บท 22: Chapter Twenty-One

The fish looked at me, and I looked at the fish. It was opening and closing its mouth. I tapped the side of its fin with my wand, and it shriveled up. It elongated, becoming another kind of fish. Then, I tapped him again while considering the coefficient of double transfiguration, and obtained a sword that smelled like fish and had scales in place of an edge. Now, if I could just turn the scales sideways, I'd at least get a blue-scaled ripping sword and be one half done with my Akatsuki cosplay. The other half would be done after putting red clouds on my black robes.

"Why am I transforming fishes into swords?" I muttered to another fish, glancing at me from the fish tank with bored interest. "Because it has the same formula for turning mice into snuffboxes. Same levels of complexity, none of the moral quandaries."

I then moved to the side as I finished giving it another tap, and watching the sword-fish in question scatted its upper part into a set of miniature swords. Three transfigurations one after the other made a very strange result, one I wasn't keen on taking notes for, but which would probably give me points with McGonagall if I ever managed to write a proper report on it.

As things were, I found myself drawing ever closer to an invisible line I needed to pass through, and yet dreaded all the same.

It was the kind of line only few wise men would dare tread, and yet I had no choice but to tread it all the same.

"Headmaster," I said amiably, "A moment of your time."

The headmaster's office was empty of said headmaster, but a trilling phoenix sang joyously from atop a perch. A few of the paintings in the background grumbled about my invasion, but I trudged forth all the same and came to a halt beneath the perch of the bird. Its crimson plumage was, in a word, breathtaking. I had seen Fawkes a lot of times, and each time I ended up taking long looks at him even though it was impolite to ignore the headmaster.

"You know," I said amiably, watching the phoenix. "I wonder if you'll able to understand me past the curse-thing," I mused. "Not being able to tell the truth is kind of a shitty thing, don't you believe?" I muttered.

Fawkes crooned, and said nothing. I didn't really dare touch the phoenix. It was still an eagle, and the beak looked kind of big and scary. I wouldn't want to lose an eye, or both, to it. If the phoenix didn't want to near its head, then I would gladly not extend my hand in its direction. "By the way, do you eat fish?" I asked. "Because I've got a lot from the Giant Squid, and I don't know what to do with them. They didn't even die during the basket-trip up. They're probably magical fishes."

Fawkes crooned a bit, grinning as much as a beak could grin. Was this a yes? Then I'd have no choice but to bring back a few fishes next time we met. "You know," I said, "You can teleport. So, maybe next time I call your name you can come and I'll give them to you? Pinky swear I'll call you just for the fishes." I lifted my pinky finger, but the way the phoenix was eyeing said finger made me quickly pull it back. "Well, maybe not just for fishes. Like, there's a basilisk sleeping in the Slytherin Secret Room," I spoke on. "If you could just fly down there, gouge its eyes out and kill it without making victims, it would be grandiose."

I received nothing but more soft crooning. "Right," I sighed. "Forget I said anything about the terribly dangerous basilisk." I looked past Fawkes, to a corner where a pool of silver rested within a marble basin. Furrowing my brows, I drew near. Was this the pensieve thing? Could I perhaps get a memory out and into it? Knowing my luck, it wouldn't work, or I'd get some kind of dangerous sickness while trying to remove a memory.

"Ah, Mister Umbrus," professor Dumbledore said as he entered a few minutes later. "You have been keeping Fawkes company, I see."

"Headmaster," I said with a smile. "I've come for my weekly sherbet lemon, and to ask if the House System really fosters friendship, or merely a convenient scapegoat system for the one unfortunate house to have a history of sinning and evil."

Headmaster Dumbledore nearly stumbled on his next step, but gathered himself remarkably well with a twinkle in his eyes. "Ah, I see. Unfortunately, as much as I would love to strike at the heart of that argument, which is dear to me too, there's little we can do. The castle doesn't want it changed. Trust me, Mister Umbrus, I have made...attempts." He took his seat, and I took mine. "Moderation, most often than not, is the key to successful inter-house relationships."

I took a sherbet lemon from the candy bowl, and as I began to suck on it, I mulled over his words.

"The old House Members refuse, and the new ones become the old ones. Truly, traditions need a firmer uprooting most often than not, else there's little one can do without upsetting a few feathers," I quietly glanced at the headmasters' standing beyond the wall. Some scoffed at my gaze, while a few others politely waved. "We all grow tired and weary from our battles," I said with a sigh. "Can't seem to get a fish on a hook without getting the Giant Squid's help."

"Oh? The Giant Squid in the lake is quite friendly, though often misjudged," the Headmaster said with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes. "It likes bread. I suppose you will-"

I blinked. "So that's why the fishes didn't hook at first!" I grumbled. "I had tried with bread, but it kept disappearing without a trace! I thought the Merfolks were eating it, and instead it was the giant squid! That's one sneaky, deft cephalopod isn't it?"

Headmaster Dumbledore chuckled at my outburst. "Indeed it is so, but it means well. It got stuck in our lake a long time ago, centuries I think, brought by a wayward student and unfortunately it grew quite fond of it."

"And grew also quite beyond measure," I added. "Still, headmaster, could I ask you a favor?" I glanced at the paintings, "It's kind of a private one too," I whispered.

Headmaster Dumbledore blinked at my sudden request, but then neared his face to mine, "You can rest assured, Mister Umbrus," he whispered, "That the paintings will not hear us," he raised his wand, and flicked it a bit. If there was a spell cast, I could not know of it. "What is the matter?"

"Can I try going into the forbidden corridor before it stops being forbidden?" I asked. "With supervision, of course. I want to see what's in there."

The Headmaster looked at me. I looked back. There was something rolling about in his head. It was perhaps the strangest thing ever, because for the briefest of instants I was sure he'd say no, and then I'd just groan and get along with it, but it seemed as if he was actually considering it, and that gave me the tiniest bit of hope.

I really just wanted to try the Forbidden Corridor experience *TM* under adult supervision, thus without the risk of death, to see if I'd be as good as the canon cast when they went through it.

Who wouldn't want to try getting smothered by a Devil's snare or killed by a chess piece?

"I'm afraid that the Forbidden Corridor is forbidden for a reason, Mister Umbrus," the headmaster said, and I sighed, dropping my head ever so slightly.

Well, so long attempt to defeat the canon cast and prove the superiority of a wizard first year with the mind of a twenty-something adult. We'll have to improve our fishing abilities. Then we'll need to get wandless books and perform incredible feat of wizardry.

"Very well, professor," I said.

As I stepped outside the headmaster's office, a sudden spike of inspiration filled me up.

It was a really stupid idea.

It was an utterly bonkers idea.

Thus, without doubt, I had to try it.

The shortest route from point A to point B does not matter...

...if you can fold the space-time continuum with a certain Room of Requirements.