บท 8: To forgive or not to forgive...

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and Co.

Last Time: The front door slammed, causing Kagome to flinch then fall against the cushions, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. Fuck. What was wrong with her? For the love of Kamigami, her problems were not Sango's fault. What was it that Sango had said, that she was wallowing in pity, and maybe she was? Everything was just so fucked up right now, and the last thing she had wanted to do was alienate the only person she could talk to about this whole mess. Tears slipped out of her locked lids and ran down her cheeks. How the hell was she going to fix this? That was a good question if only she knew the answer.

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Monday found Kagome creeping slowly down the stairs and carefully making her way towards the kitchen. Tiptoeing to the doorframe, the teen silently spied on her mother who was gently humming as she went about making breakfast for the family.

Containing the giggle that naturally wanted to escape, the teen continued to watch her mother flit about the modest room. It occurred to Kagome that she loved seeing this wonderful woman so happy. There were times when that happiness would dim though. It was just for a second and then it would be back liked nothing had ever happened. Her mother concealed it well; however, Kagome would have recognized that wistful expression anywhere. It was the same one she had witnessed on many occasions in the mirror. That regretful longing for once was, but what cannot be. It made her heart ache even more since she knew who her mother was missing, and unlike her situation, there was no possible way for him to come back.

A tiny giggle came from the table further in the room, drawing her attention away from the depressing thoughts and towards the energetic child munching blissfully on last night's meal. Malakai stuffed some leftover sausage into his mouth then turned to his grandmother and started to babble. Her mother just smiled and replied with an oh yeah or an oh really. At that age, it was hard for them to understand much of what her son says. The older woman must have said the right things because Malakai beamed toothily and went back to eating.

The pleased teen continued to spy on the two people she cared about the most; it would be three if her brother had been in the room; four if you counted grandfather but alas neither were there. She still loved them nonetheless-hell, she loved her family so very much period and wouldn't know what to do if something should ever happen to them. They meant the world to her, and Kagome would do just about anything to keep them always this happy.

Her mother's soft voice cut into her musing, causing the distracted priestess to jump in surprise. "Kagome dear, are you coming in to eat or will you continue to stand there until you need to go to school?"

Kagome's cheeks reddened at being caught spying and looked over to see the back of her mother's raven head. The woman hadn't even turned around when she had spoken to her. The schoolgirl was in awe and wondered how her mother done that. Seriously, how was it possible for her to know she was there? That was some freaky mama mojo and something Kagome needed to learn pronto. It would be most useful for when Malakai was older.

Stepping into the kitchen, she made her way to the rectangular table and sat down next to her son. He smiled brightly and waved a piece of sausage in his chubby hands as he greeted her eagerly. "Mama!"

Her hand reached out and ruffled his black locks playfully before flashing him a warm grin. "Hey, little man. How's breakfast?"

Malakai shoved the remaining sausage in his mouth and continued to talk. "Mmm. Ood." He reached for a sliced egg and offered it to her.

She promptly took the slice and thanked him for his gift. "Thank you, love." Kagome ruffled his hair one more time laughing amusingly when her boy smiled that heart trembling smile then went back to his meal. Kami, Malakai would break some hearts when he got older, just like his father. Like father, like son. She exhaled then nibbled on the egg slice. She couldn't believe that he had only met Sesshōmaru once and still, the toddler somehow ended up with his father's mannerisms. He was so much like him that at times it hurt to think about it. It was hard not to cry like a blubbering fool.

Shaking away the gloomy thoughts, the young mother reprimanded herself sharply. 'You cannot do this right now. Not in front of your mother and certainly not in front of Malakai.' She would not go down that road while in the presence of her family. They did not deserve to be sucked into that shit storm of hurt and sadness. Her heartbreak was kept for when she was alone in her room where no one could see her sorrowful tears. It was no one's business but her own.

Her blue eyes trailed to the seat which had been claimed by her younger brother. It was still empty, which was weird since he should have been there by now. She wondered where the little squirt could be. That kid never missed breakfast. He was like a sinkhole sucking down everything in its vicinity but never getting full. He was always hungry and never missed an opportunity to eat food. Hmm. Where could he be?

"Mama, where's Sōta?" enquired Kagome curiously while scooping some breakfast onto a plate.

"This morning Sōta had early practice because there's a big game this weekend. They will be practicing all week, so he won't be here for breakfast," replied her mother with a smile and reached out to grab the teapot to pour herself some tea.

