Chương 9: First

"What are you doing?" I asked the kid who was with me in the room. He was supposed to read a book, yes I bet, but the way he was holding it was not the proper way.

The book was face down.

"I'm reading a book, mom."

"Archie, that's not how you read a book."

"Oh, really? Now I know why I can't understand a thing in this book," he sighed, tossing the book on the other side of the room. I shook my head in disbelief. My son did that. He threw away a book like tossing trash.

He crawled on the floor to reach the side of the bed, his head was saying hi to me. I was folding his clothes.

"Mom, can I get another book?"

The book Archie was reading was The Purpose Driven-Life book I had bought a year ago. I was able to read that book for forty days and now he was trying to see if he could understand the writing in it. That book helped me a lot. It helped me to discover the true meaning of my life, the purpose I had since I was made to live, the identity I had been looking for. That book was my savior, my best friend. It was there when I was feeling down when I lost all the motivation in life and the meaning of my life.

That book was there for me when everybody else turned their backs against me.

"I suggest you just get a coloring book."

"Mom, it is so boring. I don't enjoy coloring the same pattern every time."

"You can just play with your toys, Archie, or help me with the clothes."

He pouted his lips and turned his back at me. He was leaning at the bed, thinking of the next thing to do. He remained seated, eyes checking the place for the toy he could play.

Archie was my son. He was five. I had him when I was twenty. Archie had a dad but we were not on good terms. He broke up with me when he learned that I was pregnant with Archie. He couldn't bear to take the responsibilities with me. He said he was an athlete, that he needed to focus on school, their basketball practice, he was still young, he didn't know what were the things a father should do for his child, and a lot more about his life.

He was terrified of the new obligation that we were about to shoulder. So, that was the story of why I had to bring up Archie on my own. James was not with me when I was having a hard time being a mom; he was absent when I needed to give birth. James was only there through the happy times of our relationship. James was there during the courting stage. James was there when he wanted me to watch every game they had won. James was there when I didn't know what we were doing. James was there when I had made the wrong decision in my life. Then, James was not there when Archie was conceived. He started to distance himself from me, and when I said that I was pregnant with our child, James broke up with me.

It had been a tough journey for myself and Archie. It had been a nightmare to let my parents know what I had been through. I had been a disappointment to them. Their only daughter, who they thought would graduate with flying colors, who they thought would be a doctor, who they thought was not putting any relationship on top of her priority, had dated the school MVP and guess what, after a year of dating, they had made a child.

I looked at Archie as he picked up a coloring book on the shelf and made his way to his study table. He seemed to get that attitude from his dad. James would argue with me if I was asking him to do something that he didn't want to do, but in the end, he would do it because I was the one who asked him.

Archie looked like James. His eyes, his nose, his complexion, the way he smiled, the way he frowned, even when he yawned; he was an imitation of his dad.

James was there when Archie turned one. He was there when Archie uttered his first word, it was dad. James was so glad to see his son call him dad. James was happy to be a dad, but he didn't ask me to start a new relationship. He was dating another girl now. A girl who was prettier than me, who didn't have a son, who didn't ask him for responsibilities. James was easy to love just like Archie, but James was not ready to be a dad. He didn't want us to get married and live together for the child. James wanted his life to be controlled by himself alone. James was still a kid at heart.

We made an agreement that he could see Archie on weekends. He could take him somewhere to have their alone time together. We didn't try to explain to our son the situation we had. Archie couldn't understand at his age why his parents were not living together. Archie couldn't comprehend that his dad had a girlfriend and they were happy together. Archie was not aware that his mom was sad, and she needed to raise him alone.

My parents were also against the idea of marrying James. They didn't want him to be the husband for me if he couldn't be a responsible dad to their grandchild. Mom and Dad were fine with James being with Archie on weekends. There were times when he would ask for my permission if he could bring Archie at their home if he could sleep with him for a day or so. I let James be the father Archie needed, but aside from that, we didn't get a chance to discuss it ourselves.

