Chương 24: Bonds - Part 4
It's strange.
How could everything change so quickly in just a day?
I went from thinking that I had him wrapped around my finger to not really understanding anything anymore.
And as much as I'd hate to admit it, not much has changed on his side of things. This is all because of something much easier to understand than that. It's such a basic shift that it's a wonder it's even bothering me this much.
It's just that I never really cared about him before today. That's just the kind of guy he is. He seemed so convenient and easy for me to use, but when I realize that he wouldn't be there for me anymore I started feeling hopeless.
Yeah, that's it.
I just wanted to use him some more to help my popularity.
That's all this is.
It's not about him, it's about what he has to offer.
He stood up to Jennifer for me, and then got Jack to leave me alone the next day. He went above and beyond what I'd ever asked of him and made my life much easier than I ever could have made it alone.
But what do I even know about him as a person?
What are his hobbies?
What are his grades like?
Does he have any siblings?
Goals for the future?
Romantic interests?
"…"
And the worst part is, it doesn't seem like the two idiots behind me know anything about him either. From all the times I've looked back at the three of them in homeroom, he never seemed all that interested in their nerd talk at all. When I look at it that way, Chase seems like a very lonely person. He never really tries to talk about himself. He's always more concerned about the other person than he is about himself.
I guess that's why the whole Momo situation is so unsettling.
"You might not know it, but that girl doesn't befriend people easily. What you did was actually a huge accomplishment in my book."
A huge accomplishment, huh?
And yet in just one day, she opened up so much to him.
In a way, she's almost exactly the same as him. Always keeping to herself, and only interested in what she's interested in. Never swept in by what the popular kids think or what her friends think, but she never forces her views or interests down other people's throats.
That the two of them would spend so much time alone together is…
"Hey, you've been kinda quiet ever since the clothing store. What's up? Feeling semen-deprived?"
I'm suddenly brought back to reality by a certain incel's tired attempts at getting a rise out of me. I do my best to ignore it with a sigh of disappointment.
"I'm just a little upset that you two didn't let me stop to buy that top, that's all."
"Dude seriously? Just come back later or something. Anyway, you can stop walking now. Chase went into that book store over there."
"Oh, okay."
I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore.
"What should we do? Should we go in or wait out here?"
At my words, Sigmund scratches his head.
"Well, based on his previous visit I get the idea that he's just shopping for now. If that really is the case, then this probably isn't his final destination so there's no need to blow our cover."
"Huh? You don't know that for sure, though. What if we don't head in and we miss him completely?"
Nicholas asks the question that was already on my mind.
"Well, just think about it. If he's skipping school to go to the bookstore every day then why doesn't he bring any to school? There's no way that he wouldn't, right? Unless…"
Nicholas snaps his fingers.
"Porn mags?"
"Yeah. Porn mags."
"Porn mags…"
The two of them stare back over at the book store silently.
For a while, only the usual city sounds of chatter and cars buzzing by can be heard as the two of them unanimously accept this conclusion.
The theory sounds completely ridiculous to me, but I don't care enough to scold them for it.
"… Well if you two aren't gonna do anything then I'll go check it out for myself."
Like really, how on earth did they come to the conclusion that he rushes out to the city every day to buy porn mags? That would mean they seem him as like, the ultimate degenerate or something.
Well, after seeing him buy women's underwear in broad daylight, it's kind of hard to imagine him as anything else. Geez, now I'm kind of worried about finding out what kind of porn he's into…
"Buy me some manga while you're in there, Scar-san."
"Don't make her waste any more time than she has to, man. Just hurry up so we can go home already."
I head over to the book store with a sigh.
Chase must have a ton of energy to be able to deal with these two every day.
Once inside, my eyes scan the surrounding area in search of Chase. Surely enough, I find him looking around deeper inside of the store. Much like the clothing store, this bookshop is more than sizeable enough for me to lose sight of him. Not only is the area much wider than our school's already spacious library, but there's also an escalator right down the middle leading to a second floor. I can already tell that this is going to be tough. I'll have to avoid his gaze while trying my best not to lose him.
Still…
Just what am I going to do if he really is looking for porn mags? Like, that's kind of gross isn't it? Can't he just use the internet like other guys his age?
No way, it can't be porn mags. I refuse to accept that he's THAT much of a pervert. I hate that those two losers put that image inside of my head.