Surprised that no one had mentioned a game, Kagome wondered if her baby brother and mother hadn't wanted to bother her with such things. It was silly since she wouldn't want to miss out on one of his games. It didn't matter that she was dealing with baby daddy issues right now. Hell, she could push them aside to go and support her sibling. Kagome knew how much he enjoyed soccer and how hard he had worked to get on the team. "I've been so distracted. I didn't realize Sōta had a game so soon. We will have to go and see him play this weekend."

"He would like that very much if you did." Smiled the older woman before delicately digging into her meal.

Kagome sipped from her glass of juice then started to apologize for not being up when they got home last night. "I'm sorry I wasn't up to meet you guys last night. I wasn't feeling very good, so I went to bed early." It wasn't a complete lie. The complicated situation with Sesshōmaru and the fight with Sango had left her feeling physically and emotionally drained. She had spent the rest of Saturday night crying until exhaustion hit, and by Sunday, she simply had no energy to get out of bed. She had slept off and on until this morning when she woke.

Her mother lowered the chopsticks and looked at her with concern. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I'm feeling much better," responded the astonished priestess. It was true she did feel better. Yes, she was still sad and confused but felt less drained and able to function.

Relief washed over her mother's anxious features and sighed deeply while waving her chopsticks about. "That's excellent. I will make some Zōsui tonight. It will help you feel even better." Kagome didn't have the heart to inform her mother that what plagued her had nothing to do with a cold. If the young woman did say anything, she would have to explain to her mother what was going on. It wasn't something she wanted to do and would only worry her. Plus, rice soup's one of her favorites, so it was a better outcome not to say a word. "Sounds good," agreed the schoolgirl before quickly changing the subject. "I never got a chance to ask you how Auntie Kimiko is doing."

"Kimiko is doing well. Your cousin Gin was accepted into the university." A jubilant grin brought out the mature woman's laugh lines as she kept on talking, "He is very excited and cannot wait to begin his medical education."

Auntie Kimiko's son, Gin was a few years older than herself and wanted to be a doctor of some kind. She couldn't remember which medical branch he wanted to go into though. "He wants to be a doctor, right?"

Her mother nodded swiftly. "Yes, he wants to be a pediatrician. Gin has always loved children even when he was a small child, so his decision does not surprise me a bit. He got quite a kick out of Malakai this weekend. They both had a wonderful time."

"I'm glad mama but you know you didn't need to take him with you. He could have stayed here with me." Kagome didn't want her dear mother to feel as if she must watch Malakai all the time. He wasn't her responsibility, and though she was appreciative for all the help; it still made her feel bad.

Her mother's eyes warmed considerably, and she reached over to gently pat her hand, "I know that dear, but I do not mind. It was only the weekend, and he is my only grandchild after all. I enjoy spending time with him. I wished that my mother could have been there for me as I am for you. You are young with a considerable burden, and sometimes you need time to yourself, especially with certain issues arising."

Tears started to obscure her vision, and she had to bat them away, so they wouldn't fall. Kagome cleared her clogged throat and tried to properly convey her gratitude through her words. "Oh mama, thank you for being here for me. I will never be able to express how much this all means to me. I love you so much."

The older woman reached across the table and squeezed her daughter's hand tightly while blinking away her tears as she spoke. "I know how much this means to you, sweetheart and I love you too. You really shouldn't worry about me, okay? If I do not want to take Malakai, I will tell you."

Shaking her raven head in understanding, Kagome grasped her mother's fingers in return. "Okay but promise me that if you feel like I am taking advantage of the situation, you will tell me then place your foot so far up my butt to get your point across."

Her mother laughed aloud and agreed wholeheartedly. "I promise I will if it should ever come to that."

They both laughed a little bit more than continued to eat their breakfast in comfortable silence.

Sometime later had Kagome taking in a deep breath of cool spring air as she closed the front door behind her. At the present moment, it appeared that she would be riding the bus alone. She hadn't heard from her best friend since they had their fight Saturday night. Sadly, Sango hadn't tried calling, and Kagome couldn't blame her. It showed the teen was hurt by her bitter words. Now the anxious priestess just needed to figure out what she was going to do to fix it. Obviously, an apology was required though the teenager was unsure if the upset woman would even speak to her. Again, Kagome couldn't condemn her if she did. Sango had every right to be pissed.

