Chương 43: #43 Hirata's past
"Anyway, I should already go back! See you!" Karuizawa quickly run to the door and before she left the room she threw me a mischievous smile that totally said 'Let's see how you will deal with this situation'
When I saw this I couldn't help but curse inside. This is also your problem! To be honest, this is more of your problem than mine! If we will train together ever again in the future, I will make sure that she suffers much more than this time but I guess she will suffer enough very soon so I can let it go this time.
Ike immediately woke up from the shock after Karuizawa left.
"W- what were you two doing here?" He asked me with a complicated expression while taking a few glances at my bed.
"Get real, will you?! Do you really think I would ever do something like that with a girl who has a boyfriend?!" I instantly replied when I noticed where he was looking.
"...I know that it's none of my business but what's the real reason for Karuizawa-san being here?" He seriously looked at me and probably decided to trust me for now.
What should I say?... I was racking my brain until a pretty decent idea hit me
"*sigh* You know how women can be insecure about their weight and body right?"I asked him with a serious expression and he immediately nodded his head in understanding.
"I just showed her a few exercises she could do to keep her figure. She also complained about not being much useful during the survival test so I decided to help her with building up some stamina." I continued explaining.
"I see...but why was her hair wet and why was she wearing men's clothes" His expression eased up when he heard my explanation.
"She was apparently too sweaty to go back without taking a shower... I tried to stop her but you know how women can be when it comes to these things. As for clothes, they were mine but she more like forced me to lend her those since her clothes were all sweaty." I put on a miserable expression.
"I see...you have endured great hardships but tell me truthfully-" He put his hands on my shoulders and dramatically stopped in the middle of the sentence for a few seconds before continuing.
"DID YOU AT LEAST TAKE A PEEK?!" After I heard his words I immediately hit his head with my fist for building such suspense just for idiotic words.
"Ouch! What was that for?!" He clutched his head and he looked at me with a genuinely confused expression.
"Dunno, maybe my hand moved on its own" I said while looking at my right hand closely if there was something wrong with it.
I was stupid for even trying to seriously explain the situation to an idiot like Ike...
...
In the middle of the night, my phone vibrated just for a while but it was enough to wake me up.
[Walker-kun, are you asleep?]
Hirata? What does he want at this hour?
[Still alive] I texted him back, wondering what's his reason for contacting me.
[I am sorry if I woke you up but could we meet up right now? There is something that has been bothering me for a while now and I think that you might be able to help me...] His message almost looked like a desperate plea for help which slightly surprised me.
[Don't worry about that, where do you want to meet up?]
...
"I've had nightmares a few nights in the row. I would like to consult something with you...about me" Hirata told me with a forced smile.
We both sat down at the table.
"I am no therapist but I will try my best to hear you out. But why me?" I asked him what puzzled me a bit. I would say that I have a decently good relationship with Hirata but I don't think it's on the level where he could just casually tell me about his life problems.
"As I said before...talking with you always calms my mind and because you seem to have a lot of experience in this, always solving any conflicts that arise inside our class" He said with a light smile.
When I heard his words, my face went blank for a while.
A lot of experience in what? Life? Don't make me laugh.
" I also think that you are giving me too much credit, you were always the one solving the conflicts and not me. I just solved a few of them at most"
"Yes, and all of them were the ones I couldn't solve. That's also one of the reasons why I want Walker-kun to listen to my story but before I start to pour my heart out to you...I heard that there are some problems within your group concerning Karuizawa-san. To be more exact, I heard it from Yukimura-kun."
Even though it's completely visible that he is depressed, he still chose to solve other people's problems before solving his problems. Is he really that stupidly kind or is it something else...?
I just closed my eyes and nodded to show that it's the truth.
"...I am sorry for asking such a personal question but what kind of relationship is between Walker-kun and Karuizawa-san?" He asked me with a curious expression. Maybe he thought that we are close and thinks that he is being obstacle between me and Karuizawa.
"We are friends, well...to be more exact, we are childhood friends" I truthfully replied since I had no reason to hide it anymore.