Once I shake my head to rid myself of such a depressing thought, I follow him as he gives up his search to head over to the escalator.
Judging by the way he was browsing, it's obvious enough that this isn't something he does every day. As far as I can tell, books at this chain are sorted by genre, and he's been looking around all corners of the store without stopping to browse for more than a moment. More than likely, he has a specific book in mind but he doesn't know where the genre he's looking for is located.
But it doesn't take long until his search ends. The moment he arrives on the second floor, he seems to have an easier time finding the genre he's looking for. Judging by what I can see, all of the fiction genres are up here so it makes a bit of sense. The bottom floor was littered with mostly educational books, bibliographies, and magazines (thank god).
"Huh?"
Just as I was getting ready to go after him, my phone begins ringing almost as if it was premeditated in some way.
I slip behind a nearby book case and pick up.
"Um… Hey?"
"Scarlet, hello."
"M-momo?! Hi! What's wrong?"
"Where are you right now? Are you okay?"
"Huh? Where's this coming from? I'm at the mall right now."
I take a peek at the section Chase is scanning at the moment.
'Coming of Age'.
Like Catcher in the Rye, huh?
"…"
Wait, wasn't Momo reading that recently?
"Sorry for bothering you. You hadn't called back, so I was worried that you'd met up with Chase and things had gone sour."
"Sour? Why would they go sour?"
Jen's words are still lingering in the back of my head.
Books.
Novels.
Fiction.
Coming of age.
It all leads back to Momo no matter how you cut it.
Momo.
Then the reason he's here…
"Well, I suppose there's no point in forcing you to get it out of him, huh?"
She sighs.
"The truth is…"
Momo offers up an explanation.
She recounts the events and the details that surrounded her and Chase for the entirety of today.
The explanation probably lasted about two minutes, and I could tell that it was enough to give me a full picture of everything that had happened today.
However, I did not hear anything.
Not a single word
Whatever she's saying on the other side of the line, my brain cannot process it.
I couldn't tell you if it was Spanish or English.
I mean.
After all.
I had gotten a glimpse of the novel he had finally pulled from the shelf.
There was no mistaking it. Him pulling that book wasn't just a casual act of browsing. He hadn't pulled a single novel out before that one, so I'm certain that it was what he'd been searching for all this time.
And of course, that novel was…
Norwegian Wood.
My stomach turns.
Even from as far away as I am, I can recognize that book.
After all, I've been catching glimpses of it every day since that fateful moment. Ever since the first time I met her, Momo would clutch that book tightly to her chest every so often as if her life depended on it.
I've already gotten used to the sight of her holding that red book. I would never mistake that cover for anything else. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, that book was Norwegian Wood.
Which means
that Chase Masters
came all the way here
to buy Momoka Kudo's favorite book.
…
…
…
"Scarlet? Are you still there?"
My heart is heavy.
I haven't moved a muscle for the past few minutes.
I feel totally miserable about everything.
It's like…
All of this was for nothing.
Well, good for Momo I guess. Chase might be a geek, a loser, an idiot, a virgin, and even a huge pervert, but…
Even I can tell that he's a good guy.
So I guess I should probably be celebrating them right now, right?
"…"
However, all I can think of is how much this act of betrayal pains me. How much I just want to leave everything behind. The mall, my friends, school, I just want to leave it all behind right now.
But the truth of it is, that's just not a possibility.
Regardless of how betrayed I feel at the moment, I don't see my parents allowing that kind of reckless decision over something as small as this.
But at the very least, I can run away from Chase.
We can just end our fake relationship by never speaking to each other again. I'll have some explaining to do to Jen, but I'm sure it'll all work out. I mean, while she did approve of him, she might have done that out of obligation more than anything else.
I turn around and head back down the escalator.
While coming to accept the truth of what it meant for those two to hit it off today.
That there's no room for Scarlet Sterling in this story anymore.
—
The moment I step outside, two familiar faces signal me to meet them a ways off the door.
Ah, crap. I'm not in the mood to deal with these two right now. What should I do…?
"So? What did Chase-dono want in there?"
"…"
I try to come up with an excuse, but in the end all I can do is sigh.
"I'll say this much, it wasn't what you thought it was."
