P0psicle0

Also not really a fan of the use of caps.

Alright, I've been reading this novel for a while now and I established that the author can have some criticism ... So I'll be doing that. Firstly, the storyline. There are just so many things happening at once it's hard to keep track of anything. Also, most events seem completely random, and people sometimes seem to lack any logical motive except for maybe the author thought 'haha funny' let's add more suffering. Or the author thought all off a sudden 'alright, now he has some sort if awakening with pain and an entirely new set of powers and leave the old powers hanging'. Like this, we (readers) will never quite get the grasp of what the capabilities and weaknesses of the protagonist are, because the constant change of powers and the addition of new powers that lack explanation, (in which the netto amount of power is increasing), it's gets incredibly confusing. I get it, there is a 'system' announcing shit, but there is also no consistent logic in the system self. (mana my ass) give more logic to your mana, only with enough logic, errors can occur. Mana may be an illogical and miraculous concept in itself, but readers like to have a reliable rule, which may or may not have been established literally, always come back. Does the system have a will? A greater purpose? Or is it just there to tell the growth of a character that could've otherwise been shown? (It can have been told at some point, but maybe I missed it.) There seem to be consequences when you defy the system, but the consequences are not always shown, as if forgotten about. Distance between places are also hard to measure, for convenience's sake, the whole world appears to be within walking distance sometimes. A great solution I would suggest, is to make a map of your world. Doesn't have to be pretty, but it can be great to at least have every place on paper so that you can have a better idea about how long it will take from place to place. Well, the second point. Having too much in your head. Everything what I said above, maybe they're in your head already. Maybe you have a whole system. Things said above may have been told in the story already, then why don't I know it? Because just telling readers isn't enough, they won't remember that one obscure sentence or alinea that states the introduction of a new power or character. Show things through interactions is key. Info-dumping is also a no-go (or at least avoid as much as possible), as readers will likely just skim over them and remembering little. We feel like there is a whole story established in your head, and you're trying to tell it, but only you know. There's a lot of plot point we feel like is missing, or hasn't been clarified enough. Always question, what does the reader know? How many info do I need to reveal in order to give the reader clear insight on a situation, while not spoiling everything. This is an intricate balance you need to master. I cannot say that the author is revealing too little, he tells a lot in fact, just not the right/ important things. Revealing info may also unfold as: event-first, then give an explanation. As long as everything adds up eventually. Third, Overly vivid descriptions. I'm sure you got these. The charm of a book is that everything is a bit abstract. A lot can be left over to the readers imagination, so do that. You're not describing a picture to a blind person, or writing a prompt to AI. You have a very clear view of each scene in your head, like a film unfolding. You want to convey that exact scene in your head to the readers. That unfortunately is impossible, and those precise descriptions only make things harder to read. No one is going to care wether side character A has sea-blue hair with green eyes, or pitch-dark hair with pure-black eyes. Dryly saying that, no one will remember. (highly suggestive to leave looks of side characters out completely, unless the looks become relevant in the story. Or show as you tell, like in actions: 'Her face became serious, her amber eyes glowed with determination.) Same is with ability descriptions. No one needs to know: 'there were 66 silver gleaming swords divided in 2 rows with 44 in the first row and 22 in the second row. The points of the sword were downwards, and they flew to [character] and started flying in a circle around them. The row with 44 swords was above and spinned 2 meters above [characters] head, the 22 swords formed a smaller circle, spinning around his waist. One circle was spinning right and the other spinning left.' ... gave up reading yet? Simplify to: 'many swords were spinning in circles around [character], their silver outline emitting a deadly glow.' This may not be nearly as detailed as the previous and leaves some room for interpretation, but it certainly does it's job in conveying the message. Describe the vibe, not the exact scene. People are better at remembering atmospheres of a scene. If you want to convey the exact scene that bad, writing a webtoon or something with pictures as means may be a better fit. So this was my 5219 characters rant. Hope it didn't get as confusing as the author self. I sincerely wish for your improvement on your writing journey. Keep it up 💪