Chương 31: Are You Okay?

Claire was still so freaked out that she wasn't able to drive home. Alex had to drive for her. He parked the car, keyed the code into the security system, and rearmed it once she followed him inside in a daze.

"I need to go relax for a while," she said faintly. "Do whatever you want."

He nodded and plopped down in front of the TV as she went upstairs. She needed a nice hot bath. A long one. With little candles and relaxing music playing. If she didn't do something relaxing soon, she was going to completely crack.

She filled up the tub, lit her favorite scented candles and set them on the closed toilet lid, and started a calming playlist on Spotify before dropping the bath bomb in. She eased her worn out body into the water and felt her tensed muscles started to relax.

Claire closed her eyes. She couldn't believe how close that was. Or that Alex wasn't the slightest bit fazed.

Was this simply what life was for him? How could someone even get used to the constant threat of death? Did he even feel stress at all? How did he handle it?

She almost wished she was an emotionless robot too simply so she wouldn't have to deal with how she was feeling right now. Of all of her near-death experiences lately she honestly couldn't say which was the most traumatic.

What was a worse way to die, getting shot at or getting blown up? Claire didn't want to find out and yet she had been so close to experiencing both. And to think she had been annoyed about Alex's hyper-vigilance regarding checking her car. If he hadn't done it this time…

No. She couldn't think about that. They were both alive and nobody got hurt. But she really couldn't take much more of this. Her poor nerves were completely frayed. One more tiny push and they would snap.

"I can't do this anymore," Claire moaned to herself.

She forced herself to think of something else. Anything else. She started listing off every medication she could possibly think of from work to get these thoughts out of her head.

The mundane and familiar helped soothe her a little and she felt herself nodding off, exhausted now that the adrenaline was out of her system. She was woken with a start when she slipped too far below the water and got some up her nose.

Ugh, that really hurt! Now the relaxation was completely gone. Claire angrily climbed out of the tub, blew out the candles, and changed into her pajamas. She was done for the day. No more effort would be coming from her.

Daisy jumped up on the bed next to her and fell asleep pressed up against the back of her head but unfortunately she was wide awake now. She lay there for an indeterminate amount of time until Alex came up to check on her without knocking. They really needed to work on that.

"I brought you a cookie," he said simply. "Are you okay?"

"No," Claire said miserably and pulled the blanket over her head. "I'm sick of almost dying. I don't know how you can even stand it. This is so far from normal from me that I can't take it anymore. I'm at the end of my rope."

"I'm used to it. I can see how it would be difficult to handle if you aren't though. Eat your cookie; it should make you feel better."

She did as she was told. It was delicious though it didn't change anything about her situation. She was every bit as miserable as before her snack.

"Thanks," Claire told him anyway.

It had been nice of him to try and cheer her up. He was getting better at stuff like this. Maybe some of that phone research in the middle of the night had been about the things they talked about yesterday regarding compassion.

"You're welcome. Would you like a hug? I can express my sympathy for you," Alex offered.

Claire couldn't help but let out a tiny laugh. He really took her words as gospel, didn't he? She had more of an influence on him than she had thought.

"Sure. A hug would be nice."

He sat down on the bed next to her and she sat up so he could hug her properly. She buried her face in his shoulder and soaked up the warmth. It had been a really long time since someone had hugged her when she was stressed.

Her mom had been the last one to do it. She hadn't been close enough to anyone else since then for that sort of thing to happen. And now she was getting hugged by a previously emotionless hitman who apparently felt sorry for her. How the tables had turned!

"We should continue our research into who might be trying to kill you tomorrow," Alex said. "For now you should rest and focus on feeling better."

Where had he learned such a sentiment? He didn't know anything about rest since he hardly got any himself. What exactly was he looking up online anyway? It wasn't like you could search 'how to act like a human being' and get any viable answers.

Whatever the case, Claire was grateful. She really didn't have the mental capacity to dig around in her mom's old room right now.

"Yeah. Good idea," she said quietly.

She didn't want to deal with anything else today. She wanted to sleep and forget any of this ever happened but she was also afraid of having nightmares. There was only so much a brain could take.

Alex was about to go when Claire impulsively reached out and grabbed his hand. He looked down at their hands questioningly and she was suddenly too embarrassed to meet his eyes.

She was going to sound like such a baby for saying this but… "Will you stay here for a while? I'm afraid of being by myself right now."

He didn't even seem surprised and simply nodded before hopping onto the other side of the bed on top of the covers. She caught a glimpse of Plants vs Zombies on his phone screen before she closed her eyes.

Funny how someone Claire had been afraid of only yesterday was now a source of comfort. She really was losing her mind. Crazy or not, she was comforted by Alex's presence and was able to fall asleep for a few hours.

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