Chương 5: I knew that
Aoi 💬
I knew that he loved her. His eyes always seem to found her even if his expression was always passive. He cared for her in his own way. I knew that. Even back then, I knew he loved her. I understood. What I never understand back then was, why even though he loves her, he kept her at arm's length. He didn't let her get closer. Why he hurts her. Why he chose someone else. Why he let her die. Well, that was what I thought before I knew the truth.
I can see that he was still in love with her even after her death. He was suffering for letting her down. For letting her dead. For making her feel alone. For not being able to save her. The way he sometimes zoned out, the way his eyes looked at the distant, lost in the past. The way his smile turned fake each times. The way he lived his life that in the outsider eyes seemed perfect but was empty for him. The way he was waiting for death. I knew. I knew even then he never stop loving her. That's why I was not surprised when he falls for her again this time. But...
Why does he come to see her everyday?
After that day, he is been coming over to our house everyday. Every. Fucking. Day. Sigh... I know I've changed something. I knew my actions will have consequences. I was hoping for the better. Not this. I admit I was worry because every time I saw them together their silhouettes overlaping with their past selves make me remember my traumatic experience. Not that I said it's bad, it's just that the changes are far too different from the last time. I'm aware everything is going to change. It's the reason why I'm here after all. I want to make her life better. I want her to found the happiness that she deserves. I was reluctant to let her be the part of his lives again, I worried that she will get hurt again. But I just can't forget the way he looked at the distant. Lost and in pain. The way he called her name when he thought that he was alone. Soft and longing. The way he keeps coming to that place alone and cried there. Broken. I knew then just how much he loved her.
I was given a second chance to make different choices. To redo everything. To treat her better. To make her happy. To let her know that I love her as much as she does. That's why I want to give him chances too. One more time. To love her. Hopefully this time he will be able to make her happy. I've changed things so I hope along the way it also will change their relationship.
Thought that was my intention. It may be the result of the changes that I've made but this is just too drastic! His attitude is just too different far far too different than the last time. He might be just a whole different person.
He is been sticking too close to her. He hold her hands, pat her head, hugs her and just being close to her in general, every gotten chance. He takes her everywhere. From studying to training or even when he is going on his touring out the town event. Wherever and whenever he goes she must be there too. It is as if he turns her into his shadow. Sometime I wonder if he is also come back in time. If last time I don't understand why he wasn't able to show her that he loves her, now I don't understand why he keeps teasing her even though he loves her. I'm starting to worry that her face will turn red permanently. I hope he is not bullying her. Well, she doesn't seem to be afraid of him or hate him so I think he is okay at least. Again, not that I think this is bad but god... What I've done?
I hope, desperately hope that this time around everything is going to be fine. I promised myself that this time I will protect her. She will be my priority. My number one. I don't want to lose her again. Like before.
Before. I was never paid close attention to her. I love her but last time she was always been send to her room every time I tried to be nice to her. My mother always said that we wouldn't want to make Midori Nee-sama sad. Midori Nee-sama was fragile and sensitive. We wouldn't want to make her feel left out just because she was not as strong as us or worse make her feel like she was not part of our family just because she was adopted. Midori Nee-sama need mother by her side to remind her that she would always be our family first daughter even though she was not Mother and father biological daughter. We never realized or more likely they never realized, because even if I didn't act like I know, I knew that by doing that they, we made her felt left out. We made her lonely. We always made Midori Nee-sama our priorities to the point that we made her, the biological daughter of our house abandoned.
She grew up alone. Without help. She did everything by herself. We even never questioned why when she was not present for family dinner or if she missed breakfast. There was six of us. Father, mother, Akai Nii-sama, Midori Nee-sama, me and her but sometimes it's as if they forgot about her and only think that they have one daughter only.
Because of that she became a loner. Had no friends and never talked. I found out later that she had been bullied in her own house by our own maids. They never help her. They even left her on the way when we had to attend important balls. They would told us, them, that she was missing on the way. Or she asked to rest and never come back to the carrier. She then would turn up looking tired, dress dirty, got scolded and punished by our parents. She never defend herself. Not after our parents told her that she was not needed to be born, they already have a heir, a daughter, and me a little brother of the house to support Nii-sama and Nee-sama. Nee-sama is already perfect and they don't need a second daughter they said, especially not a daughter that is a troublemaker, a shame to our family they said.
