Chương 8: A Book With A Silver Star
Chapter 8: A Book With A Silver Star
"So...are we going to keep doing this? Dating I mean.." Natasha asked as we were driving back to the apartment. Yesterday we had our date and spent the night at the cottage.
"Wasn't that the plan..?" I asked.
"Yeah. I just wanted to make sure." She gave a forced smile, but I could tell something was off.
"Is everything okay?" I glanced at her.
"Do you think we could make it work? I mean.." she paused, looking out the window. "I want to be with you James. I really do. It's just dangerous you know? H.Y.D.R.A. is looking for you, you still have the programing..what if they find you and take you away and you hurt someone-?"
"Are you saying you don't feel safe around me?" I asked, a little offended.
"No. That's not what I mean't. I mean us being together could lead to a lot of things.." she looked at me. "I don't want them to take you. I want to go to sleep knowing there's no one looking for you. There's also a lot of things I can't give you and it makes me feel.." she looked away. "I feel useless. I haven't helped you get better. You nightmares have been coming back more-."
I parked the car and sighed. "Natasha..everything will be okay. We are going to be okay. Nothing will happen to me." I gave a reassuring smile. "I promise."
Natasha entered the apartment first, I was behind her. When I got inside I walked to the kitchen, my back to her. "If you don't want to do this I understand.."
No response.
"Tasha?" I turned around to find Natasha laying on the ground, her eyes closed.
"Natasha?!" I knelt by her, checking her pulse. She was alive. Thank god..
I heard footsteps coming from across the house. I stood up quickly, my heart racing, and walked to the kitchen, scrambling to open one of the drawers to find a pistol. I grabbed it, my hands shaking, and pointed it towards the noise. "Who's there?" I snapped, my muscles became tense. Who was here?
I could hear the footsteps become louder, and a figure emerged from the hallway and walked towards me. He didn't look familiar at all. "You must be the Winter Soldier.." the man had a thick russian accent, his expression was calm even though he was having a gun pointed at his face.
"That's not who I am.." I said, trembling even more. "Who are you and what do you want?" I clenched my jaw, trying to ease the shakiness in my voice.
"I think you know." He smiled and glanced at Natasha for a moment before looking back at me. "Are you ready for your next mission Soldier?"
"What?" I looked at him with wide eyes, the gun was still pointing at him, I wanted to strangle him but I was to shocked to move.
He took out a red book with a silver star in the middle. "Mind if I read something to you?"
I looked at the book, and I was instantly transported to the H.Y.D.R.A. base in Siberia.
The officer would read from the book and speak in Russian...
"Желание...Ржавьlй...Семнадцать...Рассвет...Печь...Девять..Добросердечньlй..Возвращение на родину...Один...Грузовой вагон.."
Then he would say..
"Готов Солдат?"
Those words...just hearing and thinking about them made me want to puke.
The room spun and the gun began slipping from my hands. I tripped backwards, hitting my head against the counter. "G-get...that thing...away..from me..." I asked desperately, my head throbbed and I desperately searched for the gun. I found it on the ground and picked it up. I almost dropped it again when I heard the man speak.
"I'm starting to believe you now." He laughed. "You're not the Winter Soldier...your to weak to fight back. To scared. No wonder H.Y.D.R.A. was able to keep you for all those years-.."
The only sound I heard was a gun shot before everything went black.
My eyes opened and my head was still throbbing, my whole body ached. I sat up quickly when I remembered...
Natasha. The man with the book.
I stood up and realized I was in my room. I walked to my dresser and opened the drawer. Under the pile of clothes was a knife. If he was here, I wouldn't hesitate this time. I walked out of the room, every noise made me jump. Even the echo of my own footsteps frightened me at one point. I walked into the living room, holding onto the knife tightly, only to find Steve standing, looking out the window.
"Where's Natasha..?" I managed to say, my voice breaking. Why wasn't she here? Why was Steve alone? What's going on?
"I thought both of you were dead.." Steve said, his back still facing me. "I came in to find you passed out, Natasha unconscious and a man laying dead on the floor." His voice was stern. "What happened?"
"I don't know.." I whispered. "He was looking for me...he was about to...try and turn me b-back.." I dropped the knife, my hands began trembling again.
Steve turned around and looked at me with pity. He walked up to me and picked up the knife, putting it onto the kitchen counter. "The man wasn't H.Y.D.R.A." Steve said with a sigh. "I don't know why he would look for you."
