Chương 23: Deep Thoughts
"Honestly I have no idea what that means, you keep pushing me with this idea but it's getting a little bit pointless to really talk about," I finally spoke out in a mini rant.
"Pointless or not, it doesn't seem like you understand currently so I'll just stop asking," Hayden sighed, "all I want is just for you to be open and consider that possibility, any possibility whether it's purely emotional."
"But you just spent so long trying to convince me that physical attraction and intimacy is important too," I followed.
"I tried to talk some sense into your big nerdy virgin brain, but looks like this will take some time to crack you open," he rolled his eyes.
"There you go again with your sexual reference, cracking me open," I scoffed, crossing my arms tighter than before.
"I'm just trying to educate you because you seem to live in the middle ages and it's the twenty-first century where everyone else lives."
"Educate me about what? Sexual education? I learned that in school already."
"No, you need to embrace sexuality, the things you've said to me tonight about how you don't want to end up like the next girl, and the way you active reject the idea of being physically intimate before an emotional commitment is just so backward."
"Explain? I have no idea what your point is in our conversation," I asked.
"You literally have deprived yourself of the basic joys of life up until this point," Hayden explained, "and the mere thought of something that is inconvenient or disruptive to your current lifestyle puts you in such a defensive mood that I'm baffled."
"I didn't ask for this," I muttered.
"I know you didn't and that's why I'm helping you, god damn it let me try and help you at least! That's what I mean by helping you break out of your shell," he said with frustration.
I didn't continue the conversation, instead, I had just sat there beside him and fell completely silent.
"If in a couple of weeks down the line you don't think you feel anything for me then it's perfectly fine with me, all I'm asking is a change in perspective. If you want to lose your V card to some other guy in the future that's none of my business," Hayden said nonchalantly.
"Then why all that big talk about you being a potential interest if you don't care?" I asked, none of what he said made sense, and I've begun to think that he's just been talking in circles.
"Because at least if you let us be a possibility, I'll try my best not to hurt you and take our relationship seriously," he admitted.
I fell silent again, I did appreciate his promises, but actions speak louder than words.
"I'll give you some time to think about it, but it's getting late and cooler by the minute, so we should head back," Hayden finally spoke out after the long silence, reminding the both of us that our little day together had officially come to an end.
It certainly didn't take Tony long to find us next to the park, as Hayden had called to fetch his services after our heated discussion. Hayden and I had practically stopped talking altogether on the ride home. Our delicately decorated boxed desserts from Mariné have ironically been placed in-between him and me, perhaps life's way to remind us of how today's dramatic events.
It had nearly taken us a whole fifteen minutes for Tony to pull in front of our residence building. Although we still refused to say a word to each other, Hayden had still insisted on walking me back to my dorm. The ride and walk back to my place was as silent and excruciating as it can get, but the both of us were too stubborn to admit that the situation had become way too sour to recover for the night.
As I opened the door with my keys, Hayden had finally let out a light sigh.
"Have a good night, Sienna," he said as he handed me my dessert takeout box.
"You too, Hayden," I said half-smiling, breaking my silence.
And with that, I closed the door to a frustrated looking Hayden Whitehall standing on the other side of the doorway. It had truly been a long day and certainly one that should have really ended after our fancy restaurant trip. After I showered, freshened up to head to bed, and after checking up on a sleeping Scarlet, I buried my entire face in the comfy pillow.
Moments pass, but I remain sleepless.
It was no secret that Hayden Whitehall's intentions with me a clear as day, he saw me interesting and a good charity case to keep around while I reap the benefits of being assistant to an elite. It was a mutually beneficial relationship, but his confession had completely skewed my perspective of this relationship in the span of less than a day of signing the contract. I couldn't understand why he was so insistent on cracking me open or getting me to open up as if I was some kind of pistachio nut or something.
Or maybe, I've really been living in a way that I wasn't living at all, and he's the exact remedy I need to fix my problems. Maybe I should let loose from now on, and try to enjoy this as much as possible.
I was conflicted internally, would that mean that I'm selling myself to some rich guy just because I needed the money? But I was already his assistant, and it meant that either way I worked for him, so I am selling at least my time to him for compensation.
I obviously wasn't going to sell my body out to him for money, but what if I did end up liking him in the process? Would that really mean I fell for him or is the idea of falling for a wealthy guy like Hayden something that's more than tempting? All these questions popped into my head and I grew more confused by the second. However, there was one single thing that I knew exactly what I had to do in order to find out how I truly feel about relationships, both emotionally and physically.
I had to give in to the possibility that having feelings for Hayden Whitehall was entirely possible, and maybe something that I'd actually enjoy. So before I put my thoughts to rest, I had let myself do a final task, for the sake of my own sanity and beauty rest.
I dial Hayden Whitehall's number and called him right away.
"Hello?" A groggy voice spoke out in confusion.
"It's me," I responded, hoping he would recognize my voice.
"Sienna?" Hayden's voice spoke from the speaker, certainly clearer than before.
"Yeah, it's me."
"Why are you calling me at this unholy hour? It's past midnight," he groaned loudly.
"I just wanted to call you about our heated conversation earlier tonight," I explained, "I wanted to say that I'm sorry it got awkward and that I'm willing to try considering you as a romantic interest if you're still willing."
"Okay, slow down... What's your point, I'm about to fall asleep again if you don't cut to the chase."
"Let's give this relationship thing a try is what I am saying," I finally said, a bit louder in my voice this time so his sleepy ass hears me the first time.
"Alrighty then, can we talk tomorrow after lecture? I'm seriously about to pass out, for reals."
"Okay, good night sleepy head," I laughed.
"Night boo," he made a kissing sound as he hung up the phone, causing me to roll my eyes.
I placed my phone aside for charging as I lay back in bed and thought about how much my life has drastically changed because of the rich elites at Valentino. These people really managed to turn my life around for the better, and for the more dramatic, within a couple of days. I wasn't sure if I was thrilled or just scared of what will happen in the future, but with Hayden by my side through these changes, they sure don't sound too bad to me.
At the end of the day, at least this beats any part-time labour intensive job, I thought to myself gently as I relaxed fully into a deep slumber.
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