I remembered her cry that night all alone in her room, silently, hugging herself. She looked so small. That was the only time she ever cried and the last time she show an expression.
Her birthday never been celebrated but she always gave me birthday present. It was always handmade. Her presents always been my favourite. I loved them all. I gave her presents too. She always said that she will treasure it. And treasure it she did. Until the day she gone.
When everything becomes chaotic I asked her "why did you do it?"
"I didn't" she told me.
"everyone know that you bullied her" I said back then. "why did you do it?" I pressed too angry to listen to her.
"it is because she only a baron daughter?" I asked
"it is because your fiancee find that her company far more pleasant than yours?"I said to her back then.
"it is because you envy her?" I continued
"why did you do it?" I shouted to her then.
But all she said was "I didn't" but I never believed her. I turned my back on her. Abandoned her just like the rest of the family.
When she was sentenced I asked her again "why did you do it? do you love him that much to the point that you throw everything away even your humanity? Too scoop that low? Even hurting someone innocent in the process just because of jealousy?" I asked her back then. "is your love for him blinded you this much that you don't even care about who you hurt? Why did you do it?" I remembered my voice cracked at the end.
She looked at me then, hold my gaze and again, all she said was "I didn't. I don't even know what love is. How would I know the answer?" then off she went. silently, alone. Never look back.
Back then, I never understand her actions. I keep asking myself why she did that. I've become obsessed over her reasons doing what she did. I thought it was because her love never returned, an unrequited love, because she loved him so much but he loves another woman. Because he was her fiance and she feels betrayed by him. It makes sense in my mind and I was in love with that girl too, the same girl that took her fiance from her. Now I think about it, it was me that was blinded by love. Not her. Never her.
I don't remember why I decided to come to see her that day but because of that my mind finally cleared. Because there, in that dark, tiny underground prison I saw him with her. Him, the one that I thought she loves. The one that I thought never love her, lying naked on top of her naked body, thrusting into her, kissing her everywhere, all the way huskily telling her that he loved her while asking why she never loved him. Why she had to hurt that girl, why she had to got caught while hurting that girl, why she had to be sent to this prison, why he had to marry that girl and not her, why he can't do anything to save her, why even the king wouldn't listen to him because the king thought that he was unreasonable, losing himself, forgotten his own responsibilities and has been blinded by his love for her that made him can't think clearly. Telling her again and again in every thrust, every kiss he gave her just how much he love her and why couldn't she fall in love with him.
I remembered being frozen on spot. Blanked as I saw her, desperately trying to control her own breath, nails digging on his back. I can feel all reasons that I have came up previously crumble in my mind. Was I wrong? What are they doing? If he loved her then why did this happen?. I came back to reality when I heard her voice. Telling him softly. Weakly.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you" she said, even though she was the one that being hurt, that he hurts. I felt my breath hitched at her next words.
"I never know what love is. How it's feel to be loved. I never have someone that love me before. I don't know how to love someone". She cried out then as he thrust harder into her.
"Don't know how to love someone?" he whispered. I was aware that I need to move. To save her or to leave the place I wasn't sure. I just know that don't want to witness this. But my feets just refuse to move. I closed my eyes when her voice told him
"My family said that they don't love me. When I was young I thought Aoi-sama loves me.." I heard her cries overlaping with his voice saying "Aoi..." "but he didn't" she said quickly "and I always know that otou-sama, okaa-sama, Nii-Sama and Nee-sama never love me. I'm unlovable"
"who said that?" he asked her followed by a moan. Oh god, I don't want to heard it. I keep telling myself to move as I feel my breath getting shorter and shorter.
"Nee-sama said so" she continued "I'm sorry, I don't know that you love me. I'm sorry that I never realized. If I did, you won't be hurting this much."