I guess for James; our story had long ended. He was happy now. All I needed to do was to find ways to find happiness on my own. I loved him, but the love I had for me wasn't enough for him to stay with me. He had chosen his own path and I had my own too. Who would be there for me when they learned that I was a single mom? At the age of twenty-five, I had a son. Who would even want to go out with someone like me? No one. There was no one.

Sander was my brother. Sander was the person who played the role of James in my life. He acted as the father that Archie needed when he was a baby. He was there at the hospital when I had my labor when I gave birth, and he was there in every milestone I had with Archie. Sander was there for me. I don't need anyone else. I don't need any man. My brother was enough to be the partner that I lacked. Sander would be there for me until the day he decided to settle on his own and start his family. For now, we had each other.

It was summer.

Archie and I had to stay with him for the whole summer. Away from James and the environment, we had been used to living. My brother invited me to spend the summer with him. I was back in this place after almost three years. I had stayed in this place, looking for a job, and when I finally found one, I just stayed for a year. Archie was still young and he needed a mother. So, I decided to go back to our parents' house and live with my son.

"Mom," Archie called out. My heart would smile whenever he said the word mom. It was now my favorite word.

"Yes?"

"Why wasn't dad called again? I miss him."

I thought of a better excuse than Archie would think was true. For his age, he had been asking a lot of questions about his dad and things about our little family. He will start school next year.

"Maybe your dad is busy with his work."

"Is playing basketball his work?"

"Yeah."

James was able to fulfill his dream to play basketball for the national team. It was his dream to be part of the team he had been looking up to, and now he was with them. I would say he had been known to some people, they could be seen play on national television. He had a career, and we couldn't be the reason why he had to choose between his career and us.

James loved Archie. That was the only thing I could ask from him, to love my son as much as I love him. James never failed to do that task for Archie.

"Mom, he is not working. Dad is just playing and he said he enjoys it when he plays. Can I play with Tito Sander later? I want to play basketball, too."

"I don't think Tito Sander can play with you later. We need to clean the house and cook for lunch, remember?"

He returned his attention to the book. "Okay, I will just stay in this room and finish this. Mom, I don't like coloring, you know. I'm just doing this because I don't have anything else to do."

I smiled to myself while hearing his little problem. He had been staying in the house since we got here. Sander's place had a mini playground near his garden area, but Archie had no one to play with him. For him to entertain himself, he needed to read books and do the coloring of the rest of his coloring books.

"I can teach you how to play the Ukulele."

"Wow! I like that. Let's do that, mom," his eyes lit up when I offered him a new thing to do.

"We will do that after cleaning this room. Look at your toys and the books you have thrown anywhere."

He started to pick up the toys and placed them in the box he had as organizers. I would be done with the clothes and then we could play for the next hour. My phone buzzed, a name on the screen said the caller was Ashley.

Ashley was a friend from the café I had been going to since I learned that place from Sander. How did we meet? It was about a book. We were both looking for the same book at the attached bookstore in the café. Things went well for the two of us. We started seeing each other at the same place and we got to talk every time we had the chance. Ashley was nice. She seemed to be the same age as me. She said sometimes she would invite me for lunch; she said she liked me, and there was someone she wanted me to meet.

I picked up the call and answered. "Hi, Ashley. This is Isabel," I said.

"I know you'd pick up. How about lunch today?"

"Sounds great. Where?"

"Same place. Let's meet before twelve?"

"Sure," I agreed. I saw my son who was diligently cleaning his mess in the room. "Ashley, can I bring someone with me?"

"Sure, bring any of your friends. I am bringing someone with me, too. See you later, Isabel."

"Yes, thanks. See you."

Maybe it was the right time for Ashley to meet my son. She was nice and I thought maybe she would like Archie.

"Archie, do you want to go somewhere with mom today?"

"Sure! I'd love to. Let's go. Let's go!" he started jumping like a happy monkey all over the place.