Chương 20: So Far Away
"So you let him walk out the door? Just like that?" So Min held Ji Ah's gaze dubiously, unable to believe the words spilling out of her friend's mouth. "Without even giving him an explanation?"
Ji Ah sighed, reclining in the leather seat of the lounge at Big Hit. It had taken her friend almost a week of pestering and goading to pry the information out of her and the videographer had finally relented, needing somebody to talk to. The past few days had been hectic, what with Bangtan shuffling from one music show to another as part of the album promotions. And Ji Ah hadn't had the chance to run into Namjoon, something she was grateful for.
"What was I supposed to say?" she demanded tersely, her head tilting upwards to trace the whorls of twinkles and stripes engraved on the ceiling. "I could hardly jump into his arms and declare my undying love for him now, could I?"
So Min's expression seemed to convey that that was exactly what she should have done, and she punched her friend's arm. Ji Ah grimaced, shooting her an accusing look. Her colleague promptly ignored it as she leaned forward in her seat. Save for the two of them, the lounge was empty with most of their team still in the process of arriving for the briefing that Bang PD had requested them to attend.
"No, but you could've at least been a little more cordial than curt," So Min retorted but Ji Ah remained staunch in her conviction. "I can only imagine what he must've felt when you shot him down so brusquely."
"It's for his own good, So Min," she replied in a soft voice, feeling cold despite the warmth in the room. "Namjoon needs to concentrate. And a potential relationship at this point would be disastrous. Not to mention the little fact that I don't even want to be in one."
But So Min looked skeptical, an almost pitiful lilt to her lips as they moved again. "Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?" She sighed when Ji Ah didn't answer, placing her palm over her friend's. "I know you well and I also know that you're in denial."
But before Ji Ah could respond, Jae Chan bounded into the room, ushering the pair out so they could attend the meeting Bang PD had called. As they strode down the hallway, the videographer came face to face with Namjoon who had just exited his studio. Ji Ah froze in her tracks, her expression blank and she scrambled for something to diffuse the awkwardness with. Oblivious to the tension in the air, Jae Chan merely greeted the rapper and continued forward, So Min trailing after him eagerly in hopes to afford the pair some privacy.
Seconds seemed to stretch into minutes in the still corridor and the silence was a heavy blanket over them. Ji Ah mustered the courage to lift her eyes from where they seemed to be fixated on the ground but nothing could prepare her for the sight that met them. Namjoon had a smile, a genuine smile on his face and he raised a hand in salute.
"Morning, Ji Ah! It's good to see you," he stated happily, no sign of any discomfort in his demeanor. It was as if the agony of the past week had been nothing but an imaginary feat which Ji Ah had conjured up all by herself.
"G-good morning, Namjoon," she replied, still taken aback but the rapper didn't seem to hear her, his head swiveling round towards one of the stylists who had just trotted out of the studio after him. Ji Ah didn't miss the way the petite woman squeezed Namjoon's elbow and he bent his head so he could hear what she had to say. He shot her a soft smile, a serene look on his face and his lips parted ever so slightly in reply. And an unfamiliar sensation curled at the tips of Ji Ah's toes as the pair waddled away, presumably towards the conference room while she stood there, struggling to regain her composure.
What the hell had just happened?
Namjoon seemed to be…fine as opposed to what Ji Ah had thought. She certainly wasn't fine and the brunette-haired woman wondered if the entire thing had been a figment of her imagination. She couldn't shake of the slimy feeling which had slithered its way into her skin and the videographer almost scoffed, not wanting to acknowledge it.
Hong Ji Ah was jealous.
She was envious of Namjoon's poise, so at odds with her bumbling state, was envious of the relaxed smile on his face, was envious of his easy interaction with the stylist as she had steered him away.
Yes, Ji Ah was jealous and she hated it.
Trying to ignore the gnarling sensation, the woman quickly strode down the hallway, pushing open the doors to the room. An instant hush seemed to settle over it, heads turning in the direction of the latecomer, which was evidently what she was at the moment. But Ji Ah didn't lower her head, ambling in with a firm air and willing anyone to reprimand her tardiness. In fact, she would welcome it; it would at least provide her with a pretext to lash out and possibly get fired, saving them the misery. But nobody did so and a few members of Bangtan actually smiled in her direction, including Namjoon. This disarmed her further and the videographer was acutely aware that her returning smile might have looked more like a snarl.
"Since we're all here now," Bang PD's voice boomed over them and Ji Ah quickly slipped into the chair So Min had pulled out for her. The room wasn't as packed as she had initially thought it would be, the only people present being the members of Bangtan, their CEO, her team and a few of the staff along with Manager Sejin. "Let's cut to the chase. I have an announcement to make." He paused, ensuring he had all their attention before dropping the bomb.
"BTS have been invited to perform at the AMA's!"
For a while, the breathing in the room stilled, multiple pairs of eyes affixed on Bang PD's face. Ji Ah braced herself, and it wasn't long before chaos descended over them.
"The what?"
"Wait, did you mean the MMA's?"
"Or AAA's-"
"Boys, boys, I know what I said," the CEO reassured them with raised palms. "And you didn't hear incorrectly. The AMA's want BTS to be one of the performing acts." The pride was unmistakable in his voice and he beamed at the members. "You will be travelling to the US in November for the ceremony."
"Holy shit," Jungkook breathed out and for once Seokjin didn't chastise him. The oldest member's jaw had dropped, his eyes locked with Namjoon's as he ran them over the rest of the group.
"This is such an...honour," the leader finally said and the others nodded in agreement.
