Chương 57: Why is Gender-Bending a thing?
"What's with that look on your face...?" I asked the dead eyed fish that had been dragged out of bed.
"We over-hunted Goblins yesterday." Oh yeah, we DID kill an unusually large amount yesterday, but-
"We didn't 'hunt' them. They came to us to get slaughtered together like ants. Didn't you at least bring back their ears to say how much of a good job you did?" I don't see why this is a problem.
"Obviously, it's just... I'm getting an award for getting an Achievement for 'Most Goblins killed in a day' and extra payment." Why does it feel like this world's Adventure's Guild works on gaming logic...?
I mean, I totally understand giving what are essentially 'community service workers' some rewards for doing their jobs right. I have no problems there... It's just too oddly familiar to me.
"And why is THAT a bad thing?" This point made me confused, he got an Achievement after all!
What's the problem here?
"A Knight is coming to greet me... Let me just make it clear that I hate those religious fanatics." This is very awkward for me to hear. Technically, I can be considered a 'Fake God' like Enigma, can't I?
I may not be a divine entity yet, but I'm getting there. Just give me a few years until I get there.
"Yeah, but... Gods exist though?" Now I'm wondering when did I preach to atheists...
Now I know what 'not being believed in' is like...
"How are you so sure?" He lifted a brow, not understanding where I'm coming from.
"Would you believe me if I said I met one?" I did meet Enigma, and Damian met other Gods!
"No." He cut me down immediately. What a guy...
"Then let's just say I know people." Yep, I have my connections. Maybe I'll smuggle a God one day.
"...Anyway, what about the Buff?" He went back into the subject of that damn 'Buff' again!
"Ah... The Buff..." I scratched my cheek.
It reminds me of how once I asked about it and got information from Damian, he said: "Since you're a woman now, act like one with that useless ability of yours. What use is this kind of symbiotic ability?"
What a frickin' jerk! It's not like it's that bad...
"I have two Buffs you can pick from." In truth, I've actually got five but the rest of them aren't safe to reveal just yet. I'm pretty sure if I did, my identity as a Monster would be revealed and I might be killed.
"Go on." He looked at me with expectation.
"But before all that, can you help this 'girl' out? I need to look for a few people seemed to have become unnaturally stronger out of nowhere. I was tasked by... 'myself' to collect Origin Shards."
"I have no idea what they are, but sure... I'll help."
"Thank you! Your help is really appreciated!" I spoke my word from the bottom of my heart.
"Sure sure, just get on with it, woman!" And that heart darkened by how he brushed them aside.
"This Skeletal Staff that has a Deadshadow Buff or this Metal Gauntlet Darkmetal Buff. Choose one and take its effects." The bone staff that had attached to my clothes before and the gauntlet I had on my hand was put on the table before me.
"Can't you at least explain what they do...?" Bob looked exasperated by this weak explanation.
"The former makes you harder to kill and makes others easier to kill while the latter is basically something that increases your resistance towards elements and damage output." I shook the two items in front of him and rushed him to choose.
"Hmmm, why do they sound similar?" He asked in wonder as my face read: 'Cannot be bothered!'.
"Just pick one already." I seriously didn't care which of the two he picked. It's not like they're that different anyway. One helps killing while the other helps murdering. See, aren't they the same?
"At least be a little professional about this!"
"Yeah... No. I'd rather be a jerk." I don't get paid to be your salesman, you pretentious little jackass.
"I won't help you find your 'Shard' stuff if you're not serious. Why would I do a conman a favour?" He rebelled by holding my bal- I mean weakness, I don't have jewels so that expression wouldn't work.
"Who are you calling conman!? Let me tell you right now that you are getting what you asked for!" Isn't this exactly what he asked for? Why is he getting so whiny over just a little skipped explanation?
Honestly, bo- OH MY FLUFFING GOD I ALMOSY SAID SOMETHING I CAN NEVER GO BACK FROM!
Ahem, stay cool. Let's pretend that didn't happen.
Just erase the existence of that line of thought!
"Which is...?" He response made me wake up from almost going off tangent. Good thing he's here.
"Fine, choose the gauntlet one. You won't have to pick murdering the heck out everyone you fight that way." I gave up with a sigh. This time I gave him the one that's less volatile than the other.
"Thank you~" He smile while taking the gauntlet and having a good look into the power inside it.
"You know, I don't understand something." There are times when I get curious about stuff as well.
"What?"
"Why did you let me into your house?" This is a very important question. I can't figure this out!
"You're already here now." He had a look on his face that said: 'What do you expect me to do now?'
"I know... I just don't understand why you chose to believe a liar. Like who I am and stuff." There's no way I myself would let a stranger into my house without installing CCTV all over the place.
"You are Hilda from the Dark Forest."
"And you're not going to pry? You really believe my name is 'Hilda'? Really, I wouldn't give an alias?"
"Just tell me if you have something to say. Stop being so irrational and let me do what I want."
"...I'm actually a guy." I told him honestly.
"Pfft! -Excuse me?" His eyes bulged comically.
"My name is Simon."
"You have big boobies." That's a familiar sentence.