"I was the one who hurt you" he said with the same husky voice as before "even now, I keep hurting you. Doing this to you" eyes still close, I heard her exhale sharply as he moaned again. As I pray to god to please let me move, he continued telling her
"I'm the one who should say sorry. This is wrong. I knew" he said between moans "but I can't help myself. I love you so much. I want to be with you but I can't. Can't anymore. But I love you. So much love you. How would I be able to life without you. You must be hate me so much now"
He always looked strong. Always in control. The epitome of perfect. His broken voice sound so strange in my ears. I can't find my own voice. I shut my eyes tightly. My breath ragged as I rootend on spot still not able to move. I can feel that I'm shaking as I heard she cried again, as he moaned and moaned, even though my eyes closed I can't block the noise. I can't block the sound of him thrusting into her faster, harder and harder. Her muffled voice. Their ragged breath. Her voice softly called his name and him shouted her name as he came. My body shaking badly by then, of what I'm not sure. Was it fury or regret or shame. I don't know. Her next words was what broke me. I stumbled then I ran and ran and ran and ran until I collapsed. I was aware that I hyperlating, I chocked on my own spit trying to talk. Her words ringing in my ears even as I feel someone holding me then hurling me from the ground. I still can heard her voice
I don't hate you. This is the least I can do for hurting you. The only one that ever love me. I'm grateful. Thank you for loving me.
It's hurt. So much. God, what I've done. She thanks the one that had violated her. Why? Because she thought that he was the only one that ever loved her? Oh god. Why? She was half of me then I hurt her. She thought that I never care, never love her. Oh god. My little twin sister all alone feeling unloved. No, she believed that she was unloved because Nee-sama, sweet perfect Nee-sama told her so. Oh god, oh god what I've done.
That time I keep asking myself what I've done? Why did I hurt her so much? If he was the one that love her that much why did she hurt that girl? Or if she really hurt that girl? Why did Nee-sama told her that? My caring Nee-sama, was she really have a heart to hurt her own little sister? Except my mind said, they never thought of her as part of the family to begin with, why wouldn't she or they have a heart to hurt her?
That was not the first time I was thinking about talking to him. As I saw him sit silently among our friends, listening to that girl, nod and smile at the right places. As I observed him closely, I can see then. How often his eyes got distant. How fake his smiles actually were. How he never got too close to that girl.
One time when the others were teasing them, well, prying more likely, about how far they've gone. Sometimes I felt like they were a bit unrespectful to him, sometimes I wonder if they forgot that he was a prince, our country Crown Prince precisely.
"say Angela-chan" I heard my fiancee (yes I had a fiancee after she was sentenced to make people forget that she was part of our family and focused more about my engagement rather than her being sentenced) asked that girl that time, "is his highness a good kisser? How good is he in bed?" she whispered.
That girl glanced at him for a moment. He looks like he was concentrating on his book but I, who was observing him those days, of course notice that he was actually lost in thought. I suspect his mind was in that dark, tiny, underground prison where she was kept. I clenched my fist at the thought.
"Arzen-sama is a gentleman. A respectful man. He said he won't touch me before we get married. We haven't even have our first kiss yet let alone sleeping in the same bed. He treasure me so much I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world" that girl said, shyly whispered back to my fiancee as my fiancee cooed at them and gussed at how cute and pure their relationship are. I had an urge to scoff at them. Gentleman? Pure? What a joke. They never realized how dirty he actually was.
What he did to her in that cell was not the act of a gentleman. I felt my breath fasten. My hands were starting to shake. I really really want to hurled him by his collar, punched him, asked why he did that to her. Was it the only time he did that or just the first time. Heaven forbid. How many times did he had done it to her. Oh god. I excuse myself as I felt my control starting to slips.
In the end I was never able to ask him directly. I was a coward.
I was able to get the full story after she gone forever. By then it was already too late. She was already gone. Alone even in her last breath. They said she died peacefully in her sleep. They said it was because her body is weaken, because she was not used to live in the place like that. They said it might be the shock of being in the prison that weaken her body. She was a daughter from a noble house, after all. She used to live in luxury that's why being in the prison ruined her health. They theorized.
They were wrong.
She was poisoned he suspects. She died after she got visitors he said. Two ladies came to visit her he said. One of them had a lovely pink hair and the other one had a beautiful strawberry blonde hair he said. Pink hair? I was livid. Unbelievable as it was I never think it was impossible. He had an oath he said. Oath to never tell anyone who visited the prisoners as long as the visitor show him a permit letter to visit. As I know from experience just how difficult it was the task to get one of them I understand that it was planned. My dear baby sister has became a victim yet again.
"why are you telling me this" I asked him
Because she didn't deserve it he said. Because he wasn't able to help her when she was alive he said. Because he wasn't able to help her that time she ever asked for one he said.
"when?" I asked him again "she never asked for anyone help" I told him.
