in a worthwhile.
Breaking out from the laughter in a few moments, I suggested with a pleasing smile, "How about you tell me more about our friendship back then- with Frederick and Allan? It might let me remember things that I'd forgotten." She jutted in excitement while cupping her face. The sparkles on her eyes shined from the luminous light, "I doubt you forget all about that. Such nice memories." I protested, "I tell you it's fuzzy."
It took Eloise about an hour or two to tell me the whole story under the cold breeze: on how we spend our time with each other after school and things we'd came up and shared about once a while.
I knew those times were precious and full of treasures… If only I'd ever remember those memories from the past, I would have rather feel sophisticated in things I had to carry than being unrefined of what's to come. Today, I'm just a typical pessimistic guy who can't tolerate stuff that seems to not come my way. All the stuff that came out of nowhere to poke me off the hat… and believe me in this case, I've been feeling rather shattered and self-conscious about everything. That's all I can do before all the realization will trounce to me.
I know that storytelling a child who can't grasp an idea is disappointing. Like what's the use of reading a tale and you had to waste your voice for that when this foolish youngster can't connect themselves to the point than anticipated? Well, Eloise almost cried because of that… or maybe it's not. I don't really know. So I'm jumping into speculations now? Not that it's the first time.
Eloise spoke delicately as her eyes tilted down the floor, "I've been asking for a while on how to see you guys again in a way that will bring me back to the days. Although I can see that with my present condition, there's only a slight chance for me call you ever since I lost contact of all of you- "As I watched her shaking firmly below the dazzling lights, she stared back to me while holding my gloved hand, restraining her tears from flowing out a waterfall, "-And now that I met you, isn't that kind of a coincidence? What's the likeliness of you being here? What's the reason?"
I snatched away my hand with a click on my tongue in a manner of disgust, "Well… is it what it is… meeting old or new people, only to know how much burden it takes to carry on with ourselves. Like I can't even recall a thing about almost anything I'm supposed to know about- " I faced my back from her, hiding all my despair as I look at my reflection in the mirror "- You made me feel like that after you call me a friend… and I've never known that I have one which is stupid in my part."
Eloise chuckled softly behind me, suppressing herself from getting carried away again with her negations although it didn't come out as well, since she had to speak her heart away in an emotional blast, "Is that so? You still can't remember all of that?" I can hear the wincing pain on her voice which really unsettled me, "I still can't-"
I store back again at her out of concern, and saw her clutching her temples the way a person reacts when they can't handle the current situation that is running around them, "I don't want to be forgotten… I'm afraid that once I go, one can't even care about me even after that."
In a lightning flash, I clarified her as she was affected of what's happening on me… between hers, "No, I didn't mean it. I swear that forgetting you is not on my to-do list. Like my brain just space out as usual and it wouldn't care to tell me what's going on." I leaned and grasp her shoulders, making her shift from misery to constant shock. Her beautiful cognac eyes widened as my face is an inch apart from hers. Alright guys… we'd done social distancing for a while now… as it always been, whatever.
Eloise leaned her head back knowing that I'm too close from her, "It's not about your dementia or if that really was the case for you that I'm guilty for. It's about Christina… no, mom-" Oh, it's about her homophobic mother again. She continued while hugging tightly her white-clothed pillow. "If she is not going to visit even once, then she's okay with forgetting about me… no she'd been like this ever since I parted from her which doesn't stand the odds of her actually caring about me."
I wanted to but nothing seems to come out of my mouth… like what she'd said, the likeliness is far from potential since her mother threw her out. Like it's a matter of an act to abandon behind a child that didn't grew into her expectations. Why come back when she left her already a note that she didn't deserve a child like her? Well unless, she is guilty which is yet improbable given that her mother had not acted upon it.
Eloise continued with a fake smile. One tear streamed down her cheek as she stared on the ceiling. The atmosphere around tightened again although sparks of gleams seems to dance around the darkest corners of the night. She continued, "Every year on our birthday, mom would usually since us this song- the usual happy birthday song. She always surprises me and Christina early in the morning with our themed cake in hand-"
She laughed in delight while swaying right into the left on a loop as though she is listening to her mother's singing voice, "-Missing those days, I've never thought that it will shatter like that… and in the end, I got this curse… I had to live long enough those years without them knowing." Eloise…
Those days ended and Eloise is still waiting for that moment. Now, she can't move an inch and talk when she wanted to. The time has arrived for her. But on that day, she got what she needed the most. Christina and I sat beside, staring at Eloise who is now sleeping peacefully on her hospital bed. Her ventilator funnelling through her mouth.
Christina was caring these days. She always had an excuse to see her sister and by the time, she barely works than the usual. I asked her, breaking out from the silence, "You talked with her like a week ago right?" She answered with a nod, her face miserable as always ever since that time she heard the news about Eloise. "We had fun." I sighed with a satisfied smile as I looked up and closed my eyes, relaxing despite it being near, "Good to know."
Then, I remembered. I asked Christina about it again who's now scrolling down on her phone's galleries, "Your mom is coming, correct?" She nodded in boredom without bathing an eye on me. When suddenly, someone budged out of the door with an angry shout. That exact time, I knew who it is and what scenery I'm involved to. 'I wonder… what things will turn out between a mother and a dying child...'
— Chương tiếp theo sắp ra mắt — Viết đánh giá
Tình trạng nguồn điện hàng tuần
-- Xếp hạng
Quyền lực 
-- Đá
Quyền lực