Chương 15: 15 | Confusion
I don't understand Raiya. Sometimes he's cold to me and sometimes he's kind. Sometimes he hurts me really bad and other times he treats be gently. What does it mean? Just like that night I went out to see the decorations for Meiyi's wedding, he hugged me and then he pushed me on the ground and told me to get out of his sight.
Today was Meiyi's wedding. After today I won't be able to see her as much now. It made me feel a little sad that she was leaving too. The older brothers left to the army and now Meiyi is leaving to get married. Should I give her a present? Everyone gave her a present except me. Ah, but what do I give her? What's a good present? I don't have any money though.
Just as I was thinking I saw some flower beds not too far away. I quickly ran over to the flower bed plucked out the flowers. One by one I wrap them over each other.
"What are you doing?" a man asked.
I look up to see Hulang and Naiwei standing over me. I trembled in fear because I forgot to put my bandages on.
"P-please don't take my eyes." I said quietly.
"What?" Naiwei bent down lower towards me as I muttered the same phrase.
I quickly got up and kissed Naiwei. He jumped back in shock and I quickly went to kiss Hulang as well, but he dodged me and held me to the ground.
"What are you doing? We don't swing that way." said Hulang.
"My eyes. You won't take my eyes if I kiss you, right?"
"Ha?! What kind of nonsense is that?" Naiwei asked.
"That's what Raiya said. That's why he didn't take my eyes."
They both went silent. Hulang released me and said,
"Don't kiss me. We won't take your eyes. If you try anything I'll restrain you again."
"What were you doing?" Naiwei asked.
"A headband. I'm making one for Meiyi. I didn't get her a present and I don't have money."
"Why? Wasn't she mean to you, just like us, so why do you need to get her a present?" Naiwei asked.
"Why? She was only punishing me because I was bad. It was my fault, so I can't blame her. I want to give her a present because she let me live and it's sad that she's leaving."
"Punishing? We didn't punish you, we bullied you because we liked seeing you in pain. Do you understand?"
"I don't quite understand. If you guys like seeing me in pain then why did you stop?"
They looked at me confused. Did I say something wrong? Naiwei sighed and squat down next to me. It surprised me a little because he's never been so close before.
"I forget that you think differently from normal people, so I'll explain it in an easy way, alright? Normal people hold resentment and anger to those who humiliated and tormented them, but you don't because you were brainwashed by our mother into thinking that everything bad happening to you is a punishment. Do you understand now?"
"What's brainwash?"
"... Basically you were forced to believe in something to get something else in return. What did mother say to you when she hit you?"
"She said... That I'm WeiEr, so I need to be like him. She also said if I be a good boy then good things will happen, but if I'm a bad boy then I'll be punished. Then sh- ah my hea- hurts!"
My head ached and throbbed in pain as painful memories return to me. I began to breathe deeply and so fast that I started to black out and everything felt dizzy and fuzzy. I remembered the pain I had endured from Madam Yun and how she would always tell me to forget it as she apologized repeatedly.
"Hey. What's wrong?" Naiwei asked.
"F-forget t-the pain and forgive her."
"Is that what she told you?"
"Oh, so if I forgive, then I can give Meiyi a present!"
"No. You don't forgive someone like that so easily. Use your brain."
"..."
I really don't understand. Why is it so complicated? I just want give Meiyi a present, but they're saying I shouldn't because she brought me pain. I mean it did hurt before, but she's nicer now. She doesn't bully me anymore. No one bullies me anymore. Isn't that a good thing? So I should be happy, but Naiwei said I should be angry and that I should hate them. However, I don't understand those feelings. What does it mean to be angry? How do you hate someone?
"I-I still want to give her a present."
Naiwei sighed as he grabbed the flowers and helped me make a headband.
"You don't need to wear your bandages anymore. No one will take your eyes, so don't go around kissing people. I'm sure that idiot will chop off their hands if anyone took your eyes." Said Naiwei
"Who?'
"No one." Naiwei sighed.
If there's something I've noticed about these siblings, is that they loved to sigh a lot.
That evening of the wedding I gave Meiyi my gift without wearing any eye bandages. She was shocked, but she accepted my gift. I didn't stay for the entire wedding and was on my way back to my room, but I saw Raiya sitting next to a beautiful lady in yellow. He slightly smiled at something she said and they chatted happily. My heart squeezed a little and I felt a slight pain in my chest. What was it? Even I didn't know as I turned in for the night.
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