Korkyros

male LV 1
2023-01-22 เข้าร่วมแล้ว United States
ป้าย 4

Moments 330
Korkyros
Korkyros
20 days ago
Posted

At certain points the story reads like a list rather than coherently. A lot of spelling errors. A few times I found a sentence that I could not understand due to the mass misspelling. Due to no tags and no summary I had no idea this was a shadow monarch x harry potter. I dont understand the need to create an oc twin for harry, give him family just to take it away and the mc not just be harry. The Prophecy was weird and made me think of the Omen movies more than the Shadow Monarch. Which I guess you are trying to paint as Lucifer or Damien from the Omen movies?

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Commented

The first sentence makes this confusing on where this is placed in the story as it states in the years that followed like this is an epilogue.

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Commented

Galaxy not universe. Unless that changed?

Harry took a deep breath. "Your father is Sirius Black, a powerful wizard from our world. He fell through a mysterious veil and ended up here, in your universe. Recently, your mother started to remember more about him, including that he came from another world."

The Force Within The Veil

The Force Within The Veil

Book&Literature · EpicFuzionTales

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Commented

I would say Daphne Greengrass as a primary or end result romance option. Firstly, Luna. She doesn't really have the mentality for it unless you have her go through significant character development. Secondly, Hannah. I simply don't see her willing to associate with such a dark family. Thirdly, Hermione, I like the idea of a romance with her but that depends on how you write the romance. If you begin the romance where she is kind of a Karen in the relationship, best not. Finally, Daphne. There is not really much known about her in canon or otherwise. She is a blank canvas for you to write a character you would like, other than that in the movies she was apart of Parkinson's group so she'd be neutral leaning dark due to circumstances?

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Replied to DrSkillz

I agree. But it was an example of odd sounding names together in a certain way. Specifically when a person has a surname name that can be a given name.

Facing the morning sun, Ethan Adrian sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the envelope in his hand with a dazed expression.

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Anime & Comics · Bored_reader027

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Replied to _Harsh_

Under the same bigoted children's perspective and his family. Something most know is that Family are some of your largest critics. I am done with this conversation. I was not trying to convince you or anyone. I was simply making an observation and comparison. If the author decides to ignore them that is fine, it is what makes things an Alternate Universe when things are different from canon.

In addition, their family has some connections with the British Navy, and some news has been passed down from the previous generation, so they have some understanding of the wizarding world.

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Anime & Comics · Bored_reader027

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Replied to _Harsh_

And you are basing that on the bigoted perspectives of children who haven't been allowed to explore the world much and Arthur Weasley who is in a financially poor situation. All of this in a rather bigoted and perhaps racist society. You are also underestimating how far a parent will go to keep a child from knowing about something they see as dangerous. This is also ignoring that they transformed a train into a magical item and the financially poor Arthur Weasley made a Car that can fly. Which means they most likely know everything you just said they don't. They certainly know about Computers Televisions and Cameras due to muggleborn even if the young do not have experience with them. This is also ignoring that the use of magic is seemingly incompatible with the use of electricity which means they would fry such devices.

In addition, their family has some connections with the British Navy, and some news has been passed down from the previous generation, so they have some understanding of the wizarding world.

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Anime & Comics · Bored_reader027

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Replied to _Harsh_

If they cant keep that a secret, then what makes you believe they would be able to keep it a secret from multiple organizations seeking to keep magic a secret who also have divisions for each wizarding community made to make people forget such secrets and actions? These divisions would specifically watch people with family in high authority to prevent war with the muggle world which is why the statute of secrecy exists.

In addition, their family has some connections with the British Navy, and some news has been passed down from the previous generation, so they have some understanding of the wizarding world.

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Anime & Comics · Bored_reader027

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Replied to _Harsh_

Lore states no muggle is supposed to know unless they are directly related or married to a witch or wizard. Also I am not saying Adrian or Noelle are strange. They are strange for a last name because they are commonly first names. So along side the name Ethan, the protagonist's given name sounds strange.

In addition, their family has some connections with the British Navy, and some news has been passed down from the previous generation, so they have some understanding of the wizarding world.

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Harry Potter : This Wizard Wants To Improve Too Much

Anime & Comics · Bored_reader027

Korkyros
Korkyros
1 months ago
Replied to Maegor_Potter

That means Netori specifically.