Chương 258: Such A Sacred Feeling Shouldn't Be Tainted By Any Dark Worldly Desire

Seeing the uncertainty in her eyes, Ren knew it wasn't a good idea to force her to read the letter. Even though she appeared strong but only he knew how tried she tried keeping herself together.

"It's okay if you don't want to read it right now, sweetheart," Ren gently persuaded her, the tip of his thumb held one corner of the letter lightly. "I don't want you to pressure yourself."

Tsubaki quickly shook her head. She raised her eyes from the letter in her hands, the hesitancy in them were replaced with a resolute look. The heaviness of her gaze shocked Ren inwardly. The words he wanted to say stuck in his throat. Even without her saying anything, he understood the meaning behind her unwavering gaze.

A corner of his lips lifted up as a sense of proud enveloping his heart.

His wife was one strong lady. How did he forget that?

"I'll accompany you reading this letter, alright?"

Tsubaki nodded. A small smile graced her face. She looked at him with deep gratitude gleamed in her eyes. "Thank you, darling."

Within the security of his arms, Tsubaki opened the envelope. She slowly took out a folded letter from it. Her heart was pounding furiously until she could hear her ears ringing. She was overwhelmed by her own feelings yet she didn't want to hesitate any longer. This matter wouldn't be solved if she acted like a coward.

Ren looked at her side profile. The nervousness from earlier came back but she no longer backed down. He silently comforted her by rubbing one side of her waist. His wife had already unfolded the worn-out letter. A long paragraph of familiar handwriting came within their line of sight.

[XX May

Hello, Hinata.

I'm not sure how I should write this letter to you. You must be surprised to receive one from a stranger, right? All my thoughts get jumbled up and suddenly I do not know how I should convey what I want to tell you.

Although I have never acted as one or keep you safe since you're a child, I am your birth mother. I do not plan to abruptly reveal it to you but I have to, my dear child. I'm running out of time.

As much as I do not have the right to be called Mother from you, please know that I love you so dearly. Never once did I live by without missing you and hoping I could love you openly yet my circumstances preventing me from doing so.

I feel like if I didn't take this chance to confess, I might really go without you knowing anything.

Or, it is better if I didn't write this letter?

Hinata.

You're named so because I have always prayed for you to live freely under the sun, like the blooming sunflowers. There were your father's favorite flowers while I love the vibrant red camellias. Nevertheless, our love for you is the same.

We met and fell in love yet reality was cruel to us. Your father was torn away from me, leaving me to fend for myself without his support. I would never forgive everyone who separated us just because our status and monetary value didn't match.

Who says money is all we have to look at when we fall in love? Such a sacred feeling shouldn't be tainted by any dark worldly desire. Love is bestowed to us in its purest form yet such thing ruins the feeling we should cherish.

I am selfish. Even though I have left you for years but I still dream of us living together. Together with your Father even though it has been so many years since he has left us. He didn't even get to see you but I know he is silently protecting you from above.

Hinata, this might be my first and last letter for you. Please know that Mother and Father love you dearly. I'm not seeking your forgiveness since I understood I couldn't make up for all your grievances and sadness all these years.

Mother hopes for you to experience a love so beautiful it could elevate you to the highest peak of your life.

p/s: This necklace is the only thing I could give to you. It's your Father's gift to me before he was gone. I hope you'd treasure his present.]

When Tsubaki was done reading the letter, her body trembled greatly as her lips quivered. She bit her lower lip hard until an unpleasant metallic taste spread at the edge of her lip. Her face was pale under the soft lights, making Ren's heart ached looking at her.

"Sweetheart," Ren rubbed the small of her back as he stared at her with worry evident in his eyes. "You can cry if you want to. I'm here."

"No..." Tsubaki shook her head, a weak smile lifted up on the corners of her lips. She tilted her head slightly, looking back at him. "I'm okay, darling. Don't worry. It's just... this letter..."

Tsubaki pursed her lips again. It was hard to describe what she was feeling right now. She looked back at the letter.

This letter was so raw and full of emotions.

It started with the writer was at a loss of what she should write or do yet as the letter went along, she poured all of her feelings into it, hoping for them to be conveyed properly toward the recipient. Tsubaki somehow understood the hesitancy that wrapped the writer's heart but she forced herself to continue writing it.

"I just..." Tsubaki parted her lips, the trembling gradually faded as she was reminded of the warmth of his hug right now. It gave her courage. "I wonder what happened to Mother afterward? She wrote this letter as if she would disappear forever. She..." She looked up to meet his eyes. From the reflection of his dark orbs, she could see hers were filled with fear and uneasiness. "She's... not dead, right?"

"Hush... sweetheart," Ren carefully retrieved the letter from his wife's hand before he enveloped her small frame within his tight embrace. "Don't think like that, okay? Nothing is confirmed yet."

"En..."

Tsubaki quickly encircled her arms around his waist. She was practically clung on him with all her might. She didn't cry. Her eyes were dry yet from the way she behaved Ren understood she was battling with her own self from within.

