Chương 40: - His Final Stand [3]
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A/N: Sorry it took a few days to compile these. Enjoy.
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Cain attempted to right himself up, leaving no time for any stray thoughts to enter his head.
He needed to stay focused on this battle, now that Alan had revealed to him the power he suspected the boy was hiding.
'Who knew this kid would be a summoner?'
Well, of course he did. In fact, he knew long before Alan had ever entered the chamber or decided to pick himself as a target. A grave mistake that Cain would soon make him regret.
It had to be noted to Cain that only a summoner could have the ability to use mana, and therefore magic. However, when he saw Alan, he sensed not one summoning circle on the boy.
Not on his chest, his shoulders, his legs - anywhere. The man was circle less.
Which borough Cain to a question he had been pondering over.
'What happened to that boy's summons?'
However, he had little time to ask him, as the moment he turned his head to look back from whence he came, Alan was there, flying out from the smoke and dust covered atmosphere.
His arm was raised, his fist clenched, and on his face was the look of hatred.
'So the little pup wants to keep fighting?'
Cain wasted no time in twisting his body around, and connecting his own fist with Alan's resulting in a shock wave exploding around them.
"Fine by me!"
Grabbing his arm, Cain twisted his body, slamming Alan into the wall behind him, and began wailing on him with punches.
Left, right, front and center, the punches Cain threw rained down like hail on an unsuspecting walker.
However, he was left surprised when he paused on his onslaught, only to find Alan taking the opportunity to land a nasty kick to his knee, bending it in a way that should have never been possible.
"Gah…Agh!"
Cain tried to keep the pain down, but eventually, he couldn't stop himself from crying out, as Alan slipped out from under him, creating a distance between them.
As he watched Alan land not too far away from him, Cain lifted his left leg, which twisted in some inhuman fashion, as it set itself right.
Alan, who was watching the whole thing, became more wary of Cain than he did before.
'If he can heal himself, how do I kill him?'
Catching his thought before it left him, he turned over his own words in his mind.
'Wait, why am I trying to kill him?'
Alan had not come into this battle expecting to kill Cain, he had expected to die. A death worth the pitiful life he lived.
'He's inspired me this much. Enough to fight him with everything I've got. Might as well let him have it.'
Alan began circulating the mana in his body, ready for Cain who he assured would no doubt be the first one to lash out.
However, his expectations never became reality, as Cain simply watched him from afar, his eyes betraying some small hints of curiosity.
"You want to die."
Alan froze up at the sound of Cain's words, his mind racing past their battle, and into doubt.
'What?'
But Cain didn't bother to give Alan the time to ask his unspoken questions.
"You want to die. Why?"
Slowly, the lightning surrounding Alan began to fade, a reflection of his own will wavering before a titan.
"I…I can't."
Two words were all that came to mind when Alan searched for an answer, yet they were enough to speak to the levels of his pain, if one took the time to understand them.
"You can't?"
Cain tilted his head in question, an act that twisted something inside him.
"Because of your mother?"
Alan remanded silent, the air's tension easily broken with a single word.
"What do you know about my mother?"
It was these words that broke the sounds of silence that surrounded them in some unspoken tension. Such a simple question, yet it was filled with emotion.
Anger, fear, disgust, arrogance….love.
At first Cain wasn't sure if he had caught it, but soon it became the only distinct emotion that Cain could see.
"You still love her."
Cain never planned on talking about it, but eventually he found himself questioning.
"Why do you still love her? Has she not hurt you enough?"
"What do you know?"
Sighing Cain gestured around him, their conversations masked by the clouds of dust that surrounded them.
"Why else would you be here? Groveling to her for recognition."
"Shut up!"
While he was somewhat surprised by the sudden outburst, Cain pained it no heed and continued.
"Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me that you did not come here, spending your life, only to impress a woman who never cared for her little bast*rd."
Cain barely had time to finish his sentence before Alan appeared in front of him in a flash, his fist already hurling towards his head.
But Cain was quick to react, using his left hand to parry the punch away from his head, he gripped his fingers deep into Alan's flesh, bridging the man closer to him in a struggle.
"You know nothing about me!"
Screamed Alan, whose words were heard clearly in Cain's ears, but still the man paid little attention to him.
"I tried to be a good son. I tried to be a good man, someone my mother could be proud of -"
"Pride leads to prejudice, and eventually arrogance."
"All I wanted was to be a son to her. A child in her eyes that she made, that she raised."
Alan said through gritted teeth, his emotions pouring from his heart through his words.
"All I wanted…was family."
He turned to Cain, his eyes burning with rage where there was once sadness.
"But she took it away from me!"
The static surrounding Alan grew, as the light increased, the bolts of lightning that came from his body became more and more plentiful, until it was all that surrounded him.
"Yet you still grovel at her feet. You still beg for recognition and for what?! Just so you can pretend to be her son? To pretend that she loves you?"
"Shut up!"
Cain grabbed Alan by his shirt, and pulled him in close, close enough that Alan could only hear Cain's voice when it spoke.
"Why live that little fragile lie, when you would have become strong accepting the truth?"
"..."
Alan could say nothing. His mind was too busy mulling over his words, fear taking over.
"Why would you live that lie? There were so many better options for your life that you could have taken. All you needed to do was walk away - yet you didn't."
"I couldn't!"
"Liar! It's not that you couldn't, you didn't. You could have run away. You could have hidden yourself, spoken up for yourself, or stayed out when your mother was rid of you. But you kept. Coming. Back!"
Alan was struggling to match Cain's strength, as he began pushing him back, his feet slipping out from underneath him.
