Chương 39: Future Chances

When I regained my thinking ability, Julian had moved up to press his full weight over me once more. He was smirking down at me.

"You tasted wonderful."

"D-Don't say that!" With my brain returned to me, the reality of what just happened dawned on me and I covered my face with my hands.

I knew it was far, far too late to be embarrassed… I was already mostly naked. My bra had long given up the fight, or maybe Julian had taken it off? I couldn't remember. All that remained on me was my shirt, bunched up above my chest.

I was a grown woman, for god's sake. Of course I shouldn't be embarrassed. I knew that, okay? I just… Julian had… Oh god, I didn't want to think about it too deeply.

Julian laughed and pulled my hands away from my face, gently kissing my forehead. "I told you not to think."

I looked at him shyly, though maybe it was too late for that, too.

"I know, but…"

"Was that your first time?" How to answer? I bit my lip slightly. Julian saw my troubled expression and raised one eyebrow. "No?"

"Well… we did have sex once before… but you were drunk," I muttered, not meeting his eyes. We had never done something like what he had just done. I knew *that* could happen, but having that sort of thing done to me by Julian was somehow much more embarrassing than I had realized it would be.

Julian gave me a rueful smile. "I'm sure that wasn't the best experience."

"N-No! It was fine!" I shook my head, remembering that time. It had been only once during my past lives, and yes, he'd been terribly drunk, but it hadn't been bad. In fact, at the time I had been so happy to be wanted by Julian, I had nearly died just from the joy. "To tell you the truth… I don't remember much of the act itself… just that it went quickly."

"I know when I'm drunk I'm not gentle." Julian's eyes darkened slightly before he kissed my forehead again. "I'll treat you properly this time. And it won't be over so fast."

I knew my face was flaming, but I was more touched than anything else. I nodded. But that last sentence… did that mean? I peeked into his eyes and saw a mischievous light in them.

"...You mean now?"

Julian laughed at my incredulous question. "Well, it doesn't have to be right now if you don't feel ready."

"I just thought… don't we need to be careful?"

We had just been hiding in the shower to have a conversation about his family, and yet now he wanted to break their number one rule that easily? A part of me was excited at the idea but another, much larger part of me was terrified at the idea. Twenty-three lives of the threat of death for even being slightly intimate with this man was definitely not something I could easily forget.

Julian was quiet for a moment, probably so he would watch the emotions on my face. "I would like to say no, but you may be right," he finally sighed. "If my family suspects anything, they might demand you undergo a 'chastity' exam."

I scoffed. "What the hell? People still do things like that?"

Julian shrugged. "I'm surprised they never made you do anything like that before."

"They killed me first, asked questions later, I think." I could see Julian's clenching his teeth, so I leaned up and kissed his jawline. "I know you'll keep me safe this time."

"Mm, I will. Even if I have to die for you."

I blinked in surprise at how casually and easily he said that. There was no hesitation in either his words or his eyes. Julian meant it when he said he would die for me. For some reason, that thought sent a chill down my spine. Suddenly I wondered what had happened to all the Julians in my past lives after I had died.

"If it means living without you, I wouldn't want to be saved like that. I want us to live together, no matter what."

Julian's face broke into a wide grin. "It's not enough just for me to promise to die for you, huh?"

I shook my head. "You have to promise you'll live with me."

"Alright. I promise."

Julian leaned down and gave me a kiss. It was soft and firm, like a vow all its own. We kissed like that for awhile, before Julian pulled away with an apologetic smile.

"If we've decided not to go any further today, I should probably excuse myself before I lose my remaining self control."

I suddenly remembered my state of dress… or undress, I should say. I returned his smile with a small, embarrassed laugh. "You're probably right…"

Julian looked especially regretful as he looked down at me, but he still rolled himself off my body and stood up from the bed. I could see that his pants were fighting a losing battle with his lower half. He walked into the closet towards the bathroom and I heard him shut the door behind him.

I thought for a moment about following after him, but decided against it. I was sure there would be other chances for us.