"what make her that desperate to ask for help" I wondered
"she had lose everything and about to lose the only thing that she had" he told me
"and it was?" I prompted.
"her pride" he said
"pride?" I questioned. As long as I'm concerned she was never a prideful person.
"the day his highness took it from her" I understood what he meant before he finished his sentences.
"tell me"i said softly
"no" he said
"you witness it" I told him. It was not a question.
"I did" he confirmed "I was supposed to stand in front of her cell before I was tasked to stand in front of the first door" he continued.
"that time, you knew he was there. You knew what they were, what he was doing. Yet you still let me in. Why?"
"because I want someone else to know. I was hoping you would be able to help her, but.. "
"But I didn't, instead I was collapsed because of the shock. You never told him that I came."
"I never told him" he confirmed again
"why did you want to help her" again, I asked.
"she was a strong girl, cold and exspressionless when she came. Never show a weakness. Never complain. But that day I saw fear in her eyes. I can't forget her desperate plea, her tears, they way her body shook and trembling after that. How she cried herself to sleeps every night after that. Her dread every time he came back to do it again and again. Her helplessness and finally her acceptance."
"acceptance?"
"I remembered that night. She was looking blankly at the ceiling. I thought she was about to give up. She was not. I heard her telling herself that she has no escape. Even if there was an escape she was already broken. She asked herself what should she do. I remembered thinking that she had gone insane until I heard her says if she is going to go down she will go with a smile. If there is no more happiness left then she just need to be happy with what she got. She still lives that means she still can hope. Life itself is hope"
"alive? Hope?" my heart get heavier and heavier at that.
"after that every time he comes she asked to talk with him. They talked and I like to said that they're getting closer. He still wants her time by time but by then he starting to calm down and noticed me after that he will asked me to go outside when he wants to have it with her. It's better than being forced but I still feel bad for her. To not only accept the one that hurt her but also make him content is something unbelievable for me. I get this crazy idea that she finally fall in love with him. Even though I knew it was impossible"
"tell me" I plead again "please" I beg.
He stared at me for a very long time. "very well" he said finally.
-WARNING!
Mature contents ahead. Please skip if it's not your kind of stuff to read!
She was sitting in her cell as usual. Book in hand when he comes. He show the keeper his permit then ask him to open the door. The man hesitated for moment then open the door for him. He is a royal after all. His words is the rule itself. She looks up at the sound of the key being clicked. Alarmed. He usually only talk to her outside her cell. Talk meant he ask her questions, she keeps quiet. He got angry. Shout and then leave. She can tell that today is going to be different. She feels wary almost scared. Her instincts said that it was going to end badly.
She was right.
He immediately grabbed her as soon as the man lock her door again. She saw the man eyes widened from the corner of her own eyes as her ex fiance hold her chin and makes her look at him.
"I will show you just how much I love you" he said in a raspy voice. Then proceeded to kiss her.
She tried to push him back but he was too strong or maybe it was her that was too weak.
"no, his highness. Please" she tried to reason to him
"please?" he asks her, tighten his grip. "did you listen to me when I said that?"
"I did" she said
"No"he said fiercely "you didn't. I love you. You're the one that I want. Why do I have to marry her! Why?! He said I have to take responsibility for your actions that endangered her by marrying her. For the sky of royal family. I don't want to. I only want you" he told her
Then without warning he kiss her again. Deeper, more fierce, this time. As he pulls her closer to his body, his hands touching her everywhere. She knew what is about to happen. She desperately trying to push him, plead to him. Her eyes met the man's "please" she begs "help me" but the man's soon avert his eyes. She sobs. Her tears starting to spill as she tried to fight him again.
"his highness, please don't do this" she plead to him again and again but he wasn't listening to her. He was far gone.
As he undo her gown. She tried everything. Pushing him, hitting him. Nothing works. She cries out as he bit her neck, hands roaming on her body. Touching her back, her bottom, her tight, her tummy, she cried again as his hand found her breast. Foundling it. Squashing it. Gently at first then getting harder each time she protested.
He kiss her again and she felt his other hand squish her bottom pulling her more to his body. She can feel him harden more as her body closer to him.
His breathing is rough and hot in her ear. She can feel her body weaken and weaken as he lean closer to her. They tumbling on to her bed. She didn't even know when did she lose her top part. She protested again as he undo her bra, his lip stopping her cry by a kiss, she feels his pressed into her lower part, harder than before. She fight him but he was too strong for her.
