Katzenliebe

Thank you very much for telling me (I was really scared that I'd end up doing something like that because I talk like that). I wrote the descriptions like that with some hesitance? Wasn't sure if people would think it was good or bad, but I guess it's not okay (tbh... when I read I just add the little details that authors add in along the way...) I do read what I write, I just assume that people will make the same assumptions that I made and so somethings aren't clear (And I know this happens because sometimes I talk about something someone said three months ago and they go "What are you talking about???", and I know that is sounds like I have zero clue what I'm writing about because I sound like I have zero clue what I'm talking about Q.Q). I'll go back and fix anything that I just assume people will correlate with. It was something that didn't bother me as much because there weren't a lot of people mentioning it so I thought people were making the sort of watery connections... (Thank you a lot for telling me though, like really OvO) I'll try to fix the sense of time as good as I can (idk I just can't write grammar properly), but I really have zero clue how to display [this is one hour, that is ten minutes] or something like that... About Elizabeth... She's illogical like that. I was planning on keeping her that way (She wasn't really supposed to be sympathized for being stupid) but I mean it is really stupid... I'll change her (I guess? I'm not sure how I'm supposed to display her comedic level of stupidity in another way). And also Ater... He was sort of the type of person (cat... I guess) to do things that were to his advantage but the second they became disadvantageous, he'd drop it and run off a different plan (But I should've added a bit where everyone goes Ater can talk?? I'm sorry about the confusion on that...) I tried to limit the named characters, but they will just pile up (I mean, like... there's already what... 13 people that should sort of be remembered which is a lot. The familiars, some of them, I should add the bits for that. I didn't add them, but I'll add them. (I was like; am I seriously going to write that there was a plethora of animals dancing around being weird or something and debated no... But I should've because it's weird I guess) I'll try to keep the wordiness to a minimum and I'll try to fix everything, but it might take a few weeks to get through all the chapters again because I'm slow at writing (like it takes me four hours to write... 2000 words on a mediocre day). Thank you again for telling me OvO

It's an interesting concept, (I wouldn't say new because I've seen it I think a few times, but with some other form of currency), and I liked how everything was formatted and introduced. Just for the people on the phones, cut the paragraphs a little bit. The biggest problem is just typos and some spelling errors (that I'm mentioning, but only because they happen frequently) and a problem that isn't really a problem and I don't know if I should take it out on Character design or Story development because I can't decide. Spelling: Thru - It's through. I mean Thru is fine, but it's informal and I mean it is a sort of journal format but that wouldn't explain the very good memory this guy has (though, to be fair, it is quite possible to remember exact conversations down to the word). I don't know why no one has mentioned it yet, or maybe someone has and I haven't seen it, but just by the fact that it hasn't changed probably means no one mentioned it. I actually went back to the first chapter to check if this was journal and I mean it does seem that way but Peter has an extremely good memory. It's just... thru is weird to read, or maybe that's just me. There's no real need to change it, but it is kind of weird? Non - It's I think... none. Because non is no in French and I'm pretty sure it was fixed at some point? Or my memory is failing me, but regardless it does happen a couple times, but not enough for it to be as brain grating as thru. Will/will - This isn't spelling, and I know it's a typo, but will is also a verb. And sometimes (and this is probably only because I'm weird) I would read this person will... and I'd think, "This person, Will." and it's be kind of hard to understand until I realize that it isn't a typo and this happens vice versa. Overall Typos: There are several typos where it really does get confusing (Probably just me) but near the beginning or middle (???) there was one (and this is super specific but there are others) where someone said: "Gey tour dog." I read that as: "Gay tour dog." And while that is probably just me being weird or something, the typos do affect the story just a little bit (mostly because I searched up gey to see if it was a word). It was "Get your dog." Probably because I was being stupid and couldn't see that, but I mean, it happened a couple times? Maybe