interesting development, with the zombies
is this a thought of the main character? isn't everything a thought of his? why highlight this?
'I'm going to reincarnate again, right?!'
Fantasy · Sir_WendoS
i notice that there is not much dialogue
I still can't get used to the first person perspective, but its fine, is up to each author their style
How many days have I been trapped in this tiny, windowless room? At first, I tried scratching tally marks into the wall to count the passing days, but my weak bony fingers belonging to a child could barely leave a mark on the hard stone. So instead I've been tracking time by the regular meals pushed under my door.
Fantasy · Sir_WendoS
OHHHHHH YEAHH BABY! GAINZ ARE BEAUTIFUL!!
This is what I'm talking about, create an emotion in a scene, very nice
As Marshal soared through the urban expanse, his red eyes gleaming against the backdrop of the city lights, he marveled at the vastness of human civilization. The distant hum of activity, the twinkling lights of skyscrapers, and the intricate patterns of roads below painted a mesmerizing picture.
Action · B_l_a_n_k_2167
overall not bad I understand everything thats being happened, its well conveyed but I think some more effort could go towards creating an atmosphere to really bring in the reader
i like this but maybe you could add some more description to what they're wearing and what they feel as they get closer
The security team, clad in advanced tactical gear, nodded in acknowledgment. They had been trained rigorously for this duty, but the mystique surrounding Marshal added an extra layer of tension to their routine checks.
Action · B_l_a_n_k_2167
Thank you very much I hope to continue improving
I will take this as a compliment
We Die Young
Action · ForerunnerOfSky