Her tears hasn't stop flowing as he pull off her gown, his shirt and pants. He used his tie to tied her hand to the side of the bed. Other hand tied by his belt.
He looks at her, laying bare on the bed. His eyes memorizing her features. Her every curves. Kissing her lower and lower.
"please don't do this" she plead again and again
"No" he said "I want to make you mine"
He cuts her next words by kisses. One hand on her breast the other on her entrance. Circling it, giving small thrust, teasing it. She tried to close her legs but he placed his between her legs spreading it. Finger keep thrusting into her, slowly gently one finger in and out in and out, mouth licking kissing her face, neck, breast. Other hand playing with her nipples, harden it. Her body responds without her concern. She felt ashamed as she felt her body reacting to his touch.
She buckles as he add a finger to her entrance. His fingers getting faster. Mouth whispering the words love again and again. She cry out as she feel him touching her inside. Eyes whitten. Mind half foggy.
"found it" he whispered again. Found what she doesn't know but she feel her body shaking as he added more fingers into her circling, scissoring, thrusting. She tried again to free her hands unsuccessfully.
Suddenly she feel something larger than fingers rubbing her entrance. Her eyes widened "No" she said. Trying to deny what's going to happen to her.
"forgive me. I can't wait any longer" he told her. He kiss her as she tried to shout.
"it's hurt" she tried to tell him. He doesn't listen, he keeps thrusting into her inch by inch until he fully inside her. His breathing ragged as he tried to stop himself from hurting her more.
"aahhh" he moaned when he tried to move inside her. Her breath hitched up as he slowly moving inside her. He put her pillow underneath her. She can't stop a moan from leaking as his mouth playing with her nipples, licking and sucking, hand fondling her breast while he erratically thrusting into her faster and faster. His own breath getting huskier. She bit her lip to stop making another moan.
"Kii, don't held back. Let me hear your voice" he said seductively "you're enjoying it"
"no, no, no, I'm not"she denied but then she cried "Ahhh, ah, please, stop this, please" as he thrust harder into her.
"I will make your body remember me and me only. You can hate me but if I will make your body responds to me then I'll be able make you crave me, Kii. So next time you'll be ready for me." then he pulled out.
"there will not be next time"she told him but she find herself bulked again as he sucking her, his tongue licking in and out on her inside.
She tried to say stop but she can't help herself as she moaned "oh... oh...Ooohhh" she felt something that she never feel before, she lose herself in ecstasy. She moaned moaned and moaned. She forgot what is happening to her, she just feel good, so good. She never feel good all her life.
"Aaahhhhhhh" she cries loudly as she feel much bigger thing inside her again. She lost words as her nails digging into the sheet. His hands roaming over her, she can hear his hard breathing. Some how it excites her more. Suddently she find that her hands free, instinctly she pull his body closer to her. She doesn't know why she did it, she can't stop herself. It's scare her more when she does that, herself meeting his thrusts each time. Faster, deeper and harder. The sound of his moans make her crazy. As his hands fulling her nipples, her own hands touching his back pulling him more into her. She wants him more. More.
"aaahhhh, more, more, more, more... "she told him softly yet erraticaly.
"Ooohhh" he moans sharply chanting her name "Kii, kii, Kii, Kii" while he thrusts and thrusts into her. He shout her name as he comes inside her. She herself blanked as she comes. Her mind foggy as she felt good. So good.
Distantly she heard him saying "I told you that I will make your body craves me. You will never able to refuse me ever again"
"no" her mind said but then she blanked once more.
When she comes to he was lying beside her. His hand combing her hair almost tenderly.
"hi" he said when he noticed her awaken state before climb on top her and do it again and again and again and again all long night. He only left when the first light of dawn creeps up to her far too small and too high window.
"I'll be back" he said.
She doesn't want him to be back. She didn't know what was gotten into her. Only after she can't hear his steps anymore did she curled to herself. Ashamed of her own actions. She doesn't understand what just happened in the end. Why she wasn't able to refuse him? Why did she lose herself? Why did her body responded so easily to his touch? At the very end she wasn't able to say no even when her mind did.
