Chương 28: Chapter 28- Confession
After facing upwards for a while in silence, he looked back at her whose still unconscious. His heart ached and felt as if someone is squeezing it. He let out a few breaths as he calmed his emotions.
"You know.. I was actually the idiot here. I didn't understand what it was that I felt whenever I saw you in the past. It took me a long time to figure it out. If I don't see you, i'll think of what you're doing and if you're taking care of yourself enough. When weather's changed, I wonder if you are wearing enough. I... I finally figured it out the last time I ever saw you, which was when you dodged the bullet for me. Till now, right here, it still hurts and felt like something is suffocating me whenever the flashbacks occur." he put her hand onto his chest near his heart area.
"You.. this innocent silly girl, so tiny yet brave. You know how scared I was that day? when I looked next to me and saw blood spreading and dying the ground? It was raining and that scenery...I would never forget. I felt as if someone had carved my heart out and slammed it into pieces. I didn't know how much time had passed, I only remember that the doctor came out saying surgery was a success. You looked so weak and fragile back then. I couldn't help but bring you back to my house and take care of you myself. After you woke up, the first thing you asked was about that boyfriend of yours. That moment my hand clenched into a fist thinking how great would it be if I were in his place. For once in my life, I wished to be someone else. But I knew it couldn't happen so I let you go. After that, I never saw you in any events and even thought that you were living happily." he looked at her with misty eyes.
"I've thought of countless possibilities of meeting you again in different locations and timings, yet I never would've thought it'll be in the middle of nowhere. That night, I once again heard your voice. That sweet voice of the woman who took over my heart. I couldn't believe my ears and so I made sure it was you. I was so glad to have met you again, until I saw the amount of blood you were covered in. You didn't know how worried I was and helpless when I thought that I might lose you once I've found you. The day I rushed into your room and seeing that you've woken up, I felt the greatest joy I ever had. I really wanted to hug you and tell you how I felt towards you.. but you asked who I was..." *sigh* he took a deep breath. He smiled slightly as he continued..
"But after I received the report of your recent years, my shattered heart felt as if the pieces came back in place and my heart was one again. I was so glad, even though you forgot about me, you also wiped out all your unhappy past. Your pain and stress were all gone. If forgetting what happened between us would trade for your smile and laugher, then I'm willing. As long as I get you to smile and laugh everyday, anything else wouldn't matter. It wouldn't. You don't know how many times in the past few weeks that I have controlled myself. I wanted to wait for you. I wanted to be selfish and keep you to myself. I wanted you to give me a chance for me to care for you and now that I achieved it halfway... I won't let go. I've done it once and that was my worst mistake I'll never make again. I'll pamper you however I wished to and tease you with endless sweet words to hear you laugh. I don't mind if I never receive your answer as long as you let me by your side. Just seeing you smile at me.. just this alone is enough... more than enough..." tears flowed down his face.
He bit his lips to prevent cries from coming out of his throat. He breathed heavily as he closed his eyes trying to prevent anymore tears from coming out.
He spoke in a very choked voice..."S...so please.. I didn't get the chance to treat you how I wished to. I..I didn't tell you what I wanted you to hear... I just got to spend a bit of time with you and felt the most happiness I've ever had in my life... please.. don't take it away from me..."
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