I pull the hood off of my head and stare down at my feet. This whole situation just makes me feel terrible.
"Listen, I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to leave now. You two can keep following him if you want, but I just don't have the energy for this anymore."
The two of them go completely quiet.
I'm still staring at the ground so I can't see what kind of expression they're making, but to be honest I couldn't care less. I just need to leave.
"Ah, is that so? That's unfortunate. This operation is going to be painful without you. Right, Nick?"
"…"
I've been speaking to Sigmund, but Nicholas has been eerily quiet ever since I got out of the bookstore.
"… Nick?"
"Nah, we're fine without this clueless skank. Look, Chase is coming out now. Grab your hoodie and let's go after him."
"…"
"Nick, seriously. Stop saying those things about her. It's getting really annoying."
"Man, stop defending this thot, okay? She knows what she is, so why shouldn't I? Just ignore her and we can continue on our way. This quest was originally only for members of the 'Fated Ones' anyway. We shouldn't have brought any useless women with us from the get go."
"…"
Oh.
Oh wow.
I don't know what it is.
I can't quite explain it right now.
After all, the moment he insulted me like that, every ounce of sound reasoning went through the window.
"… Hah. Skank, huh?"
I walk towards him.
I can feel the blood boiling in my body.
I haven't been this angry in a long time.
Without waiting for his words, I grab him forcefully by his stupid dorky collar.
"S-s-scarlet?!"
Sigmund can only stammer nervously, but at least he's doing better than his friend over here.
This one looks like he's seen a ghost.
But what, you think that's going to save you? After all the cruel things you've been saying to me all day?
"You shitty cockroach…"
Why was I swearing like this in public? Was it because I'd put a lid over this for too long and it all came bubbling over? Could I not just let one more of his blatantly misogynistic remarks slide and head home?
The answer to that should already be obvious.
He chose the wrong time to be a dick to me.
"I've been listening to the things you've been saying about me for a while, right…? I've even let a bit of it go as a sign of maturity, right? Surely Nicholas Albert isn't THAT bad! He can't be like this ALL the time, right? But as it turns out, I was wrong. I was dead wrong. You really just never stop saying dumb shit at all, do you?! Like, what the hell is wrong with your head? You think that because you have a Y chromosome and I don't that I'm somehow less than you? We're living in 20 fucking 19! I don't understand how such a backwards-ass opinion could ever come from someone else my age! I'm a thot, huh? Well guess what? I can be a huge jerk like you, too! Calling you Steve Urkel would be an insult to Jaleel White. Like honestly, what's with your clothes? Did your mom pick those out for you, or are you literally just blind? Also, half the time you're around me I have to hold my breath because of how badly you smell. Ever heard of Deodorant? Even sewer rats don't smell as badly as you do. I mean, I could go on, right? Like, like just LOOK at you! You're such a disgusting little cockroach and you have the nerve to call ME names?! YOU'RE the one who's mean over something I have absolutely no control over, my SEX, while you're out here looking like some week-old turkey that my dog threw up?! Do you not see how damn ironic that is?!"
I pause to catch my breath.
It was a mouthful, but I manage to get it all out of me.
I take the moment after the pause to stare straight into his eyes before I utter my next words.
"Nicholas Albert, you are a terrible human being. Don't let anyone, especially your dorky friends, tell you otherwise."
"…"
After I finally stopped talking, I took a moment to catch myself and take in the atmosphere around me.
Nicholas is quiet.
He had put up no resistance.
He just quietly soaked in everything I had to say to him.
Not even Sigmund, who had been acting as the mediator all afternoon, was able to put in any words.
All we had was silence.
And once that silence settled in—
Once my rage had finally subsided—
I realized how badly I'd messed up.
"Nic…"
"I'm gonna go."
Nicholas' expression was hard to read through his glasses. I couldn't tell what was going on inside of his head just by looking.
Either way, judging by those words, it was obvious that he was just about done with all of this too.
"A-ah… yeah…"
I slowly let go of his collar.
"…"
He says nothing. He doesn't even look at me.
Without his usual protest, he turns around and runs off quietly.
For the first time since I met him, I truly became conscious of the boy called Nicholas Albert. Not as the biggest geek in freshman year, nor as one of Chase's loser friends.
I saw him as his own person, as an individual for the first time.
