Chương 71: First Steps
"Originally I thought all I had to do was teach you a few things so you'll at least be able to survive long enough to earn back what was spent on you…..wow was I wrong"
The confusion on Azreals face was as clear as day, After waiting for a while and realizing that Kakar didn't speak any further, Azreal decided to ask.
"What do you mean?"
Taking a deep breath, trying to think up an explanation, he couldn't help but sigh.
"It's hard to explain, your just blank slate and I don't mean it like you haven't figured out your path as yet. I mean you don't have a personality of your own your just going with the motion, you don't seem to be the least bit proactive. Do you even know who you are or what you're doing?"
Azreal tried to respond but no words came, he honestly didn't know how to answer the question.
"I've never crossed over into the world of gods but I think it should be the same, you can have all the power in the world but with a weak mind it's useless and you? You have a bit of power, very unstable since you use your emotions as a trigger, you have no control so it's all useless because your mind is weak"
Kakar paused to observe Azreal, who was seemed confused yet looked like he slightly understood.
"Take my mind as an example, it's like a fortress-like all other war beasts who have yet to reach a certain realm, while yours is just….blank, there's nothing to it, our mind reflects who we are and the path we've chosen for ourselves….for those who know who they are and have chosen their path for example darkness with a brooding personality or the sword with a sharp mind, their inner minds would be guarded by a world of darkness or a field of swords, whatever gods do"
Even your average mortal has a mind that reveals a lot more about them because they know who they are or are in the process of becoming, So what I mean is that you don't seem to know who you are nor have you chosen a path, you haven't mastered any of those techniques you displayed. Your just blank slate, an unguarded fortress."
Taking a deep breath Kakar observed Azreal who was now deep in thought while walking off to the side without making a sound.
'Who am I and what do I want?'
Those two questions kept echoing in his mind, but no response followed, eventually his mind began to wander all over the to random unnecessary things that happened while he was on earth.
For some unknown reason, his mind kept running over the situation with the thing in the Silverlight and what just happened, no matter how he tried to force his mind to view the positives.
'It was a learning experience…..'
'I couldn't have done better since I don't understand what's going on...'
'Next time I'll be better prepared….'
No matter how hard he tried to force his mind to think along those lines that tried to defend his crushing defeats, it wouldn't budge instead all he could think to himself was.
'You're pathetic…..'
'Look at how loud your screaming like a little bitch…..'
'She obviously doesn't look like mom...'
'Did you really fall for that so many times? Wow you're beyond pathetic'
The thoughts kept getting drilled into his mind, just as quickly as those thoughts appeared before they could take root his mind switched again.
The time when he killed the snow ape, then to when he whipped out that camp the only thoughts his mind focused on where those that he dominated.
His mind kept alternating between the different thoughts faster and faster until it became almost like one moment frozen in time, none of it moved but he could still feel everything he felt in those moments.
Pride.
Courage.
Desperation.
Hate.
Regret.
...
One particular feeling never stuck around too long, confusing him to no end.
'Am I supposed to figure out something…'
Azreal's mind started to go blank as it couldn't sense time anymore, eventually, all those feelings merged into something thing was hard to explain with words.
All those opposing feelings coming together made him feel like something in his stomach was trying to kill him.
Forcefully suppressing those feelings Azreal still felt like he was missing something before the feelings merged it was incredibly clear and now that they've merged its almost like it became clearer but he still couldn't figure it out.
When he experienced pride and courage there was a sort of balance but when he experienced desperation and regret something felt off.
And now that everything became one the imbalance was more obvious.
The pride felt right.
Desperation felt off.
'What was missing in those moments?…'
Then it struck him like a bolt of lightning.
Power!
Power was missing!
In all those moments he felt pride or courage someone was under his boot or he learned something but when he felt desperation or regret it was the other way around!
'How did a miss something so obvious?'
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