Exhaling a ragged breath, she stomped away from the door in mild frustration. 'My life is falling apart, and now I'm fighting with my best friend. Life is great, just great!' Grumbled the young mother as she headed down the path that led to the shrine steps. Maybe she wouldn't take the bus today. It might be best to walk, so she could clear her jumbled thoughts. On the way maybe set up a game plan on how she was going to apologize. Besides, there was the issue of history class and a certain Inuyōkai. Thus, a plan would be needed for that as well.

Another strangled groan left her tiny form while she ran some fingers through her inky locks. What was she going to do about him? How was she going to ignore the demon and not think about Friday night?

Her fingertips touched her lips and skimmed slowly over the fleshy appendages. The apples of her cheeks bloomed with color as she thought of that night. The way he had kissed her was nothing like the one last time. That kiss had been demanding, trying to make a point. No, this one had been passionate and so full of feeling. She had been moldable clay in his hands and had wanted him right then and there. Argh, damn it! What the hell was wrong with her? She was starting to believe it was a hormonal imbalance of some kind, maybe from having a child. That thing tends to happen, right? Hurrying down the stone steps and distracted with the wild thoughts scattered about, Kagome never saw the figure waiting on the boulevard.

She snapped to the present when her name was spoken aloud. "Kagome."

The sudden announcement caught the teen off guard and had her slipping on a stone stair; It caused her to fall back on her messenger bag and slid down the last step landing on the sidewalk roughly. "Shit! Ouch!" She cried loudly and carefully stood up massaging her wounded assets. Thank goodness that she landed on her bag or it would have ended with scrapes and bruises.

Shooting a nasty glare at the amused Inuyōkai, she snapped while continuing her rubdown. "What did I tell you about sneaking up on me?!"

Leaning against his car with his arms crossed over his wide chest, Sesshōmaru raised a neat brow and spoke pointedly. "I did not sneak up on you. As usual woman, you were simply not paying attention."

Scoffing loud enough for the demon to hear, the irritated Miko adjusted her bag and fixed her uniform. "Whatever. What are you doing here?" That came out harsher than she had intended, but he had gotten underneath her skin once again.

His strong features softened as he averted his gaze and sighed. Wrinkles appeared to form on his forehead as he ran a hand roughly through his silver locks before turning back to her. The usual arrogance in his tone was gone when he finally collected his words. "I wish to speak with you."

He what? When did this man ask for anything? That was not the yōkai's style. Plus, he was clearly nervous which went against the grain of who the demon was, and confused Kagome greatly. Sesshōmaru was not acting like his arrogant and assured self. Uncertainty wrinkled her brow as she twisted the strap across her body. "You wish to speak to me?"

Sesshōmaru bobbed his head in agreement and continued tentatively. "Yes. Will you come and talk? We have plenty of time before school starts."

Should she? Sango's words from Saturday night nudged her conscious, 'Hell, from what you've been telling me, he's been trying, and that's more than I can say for you.' What her friend had said was true; she wasn't trying but instead running away hoping this whole issue would simply disappear. It wasn't going to though and would be better if they did talk. "Okay," whispered Kagome reluctantly.

The inuyōkai looked startled, and the quiet female wondered if he was under the impression that she would put up more of a fight. To be honest, she might have if her best friend hadn't ripped her a new one and forced her to see how childish she was acting. Plus, Kagome was tired and no longer wanted to run. This time she would listen to what he had to say.

"Good." He said as he stepped away from the hood and went to open the door. "Get in," ordered the yōkai in his usual overbearing way.

There was the bossy asshole. He was starting to freak her out by not acting like himself. This normal response made the anxious feeling dim slightly, and a small smile played on her lips. "Thank you." She uttered while slipping into the vehicle.

Sesshōmaru tipped his silver head and shut the door before making his way to the driver's side.

Silence followed the duo until they reached an empty parking spot that overlooked the city and stopped.

Kagome gazed at the waking metropolis below and observed various vehicles traveling swiftly to their destinations. Should she wait for him to speak since he was the one who requested this? Or should she just break the ice so that they could get this over with?

His hesitant voice tore her concentration away from the active scene. "Did you like the flowers?"

She should have known it had been him but never thought he would let down his pride enough to apologize. Maybe that was why he sent flowers? "Yes. They are beautiful," admitted Kagome while thinking about the blue flora resting on her bedside table and smiled tenderly.

He stared at the smile for some time before dragging shaky fingers through his hair once again and hesitantly broaching the silence. "Kagome. About Friday night..."

Not wanting to rehash that night, the young mother abruptly cut him off with a wave of her hand. "It's fine Sesshōmaru." The flowers were enough of an apology, so saying anything else was unnecessary.