"You didn't stay because you were afraid!"
Yet despite his obvious weakness, Cain continued pushing on, cutting at the already bleeding scar.
"You stayed because you were full of pride. Nothing but pride! You wanted love, not because you were weak and frail, but because you were angry. You thought you were entitled to it."
"No…"
Alan could feel his moral slipping, as his strength and resistance followed suit.
These were not lies - he could tell that much. No matter what he told himself, the truth hurt more than he allowed it to.
'I numbed myself to this feeling. So why is it when he opens his mouth does it hurt so much more all over again.'
In spite of his anger and frustration, Alan gained no ground against Cain, who appeared as if he was towering over Alan, before he realized that he was.
Cain's strength was forcing him to the ground, buckling his knees inward before Alan ever began to realize what was happening.
"You know what I think Alan?"
Snapping him from his thoughts, Alan's eyes locked onto Cain's with some sense of fear in his cold dominance.
"I think that when you did summon your creature, you thought you would be accepted, admired, forgived. Forgiveness, Alan, was something that you were never entitled to."
"Stop.."
"And when you realized that, you turned cold to the wonders you thought the Eternal world would bring. Your own ideologies got in the way of your perception in the world, and it turned you cold and heartless."
"Stop..Please…"
"But was that enough? No. The world you thought would only bring beauty and light to your sad little world, was nothing but a disappointment to you. So what did you do?"
He was no longer yelling, his voice barely raising above a whisper the closer he got to Alan.
"You fought for some inkling feeling, some small sign that you were not useless. So you threw your summons head first into battle. You killed for your mother. Won wars for her. Men, women, children - you killed them all. And you used your summons to do it all for you."
The lightning that surrounded Alan began to fade, his voice cracking and breaking from some choked up fear and depression.
'He's right.'
"You made your summons kill, only out of sheer desperation for the recognition of someone who cared little about you. You even failed to realize just how special you were to receive a B ranked summons, on the brink of A. You failed to realize that he, your summons, had already recognized you for the man you were."
'This is it.'
Alan knew what would come next, and he dreaded every moment of silence that passed between them.
He had not anticipated for the battle between them to evolve into some sort of accusation. To some court order or prosecution.
He simply wanted to die.
"But you made him kill, kill, and kill. He was meant to bring you happiness, and yet you killed. So…What happened then?"
'Here it comes.'
"He died. Summons have emotions Alan, and they feel everything you feel, experience and regret. It was why he wanted to help you so much. So, so much. But when you turned him onto the innocent, all he saw in you was the mother who hated you. And with that revelation, he took his own life. Died, pitifully in a pool of his own blood, only for you to find him."
Tears began streaming down his face, even before Alan could ever remember when he started to cry, started to wail out in agony.
It hurt.
But it hurt more to hear those words, and have the memories come flooding back to him.
It was true. All of it was true. Alan wanted recognition from his mother, love from his mother, and peace from the one woman in his life that could offer it. Yet it proved useless, because he ended up hurting the one person who was there for him.
His summons was never smart, never strong enough to speak in any way, but just being there was enough. Enough for Alan to feel safe, loved, and protected. A friend. A brother. A family he so desperately wanted.
But he turned his back on his brother, and made him kill things - no people! He made him kill so many at the hands of his mother's orders. And all for what?
The moment his friend died, and his power was lost, his mother saw nothing left in the boy.
'All that, for nothing.'
Alan almost laughed at the irony of it all. He wanted love, but wished for the wrong kind.
'Let me die.'
It clicks for him then. The real reason he was searching for an end.
All this pain, regret, hurt inside his heart and soul that had built up inside him for so long was now finally flowing out. It was finally heard.
It was why he wanted death so badly.
On one hand, he wanted to die before he could ever hear his aching heart from screaming in pain, but on the other, he thought it was only right. To die.
'I deserve this more than I let on.'
He wanted the universe to know his name, yet here he sat, weeping like a child of four.
If this was what the universe saw, then Alan could only see them as either the most sadistic people he could imagine, to watch a crying man pour his heart and soul filled with pain out before him.
Or…
They were simply watching - the gods - as they held him close, sharing his pain with him.
'Maybe, when I die, they'll let me see him again. Let me apologize.'
As Alan's hands fell to the ground, his struggles ending before him, he could see the tears that fell to the ground.
And only one thought entered his head.
'Let me say goodbye, one last time.'
Alan didn't need his eyes open to know what came next. So he closed them, as a warm trickling liquid fell on his skin.
His hair fluttered in the breeze, and suddenly, he felt cold. His fingers felt numb, his toes ice, and his head - oh his head, only filled with a blankness he couldn't quite name.
"Death."
Before he faded out, his head flying through the air, Alan heard one word that resonated through the commotion and the sound of an almost deafening silence.
'Ah, so that's what it's called.'
***
As Alan's head touched the ground, his blood gushing from the open wound in his neck, Cain could only look on.
Past the torn body, past the headless corpse, past the pieces of a broken man. And for the first time in years, Cain felt a twinge of sadness escape his cold hearted soul.
As he turned and walked deeper into the dust cloud, on his way to visit Lia for the last time on their little adventure to Neverdark, Cain couldn't help but turn one last time.
All he could see was the peacefully resting body of Alan, a man filled with pain, but broken and bleeding in so many ways.
All that escaped his mind then, and formed the thoughts into words, was one phrase.
A phrase he had said far too many times, both for good, the bad, the evil, and the saints. But also for the sad.
"As you wish, you shall be granted."
And with that, he turned and left Alan for the last time.
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