"It's more than that. It means we're debuting on American stage," Yoongi's voice was filled with wonder, the rapper still trying to wrap his head around the latest development.
"My stomach feels jittery," Taehyung remarked and Jimin squeezed his knee, his crinkled smile a soothing balm to his nerves.
"I think this is a great opportunity for us, guys!" He stood, addressing them all with a confident pose. "And I think it's going to be amazing!"
"Are we going to have another Worldwide Handsome-like situation? Because if so, then I need to be prepared," Seokjin piped up, successfully abating the anxiety in the room and several titters floated around.
Hoseok cackled as he rose to join Jimin. "I agree with Jiminie. It's going to be a historical moment!"
"And on that positive note, I would like to request Jae Chan-sshi to accompany the boys as well. Since it's their debut on American stage, I think it would only be fitting to include such an important moment in the documentary," Bang PD added, looking over at the head videographer who had been intently watching the scene unfold before him. "But unfortunately, not your entire team can go. So you'll have to pick a couple of them to go with you."
Ji Ah wondered what the chances of her not being picked were. As it turned out, they were next to nil. "Ji Ah, So Min and Kang Soo can go with me," Jae Chan declared, pointing to the women and to a tall man standing beside him. "I wouldn't expressly require anyone else as far as the shooting is concerned."
Bang PD mulled this over and then nodded his assent. Ji Ah tried hard not to visibly slump in her seat. But it was extremely difficult when the attention of everyone in the room seemed to be fixed on her. And between Taehyung shooting her his trademark boxy grins and Namjoon smiling at her in a way which made her want to writhe in disconcertion, Ji Ah wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole.
There was no other way she would survive this.
***
"Suran Noona's waiting for you downstairs, Yoongi Hyung," Jimin notified him by poking his head into the rapper's studio. "Sejin Hyung texted you but I guess you didn't check your phone."
Yoongi nodded, languidly stretching his arms and rising once he had turned his laptop off. He followed the now blonde man down the corridor, his own blue hair catching the lights as they bounced off the streaked locks. Suran had called him earlier in the day to inform him that she would drop by for a bit to congratulate them on the release of their album and its subsequent success. And Yoongi had been elated, always having enjoyed the older woman's company. He connected with her on a level he couldn't even fathom but he didn't dwell on it. Some bonds transcended conventions and explanations.
Suran, on the other hand, tapped her heeled foot impatiently against the tiled floor, her petite form sinking into the plush couch of Big Hit's guest area as she waited. To pass the time, she counted the number of people who flitted in and out of the elevators and stairwells when a familiar face caught her eye.
"Hong Ji Ah?"
Suran's voice was loud enough to carry over to the videographer who had been in the midst of boarding one of the elevators. She whirled in the direction of the singer, a wide grin spreading across her face.
"Suran!"
The two had remained friends since the time they had been acquainted during Suran's recording for an OST featured on 'Strong Woman Do Bong Soon'. Ji Ah was tall enough to completely wrap her arms around her, her chin resting on Suran's glossy head.
"Let me guess, you're here to see Min Yoongi?" she asked, plunking into the couch beside Suran.
The woman nodded, but her brows furrowed quizzically. "What are you doing here though?"
She listened, fascinated as Ji Ah recounted the particulars of her presence at Big Hit, requesting her to keep it a secret for now. Suran was impressed by the work she was doing, thumping the videographer with surprising strength for her slight figure. "Oh! Look at you, working with Bangtan. You must be having a lot of fun, seeing as you're surrounded by handsome guys almost 24/7," she teased with a twinkle in her eye.
But Ji Ah exhaled deeply. "Well, it hasn't exactly been a walk in the park," she said in a low voice and Suran frowned.
"Why does it sound like there's more to the story than you're letting on?" she inquired kindly, a worried glint in her eyes. Something was definitely bothering the younger woman and she couldn't help but feel that it might have something to do with Bangtan.
But instead of answering, Ji Ah ventured a question of her own. "What is your relationship with Min Yoongi like?"
Thoroughly surprised by the question and unsure of how to respond, Suran chewed on her bottom lip as she turned the words over in her head. "Yoongi-sshi and I tend to think alike, you know. That was the first thing that drew us to one another, our mutual likes and dislikes, and our shared passion for music. From then on, we just got closer," she answered softly, a fond smile crossing her face. She looked up to see Ji Ah struggling with a reply.
"Did you ever feel like…ever feel like you might, you know-"
"Have feelings for him which extended beyond friendship?" Suran completed for her and watched in amusement when Ji Ah's cheeks flamed as she nodded imperceptibly. She chuckled and shook her head. "For a while I thought I might, but then I realized that it wasn't so and that what we had went beyond any conventional labels. We're comfortable together and you know, it's very, very hard to find someone with whom you can be content and yet not be pressured to tag the feeling. Relationships are tender, Ji Ah. They're not about labeling a bond, they're about maintaining and cherishing the one you share with someone who is important to you, friend or otherwise."
Before Ji Ah could answer, a voice pierced the air and their heads shot up to watch Yoongi scuttling towards where they were seated. And as the videographer noted the smile which appeared on Suran's face, a smile mirrored on Yoongi's, she wondered if the woman had a point. Being content with someone without having to worry about anything else. If Ji Ah thought long and hard, the only such relationship she had been in had ended tragically and it was far from reassuring.
But is it too late?
And for the first time since rejecting Namjoon's proposal, stirrings of misgivings racked Ji Ah's mind. For the first time, she wondered if she had, perhaps, made a mistake in turning him down without a moment's thought. Ji Ah wondered if she might feel the same way.
And was afraid that she indeed might.
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