Chương 273: Silence of Fireworks
[Luna's Perspective]
Among the countless unfamiliar faces that zoomed by in a blur, my eyes only focused on his determined figure as we walked through the crowd, fighting against the flow ever so slightly as we made our way to an offshoot path. This is a path that will lead to a spot that Zevin had discovered yesterday where there will be serenity for us to talk in private.
We had intentionally lose ourselves from the group, using the river of humans as cover to traverse to this path and continue down on it. As for the reason why, we wanted some time to ourselves, some privacy and protection from any potential privy eyes and ears. This...is something between Zevin and I, and it must be a decision that we make with unfiltered emotions and with the utmost purity.
The path soon darkened as we made our way further and further from the pier and entered further and further into the side path leading through a light woods. Our final destination is a secluded beach that should be free from the presence of other people, the perfect place for us right now.
With the celestial light of the moon illuminating our path and Zevin guiding me by walking in front, I looked off to the side in search of the chirping crickets in the bushes. However, in this darkness, there is not much for me to see. But...the occasional clearing broke way to a small creak to my left, and hovering over this small creak, illuminating in a dull faint azure and golden light, were fireflies that roamed about, promoting a sensual scene that Zevin and I intentionally slowed our pace to observe.
Our walk continued on as we were yet at our destination yet until we finally arrived. The trees and brushes before us cleared into a small white sand beach approximately twenty meters in length. The ocean glistened as it reflected the rays of celestial light and gentle waves washed up onto the white sand beach, kissing it before it slowly was lulled back into the ocean.
"There's no one around here," Zevin softly whispered as he turned around to me.
The two of us were standing in the center of this beach and on the white sand. I felt the gentle ocean breeze blew by, moving my hair and making it so that I need to bring up a hand to the side of my head to keep my hair from blowing into my eyes.
"So..." Zevin continued as he looked at me with a rather calm and somewhat...sad countenance. "That's Alevian, huh? I can see why..."
I stared at him with an expressionless face while my heart palpitated in my chest. Upon his mention of Alevian's name, my mind uncontrollably wandered to memories of him. These were...sweet memories that are rather long-lasting.
"I...I really can't say anything," Zevin sighed as he chuckled in a self-deprecating manner. "I really don't know what to say..."
"I'm sorry," I lowered my head and apologized.
"No," Zevin shook his head gently. "It's not your fault... You can't lie to yourself about certain things."
"When did you know?" I frowned as I gazed into his eyes. I could feel an overwhelming amount of guilt flood through me, pulsing as it coarse through my very veins and spread throughout and permeate my body.
"It's not that hard," he chuckled and said. "We've been together for a while now, so I know when you're trying to conceal something."
"I..." I lowered my head and looked down at the sandy beach underneath.
I could feel tears streaming to my eyes, but I held them back. I...I cannot cry right now. I am the one that is causing Zevin pain, so I cannot cry and pretend to be the victim. I...I am the victimizer and Zevin is the victim. I have no right to be...to be crying and pretending as if I did nothing wrong. I can't...
"So this is it, huh?" Zevin shook his head and sighed. There was a slight trembling in his voice as he said with an obvious weeping tone that he is desperately trying to hold back.
Even now...he is trying to accommodate me, trying to play it off as if it is no big deal so that I won't feel bad about it... But like you've said, Zevin. We've been together for a while, so you know me and I know you. We know each other, so there is no point in trying to hide it. All this hiding...it just makes things worse. But...I guess I can't speak for Zevin. I'm literally doing the same thing he is doing.
Slowly, I nodded my head with a slight reluctance. I am unsure...unsure if I want this to be the end. Yet...there is a part of me that is telling me that this is necessary for me to move on.
"Right..." Zevin sniffled slightly as he turned his head and gazed out at the horizon. His watery eyes sparkled as they reflected the moonlight. "Don't worry. I don't blame either of you. It's not your fault, nor it is his fault. Neither of you did anything. It's...more about me."
"It's—"
—not you.
I wanted to conclude that sentence that way, but...I can't. Because...if it's not his fault, and if it is neither mine nor Alevian's, then whose fault is it? Denying that all three of us played a role in this...it is just...unfair. It is as if we are saying that...what we had, it was all just a lie. But...we both know that it is not a lie. This pain in my heart says so, and...the excruciating pain carved onto his face...says so as well.
This...this wasn't a decision made lightly, as my soul itself is in flux by this decision. Yet...it must be made. I cannot lie to myself anymore. What I had thought to be my unwavering love for Zevin...it has been doubted by myself as I find myself thinking of Alevian more and more than usual...It's as if...he's taken up a part of my heart.
During Spring Break, when we were camping on the mountains, prior to all that asylum business, when I talked to Alevian by the lake, I have already started doubting myself. I tried talking to Alevian, but...I must've not been clear with my allusions as...he seemed to not understand who I am talking about. Or...maybe he knows who I am talking about and is simply...pretending to not know. Or maybe what he told me is his honest opinion. I tried to follow what he had told me, but all that it ended up doing is...make me think about him even more...
"We...we can still be friends, right?" Zevin looked at me weakly. His eyes communicated a sense of desperation and dread. But...knowing him, he will get over this defeat, and be reborn as strong as ever with that ever burning flame of confidence as if a phoenix suffocated.
"Of course," I nodded.
"It's...kinda funny," Zevin softly chuckled as he mocked himself. "But...this isn't the end."
He then gazed into my eyes with a rejuvenated smile and resolve. "You haven't...entirely committed to him yet, right? Then...I still have a change to get you back."
I reciprocated his gaze and focused on his eyes as I took in his every word. This is his...resolve, his statement of persistence and unwillingness to surrender.
"It's no big deal. It's just...I'll have to make you fall for me one more time," Zevin smiled and said.
"Zevin," a smile of relief appeared on my face as Zevin seemed to be in a better mood from earlier.
The sound of fireworks shooting up the sky was faint and barely audible, but the resulting flash attracted both our attentions. Turning my head towards the nighttime sky and at the beautiful floras of embers and flames in the sky, I took in the view.
That night...I ended my previous relationship, but...I didn't begin my next relationship...
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