"I was a butler in a Noble Household."
"Can we backtrack to your boobs for a moment?"
"No." Stop focusing on my boobs. What? You jealous. I'm closer to boobs then you'll ever be in your entire life, you virgin. No, seriously. I'm uncomfortable because you keep on staring at me.
"...You're not even going to explain it." He looked at the ceiling while taking in the absurdity of what I just said. However, I could tell he was way too calm inwardly. Has he encountered a similar thing before? If so, where and how? Is this a secret...?
"It's complicated..." I kept my lips shut tight.
"Oh, come on~ How complicated can it be?" This guy spoke while underestimating my history.
"...Just trust me on this." Divine Siblings, Fake Gods, Real Gods, Reincarnation, Earth, some dark syndicate-like organisation, etcetera. Trust me, I'm doing him a favour by simplifying my life story.
"...What are you gonna do now?"
"Chill, relax, party, and collect some Origin Shards for this girl I hate that promised me power."
"Okay, now I have a question."
"Go ahead." What could be possible ask?
"Are you... by chance... evil?" Is this guy serious right now? What? Why do you look scared now?
"Of course I'm not. What made you think that?" I'm serious, what made you come up with that?
"You're a Dark Mage searching for power." This image in my head that arose after hearing that really did look quite evil. Since when did I become the classic villain in folklore? This is Damian's fault.
No, Enigma's fault! Nothing is Damian's fault!
Phew...
"Can't any old Mage search for power?" I played it off as nothing... That's just a stereotype anyway.
"Sorry, you're right. You just sounded evil."
"...That doesn't make me feel any better."
"Dude, I feel your pain." Why do I feel he's honest?
"Have you ever been turned into a girl before?"
"No. But hey, at least I tried cheering you up." Why is my gut telling he's trying to hide something?
I should probably ignore it. Doesn't matter to me.
"Congratulations." I responded to him dryly.
"Either way, you have a nice face though."
"I thought you were misogynistic..."
"You're a guy so it's fine." Is it though? Is it really fine? My spirit is that of a ninety year old man...
"And you say your straight... Tsk!"
"Don't click your tongue. I'm straight!"
"I'm a guy though."
"My boner is just a little confused right now..." He avoided my eyes and whistled mischievously.
"Do I really look that stunning?"
"My mom wanted more grandchildren after seeing you... That's what she is currently hoping for."
"...I'm straight!" You're getting no kids from me!
"Didn't I just say I am as well...?!" Bob, don't look like a victim. Tell that next time you 'stare' at me.
"That's why I don't like being a girl... It's not like I wanted to be so... stunning, beautiful, gorgeous!"
"Why do you sound a little happy?"
"It sounds fun getting people's reaction. I wonder what your Mom would think. I'm gonna tell her." Hmmm, where is she anyway? Out doing chores and talking to the old friends she has nearby?
"Don't!"
"Why not?"
"She can't handle the truth!"
"...Then you want me to keep this a secret?" Why am I the one keeping this a secret for him?
"Please do."
"I'm sure a truthful guy is more likeable."
"It doesn't matter to me. You're a girl now, and girls CAN have their secrets, ya know." This is gender inequality! Who says I have to act like a girl just because I AM a girl? How will I stay straight?!
"It wouldn't be right to lie."
"I don't remember you being so honest."
"You wouldn't. We only met yesterday after all. You know, in the past, I was known for my honestly."
"Seriously?"
"Of course! Would I lie to my dear friend?"
"I'm your 'dear friend'?"
"You're not." Dude, like I said, we just met recently.
"Figures. You better get used to being leered at by horny teens now, there's a lot of them in this village. Also, expect someone to profess their love for you and try to 'take you from me'..."
"I hate being a girl..."
"Well, at least you have boobs now?"
"How's that supposed to mean anything?" I don't remember my boobs being any sort of award.
"You can touch them or let me touch them."
"Don't be a degenerate, you virgin."
"Hey! I'll have you know: I have a daughter!" Pure lies. How can this crass jerk have a daughter?!
"You mean your sword?"
"No, I mean an actual daughter!"
"I'm not believing that lie until I see it." You cannot lie with such a straight face. Only I can do that!
"Fine. Let's go visit her then." He was ready to take me outside, but I stopped. I'm not 'ready' yet.
"Later, I'd rather not leave the house unless I've gotten enough information on my neighbours."
"You're being too cautious. What are you expecting?" He asked with a bit of surprise.
"Kidnapping, assault, slavery... You can say I'm not really feeling too good right now." Call me paranoid but having boobs just makes me scared someone else will touch them. I can't relax like this!
"...I'm sorry I didn't notice." Bob spoke sincerely.
"It's fine. You know, the biggest thing that happened after getting this body is that I can't sleep properly at night. Do all girls have this irrational fear?" Or are they used to these looks?
"Just you..." He avoided my eyes again. It looks like this guy isn't good at telling lies apparently.
"Haha, just me?" Now isn't this funny...
"Don't be scared dude. I got your back." I put his hand on my shoulder and shoot it, giving me the courage I needed. Why is he so nice to me? I don't remember friendships like this in the past....