"Where is Natasha?" I asked, ignoring his comment.
"She's fine." Steve said calmly.
"Where is she?" I asked again sternly.
"She said she has some things to do. I don't know where she is." He paused. "Are you okay?"
I didn't respond. My legs gave in and I collapsed to the floor, covering my face with my hands. I was weak. The man was right. I didn't even fight back. "I'm pathetic..." I whispered. "I couldn't even save myself."
"Your not pathetic Buck.." Steve said in a calm manner. "Your the strongest one out of the two of us. You always have been. All the horrible things you went through and look now, you actually managed to move on. You tried to get better."
I rubbed my eyes and looked at the floor. "You said you don't know where Natasha is.."
"No. I don't know where she is. I think you should rest for a bit." Steve said.
"I'm not tired." I finally looked up at him. "Who was he?"
"He never worked for H.Y.D.R.A. but he did a lot of research about them. We found his house and me and Natasha searched through it, he was looking for you and other Winter Soldiers.." Steve glanced at me but then looked back at the floor. "Did you know there were more of them?"
I nodded. "Yeah..." I bit my lip. "I know all about them..." I said quietly. "I was the weakest out of all of them.."
My mind transported me to the training room..
I was on the ground, my face covered in blood, I stood back up slowly but I received a blow to my stomach from the other Soldier and I fell onto my side. My body ached and my head was pounding. I heard someone yelling before I went unconscious.
"There were four...no. Five. There were five of them.." I took in a shaky breath. "They got out of control eventually..they killed four officers. I was the only one stupid enough to follow orders. They kept me and put the other five in cryo."
"Do you know where they are?" Steve asked.
"Siberia probably.." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall.
"We need to get them." Steve said after a moment of silence.
"What?" I opened my eyes and looked at him in shock. "Are you insane? They'll kill you."
"You don't know that." Steve said, his expression calm.
"I almost got killed by one of them. Imagine four more." I stood up walking towards him. "They will kill you in a matter of seconds. You don't know them like I do..." Was he actually going to go after them?
"Are you going to stop me?" Steve shot back.
I stayed quiet..I was unsure myself. Would I stop him? I didn't want anything to do with H.Y.D.R.A. if he wanted to go that was his business...right?
"No." I shook my head. "I won't stop you..but don't say I didn't warn you."
Steve's calm expression changed to disappointment. He didn't say a word before leaving.
I walked to the bathroom and looked at my reflection. Yesterday I was proud of this person staring back at me but now..
I felt something different.
"I hate you.." I muttered under my breath.
I took off the glove that was on my metal hand and punched the mirror, the glass shattered and fell to the floor. I feel could the sharp glass piercing my skin, but I didn't care. Not anymore. I didn't want to live like this..
I stepped back and sat against the wall, covering my face in my hands.
**The red book with a silver star sat on the table in front of me. Of all the torturous things I went through here you'd think the thing that would scare me the most was the weapons and the beatings. But no.
It was that little book with a sliver star.
That book made me what I was.
The officer would open it turning to page 17 and read the words..the words..
Longing..Rusted..Seventeen..Daybreak..Furnace..Nine..Ben-gin..Homecoming..One..Freight Car..
The little book with a silver star..
He would open it. Pages turning. Silence followed. He closes the book.
Then comes the monster.**
"James?"
I looked up, coming back to reality. Natasha was sitting in front of me. "Natasha.." I looked at her and suddenly felt ashamed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
"It's okay." She bit her lip. "I'm not mad...you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner..I just needed to clear my head. Are you okay?"
I shrugged, staring at my hands. "You wanna know what my wish was?" I looked up at her. "My wish was for me to good enough for you. To be strong enough.." I paused. "But it never came true.."
Natasha looked at me, her eyes filled with sadness. "That's not true and you know it."
"Yes it is." I looked at the floor, realizing that Natasha must have cleaned the glass off the floor. "I was scared..I was a coward."
"What you went through was traumatizing. It left scars that might never heal. I get that. It's okay to be scared. Your still trying to get over what happened. Your strong James. I know you'll fight through it." She gave me a sad smile. "You should sleep more." She said as she moved some of the strands of hair covering my face.
I didn't respond. The images of Natasha unconscious and the man with the book kept coming back to me. The words kept repeating in my head...
"Желание...Ржавьlй...Семнадцать...Рассвет...Печь...Девять..Добросердечньlй..Возвращение на родину...Один...Грузовой вагон.."
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