My criticism would be that you do not use the script format since it is not a film or a play where you must specify which line belongs to which character and my advice is that you use a narrative style, example: -please let me see my baby- The mother tells the nurse while the baby is handed to her, he opens his eyes and the mother is in a trance when she sees him. After a few minutes she just said -beautiful- the protagonist, upon hearing that, didn't know why, but he made him happy because first time then he began to laugh, his laughter confused everyone, why couldn't they be the newborn who laughed with him? man suddenly comes in breathing hard - honey, I'm sorry you're late, I got a call from the neighbors that the water broke, so I came as fast as I did... - then he looks and just like the mother, he had the same look that he had. After a while she said -Maria is...- she finishes her words -yes, Adria is our son Damien- after kisses and hugs the parents sent him to the NICU like any other newborn. end of the example, sorry for using part of the story for it and doing it in the third person, also for not dividing the paragraphs, the translator didn't let me, I hope you continue with the story the way you want to write it and that you manage to finish it.
ch 0 1 I am OP
Movies · Ajax_Prime
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Webnovel
My criticism would be that you do not use the script format since it is not a film or a play where you must specify which line belongs to which character and my advice is that you use a narrative style, example: -please let me see my baby- The mother tells the nurse while the baby is handed to her, he opens his eyes and the mother is in a trance when she sees him. After a few minutes she just said -beautiful- the protagonist, upon hearing that, didn't know why, but he made him happy because first time then he began to laugh, his laughter confused everyone, why couldn't they be the newborn who laughed with him? man suddenly comes in breathing hard - honey, I'm sorry you're late, I got a call from the neighbors that the water broke, so I came as fast as I did... - then he looks and just like the mother, he had the same look that he had. After a while she said -Maria is...- she finishes her words -yes, Adria is our son Damien- after kisses and hugs the parents sent him to the NICU like any other newborn. end of the example, sorry for using part of the story for it and doing it in the third person, also for not dividing the paragraphs, the translator didn't let me, I hope you continue with the story the way you want to write it and that you manage to finish it.
ch 0 1 I am OP
Reincarnated as Gojo Satoru in MCU
Movies · Ajax_Prime