"Because you're my friend?"
"Damn right I am!" He nodded vigorously in return!
"But why...?"
"I don't get what ya mean." He tilted his head.
"We only met just yesterday. How can you call me a friend when we hardly know each other?"
"Let me just ask this: Do YOU consider me a friend?" Bob suddenly turned the question to me.
"...Erm, I consider you a good acquaintance." I think. It's not like I can quantify relationships.
"Do you trust me?"
"I feel like I do... for some irrational reason." This is really complicated... Why is this so illogical?
"Then that is enough. Friendship is supposed to be irrational and emotional anyway, not logical."
"I'm not sure how to respond to that..." I've never seen someone shameless enough to say that.
"I don't understand 'logical friendships'. You're my friend if I say you're my friend, no excuses."
"If that's the case, I'll take you up on that offer."
"Cheers~" We tapped juice glasses together.
"...Thanks." He looked quite handso- I mean not at all! I am just grateful for his sincere worry.
"I didn't do anything." Bob spoke in confusion.
"I don't think I've talked this honestly to anyone else in my life." There aren't any shameless enough to get me to talk this way. If only I met him in my past life, maybe I wouldn't have died lonely...
"Hey, that's what bros are for~" He nodded his head and smiled, and that smile- No, wait!
"...I'm still straight though." I had to state loudly.
"Err... Yeah, me too! Totally straight!" He nodded.
"Ultra straight!"
"Mega straight!" He went with the flow.
"So straight we make straight people bashful!"
"Yeah!"
"We are the men even though I'm not a man!"
"Yeah!"
"Now take my Darkmetal Buff."
"Yea- I mean, okay. Not a problem, my man!" The gauntlet symbiotically attached to his arm.
"Make sure to test it out." Even as I spoke, he seemed to want to tell me something.
"Haha, yeah... ummm, Simon?" He called me by my real name in order to avoid any confusion.
"What's wrong?"
"There's something I have to tell you."
"What is it, my bro?" I felt a shadow behind me.
"My daughter has been standing behind you for some time now..." He spoke a little bashfully.
"How long?" Even I was turning red.
"When you and Daddy talked about 'straights'? Is that something you eat?" Someone just kill me!
And you, the young girl behind this chestnut-haired ball of adorableness! Don't look at me like that...!
"Haha... No, err... I- Who is that lovely girl behind you?" I used 'Bending rivers saves a Nation!'.
"My name is Dorothy..." The red-haired girl spoke in cold tone as she glared at my chest in envy.
I never thought a girl would envy my boobs...
"How old are you?" I suddenly got curious.
"19."
"How old is your sister?" I asked towards this girl who was looking at me like I was some 'competitor'.
"She's mine and his daughter. She's 5." This cold answer made my mind blank for a second.
19 – 5 = 14... 14... 14...
"Bob, we're not friends anymore... Please die..."
"Wait! I can explain this!"
"Please offer your neck, you sinful little man of great lust for children. Atone with your death!" My morals haven't died yet. Even if I DID consider you a friend before... I will never forgive you!
"I can really explain!" He shouted in panic.
"Don't hurt my Daddy!" The cute little girl grabbed my leg and held me back from murdering him.
"...I gave birth to her!" Bob dropped a bomb!
"...What?" You GAVE BIRTH TO HER?!
"I'm serious."
"..." You say what now?
"I'm dead, super serious!"
"You're pulling my leg." He's joking, isn't he?
"I'm not lying here."
"...You really need to explain this, or die. Please pick the latter because I feel like my ears will be defiled if I hear this." Please tell me you have a good reason for this. If not, just die here for me...!
"Hah... There was a time I also... was turned into a girl." He spoke what he hid in his heart.
"By who?"
"By me." The cold eyed girl answered for him.
"...And then you had-"
"Correct."
"Why?!!!" What the hell is wrong with you?!
"Because that's what two people who love each other very much do." She said with a blush.
"..." I looked at him and pointed at her.
"She spiked my drink... The reason why I hate girls now. She IS my misogynist mindset." He explained.
"Only true love would make me do that! Please come to your senses and marry me already? It's already been years! Do you not have a heart for your daughter at least? Don't tell me this filthy bimbo has wormed her way into your heart...!"
"This is also why I hate girls..." His words had unintentionally made his daughter wince.
"I'm straight but I hate this girl VERY much."
"Both of you can shut it for now. Sit down!" I know Bob is in the right. It's just... can't you see your own kid caught in the crossfire? Look at how scared she is at seeing you two arguing? Calm down already!
"Want, who are you to-?"
"Sit the hell down before I clock ya." I released some killing intent on this stupid little-
"..." She sat down next to Bob obediently.
"...I'll be with this one since she's less annoying than both of you and I need time to think... Try to speak nicely to each other in the meantime." You should have kept my story PG... You pricks...!
Ahh, my head...! I seriously want to beat them the hell up! What the hell is wrong with this world?!
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FlowingWaves
FlowingWaves A new blog about the Shounen Formula, Tragedy, and Horror is in the Auxiliary Chapters now. If I don’t update a chapter then it’s because I’m writing Analysis Blogs...