Chương 39: thirty eight
"Jimin, it's not your fault. I'm the one at fault here. I told y/n that I would choose her. Yet I left for work, leaving her here alone, knowing something was bothering her. I knew. She kept giving me excuses, and I let it go, thinking she would tell me when she was ready." I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. "If I had listened to my gut, if I had made her talk to me, if I had chosen her, instead of work, she would still be here. I failed her, Jimin, and because of that, I've lost her."
~ ♡ ~
Taehyung's POV
Jimin looked at me, hope in his eyes. "You have to try to get her back, Tae."
"How? She's gone, she probably went home. What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know, but we have to figure something out. You can't just sit here forever, feeling sorry for yourself."
Jimin got up, extending his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me up.
I glanced around the room, noticing that she had left some of the clothes I'd bought her, but it seemed she'd taken most of them, and I knew she probably just couldn't fit them all in her suitcase.
I turned and looked at the bed, and drew in a sharp breath, causing Jimin to look in the direction I was looking.
I walked to my side of the bed, picking up the stuffed tiger that was sitting on my pillow. I held it to my face, smelling it, knowing it would smell like her. My body started shaking as I cried, in disbelief that she had left the only thing she had from her childhood here.
"Taehyung..." Jimin put his arm around me, pulling me into a hug. "I'm guessing that was y/n's tiger?" He asked, releasing me.
I nodded, taking a deep breath, before pulling it from my face, and looking at it.
"She's had it since she was 3, she said she sleeps with it at night, because she likes to hold something." I smiled painfully.
"Wow, now I'm convinced you two were made for each other." He smiled at me crookedly.
"She told me it was all she had left from her childhood, so I know it means a lot to her. I can't believe she left it here. Why would she do that?"
"That's an easy one, it's because you mean more to her."
I looked at him, not so sure he was right. She left me too.
"Tae, let's go downstairs, and I'll make you a cup of hot cocoa."
I nodded, and set the tiger on the bed, following him out the door.
Once in the kitchen, I sat at the table, and watched Jimin get everything to make the hot cocoa. He fixed two cups, and came to sit across from me, sliding me a cup.
"You had me so worried. I asked Namjoon if you had messaged him letting him know you'd made it home and that y/n was ok, but he said he hadn't heard anything, and assumed you just forgot once you got home to y/n. I told him I would text you, and not to worry about it. I sent you a text as soon as I left practice. You didn't reply, so I got worried and headed straight here."
I didn't even know where my phone was. "I'm sorry Jimin. I hurried here once I left, texting her along the way, and getting no reply. I got here, and went straight upstairs, I was so scared something had happened to her. But, she wasn't here, and I kinda lost it. I must have tossed my phone somewhere when I came in the door."
He looked at me, his eyes full of understanding. "Imagine how scared I was when I got here and found your front door wide opened, at midnight."
"I left the door opened?" I hadn't even realized.
"Wide opened. I've never climbed a set of stairs so fast in my life."
"I guess I wasn't thinking. I don't remember leaving the door opened."
I let out a breath. I was exhausted, but I knew I wouldn't sleep. I looked at my watch. It was almost 6am. "What am I going to do Jimin?"
"Well first, you should find your phone...and then, maybe send her a text?" He raised a brow at me questioningly.
"What would I even say to her?" I put my head in my hands, feeling miserable.
"What would you say to her if she were here?"
I raised my head, looking at him, feeling extremely grateful that he was my best friend. I got up, trying to remember what I did with my phone.
"Why don't I text you, your volume is up, right?"
"Yeah, good idea." He sent me a text, and I heard it ding from the living room. I walked in and saw it in the corner of the couch. I guess I tossed it there when I came in the door and flew up the stairs.
"Do you think she's landed yet?"
"We have no way of knowing, we don't even know if she left Korea, Tae. It doesn't matter, you want her back, right. Just text her. She'll get it when she gets it."
He was right. I looked at my phone, thinking for a minute. Then I started to type.
Why? Just please tell me why. I love you. I told you that I would choose you, and I'm so sorry that I left you alone when you were upset. I should have chosen you. I do choose you. Nothing means anything without you. Please come back. Please, I need you. Tae
I took a deep breath, and hit send.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I looked at his message, and couldn't stop the tears that ran down my face. My hand came up to cover my mouth, and Donna was immediately beside me, her arm around me, hugging me to her. "Oh, sweetie. Don't cry, It's going to be okay." I shook my head, and showed her the message.
"Honey, I think you should call him. A blind man could see how much you miss him. And he very clearly misses you. I think the two of you need to talk."
"I'm scared to talk to him. I don't know If I can handle hearing his voice."
"Like I said, it's not going to get easier. The more time that passes, the harder it's going to get. Do you plan to never speak to him again?" She looked at you pointedly.
"I...I don't know. Maybe. I just...I know he's choosing me, that's the problem. He loves his career, and he's good at it. And his friend told me that they aren't even looking for relationships because that way they can concentrate on their careers, and not even have to worry about choosing between a relationship and doing what they love." I grabbed a napkin, wiping my nose.
"But wasn't he seeing you, and still concentrating on his career. What makes you think he can't do both? Did he ever say that?"
Had he ever said that?
"No, not exactly. But he wasn't allowed to date, we had to keep our relationship secret."
"Mhm, but that isn't the same thing. You told me why he had to keep it a secret. That makes sense. But keeping you a secret, and choosing between his career and you, are two totally different things."
You looked at her, and you suddenly started to doubt yourself, wondering if you had actually done the right thing. What about what Jimin had said, about not looking for relationships, not letting anyone fall in love with them, so that they didn't have to choose. You were so confused.
"Y/n, just call him. The only way you're going to know if this is all a big misunderstanding, is to call him, and talk to him. If you don't you're never going to know, and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering."
She made a very good point.
"Okay, but not today. I'll do it soon. I need some time, to think about what I'm going to say."
She nodded, and went to get your coffee, setting the cup in front of you, and handing you the cream and sugar. She sat down across from you, studying your face.
"You know y/n, when you meet the person your meant to be with, you will end up with them. You can try to keep it from happening all you want. I can't imagine why you would do that, but it won't matter anyway, you will keep being drawn back together."
I looked at her, pursing my lips. "Not everyone meets the person they are meant to be with though."
"You're right, but those of us who are lucky enough to, have very fulfilling lives, because there is nothing you can't get thru when you have your soulmate by your side."
"So you found yours?"
"I did, and I also lost him. Not because I let him go, at least not the way you are considering letting Tae go. He got sick, and he passed away."
"Oh Donna, I'm so sorry, I didn't know."
"It's ok honey. It was God's plan. I'm at peace with it now. I had many good years with him and we were very happy. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I'm telling you this because I don't want you to miss out on precious time with your Tae. He's the other half of your soul, your heart, your mind, and your body. You need each other to thrive in life. Otherwise, you'll both just be existing."
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