She knew that she has many flaws but maybe it was not just flaws. Maybe she just broken too broken. Far far to broken. She covers her face, muffle her sob on her hands. She feels dirty. She is already unloved now she added has no more value to her list. She cried again. Some how she wasn't able to stop her tears.
I wanted to kill him. I went there just for that. I was silent nobody know I was here. I was the master of stealth magic after all, and there he was, also alone. It would be easy. I creeped closer to him readied my knife but I was weighing what is the best way to kill him, whether my knife or my magic that can make him suffer most. I noticed his eyes. Looking lost as if he was not seeing what was in front of him, but something else. Something that was not there. Or maybe it was someone. I saw there was a dried flower in his hand. It was Kii's flower. He touched it tenderly, carefully as if he was afraid it was going to disappeared. Like Kii, I thought. He closed his eyes called her name softly. Keep calling her name brokenly. Cried by himself. No, I thought. Death would be too easy for him. I found myself observing him time to time. Until one day I heard them.
It was never Kii that bullied that girl. It was her. My innocent Nee-sama. She told them that she was jealous of that girl. She loved Nii-Sama, she doesn't want that girl took Nii-Sama away from her. She used Kii because she thought that that girl was more in love with Prince Arzen than Akai Nii-Sama in hope that Nii-Sama would give up on that girl after that. That day she comes with that girl to see Kii. She took the permit from my room. She didn't know what that girl want from Kii but she took her anyway. She was desperate because even after that girl engaged to the prince Nii-Sama was still in love with her. So she was planning to poisoned her and blamed it on Kii. But that day that girl was coming to see Kii, she wasn't sure about her plan anymore because she can't do it after all. Killing other people was just too scary for her. Then after seeing Kii, as exspressionless as ever, sat alone there. She looked so small. Her mind stalled, her plan gone. It didn't matter anymore. The only things that mattered to her was Kii. For the first time in her life, she saw her as she was. Her little sister that looked far to small than she should be. She wanted to take her home.
It didn't matter what that girl wants from Kii as it turned out it wasn't even important. She just comes to gloat and talked nonsense, that girl asked whether Kii was also a reincarnated person like her or not because her actions was a bit different from her game self to the point that the heroine, which is her forced to do an extreme job to make the route works as in the game. That girl though that Kii was trying to avoid the flags (Midori Nee-sama wasn't sure what she meant) but failed so she comes to gloat. Of course Kii didn't seems to had an idea about what was she saying. Further more that girl told Kii about how much 'Arzen-sama' loved her. How much he treasure her, how pure he was. Just the same as his game self, she added. Of course Kii of all people knew how wrong that girl was.
It would just end like that if that girl was not turned back to Kii after she thanks Nee-sama and said "I knew it was not you that bullied me. That person must be hate you so much to make you took the blame, if 'Arzen-sama' found out who they were, they would be in so much trouble. He treasure me so much after all. I wonder who it was. Well, anyway have fun living in the prison. You should have known that there is no way that you can defeat the heroine. Hump!" then proceeded to get out from there. She told that girl that she needed to talk to her sister so she left without her.
"do you know it was me?" she asked Kii. Kii silent eyes was enough for her to know. Without realizing what she was holding she threw it at Kii.
"please die!" she said.
And Kii. My Kii. Her mind was too broken to comprehend that it was just an expression and took it to her heart. And drank the poison. Or it might also be because she heard that the man that told her that he loves her and not that girl was treasuring that said girl while keep hurting her?
Nee-sama was frantic not because she was worried about being exposed for bullying that girl after all her bullying was never caused harm, it was only to humiliated that girl that's why she was surprised when Kii was caught trying to kill that girl. She thought Kii gone mad. She thought it was because Kii loved the Prince too much. But now after heard that girl talked about 'to do an extreme job to make the route work as in the game's she suspected that it might be that that girl was trying to harm herself and blamed it on Kii. Come to think about it now, Kii's magic was more for defense rather than attack.
As crazy as she sound, I believed her suspicion was true.
God, everything was so messed up! Kii was just a victim. She had such unlucky life.
I don't know what to think about nee-sama. She was devastated. Her guilt eating her. Intentionally or not it was her poison that killed Kii. Father buried his face in his hands, shoulder shaking in silent cry. Mother was trying to consoled Nee-sama that it wasn't her fault. It was kii's choice to drink it. I scoffed at her. Some mother she was, it wasn't Kii that not deserved her. It was her that not deserved Kii. I was trying to leave when Nii-Sama's eyes, face ashen, caught mine. I glared at him then left.