three or four so it's not a huge problem, but it's just something I noticed. Verbs: There are verb errors, or just some verbs that are placed somewhat confusingly, although they aren't errors. Like: "Dadadaadadada," Said Mr. Fox, and left. This only happens with verbs so far, there's nothing really wrong with the adjectives and other weird things, but it's kind of iffy? I might be picky, but it's sort of just maybe it needs an article, or the verbs should be moved or something, but this kind of order happens a few times every I'd say five chapters or so. Not a real huge problem, but it's there. This last thing. I'm not even sure what category it goes into so I picked one. It's probably either character design, but it's also not character design because the characters are okay? So idk. And this is highly opinionated and only comes up when there's a lot of chapters. The plot is sort of I mean, it's clearly the tactic of not telling the reader too much, but there are some things that kind of ruined the surprise (Was it even supposed to be a surprise? idk). But like, the simplest things, it's just the order of events: 1. Introduced to Blue, by Zhong Yong and others. 2. He is described as smart. 2.5. Middle stuff happens that really isn't that essential to guessing who did it. 3. Zhong Yong goes to battle, he loses. 4. (this is important) Blue becomes supreme ruler of Martial Heroes, and the reader is told that Zhong Yong was poisoned. 5. We are told that it was possible for an inside man to have poisoned Zhong Yong, plus other possibilities which really aren't that likely. From that order... and the fact that we're literally given choices to pick from, it's kind of obvious that Blue did it. He stood the most to gain, and he was the one who decided himself as the new ruler or something (mostly him). I don't know if this was supposed to be a twist, or if it wasn't, but just from the fact that Zhong Yong died, it kind of lays suspicion that there was an inside man. The only other men that were introduced don't even seem to be as close to Zhong Yong as Blue did and while I mean, yes some external force could come; the likelihood. I don't know if it's just me being weird, or if this wasn't even supposed to be a plot twist, but if it was, I would make it so that Blue becoming supreme ruler of Martial Heroes was more smooth. It wasn't smooth, I mean I guess it sort of was? But also, it wasn't. It was random and a choice that, to me at least, was strange because while Blue is a fantastic smart person, he's not physically strong and wouldn't someone test him??? Also, he's in the perfect situation where getting money and becoming stronger would benefit him as others said he was smart, but not muscle-y strong. If this was supposed to be a plot twist (idk if it is) the order of events should be fixed maybe? Just maybe... So that maybe... idk, these people learn of the poison first before they confront Zhong Yong. Whether or not Zhong Yong agrees doesn't matter and regardless Blue is informed and while he doesn't go completely against it, he isn't completely for it. He has to be someone who is also caught in the moment of "HE'S GOING TO BE POISONED??". From there it can continue, with extra security and probably make some sort of super weak alibi that the readers can't figure out (to solve that, make the fake alibi and the truth so spread out, in terms of chapters) and usually, unless people pull some sort of weird trick, it should work? I'm not sure...? I'm not even sure if this was supposed to be a plot twist, it just disturbed me how everyone is this super logical group that also somehow fails to notice the fact that Blue has the most to gain and has the highest chance of getting Zhong Yong. The other thing was that everyone is somewhat this sort of perfect logician and while this is fine and makes sense, they all had these moments of brilliance but people aren't just smart or logical. And I mean, Nacho Hat with Extra Avocado (I miss the guy, he was funny) wasn't super smart, but still. All the 'good' characters and the really 'bad' characters are all smart, capable people who can do things, and I mean it's fine, but also... it's weird? To me at least. They're just... too perfect. Too perfect in the way how their flaws somehow make them seem cooler. Idk, maybe I just don't know them well enough, but that's sort of the feeling they gave me. It could be with who is summoned and whatnot, but I mean eh. There was something I was going to point out, but I think... I just forgot it. Sorry Q.Q If I do remember it, I'll add it in, but right now I think... O.o Other than most of that sort of too opinionated thing, it's really cool and I liked the fact that Will just pops in whenever I was going "Where's Will?". I mean out of everything that was great, Will going in and out was the best. He's just... there. Like some creep, but he's just... THERE...