As usual, the dog demon disregarded her words by taking up where he left off. "I wish to apologize. I should not have let it get that far."

Kagome tried to play it off as if it wasn't a big deal and shrugged away the confession. "It's not like we haven't done that before." The morning just kept getting weirder and weirder. First, he was asking for permission to talk, and now he is apologizing in person. What the hell was going on? She was unused to this side of the yōkai, and it was throwing her for a loop.

"I know, but it was not what you wanted. You asked for space, and I was doing my best to give you that," He acknowledged candidly. "When I encountered you that night though, I could not stop myself from approaching." His golden eyes darken a shade, and they unconsciously skimmed her fitted form.

Fighting a blush that wanted to bloom, Kagome pretended not to notice while clearing her throat and openly agreeing. "I did tell you that, but I could have said no when you asked me to dance. I could have walked away, and I didn't. It seems we were both at fault." She rubbed her face and took in a deep breath, pushing herself to take the step of apologizing as well. "I'm sorry for how I reacted. I should not have left the way that I did."

His warmed regard moved to the scenery, and he said nothing for some time before speaking ever so softly. "Neither should have I." They both knew that he wasn't talking about Friday night.

Kagome's tender heart started to thump harshly, and her mouth felt like it was filled with sand. A part of her was afraid to ask, but another just wanted to know. It was always easier to rip off the bandage quickly then to peel it off slowly. Lowering her gaze to the cars below, she took in a cleansing breath and asked the question resting on the tip of her tongue. "Then, why did you?" Sneaking a peek, the anxious teen watched the inuyōkai beside her shoved another hand roughly through his silver mane. She braced herself for his response and was surprised by what he said.

"It's complicated," divulged the dog demon while he sighed profoundly and carried on staring out at the vast landscape.

Well no shit, everything about this situation was a thorny mess. Seriously, they were teenagers with a kid, and he was that douchebag that ran from his responsibilities. She turned away from the busy scene to fully look at the quiet yōkai sarcastically snarking. "Sesshōmaru. This whole situation is complicated. How much more can it get?"

His jaw started to tick, indicating his irritation with the topic at hand. He still refused to look at her as he began to elaborate some. "I let a childish notion cloud my judgment."

Okay, but it still didn't explain why he did what he did. Why was he speaking in riddles? Why couldn't the man just tell her outright? Sesshōmaru wasn't someone who would usually beat around the bush. That was not his style at all. He was blunter in his opinions, and on many occasions had hurt other's feelings because of it. "What the hell does that mean?" Snarked the teen testily.

A growl rumbled throughout the cab, and Kagome's eyes widened in surprise as he twisted around and bellowed. "I fucked up and allowed my hatred for my father to dictate how I should live my life!"

He allowed his hatred for his father to dictate how he should live? Did Sesshōmaru despise his father that much? Though he had mentioned in passing that he blamed Mr. Tatakau for his mother's death. Could the yōkai hate his father for more than just his mother's passing? Is it possible that his hatred also stemmed to his patriarch replacing his mother, and maybe himself with a new family? It would explain his tremendous resentment towards Inuyasha and why he was so apathetic to him. So could it be when Sesshōmaru thought she might be pregnant he freaked because he didn't want to be like his old man? That he didn't want to go down the same path as the older yōkai had gone; involved with a human and having a hanyō. Had that scare reopened a wound and that had been what dictated how he had reacted to the situation? Needless to say, it still didn't excuse his immature and irresponsible actions, but Kagome could for a few seconds place herself in his shoes. It lessened some of the anger against him. Not all but it was a start. "You did?"

"Yes, and it will not happen again." He said that with so much conviction that the teen wanted to believe him, however, that nagging seed of doubt sprang to the surface.

What if it did? What if she let him into Malakai's life and those old wounds reopen again, causing him to suddenly leave? It would hurt and confuse Malakai if he were to do that. Was it worth the risk? With the what-ifs swirling, Kagome lowered her gaze to her lap and voiced the pesky worries. "What if it does?"

Her head shot up when he carefully grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I know my word means nothing as of now, but I will not let that my issues with my father decide how I go down my path." He stated confidently while his thumb lightly brushed the side of her hand soothingly.

She should have shaken off his hold or at least been uncomfortable by the way he was trying to soothe her nerves, yet she did and felt neither. Her voice cracked slightly, and she finally blurted out the things she had been wanting to say, "I'm having a hard time trusting you, Sesshōmaru." Tears gathered in her blue eyes, causing the sensitive teen to bat her lashes to stop them from flowing. "You really hurt me," whispered Kagome still trying to fight the onslaught of stemmed up emotion.