Why did I had such a messy family?
A few months after that everything went hell. That girl former fiance driven by feeling betrayal, told the neighboring country's prince who we all knew was in love with Kii, that Kii was killed in prison. He told the prince that our crown prince had betrayed her for another woman. That prince had many allies both human and spirits which strangely were also fond of Kii. They joined force to attack our country. We were a strong country. Our military were strong but they were just not strong enough to fight the forces. It might be because everyone one of them was heartbroken by Kii's death. Kii might be away exspressionless and hate to talked but she never failed to greet the guards, the militaries and all the people that some of us think us unimportant and told them "thank yous and good jobs" and she might be unloved by our family but she always was loved by spirits.
Our Crown Prince was strong. Key words was. Now he was just a shell of himself. That day after being stabbed by that girl ex fiance he left them. I half thought that he was running away. Trying to save himself. Unfortunately, he was my friend. I knew him. That's why I also left silently, like him, I also left my family behind. If I was right I knew where he was going. I too, want to be there. I wouldn't be able to escape and if I'm going to go down I want to be down wit a smile. Just like what Kii said.
Slowly, painfully I made my journey. On the way there I found that girl being raped by her former fiance. Her Holy magic was not mach for physical attack it seems. I laughed. If the situation were not dire. It would be funny of how I always caught people being intimate. I want to told that girl "serve you right" but that man was the one that ruined my country, made me homeless. Without further thought I sliced his throat. He was down with a thud. Spilling his blood all over that girl. I looked at her, she looked back, trying to cover herself before she sniffed. All of sudden she jumped and hugged me.
"Aoi-sama. Thank goodness. Thank you for saving me. You're like my hero" she said burying her face to my chest.
"yeah, about that" I said
Still trying to look cute, she looked at me with a big watery eyes and lips pouted.
"yes Aoi-sama? You came to rescue me. I'm grateful. We're going to escape together, aren't we? I'll follow you anywhere. It seems that I was mistaken. My fated one was never the prince but you Aoi-sama. I was tricked by the prince. He was a disappointment. How can he betrayed me. How could he let that man touched me. I should have let him to be with Kii'i, they're rotten both of them...urk..." she coughed right after I stabbed her right in the chest.
"yeah, about that" I said again "that was for Kii. You seem to have forgotten that Kii was my baby twin sister. And I love her very very much. So, die bitch!" I told her.
Her eyes wide, hands covering her chest, trying to heal herself, to stop the bleeding.
"A, Aoi...-sama?" she coughed bloodily then she too, dropped with a thud.
I continue my delayed journey. That man was not there when I arrived. I went in anyway. And I was right, like I said there he was, bleed heavily, kneeled on her bed. Her prison bed. Chanted her name as I walked nearer and nearer. By the time I reach him, he was already gone.
I saw the man slumped in the other side of the room. He too was dead. I lied on her bed. Looking at the prince I can't help but pittied him. He loved Kii so much but was to late to get her.
I thought of Kii again. About her suffering, the injustice treatment that she received.
"God" I said loudly "if you're real. Please, please give me a second chance to save her. To make her happy. Take my soul. My magic. Erase me. Do whatever necessary to me. I will give everything I have in exchange for her happiness. Please just, just give her chance to be happy" I sobbed noisily. I heard the sound of boots getting nearer and louder to our place.
Ah, they found us I thought. I knew that it was impossible to turn back time, yet I still hoping. What was Kii says again? Ah, it's because I'm still alive that's why I'm still hoping. Life is hope itself after all. Still I'm aware it was impossible. Even as I feel my consciousness slipping away, I still clung to that hope anyway. I knew that I can't be real. I still hope. It was impossible.
I knew that...
I knew that it was impossible. I knew that I died. Yet, here I'm. When I opened my eyes. I was in my younger self body. 7 weeks before my, before our 7th years birthday. I soon as I got hold of myself and sure that this was real and not my hallucination. I ran off to her. Gave her a big hug.
Don't worry Kii. Big brother is here. This time I will be there for you. Always will be. I will protect you. I will make you the happiest little sister in the world. I promise you. It's not going to be easy.
I knew that...
But still. God, thank you for giving me this second chance. I won't wasted it. I swear!
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