This information completely shocked Hirata but he was able to recover after a few seconds. But that was still genuine expression so Yukimura really kept it secret. His relationship with Hirata wasn't the best but he is still able to set aside any differences for bigger goals or solving the trouble, I honestly thought that he would inform him about this.
"Then I guess I can leave this matter in your hands?" He asked me with a revealed smile.
He really has great trust in me...
"We should hurry it up so let's stop talking about others and let's focus on your problem for now." I said while looking up at the bright moon.
Hirata nodded and started to recount his story about his best friend Sugimura-kun. How he forgot about his friend and how he was unaware of his best friend being bullied. And when he reunited with him later he noticed it but it was already too late and he was too afraid to help him, afraid of becoming a new target. So he started to pretend that he didn't see him in hopes that bullies will get bored one day. And the last thing that was probably the hardest thing for Hirata to say...how his best friend attempted to suicide by jumping out of the window right before him in the classroom.
What the hell is with everyone getting bullied? Bullying was pretty daily activity even in my past but it wasn't anything too harsh at most it would be called 'making fun out of someone', no physical.
It seems that he didn't die since he said 'attempted'.
Hirata is someone who is a smart and good leader who can solve a lot of conflicts but he has one weakness, and it's his kindness. He is kind even to his enemies which is an incredibly foolish act. Now I know why he is so kind. With that I might try to change his personality a bit, if I were to be successful our class would become much stronger.
"I know that what I do won't help Sugimura-kun but I want to repent by helping others in front of me" He said to me with a resolute expression.
I opened my eyes after he was done with his story.
"Hirata-kun...I think that you are one big hypocrite" I calmly said while watching his confused expression. He probably expected me to comfort him or something.
"What you are doing isn't called repenting but cowardness." I supported my chin with my hands to get into a more comfortable position.
"W- what do you mean, Walker-kun?" It was a combination of panic and confusion that took place in his head.
"You can't help him but you can at least go to him and his parents to kowtow to them and say aloud all of your sins but I bet that you never even went to see him or his parents right? Everyone can make mistakes, even big like this, what is the main thing is to know how to recognize and correct your mistakes. Don't be mistaken, what you are doing is not repenting, you are just trying to push the guiltless you feel away with a 'kind' acts. You think that you were selfish back then but you are even more selfish right now, you are helping others just so you can feel better. You will never find true salvation if you keep on going like this." I took a deep breath after saying that.
"B-but...." He had nothing to say, I saw one tear to fall out of his eye, perhaps he even unconsciously agreed with me on some of the parts I said. He was really mentally unstable right now.
"Listen to me Hirata-kun, you-" I stopped talking when I saw his blank face, he probably wasn't even paying attention to what I just said right now. I got up and gave him light slap to wake him up.
"Listen...You won't help him or repent by being kind to everyone. I am not saying that it's a bad thing to care for your classmates but stop caring for strangers and students from other classes! I don't even understand how you can care for the strangers and other classes in the same way you care for your friends. You have to set your priorities straight or you will end up hurting your friends by not choosing any side once again" This time I referred to Karuizawa's case since I was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to actually solve this conflict. I wonder what would he do in the end if it would come to violence...
"There is nothing as kindness without an ulterior motive behind it. It just depends on how easy it is to see that motive. In your case, it's pretty hard to see but it is still there." With that said I got up and left him sitting there with a blank expression. I am not even sure if he heard those last words I said before leaving.
The only thing I believe that doesn't have any ulterior motive is the whim.
Some might argue about the situation where you show kindness towards your friend but you still feel deep inside the hope that he will do the same for you or that he won't abandon you once you will find yourself in a troublesome situation.
Let's see if Hirata will change a bit or stay the same old Hirata. He might also take some drastic actions, seeing his mental state of mind today.
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Felix9713
Felix9713 Sorry about this probably boring chapter but I quite like Hirata as a character so I think he deserves more attention.
Also sorry about this psychology crap, I don't study it so some of the sentences might not make any sense. It was pretty hard writing it down in language I don't really control very well.
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