Chương 83: Breakfast with the Chens (but not really)

After his brief encounter with Sherry, Dylan stumbled his way towards the bathroom. His steps were somewhat unsteady and he held his head in pain throughout the short journey. Having finally arrived, Dylan supported himself with the help of the edge of the sink and gazed deeply into the mirror, revealing a horrifying truth!

His hair! His eyes! His face! His hair was unkempt, his eyes gaining extra layers and his face swelling into that of a pig face! How, how can he meet people like this?! And worst! Sherry already saw him, they even had a whole conversation together. No wonder she was avoiding eye contact with him! No wonder she was being weird. It was all because, all because he looked so unruly!

"Maybe, maybe I'm just seeing things wrong." Dylan muttered, wishing to escape from reality. He rubbed his eyes to the point that it got blurry and shook his head violently.

"Ah, may-maybe that was a bad idea." Dylan grasped his hand over his mouth, cheeks puffing up for the incoming projectile of half digested food and mushy grossness. "Blargh." Glittery rainbows came pouring out into the sink. [A: Censored for the sake of our sanity (as if I hadn't already described it, hehe).]

With his remaining clean hand, Dylan turned the tap to wash away all the vomit just before…before, "Blargh", ah, it was too late. Another one was triggered. More unicorns spouted out by our beloved hero.

Dylan rinsed his hands and the sink under the cold water and looked into the mirror through his watery eyes. In his eyes, his previous appearance looked like he went a few days without washing up but now he looked like a fought an entire goblin horde in a goblin's den. He was practically a goblin now!

[A: S-someone, teach Dylan some self-love. Poor kid needs it.]

"This cannot do." Dylan uttered solemnly. He gathered water in both hands and roughly splashed it onto his face, effectively sobering himself and getting the sleep out of his eyes. Dylan even started to wet his hair in an attempt to sooth out all those curly pointy bits. However, the sheer amount of poppy bits led to his head full of hair becoming soaking wet and dripping with water. Well, all that could all be solved quietly with the help of magic. Using the spell he used to dry Sherry's hair last time, he dried his own face and hair. He did so very carefully, ensuring that his hair was the perfect amount of softness, groomed but also appearing natural.

Yes, this was precisely why Dylan learnt magic for so many years. This was precisely why his ancestors spent so much time designing spells and developing the art. This was precisely why magicians were so passionate about spreading their teachings to many disciples. All for that hungover sweetheart and his perfect hairdo.

Well, maybe not. After all, there was still the issue of his extra layer of eyelids and swollen face that Dylan needed to solve. But fret not, because why else would magic exist? With how widespread alcohol was, there was bound to be one genius alcoholic. And that there was, this genius magician was the saviour of all magical drunkheads. He was even worshipped by some. Anyhow, he developed a spell that reset the effects of alcohol on one's body. In order words, the puffiness of Dylan's face would be gone in just a poof. He just needed to concentrate and tada! Magic!

Dylan was as good as new. With fluffy hair, double eyelids (thank god it was triple or quadruple anymore) and a sharp face, everything was back to normal. Well, the bathroom was a mess now though.

Dylan let out a dry chuckle at the sight and quietly cast a cleanup spell before escaping from the crime scene. It was as if nothing had happened at all. No panic, no fancy morning routine and no magic thingies going on. Just a normal guy washing up for breakfast. Yep, just a normal day.

"(Wife, how are you so beautiful and perfect all the time?)" Before even stepping into the dining room, Dylan could hear the torment Sherry went through on a daily basis. Ping's honeyed and sickening sweet voice echoed in the Chen's humble home as usual. Walking in, Dylan could see the couple embracing one other, staring deeply into their eyes and looking lovingly at each other. Ping even kissed An on the lip without concerns for their immature audience of a kinda conservative medieval knight, a young bird and their desensitised daughter.

Having never seen such a romantic seen before in his life, Dylan immediately utilised his athletic body to do a majestic twirl like a beautiful and elegant ballerina. However, he could not escape the sounds. The gap between morning Ping and night Ping shocked him to the point of disbelief. How can such a taciturn man become so talkative and affectionate after a night's rest?

"(The kids are watching.)" An shyly pushed Ping away but anyone with eyes could see that she wasn't serious and was loving every moment of this.

"(Darling, I told you when we were young and I will tell you again. My name is Ping and your name is An. PingAn [peace in Chinese, I know, bad pun.], we were destined for each other.)" Ping handsomely repeated the horrible pun very confidently. Well, An very evidently loved it, as she kept giggling at the fond memories. "(I love you. Forever and ever, till death do us part.)"

"(I love you too, husband. Til death do us part.)" After demonstrating how a proper confession should go, the two began to very intimately profess their heartfelt love once again. Even the immune Sherry couldn't help but to blush and shelter the innocent Fir from such a scene.

She turned to face the other direction, finally taking note of a fellow victim. Only, Dylan was more fortunate, due to not understanding what was actually said in the cringe filled and sappy moment.

"Dylan! You sure, uh, transformed quick." She immediately called out to him, in hopes that it will discourage her overly affectionate parents from continuing. Sherry also couldn't help but to take notice of the quick recovery Dylan underwent. His cute overslept appearance was now gone, replaced by a ready to go out appearance. But she loved both so she was fine with either. Though, she did find it unfair that he could transform so fast.

"I used magic." Dylan whispered in Divian. "I apologise for my unpresentable appearance earlier."

"Unpresentable? That's an exaggeration." Sherry laughed and replied back in Divian. "I've seen worst, mate. We've raided goblin nests together."

"Haha. Well, there are mirrors here. Its makes me a little more self conscious." Dylan scratched his cheek shyly. 'Not to mention, I didn't have a crush on you yet back then.' He thought to himself.

"Kuhum, have you two finished having your secretive conversation? The food is getting cold." An coughed and interrupted.

Dylan and Sherry coughed and made their way to the dinner table.

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Author, reading comments from previous chapter: YES! COMMENTS!

Author, reading death threats: …Aha, ha, ha, you, you won't really kill me will you?

Author, reading encouragement comments: Aww, thank you. [Inside: Hell yeah! Being shameless works! Should do it more often, hehe. Thicken thy face, as a great man once said.]

Author, sleep deprived and writing this chapter: Wow, this is weird.

Author, deleting all the stupid and interruptive comments she crazily put in cos she wrote it in the middle of the night/morning(?): Hmm, what a shame.

Author, writing this before finishing the chapter [part where Dylan finally finished getting ready]: ^~^ procrastination at its best

Author, scrolling through previous chapters because she has a horrible memory that can't even remember the most recent chapter but can somehow remember that one time she was running and tripped over her own pants in PE: ARGHHHHH, H*LK SMASH

Author, finally finishing the chapter: Y-es, sleep time. Sleep…jk, I'm not tired. My laptop's dying is all. Time to go on my phone!…should really go to sleep tho…

Author: THE NOT REALLY PART IN THE TITLE IS BECAUSE I DRAGGED THINGS OUT TOO MUCH