She said she had vowed to stop shedding tears and he respected her decision for that. But, if the day she could no longer hold back her tears came, he would be the one wiping and kissing her tears away until peace and calm came back to her.

"Mother was a good and brave lady, I could tell that," Tsubaki lowered her gaze to the letter that was now placed on a pillow beside her husband. "It took her a lot of courage for her to let her children went to someone else. Especially when she has just given birth to us."

"And you inherit her braveness," Ren lightly kissed her temple. His thin lips brushed against her sweet-smelling long hair. "We couldn't imagine what prompted her to make such a decision but she did it for your own good. Living in hiding couldn't be done with two newly born children. She knew she was being selfish if she did so."

"En..." Tsubaki nodded once.

Even though she understood what he was trying to say yet sadness crept inside her heart. As much as she loved her adopted mother, she wanted to meet her birth mother too.

"From the letter... I remember that it was the same thing written in the postcards. Mother told Mommy that she has to be separated from Father...." Tsubaki closed her eyes tightly. She took a moment to calm herself yet the fear from earlier started budding back, torturing her from the inside. She jerked her head, locking her gaze into his. When she spoke again, her voice was filled with heartache.

"Darling, why did people could be so cruel? Why can't they just let two people in love be together? Why must they tore them apart? Didn't they know no one could be happy if they did this? Why must they enforced their beliefs into others?"

Facing her questions one by one, Ren knew his wife was deeply hurt by this matter. He felt so hopeless as he couldn't find a satisfying answer to her.

Ren brought her head to his shoulder, a heavy sigh escaped his lips.

"Greed could turn humans into despicable beings, especially when they affect innocent people in the name of their beliefs."

Tsubaki bit her lips. She couldn't refute what he had said. If not for greed, two people in love wouldn't be forced to separate just because of their different statuses.

"Darling?"

"Yes?" Ren hummed. One of his wide palms was still running up and down her small head. He didn't seem tired with the repeated movements.

Only someone with love and patience could persevere. Even for the slightest act, for someone whose heart not filled with love, it was a tedious task for them.

"It's so good to have you," Tsubaki curled up a smile. She sighed softly against his chest. "Let's not be separated again, alright?"

Ren's eyes dimmed, a hint of sorrow flashed in his eyes. He buried his face on her shoulder. "Yes. We won't be separated. Ever again."

His strong arms tightened his hold on her as if he was afraid she would slip away from him and disappear forever. His heart was beating hard, the thought of losing her again driving him mad.

In the end, they sat in silence while embracing one another.

The husband and wife stayed that way until midnight approached. Only when she felt her heart ache felt bearable did she pull away from him. Tsubaki had just wanted to shift her legs from her current position when she heard a groan coming from opposite her.

"Darling? Why?" She quickly paid attention to him, slightly worried to see his painful expression.

"It's nothing..." Ren laughed, a helpless smile curved upward his lips. He bent forward and reached out to stretch his right leg. "Well, my leg goes numb."

"Oh! I'm sorry!"

Tsubaki gasped in shock. She had just remembered that when they were hugging earlier she was sitting on his right leg. After a long time had passed, of course, his blood circulation of his right leg was restricted by her weight.

Ren's laugh floated freely in the air. The tingling sensation of his numb leg made him felt uncomfortable yet it was tolerable when the view of her guilty and panic face appeared so adorable in his eyes. The hidden tears from her bright eyes were no longer there.

"Here, hubby. Let me massage your leg," Tsubaki said while smiling sheepishly. Both of her hands were already reaching out to her husband's leg. Her soft fingers lightly exerted pressure on his calf.

Ren stifled a laugh. He watched as she was diligently massaging his leg to ease up the numbness.

Both of them didn't speak anything at this moment. Tsubaki was focusing on Ren's leg while the latter was silently watching at the minute of her expression. Her countenance was as soft and delicate as ever. As delicate as she appeared, she had a heart made of diamond, the sturdiest diamond.

He loved thinking that way.

The glittery diamond was one of the hardest material on the planet. Over time, his dear wife had become stronger yet the kindness of her heart remained unchanged. That was one of the things he loved about her.

"Sweetheart?"

"En?"

Tsubaki lifted up her gaze from her husband's leg. He was looking at her with a smile so tender it made her heart skipped a beat. As the soft lights fell on his sharp features, she couldn't help but silently praising his good looks.

It's such a crime for him to have such a handsome face! She wondered how many innocent maidens' hearts had been broken because of this face!

Ren extended a hand, he gently landed it on her head.

"Things would grow difficult but please remember that you can end this journey," He gathered a lock of her hair and let it fell through his fingers. "After this ends, we could focus on our small family."

Tsubaki was speechless. She wanted to say something yet no words came out. Earlier, she could hold back her tears yet now when she heard such heartfelt words from him, she felt like her tears could fall down at any time due to happiness.

Seeing the parting of her soft lips, Ren smiled. He leaned down and gently kissed her lips.