The yōkai's passive features became somber while he acknowledged her words and kept tenderly rubbing the soft skin. "I know."

Not being able to hold back the rush of liquid, she quickly returned to the concrete jungle and watched the scene through blurry eyes. "And I'm really mad at you." She confessed as a few tears escaped and made a mad dash down her cheeks.

Sesshōmaru released her hand to catch the tears with a clawed finger and wiped them away. "Please do not cry. You have done enough of that." He cupped her chin gently and brought it around so that she was looking into his molten eyes. "I deserve your anger and all the harsh word you have said to me, but I am hoping you will give me the chance for redemption. I would like to have a relationship with my son. Will you allow me the privilege to do so?"

There the man went again acting nothing like his usual self. Instead of demanding to have a relationship with Malakai like she expected. Here he was asking for permission. She heard the sincerity in his tone and could see it in his warm gaze. It caused her heart to speed up and the words of her dearest friend spring to the forefront of her mind. 'Maybe he wants to be in his son's life. I'm sorry for what he did, but people make mistakes. Shit. We are all so young it's bound to happen many times, but it's how we deal with those mistakes that matter.' Sango was right, it was how you deal with those mistakes that matter. Sesshōmaru was obviously placing his pride at her feet to apologize and try to rectify what he had done. It would be unfair of her not to do the same. He said that he wouldn't leave this time around and even though she had her doubts she was going to give the yōkai another chance.

Sniffling some, Kagome wiped the other side of her face with a sleeve before answering softly. "You have missed so much." Sesshōmaru missed too much, and some things can never be seen again. Like hearing Malakai's heartbeat for the first time or the day he was born. There were so many memories that he had lost out on.

"I have, and I wish not to miss any more," admitted Sesshōmaru solemnly.

Before she could stop the words, they came flooding out of her mouth. "Would you like to come over and see Malakai?" A shaky hand swept through her raven locks and apprehensively eyed the yōkai. He was staring at her owlishly, and Kagome suspected that she had caught him off guard. Shit, what did she just do? The young mother started to second guess her choice, and her sapphire eyes dropped everywhere, but his and began to stutter. "It doesn't have to be now. I mean we have school and all, so we can do it afterwards. If you want that is."

"I think it would be best to see him now." This statement caused Kagome to snap her head back in his direction and spied the determined glint in his golden gaze.

"What?! What about school? It's only the second week, and we surely can't be missing already." She hadn't meant to yell, but she didn't think that he would take her suggestion so seriously. They have only been in school for a week and wouldn't it be bad for them to play hooky so soon. Shit. Wouldn't it look bad for her since she had been out for so long? Clearly, she hadn't thought her statement through when she blurted it out.

Sesshōmaru rocked his gaze to the ceiling chuckling under his breath as he went about twisting the keys in the ignition to fire up the engine and gently chastised her. "Calm yourself, woman. One day will not do any harm."

Ha. Funny coming from the man that gets straight As without the need of studying. She remembers Inuyasha bitching one time regarding Sesshōmaru being a prodigy and something about him not having to go to school if didn't he wanted to. Kagome was sure that was the nicest thing her friend had ever said about his older brother. Though afterwards, Inuyasha had wound up saying he wished that the asshole would just test out, so he wouldn't have to put up with his pompous ass any longer. So it had been a backhanded compliment, but it was a compliment nonetheless especially from her brash friend.

Sending the confident yōkai a heated glare, the tiny priestess fell back against the seat rather theatrically. "For you maybe but not everyone is so lucky."

"Why do you have to be so dramatic? You will not suffer from one day of missing classes." Snarked the inuyōkai while he backed the vehicle out of the parking space.

Kagome hmphed loudly and crossed her arms underneath her bust. Her dark hair swished about as she turned to stared out the window and whined. "I am not dramatic."

"No, not at all." Sesshōmaru quipped sarcastically and continued to take the curves of the hill. He didn't even bother to look at her as she whipped around and glared at him some more.

"Hey! I could change my mind, you know." She reminded him with a shake of a finger.

His lips upturned in amusement, and his eyes flicked to her for a second before returning to the road. "You could, but you won't."

"I just might." She threatened mockingly and watched that amused smirk spread even wider.

"Hn. We will see." Came the confident retort causing Kagome to stick her tongue out at him then return her focus to the passing scenery, wondering if she should have said anything at all.