Chương 21: Chapter 21: The Next Mission's Point of View
I cannot believe everything that is happening right now. My grades are failing, then my mother abandoned me again so she can fund my expenses for school. Everything in my life is so wrong... Only one thing in my life is right, and it is Ajan.
.
Then she left me.
I don't know how to start because since she left, everything in my life ended- my hopes, my dreams for us, especially my very future. What can I do when she is all in one?
My strength...
My love...
My universe...
My all.
Now, my everything and everyone has abandoned me but the most painful of all is her, leaving me behind. All our promises were forgotten in an instant and she left without a bit of hesitation. It was as if leaving me is so easy and just. Am I too unlovable? Do I not deserve love? Maybe everything is my fault too. I left her so I can study in a nice school. Maybe she got tired. Maybe she found someone better than me....
Maybe she's tired of me and my attitude.
But how about her promises? She told me that no matter what happens, she will never leave me.
But how could she forget her promises that easy.
______
"Do you not want me anymore?" I asked her.
"It's not like that." she replied, not looking at me in the eyes.
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes."
"But?" My patience is running out because she does not tell me straight what she thinks but deep inside me, I am shaking. I know where this will lead... I just hope it won't.
Please tell me you love me.. I hope you will...
"No. I did tell it to you just now because I was confirming it." she replied.
"Before you have confirmed it with yourself, I have already confirmed it. We were in a relationship for 3 years. If there is someone out there who knows you the best, it's me..."
She refused to look at me as tears streamed down her cheeks. I know she's not hurt by the fact that I'll be gone from her life, but with the fact that her conscience will torture her because she has hurt me terribly, so painful, like my world is being torn into pieces.
"Listen to me...." I said and placed my arms on her shoulders...
"I'm letting you go now, Ajan. I know that's what you need." i said.
More tears fell down from her cheeks as I took my handkerchief and wiped down her tears.
"I love you... I'll always will" I said.
"I love you.." she replied
"Stop.. Don't lie now... Ajan..." i told her. I knew it... I felt it before she could even speak. This is why i constantly ask her if she still loves me because I am too scared of losing her. But all she tells me is that she loves me and will never leave me.
But look at what's happening now. I want to get angry and shout at her. I want to tell how upset I am, how she broke my heart in seconds, but here I am, still loving her despite her, tormenting me so slow and so hard.
"I loved you." she said and cried more.
"Stop crying now. I don't deserve your tears.. You know I hate to see you cry."
But she cried nonetheless. This is breaking my heart....
"I will never forget you..." she said and then left me there, standing alone as rain fell down at the same time with my tears.
_____
I'll never find a better person than her. She loved me even if she saw my darkness. She was there for me when no one else was. When everybody abandoned me, she was there with me, and told me that she will never abandon me.
But she did in the end. She was the only connection I have in the world, and now I feel like an outcast in the world. I'm so alone and depressed, that I want to end it all now.
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