Once his back fades into the scenery, the tension finally leaves my body.
And in its place is a taste of guilt I'd never experienced before today.
"…"
"Save it. I know what you're gonna say."
Sigmund stands behind me quietly as if he wants to say something.
But I don't need to hear his words. It's obvious that he's just going to tell me things that I already know. I'd rather just leave and get this terrible day over with than listen to that self-righteous junk right now.
"Let me say it anyway. I'm pretty mad at you, but since you're Chase's girlfriend I'm going to approach this as adult-like as I possibly can."
"…"
He really isn't like the other one at all, is he?
"Fine."
He takes a breath to relieve himself of his tension, then takes a moment before speaking.
"There was absolutely no reason to go that far. You over did it."
I clutch my chest and look down at the ground.
"I know."
Even I know that, I'm not an idiot.
But… It kind of just happened anyway. He made me feel like I didn't matter when I was already in a terrible mood.
Yeah, that's the right choice of words.
Like I didn't matter.
Like there really was no room for me anywhere.
"You're were dealing with him much better before you went in there. Did something happen that upset you?"
I can't respond to that.
It's way too personal. After all, putting my feelings aside, it had to do with…
"Was it related to Momo-chan?"
"Wha-?!"
I turn back to face him in shock.
How?
How does he know that?
Did he sneak in behind me at the bookstore? No way, that's impossible. Him and Nicholas were definitely out here the entire time. So then…
"H-how…?
"Ahh, so it was, huh? Well, it's kind of a long story. We can talk about it later. But for now…"
And before he could speak, he does a full bow right before my eyes.
"H-huh?!"
"I'm sorry! I forced your boyfriend to skip class to be with Momo-chan all day!"
H-he… He did what?!
"Please don't feel uneasy about it! I promise you that the situation couldn't be helped! I don't know what he said to you in there, but I guarantee you that nothing romantic happened between them!"
"… You guarantee it? How?"
"Eh?"
"How can you guarantee it? It's not like you were with them in there, right? So how could you? I mean…"
"Because there's no way that Chase would risk losing both of us over something like that."
"…"
Ahh.
I see.
He's worried about it too, isn't he?
He obviously didn't want this any more than I did, and yet he decided to believe in Chase and let him go through with it anyway.
Either way, knowing now that it wasn't that kind of meeting makes me feel at ease.
At ease…
Is it because I don't feel betrayed anymore? Or is there some other reason deep inside of my heart?
Haa, seriously. Why does this all have to be so complicated?
"L-lift your head up, idiot. It's fine."
I look away to try hiding my embarrassment.
He reacts by standing tall once more with a nervous smile.
"Sorry, I should have brought it up sooner. I guess not telling you from the get-go ended up cornering you into asking him yourself, huh? And now we won't figure out where he's heading…"
"No, don't be like that. It's fine. Besides, we didn't talk to each other in there. I just happened to see him… Nevermind. Anyway, he didn't see me."
"… Huh? Honto ni?"
Sigmund ponders this for a moment. I guess he thought our cover was blown and now he has to re-evaluate things.
After a few moments, he looks up at me with a look of determination in his eyes.
"Scarlet-san, please go apologize to Nick."
"What?! Why? I'm more interested in why those two skipped class than apologizing to that incel!"
"No, I won't tell you the reason for that if you don't bring him back first. We're also not following Chase until you bring him back either."
"…"
This geek…
"You know… I may have gone overboard, but that doesn't mean I forgive him for being a misogynistic jerk."
"I know that dude, geez. But despite whatever comes out of his mouth, I don't think Nick actually hates women."
"Well duh. He's only acting like that because they don't like him, right? That's what makes him an incel."
"Well yeah, I thought that at first too, but…"
But…?
He thinks about it for a while, but eventually he shakes his head as if to rid himself of whatever thoughts he was putting together in his head then turns to start walking away.
"Anyway, go after him. There's a chance that he'll be at the arcade so you shouldn't have any trouble finding him if you follow the mall's map. Once you two make up, have him call me and we can meet up later."
"Um, sure…"
After leaving me with those words, he rushes over before he could completely lose sight of Chase within the crowd of people.
Really? You're leaving me alone to go after that guy?
What kind of crazy plan is that?
If Chase were here, he would…
"…"
I've been extremely conscious of him today, huh?
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